“On the bed, on the bed, Rex!” Ethan’s yelling the minute the clinic doors open. He’s a whirlwind of activity as he turns a valve to an oxygen mask and quickly slides it on to Sky’s face. He’s hooking up machines to her that I don’t understand and I just stand there waiting for something good to magically happen. Once the beeps fill the room Ethan stares at a machine and chants under his breath, “Come on, come on Skylar, breathe.”
He shoots a look my way and his frown deepens. “You should leave, Rex. If her oxygen levels don’t come up, I might have to intubate her. That’s not something you want to see.”
I just give my head a hard shake. “I’m not going anywhere! I don’t understand what happened. She seemed ok a few minutes ago!”
Ethan shakes his head. “No, she wasn’t. I imagine that display out there was her running on pure adrenalin. Her lungs are already bad enough, with pneumonia, so she was pushing past her limits with that - but I’m almost certain based on her reactions that she was having a severe panic attack and hyperventilated on top of it. Her body just shut itself down to try and survive. I think she must have woken up confused and when she couldn’t find Ben it sent her into a spin. This is probably the break that I thought was coming.” He turns back to the monitors and his shoulders slump. “I’m sorry Rex. We shouldn’t have left her.”
I’ve got nothing to say to his apology because I feel the same. I should never have left her alone. I’ve got so much guilt on my shoulders for what Sky’s been through. As much as she’s done for me and mine is how much damage I’ve done to her. I just want her to get better so I can ask for her forgiveness.
All I can do is sit and watch as Ethan re-attaches an IV to her pale lifeless arm and starts injecting it with medicine. I’m in a haze of despair as people come and go and Ethan tries to tell me everything he’s doing but none of it means anything to me until I see a slight flutter of her eyelids. I hold my breath until they slowly open to reveal her confused sleepy blue eyes. My breath whooshes out of me and a slight grin tugs at my lips but before it forms she starts struggling and tries to pull the oxygen mask from her face.
Ethan grabs her arm and pulls it away causing her to start thrashing in panic. I jump to my feet from the chair beside her bed and lean over her so all she can see is my face and I talk slow and loud.
“Skylar, calm down! Everything is ok. You are ok. Ben is ok. You need to stay still and listen to me!”
Her body stops struggling but her eyes are full of fear when they meet mine. I brush her cheek with the back of my hand and try and explain what has happened.
“You and Ben have pneumonia but Ethan has been treating you both with medicine. We knew you didn’t want Ben to be over here so Ethan and I have been staying with both of you over at your place for the last three days. Ben responded to the medicine faster and started to get better first. There is an x-ray machine over here in the clinic so we brought him over for a chest scan to look at his lungs and then we were bringing him right back. You must have woken up right after we left and panicked. I’m sorry I left you alone but Ethan doesn’t have the authorization to open the tunnel door so I had to go with him to let him and Ben through.”
Her forehead furrows in a frown but her slight nod lets me know she’s understanding me so far. Ethan had let her arm go when she calmed down so she lifts it to the mask on her face again. I gently capture her hand before she can pull it off and keep explaining.
“You have to leave that on right now. Your lungs are having a hard time so you need the oxygen to get better. Ethan thinks you might have had a panic attack and hyperventilated so you really need the oxygen.”
Her voice is muffled under the mask but I can still make out her words. “The ceiling was coming down. It was going to crush me.”
I shoot a quick glance at Ethan and he gives a grim nod of understanding before moving forward into Skylar’s field of vision. Her eyes track to him as he starts talking.
“Hi Skylar, we met briefly on the day you let us in. I’m Ethan and I’m a doctor. Ben is doing great. He responded nicely to the medicine I gave him and is quickly recovering. I don’t want you to worry about him right now. I promise you that we will keep him safe and get him healthy as quick as we can. Right now we need to worry about you. Pneumonia hit you very hard and I’m worried about the damage you might have done to your lungs. As soon as you’ve rested a bit, I’d like to get a chest scan and draw some blood. I know this is hard for you but you need to let me take care of you.” Ethan’s face softens and he gently takes her hand free hand in his. “Sweetie, I know it’s been your job to take care of Ben but you really need to let us help you. You can trust us. You’re not alone anymore. We want to help but you have to let us.”
I see a tear roll out from the corner of her eye and it trickles across her temple and into her hair. Ethan runs his palm across her forehead and his voice softens even more.
“Sky, honey, you did a great job all these years. Your parents would be so proud of you but do you really think they’d want you to have to do it all alone? There are a lot of bad people still left in the world to be fearful of but we aren’t them. I’m a doctor and I’ve dedicated my life to helping people. Lance was a soldier and he protected people. Belle was a school teacher before the bombs. I hope you know that Rex and my son, Marshall are good people too. I know that Sasha did a horrible thing to you and your brother but she’s just a mixed up kid and now that we’re here we’ll make sure she won’t ever do anything like that again. We are the kind of people you can trust, I promise.”
Sky reaches up to pull the mask off her face again. With a quick glance at the monitors, Ethan nods that she can. Her eyes are the saddest I’ve ever seen and her voice comes out in a broken croak.
“Most of you seem like good people but what about all the others? There are over a hundred people in here now. Do you really think I can trust all of them?” Her eyes glance back and forth between me and Ethan. I really don’t know what to say. How can I reassure her when I don’t even trust most of them myself? Thankfully, Ethan has the right words.
“Honey, you don’t have to trust them. You just have to trust us. You put our group in charge of things over here and we will make sure it stays that way. We will protect you and Ben from any threats that might come up inside. There’s no way we would jeopardize any of us or you and Ben. You took us into your home, Skylar. You’re our family now.”
Her eyes fill with tears and she tiredly shakes her head as her words come out in a slurred whisper. “I don’t know what to do anymore.”
I grip her hand tighter and Ethan smooths her hair back again before responding with a kind smile.
“You don’t have to do anything right now except rest and get well. You’re safe. Ben’s safe. Just rest and we’ll figure everything out when you’re better.”
Her eyes flutter closed and her hand goes limp in mine causing me to shoot Ethan a panicked look but he just smiles at me.
“It’s ok Rex. I gave her a sedative in her IV and it’s just fully taken hold. What Skylar needs more than anything right now is some peaceful rest. I’ll stay here and watch over her. You should go and talk to her brother and let him know that she’s going to be ok. Bring him back in a few hours so I can check him over but for right now it’d be better if he lets her rest.”
I don’t want to leave her again but I know he’s right. Ben must be so scared for Sky by now. I’ll take him and Matty over to tend to the animals to distract him for a while. I gently lay her hand back down on the bed before turning to go. I hope Ethan’s words had an effect on her and once she’s recovered we can start fresh. All I need is a chance.
Chapter Sixteen … Skylar
I keep my eyes closed and listen to someone moving around near the bed I’m in. I think it’s the doctor because I can hear the beeps of medical machines nearby. I don’t know how long I’ve been here but I have vague memories of Benny and Rex both talking to me. What I do remember is facing off with Sasha, colla
psing in the tunnel and Ethan’s words about trust. I just don’t know what to do with them.
The truth is, I’m tired. Not go to sleep tired but head and heart tired. I’m tired of replacing a real life with fantasies and dreams of one. I’m tired of everything being my responsibility. I’ll never stop caring and protecting Ben but I’m tired of doing all the rest alone.
I let Dad’s words echo in my mind again but they just don’t have the same impact that they used to. He was right about so many things but he was wrong too. It was right to let the others into the barracks and he was right not to trust others, but not all others. Things are changing and not just here inside my home. I think the rain was the first step in the earth’s healing. It might not be too long now before it’s safe to live under the skies again. Dad used to talk about what we’d do once the skies cleared and it always involved finding other survivors to help and start rebuilding. So does it matter that they found me and Ben first? Aren’t these the people we would have joined with to start rebuilding? I think they are.
I can’t keep going the way I have been. Ethan was right, I did have a panic attack. I let my fear and mistrust overwhelm me to the point of collapse. That’s not who I am or at least that’s not who I’ve been before. I’m going to have to learn to deal with people again. It’s fine to stay on guard but if Ben and I have any chance of being a part of the new world then I’m going to have to let go of the control I’ve clutched to my chest all these years. Starting with not pointing guns at people.
“What are you doing here?” I hear Ethan say. I keep my eyes closed because I’m still not ready to face others or if I’m honest, the embarrassment of my behavior. I haven’t forgotten the way all those people looked at me last time they saw me.
“I…can I just sit here…please?”
The voice is female and I vaguely recognize it but can’t match a face to it. There’s a long pause before Ethan says, “Yes, I think maybe that would be a good idea.”
I hear the scrape of a chair beside my bed and then nothing. I try and just escape back into my thoughts but curiosity at who’s sitting there is nagging at me. After what feels like forever, I finally decide to open my eyes and see who it is when I hear something new. Whoever is sitting beside my bed is sniffling and I realize that they’re crying. Now I have to know who it is so I crack my eyes open a tiny bit but the surprise at who it is has my eyes popping wide open. I didn’t recognize the voice because I’ve only ever heard her speak in a sarcastic or scathing tone.
Sasha freezes in the act of wiping tears from her cheeks when she sees my eyes open and we just stare at each other for a minute. She finally moves and brushes away the dampness before looking away from me and down into her lap. Her breath hitches as she takes a deep breath before speaking.
“I…you…you almost died.”
I don’t know what she wants or what to say to her so I just shrug one shoulder. Her damp eyes flutter up to meet mine before quickly looking back down at her lap.
“I… didn’t want that. I… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I did those horrible things to you. I don’t know why I acted that way!”
The words rush out of her followed by a small sob. I still don’t know what to say so when she peeks up at me I give another shrug. This is all on her now. She has to be the one to say her peace.
“It’s not an excuse or at least not a good enough one, but, well, I was jealous. You’re so…and Rex is…arggg! I know now that you had things pretty bad too, just in a different way than we did. But, all I could see was this beautiful, clean, shiny girl in a perfect home with all the food and comfort that I lost and the one thing I thought I wanted was staring at you like I didn’t exist anymore. Rex, well, we grew up together and he is like my brother but for a while there, I let myself think that maybe it could be more than that. When I saw how he looked at you, I wanted to hurt you and nothing else seemed to matter. I’ve been sooo mad for so long at the world and at how unfair everything is that I just directed all of it at you.”
Her eyes finally look up and lock on to mine before she continues.
“Skylar, I am so, so sorry for what I did and the way I treated you. I don’t expect you to forgive me but I wanted you to know that.”
Our eyes stay locked as I process her words and realize that this will have to be the first step I take if I want to move on. So I shrug again but this time I speak.
“This life sucks!”
Her eyes go wide but as she sees the small tired smile on my lips, she sobs out a half laugh. “Oh my God. It really does!”
It feels really good to just let that go right now so I try and lighten up some more.
“So, do you want to like, borrow each other’s clothes now?”
She snorts out a laugh and is shaking her head but before she can reply to my small joke, the clinic's doors open and Marsh rushes in. His face is filled with determination when he spots Sasha and heads her way.
“I’d rather borrow your gun!” she says, glaring at him.
Marsh stumbles to a stop and a look of confusion crosses his face as he looks from Sasha’s face to mine.
“Not gonna happen. I’m a better shot than you. I know just where to shoot him so he’s only wounded and not dead.” I say loud enough for him to hear. I remember every sexist word he said to us!
Marsh slowly raises his hands and starts to shuffle backward. Just as he reaches the door and is about to flee I call out in a hoarse voice.
“Hide your coconuts, Marsh, I’ll be on my feet soon enough and there will be payback!”
Sasha bursts out laughing as Marsh high tails it out of the clinic but all I can manage is a weak smile. This little bit of activity has completely drained me and all I want now is to close my eyes. Sasha must see it in my face because she gets up and gives my hand a squeeze before stepping away towards the door.
“Feel better soon, Skylar. I’ve got your crown all polished up for when you’re ready.”
As I slide back into the darkness I feel the smile form on my lips. That’s me, Queen of the apocalypse.
Chapter Seventeen … Rex
I take a last look around Skylar and Ben’s living quarters and nod in satisfaction. While Sky’s been recuperating in the clinic, Matty, Ben and I have been putting in time cleaning up and tending to their garden and animals. I wanted to make sure that when Sky came back to her place she didn’t have any work that needed to be done. It also helped keep mine and Ben’s minds off worrying about her.
Ethan’s told us both that he’s happy with her recovery so far and after keeping her in the clinic for the past three days, says she should be ready to come home tomorrow. Ben’s gotten a lot better too. He still needs to take it easy as he gets tired fast but he’s having so much fun playing video games with Matty. Ben’s been staying over in mine and Matty’s room and between their late night whispers and my worrying about Sky I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in over a week. I hope that will change tonight. I’ve popped in now and then to check on Sky but mainly left her alone to recover. Now that Ethan’s ready to let her come home I think she’s well enough to have a real conversation about all that’s happened and what our future holds.
“All right boys, wrap it up. Dinner should be ready over in the barracks soon.”
Ben and Matty groan about shutting down the game they’re playing but shut it off anyways. We take our time walking back through the tunnel so that Ben can keep up. Ethan’s told me that walking around is good for Ben’s lungs but to take it slow for the next week. The boys chatter about what they think will be for dinner and even after being inside for a week, I still can’t get used to the abundance of food available to us now.
Our group had eaten better than the hotel people but none of us have had any extra weight on our bodies from rationing for so long. It fills my heart to see Matty’s cheeks start to fill out a bit and he looks so much healthier than before. Everyone that Skylar let in looks better. It’s amazing what enough good foo
d, heat, hot water and safety can do for people. I know that none of us will ever take it for granted now that we have a second chance at having it all.
As we head towards the tables that are full of happy chatting people, I smile. For the first few days, people would stay silent and stare down at their plates while eating quickly like they thought the food would magically disappear. Now, everyone is more relaxed and there’s conversation and laughter at every meal.
The boys and I slide into spots around Marsh and Lance and dig in to the platter of roast beef and mashed potatoes. I know the potatoes are made from flakes and they’re not as good as the fresh ones from Skylar’s garden but the gravy poured on top of them makes them almost as good. My favorite part of the meals now are no sprouts. Dehydrated veggies are far from yummy but I’ll take them over the daily serving of sprouts we were forced to eat for the last seven years.
I look up from my plate when I catch sight of more people joining our group and see Sasha and Belle start filling their plates. I send Belle a smile and nod of thanks for another amazing meal but only give Sasha a cool nod. Marsh and Ethan have both told me that she and Skylar have talked and seemed to have gotten past what Sasha did but I’m not quite ready to forgive her so easily. It’s going to take a long time before I forget her betrayal of Matty and me.
I rush through dinner and leave the boys in Lance and Marsh’s care before jogging over to the clinic. I’ve had days to think of the words I want to say to Sky once she was well enough for us to talk but I’m still not sure how she’ll respond. When I get to the doors to the clinic, I peek through the window and see Ethan and Sky are eating dinner together. Sky’s propped up in bed with a tray in front of her and Ethan’s sitting beside her with a plate balanced on his lap. They seem to be in deep conversation so I step back from the door and lean against the wall.
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