I keep going over and over everything that happened and what I might have done differently. It all comes down to Sasha and her betrayal, none of it would’ve happened if she hadn’t of brought Ted in. I just can’t wrap my head around why she did it. I get that she was scared for her mom but she had to know that we would have done anything to get Belle back. She didn’t trust us and she let her jealousy and dislike for Sky lead her emotions. Sasha put me and Matty, her family, in danger so maybe she doesn’t see us as the family I thought we were. As for Sky, there’s nothing I can do but hope she changes her mind.
I slam my head back against the flat camp pillow in frustration causing all the injuries I have to flare up in pain and a groan slips out. I’m just trying to push myself up to a sitting position with my swollen hand when the tent flaps are pushed open. It’s Belle that ducks in with a steaming mug in her hand. She frowns at the grimace of pain on my face and quickly sets the mug down in a clear area on the floor before helping me up.
“Rex, honey, I’m glad you’re awake. How are you feeling? I brought you some herbal tea. Lance and Ethan were able to grab some of my dried herbs and some clippings from my pots before they had to evacuate the hotel so we have a small supply for tea and cooking. I also brought you some painkiller pills from the med kit you brought out with you. They should help get you more mobile. I also wanted to change the bandages on your gunshot wound. The last thing we want is for you to get an infection!”
I grab her fluttering hands as she tries to open my shirt to get at my injury. The way she’s talking nonstop and acting, I know she’s nervous and upset.
“Belle, stop. I’m not mad at you and I don’t blame you for what happened.”
Her face crumbles for a split second before it firms back up but there’s a sheen of tears in her eyes.
“Rex, what Sasha did was horrible but you have to forgive her! She made a mistake out of fear. Fear for me! Please try and understand what she was feeling and try and forgive her!”
Her tears and pleading pierce my heart, she had stepped in and been mine and Matty’s mother since the very first day. I love her for who she is and all that she has done for us but it isn’t going to be that easy for me to get over what her daughter had done. I tighten my grip on her hands to get her to stop talking.
“Belle, I love you and I can never repay the debt I owe you for taking Matty and me in and helping to raise him. I just can’t get my head around what Sasha did! She totally threw me and Matty under the bus with no hesitation. She traded the lives of four other people, two that are just kids, for what she wanted. I’d love to believe that she did it out of pure fear because I could maybe forgive that but honestly, the main reason she did it was out of jealousy! She hated Skylar on sight and was mean and petty to her. Even after what she did, Sasha still blames Sky for kicking us out. I’m sorry Belle. I don’t know Sasha anymore. She’s not who I thought she was and I won’t ever trust her with mine and Matty’s lives again.”
Belle pulls her hands from mine and uses them to wipe her tear streaked face before giving a brisk nod.
“I understand how you feel Rex but Sasha’s my daughter so I can’t give up on her the way you can. We’re a package deal and that won’t ever change. She made a mistake and she’ll have to live with the consequences of it but she’s also still very young and we all have to take that into consideration.”
She looks down and pulls open the package of gauze in her lap and starts peeling off tape to change my bandages.
There’s not a lot more I can say to her on the subject of her daughter that wouldn’t alienate her completely. There’s no point reminding her that youth is no longer a defence in this world we live in when bad decisions could end up getting people killed.
We stay silent as she tends to my wounds and rewraps the elastic bandage around my knee until the tension in the tent is thick enough to cut with a knife. I can’t take it anymore so I break the silence.
“So, where is everyone? What’s happening out in the camp?”
Belle still won’t meet my eyes as she gathers up the discarded packaging to burn but at least she answers me.
“Lance and Marsh left a few hours ago to do some scouting. They’re trying to find a place where we can all have shelter of some sort and looking for food and water at the same time. Ethan’s tending to the others from the hotel who are mainly sitting around moaning about life. At least a few of the men are trying to help by chopping wood to keep the fires going. It’s been awhile since I’ve spent long periods outdoors but it doesn’t seem to be as cold as I remember. It’s still cold but it doesn’t have the bite it used to.”
She turns to leave the tent without looking at me but pauses at the door flap. Without turning around, she speaks to me one more time.
“When you and Matty disappeared, I almost lost my mind. I was so scared I had lost you. I’m glad you’re both ok. Come out and get something to eat. There’s work to be done.” Then she’s through the flap and gone.
I close my eyes for a minute and breathe deeply before letting it out. I have to look forward, to how we’ll all survive. What’s done is done and I can’t go back and change it. So I’ll hope Skylar will change her mind and let us all into the barracks but I can’t count on it. As I push myself to my feet to leave the tent I groan at the aches that flare up throughout my body but push them aside as well, like Belle said, there’s work to be done.
I shove the flaps aside and leave the tent, surprised that it’s almost as dim outside as in. I glance up at the sky and frown at how dark the cloud cover is today. The sun has been a distant memory for years but this morning’s sky is darker than usual. I automatically reach into my jacket pocket for the gloves I keep there to protect my hands from the stinging temperature but I’m slightly surprised that the cold isn’t as bad as it normally is. Belle’s right, it is warmer.
I look around the makeshift camp and see over a hundred people filling a clearing that gets bigger with every tree chopped down for firewood. Most of them are just huddled around the many fires doing nothing but looking miserable. They’ve been locked inside the hotel for the past seven years with only a few of them leaving to scout or scavenge. The rest don’t know how to live in the real world now so they sit around and wait for someone to fix it for them. I shake my head in disgust, as it looks like that’ll be Lance and the rest of our group.
I grab a quick bowl of watery soup with just a few of our hard grown vegetables floating in it and drink it down. Things are going to get really tight for us if we don’t find food and water soon. Our best and only course of action might be leaving this group of strangers. There won’t be enough to go around for very much longer.
I see Matty waving at me from the other side of the clearing as he follows along behind Ethan who is checking everyone's health. I have to admire the guy for staying true to his oath as a doctor and trying to help others. He’s a great role model for my brother and seems to have a never-ending supply of patience when it comes to Matty’s constant chatter and questions. There’s no denying that Lance and Ethan have been incredible father figures to us since we met. I would do anything to protect and keep our small family safe.
This thought has me searching the camp for Sasha’s telltale red hair. She missed that memo about loyalty and family. I don’t see her right away but I can hear Belle’s voice murmuring from one of the tents so I guess she’s hiding out. That works for me, I've got nothing to say to her right now. At least nothing nice.
I use a rag to clean out my bowl and stack it back with the others before heading over to check in with my brother and Ethan. They have the medical side covered so I spend the rest of the day splitting dead wood and helping some of the people with kids to create basic lean-tos. They’re pretty flimsy but it’ll give them some minor protection from the elements.
I’m so relieved to see Lance and Marsh come back into camp just before dark. I’m sick of dodging questions from these people on where we’re going next and where
their next meal will be coming from. It doesn’t seem to matter to most of them that I’m just a teenager, they just want someone to fix this mess. I stack the last log that I’ve split and hand over the precious ax to one of the men standing around before heading over to our tents.
My shoulder and knee are throbbing with every step. I know I over did it but sitting around nursing my injuries isn’t something I feel I can do right now. All I want at this moment is to sit down with something to eat and a few pain pills but I know we have to conserve the small amount that came in the med kit for more serious injuries that might come in the future.
It feels like my stomach is kissing my spine it’s so empty. It’s a relief when I get closer to our tents and I can see Lance and Marsh pulling cans from their backpacks and handing them over to Belle and Matty. They found food! I try not to be bitter as they both turn and start walking to the other fires to hand out some of the food.
Marsh looks up and shoots me his trademark cocky grin before dumping the rest of his cans out on the ground. It’s not a lot for so many people but it’s a win that they found anything. Lance adds what’s left in his pack to the pile and sorts out the cans before pulling three out and passing them to Ethan. The rest go back into his pack before he tosses it into one of the tents.
I ease myself down onto a stump by the fire and watch as Ethan opens the cans and dumps the condensed tomato soup, green beans and canned chicken into the pot over the fire. I let out a sigh when he adds a lot of water to the mix. There goes any chance of flavor. I shoot him a smile when he looks at me across the fire. Its food and we’re lucky to have it. But man, the memory of Skylar’s pizza isn’t that far away.
Matty’s back quickly and he drops to the ground in front of me and leans back against my legs. The look on his face tells me he’s thinking something similar so I give his head a rub. He lost something too when Sky kicked us out. It doesn’t take long before the soup’s ready and everybody gets a bowl and settles down. I notice Sasha sitting somewhat outside the circle behind her mom but don’t care. Lance takes a few spoonfuls of soup before looking around at all of us.
“So, Marsh and I found three small hunting cabins that were spread out over quite a distance. At the most, they could each house ten people as long as they don’t mind sleeping on the floor. Tomorrow we’ll go in a different direction and hope to find better.” He pauses to eat some more soup and look out over the rest of the camp before he continues. “I just don’t see us finding a place big enough to house everyone here. We’ll have to split up into smaller groups. It sucks but the bottom line is, we are not responsible for all these people. We’ll help as much as we can but we have to take care of our own as well. I think if we don’t find this lodge Ted was heading to tomorrow then the following day our group and anyone who wants to follow us should head west towards Banff. It was a decent sized town so we shouldn’t have a problem finding shelter and more supplies.”
Ethan sets his bowl down and leans closer to the fire. “What about Canmore? We’d have to get pretty close to town to hit the highway and with those monsters there now that could get scary.”
Marsh scrapes the last bean from his bowl and nods. “We don’t really have a choice. The few cans of food we might find out here won’t be enough. Pops, Rex and I will go scout the outskirts of town to see if they’ve posted any men. We also need to hit some of our caches to bulk up our supplies. It’ll be a tip-toe mission but one we can’t afford to not do.”
Lance nods his head. “He’s right, we’ll need those supplies. We’ll go in at dawn and leave the trailer at the edge of town. We’ll make as many trips as we can before they start moving around and then hole up somewhere for the day. You guys will have to move whoever is coming with us back down closer to the highway but out of sight. As soon as it gets dark we go for the highway. We’ll need to walk for quite a while before making camp. We don’t want to be anywhere close to those monsters.”
After everyone’s done eating and the bowls are put away, Lance, Ethan and Marsh go around and talk to the other people about what they plan on doing. The pain pills Ethan made me take before dinner start to kick in so I grab Matty and head to bed. Just before I duck down into the tent I look back in the direction of Skylar’s hidden door. It’s about thirty kilometers from Canmore to Banff which might as well be from here to the moon in this wrecked world. If she doesn’t open that door before we leave for Banff, I will probably never see her again.
Chapter Four … Skylar
He won’t talk to me, he just glares at me and stomps away whenever I get too close. I heard him asking ARIA about the people outside and I know if he had the clearance he would open the doors no matter what I said. I wish he could understand that I’m doing this for him. My head hurts from the tension and stress of the past two days and I just want my sweet brother back.
“Hey, Benny, how about we have something special for dinner tonight? You pick, anything you want!” My fake happy tone of voice does nothing for him. All he does is scowl and turn to walk away but he stops and whirls around to face me.
“What do you think Rex and Matty are having for dinner? I’ll have what they’re having! You’re so selfish Sky, and a coward! You’re going to let all those people out there die!” he yells at me before stomping away.
I watch the angry set of his shoulders as he stomps away before closing my eyes and sighing in defeat. I’m not going to soothe this over anytime soon. I can’t believe my sweet funny little seven-year-old brother can speak or even think of me this way. His words are a distant echo of what I had said to my father when I first found out all that we had for just the three of us. The kid is smart, he gets way more than I thought he did but it doesn’t change anything. He’s just going to have to stay mad at me. It’ll be hard but at least he’ll be safe.
My head is throbbing from the stress as I look in the fridge for something to make for dinner. My eyes fill with tears, again, as I think about what Rex and Matty will be eating. Uggg! Enough! I slam the door of the fridge. If Ben wants to eat, he can make his own dinner tonight! I fly into my room and grab my sneakers and quickly tie them on. I need some space and the calm that happens when I run.
The long tunnel to the barracks gets me warmed up with a light jog until I palm the door open and blast through the offices. I hit my stride as the lights come on ahead of me as I race through the huge cavern. By the second lap, my mind starts to clear and that sweet numbness closes in. All I think about is my next stride as my footsteps ring out into the emptiness. By the tenth lap, my headache is gone and I start to slow until I’m back at the start by the offices. I lean over and place my hands on my knees until I get my breath back. When I look up and out at the empty room, I finally feel calm and centered. The empty cots look back at me. I move my eyes away from them and they land on the doors to the food storage rooms. Rooms full of food that will probably never be eaten. Cots that will never be slept in. Heat and clean water that will only ever comfort me and maybe my stubborn little brother. I walk over to one of the empty cots and lie down. I’m so tired and mentally drained. I just want it all to go away.
I dream of Rex and his smile. I dream of Ben and Matty laughing like loons together as they build their cushion fort. I dream of us being a family and then it changes to cold, starving faces moving against the snow and ash that flies with the wind as the people I’ve come to care for try and find safety. When I finally wake the next morning I’m drenched in sweat and my body aches with tiredness even more than when I fell asleep. This is becoming a routine for me, sleep but no rest.
I wait for the tears to come again but they don’t. I know what I have to do. Everything my father said was right. I can’t trust anyone but me with Ben’s safety but I also can’t just let those people die out there. I have to find a balance. One that will keep us safe but also one that will allow me to sleep at night. Leaving them out there to die when I have all these resources not being used would make me a monster. That’s not who I am and that�
��s not what I want Ben to think of me. He needs to grow up with that balance if I want him to be a good and smart person.
I need to make a plan to make this happen so I roll off the cot to my feet before looking up at the ceiling.
“AIRIA, I need your help.”
I spend the next hour going over logistics and access levels with her before I’m finally satisfied with the balance that will help those people and keep Ben and me safe. Ben’s not going to be totally thrilled with my plan but at least he won’t be looking at me like I’m a monster anymore. They can have all of it but no one will be allowed in our area. AIRIA will provide minimal support to keep things running in the barracks and basic questions will be answered for them, but I’m out. Benny and I will stay on our side away from them. I’m not going to be a part of anything they do over here. I’ll never take another chance with Benny’s safety, no matter what he says to me. They can have it all, except for one room. The armory will stay locked down with no exceptions. I won’t give these people weapons that they can turn against me.
I do a last tour through all of the rooms in the barracks before diving in to get a few things prepared for their arrival. It takes me hours to get it all set up so they can get a good start in their new home. I don’t even really know why I’m going to all this effort but it feels right so I just get it done and then I head back to our living quarters. Just before I leave the barracks, I take one more look back to say goodbye. I don’t plan on ever coming here again. My running will go back to the treadmill.
My feet are slow as I trudge down the tunnel. I know what I’m doing is the right thing but it will be very hard to see Rex and his brother and keep my resolve of staying separate. When I step into the living room Ben’s head shoots up and I see a look of relief on his face before it hardens back up. It was the first time I hadn’t slept next door to him in his whole life and it hurts me to know I cause him worry. Maybe it’s not such a bad thing. Maybe he’ll understand a little better how I’ve felt since the day he was born.
Endless Winter Box Set: Books 1 - 4 Page 21
