“Bye,” I breathe softly, but he’s already jogging down the stairs and the sound of the wind carries my voice away.
Stepping inside, I close the door and lock it before I lean my back against it.
I don’t know what to do when it comes to Rush Daniels. He leaves me baffled and twisted in knots—but I can’t help thinking that’s the way he wants me.
22
Rush
After fifteen minutes of driving around the hospital parking lot, a spot finally opens up. I’m running late and I’m sure Kira assumes I chickened out of her twelve-week appointment. No way in hell was I missing this, despite what she thinks of me.
I shut my truck off and jog to the entrance. I bring up her text, telling me which floor to go to and what side her doctor’s office is on.
Stepping into the elevator I push the button for level four and wait impatiently as it goes up. Thankfully, it’s a short ride. Stepping off the elevator I head to my right and as I round the hall, I find her doctor’s office on the left.
I open the door and—
“Holy shit,” I mutter.
Pregnant women are everywhere, in every stage of pregnancy.
I scan the room and find Kira in the farthest possible corner sitting in a chair against the wall, like she’s desperate to melt away and escape.
Heading over to her, she still hasn’t noticed me.
“Mind if I sit here,” I ask jokingly, indicating the seat occupied by her bag.
“Oh, yeah, sure—sorry,” she blurts quickly, grabbing her bag. Finally she looks up, her hand shooting to her heart. “Rush, it’s you.”
“In the flesh,” I reply, dropping down into the seat beside her. The fake leather lets out a gust of air. “Well, that’s unpleasant sounding.”
Kira gives a small nervous laugh. “I didn’t think you’d come.”
“I wouldn’t have missed this for anything—though it was fucking awkward as hell telling Hayes where I was going. He’s pissed at you by the way for not telling him. Apparently he thinks he’s your dad too, not only Mia’s.”
“He’s a very protective kind of man,” she agrees, looking a little green as she eyes the coffee table splattered with magazines of pregnant women smiling like they’re having the time of their life with drooling babies cradled in their arms.
“But yeah, I’m here.” I raise my hands awkwardly, looking around the dreary office. The walls are a grayish blue that makes my head hurt and there’s dark wood trim. It makes no sense. Doctor’s offices should be cheery, especially one for pregnant ladies. I feel like I’m sitting in the lobby of a funeral home. “They need more parking. I couldn’t find a place to park to save myself. I drove around forever.”
“It gets full quickly,” she agrees, rubbing her palms nervously on her ripped jeans.
“Friday is Hollis’s birthday,” I tell her. “We’re all going out.”
“We?”
“You, me, the guys, Mia,” I clarify.
“Where?” she asks. “I can’t handle all these birthdays. I get them all mixed up.”
Cannon’s birthday was the fifth of January, but we didn’t do shit to celebrate. All Cannon asked was to be left alone for the day—we have no clue where he went or anything. Fucking weirdo.
“The only birthday you need to remember is August first—that’s my birthday,” I add, like she didn’t already figure that out. “I’m going to be twenty-seven,” I sigh heavily, thinking about my impending birthday. “I’m getting fucking old.”
“Jeez, I can’t believe I had sex with such an old man,” she jokes, looking a little more at ease. “What are we doing for his birthday?”
“Can you ditch class Friday?” I ask her.
“I think so. I don’t have any tests or anything.”
“And your weekend is clear?”
“My schedule is clear indefinitely now,” she sighs heavily, touching her hand to her stomach. I swallow thickly as I notice the tiny bump her long-sleeve shirt doesn’t hide. “You still haven’t answered me on what we’re doing or where we’re going.”
“And I’m not planning on it. All I can tell you is to pack your bags.” I swallow past the lump that’s formed in my throat. “Can I?” I hold my hand out.
“It’s too soon to feel anything, but sure.”
I place my hand over her small bump. It might be too soon to feel the baby move, but I feel something—the thrum of life.
Things are changing, faster than I’m prepared for.
With my palm resting against her stomach I look into her eyes and it’s like a kick to the chest.
Everything I’ve avoided and run from for the last eight years is slamming into me like an eighteen-wheeler.
Before panic can crash into me, her name is called and we’re heading back to a room. I sit on a chair as she gets fixed on the exam table.
I want to be here, to see the baby, but that doesn’t mean I don’t feel slight trepidation.
The door opens and her doctor, a kind woman who looks to be in her forties, enters the room.
“Kira, how have you been?” she asks, pumping disinfectant onto her hands and rubbing it together before she sits on the stool, wheeling it closer to Kira.
“A little nauseous, but I’m not clinging to the toilet so I won’t complain.”
“Good, that’s good. Anything else?”
“I’m hungry all the time. I crave ice cream and cheeseburgers—literally the two worst things to crave ever,” she groans. “I’m going to get so fat.”
Her doctor chuckles. “I’ll never allow that. Gaining excessive weight won’t be good for you or the baby. Make sure you’re getting variety in your diet and eating as healthy as you can. I’m not saying you can’t give in to your cravings from time to time, but the majority of the time choose to eat healthy. What about exercise?”
“I haven’t been to the gym lately,” she admits with a wince. “Between school and work I’ve been too tired.”
“But you’re still active?”
“Except when I’m at home. Then I’m a couch potato.”
“That’s not too bad. Your energy level should pick up soon with your second trimester. So, hang on.” The doctor turns to me with a kind smile. “And you are?”
“Uh … I’m Rush … I’m—”
“He’s the dad,” Kira finishes for me with a reassuring smile sent my way.
“Oh, well it’s nice to meet you, Dad.” She holds her hand out for me to shake.
“Nice to meet you too, Doctor.” I clear my throat awkwardly.
I normally always have my shit together, but today I feel completely unhinged. This is not a place I ever thought I’d find myself. I swore off the idea of ever being with a woman long term, of getting married and having children, now here I am with one of those things definitely happening.
“Let’s get started,” the doctor says. She pulls out some sort of machine and presses it to Kira’s stomach.
She moves it around and then a loud steady bump, bump, bump fills the room.
“Is that…?”
“The heartbeat?” The doctor asks with a smile. “Yes, it is.”
Kira turns her head toward me and I’m sure she can see the look of awe and wonder on my face.
“I’ve never heard any sound more amazing,” I admit on a breath. “It’s like a drum beat, but better.”
Kira holds her hand out for mine. I stare at it for a moment, the offer it holds, and with a smile I wrap my hand around hers. Hers nearly disappears in my grasp and I raise it, placing a kiss on the top of her hand.
No matter what the future holds, one thing is certain, this kid is ours and we have to be strong for it—be better people.
Looking into her eyes I see the promise of the future I threw away—it’s mine for the taking, if I can step up to the plate.
The problem is, I’ve fucked everything up for so long I don’t know how I can possibly not make a mess of things.
But not trying is a failure in
and of itself.
I kiss her hand again.
“That’s our baby, Kira,” my voice cracks.
She smiles back, tears in her eyes. “Our baby.”
Friday morning I pull up outside Kira’s apartment. Hayes was nice enough to give us today off from working in the studio, so we have three whole days to do whatever the fuck we want for Hollis’s birthday.
Me: I’m here. I’m already hopping out of my truck when the message delivers.
I jog up the steps and knock on her door. I still don’t feel right using my key, since things aren’t defined between us anymore. It feels like an invasion into her space. I had free reign before, but not now.
She swings the door open and I stare at her, stunned into silence. It’s not like she looks much different than she normally does, but damn. A pair of jeans hugs her curves and she wears a red sweater that’s falling off one pale shoulder. Her dark hair hangs down and she’s curled it. She’s done her makeup with a matching red lip, and I itch to take her face between my hands and kiss her until that color is smeared and all over the both of us. But more than that, I understand the glow they always talk about pregnant women having. She’s positively radiant and more than anything, I want to soak in her warmth.
“Are you going to stand there and stare at me?” She props her hip against the door and crosses her arms beneath her chest.
I shake my head. “Zoned out,” I lie.
“You were not. You were checking me out. I’m hot stuff over here, knocked up with this pudgy belly and my boobs hurting like crazy.”
“You’re beautiful.” I mean it, too. She’s the most gorgeous girl I’ve ever laid eyes on.
“Stop trying to butter me up.” She dismisses my words with a wave of her hand. “I’m not sleeping with you.”
I grin. “I didn’t ask you to—but you still might change your mind.” I wink and finally step inside.
She’s recently cleaned the place and everything is put away in neat and tidy order. There’s not even a blanket on the couch all scrunched up from use like there normally is.
“Where are your bags?” I ask her. “I’ll get them.”
“My room. I assume you haven’t forgotten where it is.” She smiles, messing with me.
“You wish I had.”
I stride down the short hall and grab the two packed bags from the bed—one too small to hold clothes, so I assume it has her makeup and shit in it.
Returning to her living area with the bags in hand I find her tugging on her coat and fluffing her hair out from under it where it got stuck.
I can’t make sense of the feelings coursing through me. It’s confusion and madness all rolled into one. I’m no longer lusting after her like I once did—no, I desire her on a level I never knew existed.
“I’m ready,” she announces, and I nod. I head out first, carrying her bags down to the truck while she locks up.
She meets me by the truck as I’m closing the back passenger door.
“Do I get any clue what’s planned for Hollis’s birthday this weekend? Obviously we’re going out of town.”
“There’s a train involved.”
“That’s all I get?”
“Yep.” I open the door for her and sweep my arm, bowing slightly. “Hop in.”
“You’re so dramatic and that was a pathetic answer, you know it too.”
I grin, because she’s right.
Frankly, I don’t even really know what the plan is for this weekend.
Climbing in the driver’s seat I enter the address Hollis gave me for the train station into my navigation system.
“Oh, here, I forgot to give some of these to you.” Kira pulls something out of her purse and hands it to me.
I unfold it and I can’t help but smile to myself. “Thank you,” I tell her, and mean it. I fold the ultrasound photos back up and place them in the compartment on the side of my door for safekeeping.
“Have you eaten breakfast?”
She shakes her head. “No, I didn’t have time.”
“You have to eat,” I remind her. “For you and the baby.”
“I know,” she sighs. “I’ll get better.”
Once traffic is clear I pull out and instead of listening to the navigation I head to the nearest McDonald’s to get her breakfast. No way in hell are we making this trip without her eating first. I at least packed snacks for the train ride, but those will be useless if she’s starving to death.
“Rush, where are you going?” she asks when the navigation system starts squawking at me to make a u-turn straight into a building.
“To feed you, woman,” I declare. “You have to eat, and I’m going to feed you.”
“You’re so dramatic. I’m fine. I’m not going to wither away from missing one meal.”
If I wasn’t driving I would glare her into silence.
“You’re eating, it’s non-negotiable.”
“God, you can be so bossy.”
I laugh but there’s no humor in it. “And you’re not?” I counter.
Kira is the bossiest woman I’ve ever encountered. At times it’s hot as fuck, at others it’s infuriating as all get out.
I pull into the McDonald’s lot and get in line. “What do you want?”
She thinks it over for a moment. “A sausage biscuit. Don’t judge me,” she warns before I have a chance to even open my mouth. “I know sausage is horrible, but I never eat it, so I’m allowed to be bad today.”
I shake my head, fighting a smile. “I was only going to say I was going to get that too.”
“Oh,” she says in a surprised tone. “Well, then.”
I sit up, reaching to grab my wallet from my back pocket.
The line creeps forward an inch at a time, but I don’t complain. I picked her up early, so we have plenty of time to get to the train station before it leaves. I’m not worried.
Finally, I’m able to place our order and I can’t help but smirk when I hear her stomach rumble.
“Glad I insisted on breakfast now?” I ask, pulling away from the speaker.
She looks out the window.
“Your stomach is betraying you, you know?”
She still doesn’t answer.
“I’m only picking on you,” I say, sliding my debit card out of my wallet.
I look at her reflection in the window and I blanch.
“Are you crying? What did I say? What did I do? Shit, I’m sorry, Kira. I was only kidding. I didn’t mean to make you cry. Fuck, I’m a horrible person.”
She turns to me, wiping away her tears. “I’m sorry, my emotions become too much lately. I’m not crying because I’m sad, I swear. It’s just … you’re not what I expected at all. Things between us were only supposed to be on the surface. I was never supposed to get to know you or like you, but I do, and Rush? I’ve never had anyone take care of me the way you do. I don’t think you even consider it anything special, but it is Rush. It so is.”
“Kira,” her name is barely a breath on my lips. I don’t know what to say, or how to react, because I’m not used to this.
“I don’t talk about my life much with anyone, and I don’t plan on starting now, but I want you to know things weren’t good, and I didn’t have a lot, and I’ve always had to fend for myself. You make me realize there are people out there who want to take care of others. Thank you for showing me not everyone doesn’t care.”
I blink at her, still at a loss for words.
A horn honks behind me and I look in the rearview mirror and then ahead, realizing the whole line ahead of me has cleared.
I roll up to the window and hand over my card. As soon as it’s back in my hand I speed forward to the next window and get the bag of food, handing it to Kira.
I’m still processing what she said in my mind, figuring out how to respond to it.
She hands me my sandwich and as I make a U-turn to head toward the interstate, I finally find my words.
“Kira, when you love someone you take care of
them.” It isn’t until the words have left my mouth that I realize what I’ve said. Panic rises in my chest, threatening to choke me. I haven’t told anyone I love them since my parents died. It’s not like I technically came out and said I love you, but I kind of did at the same time.
She doesn’t say anything. I know there’s no possible way she didn’t hear me. I think she’s trying to give me an out.
I care about Kira, I do. I cared about her before the whole she’s-my-baby-mama thing. But love? I don’t know about that.
I don’t know much about anything.
“My life’s always been lacking in that,” she admits. “Love,” she adds unnecessarily and I glance at her long enough to see her looking down at her tiny barely-there bump and placing her hand over it. “It makes me wonder how I can possibly love a child the way it deserves to be loved, but … I already love this baby. So much.”
I force my eyes back on the road.
My parents might be gone, but I knew love. There was never a day that I didn’t know they loved me. To think that Kira didn’t have that, never has, suddenly makes my panic disappear and heart fucking hurt.
She’s a beautiful, brilliant, kind, funny woman who knows what she wants and isn’t ashamed of it. Anyone should’ve been proud to call her their daughter and loved her wholly.
I wallow in what I’ve lost, and she wallows in what could’ve been.
Finishing off my biscuit I get in the lane to turn onto the interstate and stop at the light. I toss the wrapper in the bag on the floor by her feet and wipe my hands off on a napkin, dropping it in as well.
Then, I rest my arm on the console, my hand up and angled toward her.
An invitation.
I watch from the corner of my eye as she contemplates it and after a moment puts her hand in mine.
Closing my fingers around hers I squeeze tight.
If I could hold on to her forever, I think I would.
23
Kira
When Rush invited me to whatever this shindig is for Hollis’s birthday weekend, I didn’t think I’d be sprawled on my knees practically hugging the porcelain throne in a moving train while he holds my hair back and whispers how it’s going to be okay.
Wild Flame (The Wild: A Rock Star Romance Book 2) Page 18
