When I reach the tree I stare down at Jackson and let the guilt I’ve been keeping at bay flood through me. I was unfair to him this morning when I doubted his place in the group and practically accused him of setting the fire. I wish now I had gone back and apologized to him for the way I treated him. He was probably just trying to find his way like the rest of us. It was taking him a little bit longer and I let my impatience and frustration get the best of me with how I treated him. I’ll never get the chance now to really get to know him. The guilt of that is something I’m going to have to live with for a very long time, especially knowing that he lost his life defending the ones I love the most from his father’s soldiers.
A crash breaks me from these thoughts causing me to spin around quickly to see where it came from. The fire has finally consumed the entire building and the roof is falling in on itself. I turn away from the senseless loss of our home and gently reach down and shift Jackson a few feet away from where I need to start digging. The shovel bites into the dirt easily and it only takes me a few minutes to dig down far enough to where I buried the decorative box containing my communicator. I pull it free from the dirt and brush it off before setting it off to the side unopened. It doesn’t feel right to open it and check the communicator to see where we’ll be spending the future months while Jackson is waiting to be put to rest. The shovel bites into the ground again and again until my shoulders and arms ache. I lose myself in the labor and repetitiveness of it so much that I’m not even aware when Rex, Ethan, and Lance show up with shovels of their own and start digging beside me.
Rex’s hand on my shoulder jolts me back to the present and I turned to face him.
“Sky, did you hear me? I said that’s deep enough.”
I nod my head in weary understanding and reach up my hand so that he can help me out of the hole. I roll my head around on my neck to try and get some of the kinks out before driving my shovel into the ground to keep it upright and look to Lance and Ethan.
“I’m going to go douse myself under the hand pump for a few minutes if that’s okay? I’m feeling a little foggy. I need a bit of a wake-up.”
Ethan’s eyes look incredibly sad as he stares down into the empty grave that’s waiting for his apprentice but he nods anyway.
“Of course, Skylar. Go and get cleaned up and then if you don’t mind let the others know we’re ready over here, please.”
I squeeze his arm to try and give him a little bit of comfort at his loss and then turn and scoop up the decorative box and carry it with me over to the hand pump. I don’t even worry about how many people are in the yard or how many eyes might be looking my way when I whip off my shirt. The sports bra I’m wearing underneath it covers the same amount of skin as a swimsuit top and I need to get the sticky, sweaty shirt that reeks of dirt, smoke, and sweat off of me for a few minutes. I get down on my knees and let the cold water wash away the grime, stress, and exhaustion of the last twenty-four hours. The freezing water also helps numb some of the painful emotions that keep flooding in and out of me. Even under the hot sun the cold water eventually makes me start shivering and I have to shut the flow off and move away from the puddle I’ve created. I just kneel there with my eyes closed and my face up to the sun letting its warmth dry some of the water dripping off of me until a shadow blocks its light. I open my eyes to see Rex standing in front of me with a soft smile on his face and a towel and shirt in his hands for me. I let him pull me to my feet and then use the towel to dry off before accepting the shirt and sliding it over my still damp skin. His smile turns to a frown.
“I just realized, you lost all your stuff, Sky. You didn’t have a chance to grab anything from yours or the boy’s rooms before the fire reached it, did you?”
I shrug my shoulders. “It’s just stuff. I can always find more. The most important thing is no one got hurt.” I wince at that, thinking of Jackson. “I mean, no one got hurt in the fire that is.”
He nods understandingly at me. “Yeah, I know what you mean. Everyone’s ready to say goodbye to Jackson if you’re ready?”
I look away for a second to gather myself and then nod to him and take his arm. We join the others who are standing around the open grave. Jackson is resting at the bottom of it with his arms crossed over his chest and he looks peaceful for the first time since I met him. Ben comes to stand beside me and takes my hand in his, looking up at me with a sad expression on his little face. I have no words to comfort him right now but we will have a conversation after the service so I can try and help him make sense of this tragedy.
Ethan clears his throat and all of our eyes turn to him.
“I only knew Jackson for short time but in the time we had together I came to respect and admire him greatly. He was a smart, strong, compassionate young man who was working hard to overcome the damage his father and those he was surrounded by inflicted upon him for so many years. He wanted nothing more than to learn how to heal people and he eagerly absorbed all I could teach him about being a doctor. It saddens me immensely that he’ll never get the opportunity now to apply those skills to try and make this world a better place.”
Ethan falls silent and looks toward Joslin. Her eyes are glued to the bottom of the grave and when the silence lengthens she lifts them to look up at all of us before sighing and wiping a tear that’s trickling down her face away.
“Jackson and I became friends before the bombs dropped when I dumped a bowl of spaghetti over his head in the middle of our school cafeteria after he had bullied me. I have no idea why he chose to become my friend after I did that but from then on, he was always by my side. He saved my life the day most of the world died by standing up to his father and insisting that I come with them. He had the biggest heart. No matter how often his father would put him down or talk down to him or dismiss him, he still tried everything he could to please him and to gain his love. That man was unworthy of Jackson’s loyalty and love. In the end, he chose me again and helped us secure this place with the supplies we needed to thrive here. He gave his life to protect me and the others in that building against his father’s evil followers. I wish he was still here to see how we’re going to rebuild and change this world into a better place but I’m grateful for the time he did get to spend here with us. He got to see what it means to be a part of a real family and for that I’ll be forever grateful.”
She turns away from the grave and picks up a shovel and then scoops up some dirt and lets it rain down gently into the hole. “Goodbye Jackson. Thank you for being my friend and my family.”
Lance has been supporting Marsh next to her and he reaches out and places a hand on her shoulder. “Joslin, again, I’m so sorry for your loss. Why don’t you help Marsh back over to the picnic table and we will take care of the rest of this.”
She nods gratefully at him, passes off the shovel and then gets an arm around Marsh’s waist to help him hobble back to the picnic tables. I can see how much pain they’re both in. Him, physical and her, mental. It makes my heart ache for them both. When I drop Benny’s hand and move to get a shovel of my own, Rex waves me off.
“We’ve got this, Sky. Why don’t you take the boys over as well and try and get something to eat. We’ll have a meeting once we’re done here.”
I send the boys ahead of me back to the picnic tables and go back over to where I’ve left the box with my communicator beside the water pump and retrieve it. While I’m over in that area, I take a few minutes to check on the chickens and Nods. She’s come through the drama of the last day unscathed but I can tell by her pacing around in her enclosure that she still filled with anxiety. Between the multiple fires, the smoke that fills the air with a haze, and the gunfire that filled the yard a few hours ago, she must have been in a full-blown panic and we’ll be lucky if she doesn’t lose the calf growing inside her big belly from the stress. I take the time to just stand and brush her coat for a few minutes and let her press her big flat head against my chest like she does when she wants love. She seems to be calmer b
y the time I turn and head over to the picnic tables and I have to smile at my crazy cow that acts more like a dog than anything else.
When I get to the picnic tables I can tell just how shaken up the two boys are by their lack of chatter. They’re both just sitting staring at the wooden table top picking away at a few splinters but not speaking. I slide onto the bench beside Ben and reach my arm around him to pull Matty even closer to us. I know how hard this is for me to process the ups and downs of something always going wrong so it must be even harder for them. All I can do is reassure them that we’re going to be okay and hope that once we get back to the bunker, we’ll have an uneventful winter with some sort of normal life for both of them.
Belle and Sasha sit down across from us and Belle reaches across the table to put a hand on my arm.
“Skylar, I want to apologize to you for how I acted earlier. You were right, my first instinct was to take Sasha and hide in the pantry when the gunfire started. I’m not going to apologize for doing that but I will promise you that I will work on changing that reaction for any possible future encounters. It isn’t fair for Sasha and me to expect you and the others to do all of the hard work of keeping us safe and secure. Sasha and I will train more with all of you on firearms and try to do better. As for what I said about the bunker and you not telling us about it, I was flat-out wrong and for that I do apologize.
“When the bombs dropped, we were stuck in the storage room with Rex and Matty for over two weeks and I had time to process what was happening. When Marsh and Lance found us there and took us in, we stayed in the same house for seven years and we managed to have some sort of life together there under the radar. When we were forced to move from there to the hotel, it seemed like minutes later things started going wrong and they’ve just kept going wrong. From going to the bunker to leaving the bunker to coming here and now going somewhere else again. Apparently, I’m not very good with change. Since we left the place we called home for seven years, it’s been crisis after crisis and constant upheaval. I hit my breaking point with this last attack and I reacted badly,” she says and laughs softly at herself. “I guess what I’m trying to say, is that sometimes I don’t react well to new things, but that’s also something I’m going to try and work hard on, to be better at.”
I glance over at Sasha and meet her eyes. She nods her head in agreement with her mother’s words but her apology takes me by surprise.
“I’m sorry too. I wish I was more like you, Sky! You’re so strong and you don’t even think twice about rushing into a fight. I just don’t have that kind of bravery. I’ve never needed to have that. Lance, Ethan, Rex, and Marsh have always done the dangerous work for our group. They’ve always protected us but if you’ll help me, I’d really like to learn how to protect myself. I hope you can help me be brave.”
I stare at her in astonishment. I don’t even know how to take that. I don’t feel brave! I don’t feel strong most of the time. When these stupid incidents happen all I really feel is mad. I just take that mad and channel it into actions. At a loss for words, I just give them both smiles and nods. Thankfully, the men join us right then, saving me from having to fumble out some type of explanation. With two picnic tables pushed together there’s room for all of us to sit. The box with the communicator inside of it is sitting in front of me and Lance points to it.
“All right, I guess before we start making plans for where we’re going next, we should see if that thing really works. Skylar, open it up.”
I look at all the faces surrounding me, watching the box expectantly, and blow out a breath. I flick the latch holding the lid closed and pop it open. Inside is a plastic zip baggie with the communicator inside of it. I pull it out, open the bag, remove the device and flick the power button on. My shoulders slump in frustration when nothing happens.
I look over at Lance and shake my head. “Sorry, dead battery!”
Before he can respond, Joslin reaches over and plucks the communicator from my hands. She pushes up from the table and swings her legs over the bench.
“No problem. I have a couple of power packs in one of the backpacks I managed to get out of my room. It’ll just take a few minutes to get enough of a charge into it to turn it on.”
Lance rubs at his face tiredly and looks back at us. “All right, while we’re waiting for that thing to power up let’s go over some of our options again. With the bunker possibly back in play, the city no longer looks all that attractive to me. At least, not until the spring that is. If we can get back into the bunker, it makes more sense for us to winter there where we have plenty of supplies and there’s room to grow food. The question I have for all of you is, what do we do about all of the people the soldiers are holding hostage down at the growing fields?” When no one replies right away he goes on. “I think all of our first knee-jerk reactions would be, not our problem but I think we should look at this long-term. I agree with Skylar about not spending the rest of our lives in that mountain, as comfortable as it may be. If we truly want to start rebuilding things out here then we’re going to need more numbers. We now have only eight adults in our group and that severely limits what we will have the capacity to do. Look what happened here, we didn’t have enough people to set a permanent guard watch and now we’ve lost the place. That was just trying to manage this small camp, but if we’re going to look at planting more crops, raising more livestock and making homes that are livable and survivable for all seasons then we’re going to need a lot more people.”
He pauses when Joslin comes back and sits down, placing the communicator and the connected battery pack in the middle of the table.
“I’m guessing that the majority of the people that they have down there are ones who had spent time inside the bunker with us before the General showed up,” Lance continued. “There’s probably also quite a few who managed to get away from them scattered around in this area and in Canmore. If we do nothing and leave them alone, there’s a very good chance the majority of them will not survive the winter and then if we’re going to look for more people to join our community we will be forced to look further away. Who knows what type of people we will find out there? So, I want to hear everyone’s opinion on this. More people or no people?”
He starts it off by pointing at Ethan.
“More people,” he says. “We can’t truly rebuild anything unless we’re willing to start by rebuilding relationships with other survivors.”
He moves on to Rex who responds with, “More people.”
Marsh says, “The more the merrier!”
He points at me and I just shrug. “Sure. Mi casa es su casa,” I say in a deadpan voice. When Lance just cocks his head at me and lifts his eyebrows, I nod quickly. “No really, I mean it. You’re right, there’s no way we can make very much progress with just eight functioning adults. I’m on board with that.”
When his finger swings to Ben and Matty they both bounce in their seats excitedly shouting “More, more, more!”, causing everyone to laugh.
Sasha just nods her head and Belle says, “Of course we will help them.”
Joslin is the last of us to be polled and of course, she goes all analytical on us. “In regards to housing more people inside the barracks, there’s sufficient supplies there to support upwards to a thousand people for five years minimum. As far as a workforce goes for the future, we would most definitely need to add personnel to the community in order to make any real progress toward re-establishing a pre-bombing civilization. Even adding considerably to our numbers it will still take us years if not decades to get anywhere close to where we were on the day of the bombs. Realistically, it will take more than one generation to get to that point.”
When we all just stare at her, she shrugs her shoulders. “Yeah, that means more people.”
Marsh leans toward her and nudges her shoulder with his own. “That’s my girl! So sexy when you sound like a robot.”
Her head whips around and she glares at him. “You’re lucky you’re injur
ed or I’d punch you for saying that!” she says, then she leans over and plants a kiss on his cheek to soften her tone.
Lance rolls his eyes at their antics and says, “Right then. So, that’s a unanimous agreement that Marsh doesn’t get more morphine because it makes him stupid. Also, yes to rescuing the people being held at the growing fields and looking around to recruit others to join us. I think that’s the best choice we could make at this point. There was a time to hide to survive but that time is over now. But not today. Today, we go and get settled somewhere else, whether it’s back at the bunker or just over to the resort next door for now. It’s been a very long night and an even longer day today and we all need to take a breather before we do anything else.” He looks down at the communicator on the table and then up at Joslin.
“Is that thing charged enough to turn on yet?”
Before she can answer him I snag it and pull it toward me. I flip the power switch and feel a small thrill go through me when the green light comes on. I hold down the transmit button and almost breathe out my question.
“AIRIA? Are you there?”
The sweetest words flood back toward me from the speakers
“Skylar Ross, how may I be of service?”
Chapter Twenty-Two … Skylar
Now that we know the bunker will be our next destination, everyone relaxes a little bit or as much as we can with a building on fire across from us and the grief of losing Jackson still so fresh. Lance and Rex take the pickup truck over to the resort to scout it out and make sure that there were no soldiers left behind there that will be a threat to us.
While they’re gone, I round up everyone else except for Marsh, he’s dozing on one of the picnic tables after a second injection of painkillers from his dad. We get as many buckets and containers as we can and fill them with water from the hand pump and then dump them all around the perimeter of the burning building to try and contain any sparks so the fire won’t spread. Once we’ve completely saturated the ground all the way around the building I want nothing more than to go into one of the cabins and crawl into a bunk and pass out. It’s not on the agenda for a few more hours sadly. Even though we lost a lot of our supplies in the fire and we’re going to a bunker filled with inventory, there still a lot of things that we don’t want to leave here in the cabins that we need to pack up to take back with us.
Endless Winter Box Set: Books 1 - 4 Page 68
