Someone knocked on her door.
She jumped, wondering if it was Bella. Ava had texted her the room number when she’d checked in. Reese and Carson would bring her back once they were done working the horses at the show grounds, but she didn’t expect them for at least another hour. They’d mentioned something about grabbing a bite to eat.
“Ava?” a voice called from the other side.
Carson.
Her heart just about thrust itself from her chest. Goodness gracious, she didn’t want to see him, especially since she knew that he was here to see her about Bella. She just knew her daughter had begged him to help change Ava’s mind. It would be so like her.
Should she pretend to be out? But no. She’d never been a wimp, wouldn’t start now.
Still, her pulse throbbed at her neck as she opened the door. “Hey.”
He hadn’t changed from the stable, the smell of horses and sweat clinging to him. It shouldn’t be a pleasant smell and yet, for some strange reason, it was.
“Can we talk?”
About them? “Is it about Bella? I told you what my decision was about that.”
She saw him take a deep breath. “No, not just Bella.”
She almost told him no, but in the end she figured she owed him some kind of explanation for giving him the brush-off this week.
She swung the door wide. He walked in, surveying her room. “Nice.” His gaze lingered on the bungalow-style furniture, catching for a moment on the bed.
It was like someone held a torch up to her cheeks. Standing there, his handsome face in profile, it reminded her of their night together.
It’s not going to happen again.
“I was just out on the terrace.” She headed to the sliding glass door at the end of the room. Air. She needed air. And to escape the presence of that bed. “Maybe we should talk out there.”
He followed and for that she was grateful.
“Nice view,” he said, taking a seat on a rattan chair.
“Yeah, but I think your view is better.”
He tipped his head in confusion.
“At your dad’s house. You must have a great view from your room.”
His eyes held her own and she wished she knew what he was thinking. He wasn’t happy with her. That much she could glean.
“I don’t live in that house, remember? I live with my brothers and cousin, but one day I will have this.” He sat back, the brim of his hat nearly touching the chair. “I plan to build a home on my family’s property. And while we’re on the subject, I’m not exactly broke, you know. My dad’s not the type to hand things to his kids, so we get a salary for working at the ranch. Then there’s my rodeo earnings. I don’t earn as much now as I will in the future, but rodeos pay pretty well as long as you do enough of them. I’ve been able to put away all my earnings and it’s enough to pay for the land I plan to purchase from my dad. Then I’ll build a house, my dream house.” He peered at her from beneath the brim of his hat. “And I’ll pay cash for that, too.”
She had to look away from him because, damn it, he made her feel bad. As if she was superficial.
Aren’t you?
She had to do some deep analysis then because she’d never cared about a person’s social status. Carson’s hadn’t bothered her.
Or had it.
She gulped.
Maybe she did mind his laid-back, cowboy attitude. Maybe the fact that he worked for his dad bothered her a little, too. And that, by all accounts, he hadn’t taken his rodeo career seriously.
“I do have a steady income, Ava. And it’ll be a good one, too, when I get back to the rodeo circuit. But I’m not here to boast about my prospects. Well, not entirely. I’m mainly here because Bella asked me to come talk to you about riding Snazzy tomorrow.”
Of course he was. But his words still stung, more so because she admitted it was true. Deep down inside she had thought him inferior. Wow. Crazy to admit she’d been a snob.
“It wasn’t just the job,” she said softly. “It was everything.”
She couldn’t deal with another risk-taking, fun-loving, not-a-care-in-the-world man in her life. Once had nearly killed her.
“What does any of it matter?” He stared straight ahead. “I’m not Paul.”
“I know that.”
“Do you?”
He held her gaze. She saw emotions flit through them. Sadness. Disappointment. Maybe even anger.
“You’re not Paul,” she admitted. “But you’re like him in so many ways.” She realized she was close to tears all of a sudden. “You ride horses. He liked to base jump. You like to compete in a sport that’s dangerous. He loved to climb mountains. You’re probably never home. He was always dashing off to conquer some kind of challenge. I can’t deal with that.”
“I’m not Paul,” he said again.
“I know, but I’m still terrified of what dating someone like you might do to me.”
“Is that why you won’t let Bella ride?”
Her gaze jerked to his. “What do you mean?”
“Are you worried she’ll become addicted to the adrenaline, like her father? That you’ll somehow lose her to the sport?”
“No.” That wasn’t the case at all.
She clutched the rattan chair, her vision whitening she stared straight ahead for so long.
Was it?
She sensed rather than saw him move. He’d scooted his chair closer.
“Let her ride, Ava. She’s good. She’s going to be great, if only you’ll let her fly.”
Like she’d let Paul fly. Oh, dear goodness, he was right. She was holding Bella back. The Gillians would never put her in harm’s way. She knew that deep inside. Her heart pounded so hard she wondered if he could hear it. “Okay.”
He straightened. “You won’t regret it.”
Was he talking about Bella riding? Or them? She looked away. Her hands actually shook.
What a hypocrite.
How many times had she told her patients not to be afraid, that they were in good hands, her hands? Now she couldn’t even trust herself.
“Thanks for listening.” He stood. “You’ve got a pretty special kid. I’m glad you’re not afraid to let her spread her wings.”
He turned away. She stood, too. “Carson.”
He kept walking.
“I’m so sorry.”
Were those tears forming in her eyes? Oh, hell. “I’m so afraid. Of you. Of us. Of where this might lead.”
He stopped at last, slowly turned and stared at her for the space of five heartbeats—she counted every one of them pumping in her chest.
“And you think I’m not?”
“No. I mean yes. Oh, I don’t know.” She wiped at her eyes. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I can see that I did.”
“You did.”
This man. He brought out the best in her, and the very worst. Still, she couldn’t seem to stop herself from taking a step toward him no matter how hard her heart thumped and how frightened she was of the future.
“Don’t go.”
His eyes flicked. “Why should I stay?”
“Because if you go, we’ll always wonder what might have happened.” She took another step.
“You hurt me,” he admitted.
Yes. She had. It still lingered in his eyes.
“I won’t ever do that again.”
She closed the distance between them. He wouldn’t make it easy on her, though, didn’t move, not even when she raised herself on tiptoe so she could kiss him. It had the same effect on her as before. Her body reacted as if it’d been licked by flames.
Damn him.
He didn’t react, just stood there. She pulled back, looked into his eyes.
“Please,” she said softly.
It was as if the lever holding b
ack his control suddenly broke. He tugged her to him, kissed her, hard, nearly punishingly, and she let him. Dear Lord, she wanted him to do that, and she realized this time would be different than before. There was no splint on his arm. She wouldn’t be in charge of their union. She saw his need to be the one in control in his eyes, to do things to her that he’d wanted to do that first night but couldn’t because of his injury.
“Carson...”
She didn’t know what she wanted to say, just felt the need to ground herself in the present. He pushed her back up against the bed and she let him, his hands moving to the snap of his jeans, unzipping himself.
Ava lay on the bed. He stood above her, undressing. She tipped her head back and closed her eyes. He all but ripped her clothes off next and she gasped at how good it felt to have him take charge, to be controlled, to let him do to her anything he wanted. Had it ever been like this with Paul? She didn’t think it had, could never recall wanting to cry out in pleasure just from a mere touch of fingers, especially when they slid downward, finding her center and causing her to moan.
Her hips lifted and she knew he wanted to watch her, that he needed to be the one in control, and she wanted that, too, moaning as his fingers worked their sweet magic and she began to climb higher and higher.
Lord oh Lord.
How did he do it? How did he get every muscle in her body to quiver? Her legs to shake. Her heart to pound. He removed his fingers and something new touched her. His mouth...
“Carson” she moaned because she didn’t want to do this alone, but he wouldn’t let her move. He was her lover. A maestro. A master magician. She gave up trying to scoot away, was too far gone to want to do anything more than let him bring her closer and closer...
“Carson,” she cried when her whole body shook one final time. She arched her back, surrendered to his touch in a way she’d never done before, time and space and the very room they were in fading away. There were just the ripples of pleasure that fanned from her center to every nerve ending in her body and Ava knew she’d never be the same again.
Chapter 17
What the hell was wrong with him?
Carson sat up quickly, pulling on his clothes. “I should probably skedaddle before my dad gets back with Bella.” His heart had begun to pound. “Big day ahead of her tomorrow.”
She stopped him before he could stand. “Carson, are you okay?”
His brow began to sweat. “I’m fine.” He pulled on his shirt next, his elbow aching a bit. She watched him the whole time.
“Don’t you want to... I mean, are you sure you want to leave?”
He paused for a moment because the look on her face made his heart beat in a funny way. He found himself leaning down, kissing her without even thinking about it.
“No. I don’t need anything. That was for you,” he said softly. “Only you.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh.”
He finished dressing, wanted to kiss her again before he left. Truth be told he didn’t trust himself, the pressure in his chest beginning to build.
“Thank you,” she said.
She must have realized how that sounded because her expression turned sheepish. “Not for that.” He watched as her teeth raked her lips. “Although that was nice.” She looked away for a moment. “Really nice.” She took a deep breath. “Thank you for fighting for Bella. For not getting mad at me when I made a stupid decision. For caring enough to not give up.”
His heart lurched. That was the only way to describe it. It just thudded in his chest and he knew as he stared down into her pretty green eyes and smoothed back her mussed dark hair that she was it for him. It.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She drew back. He saw her eyes flicker and for one horrible moment he thought she might question him further. That maybe somehow she’d guessed the panic in his heart.
“Tomorrow,” she echoed.
He got out of there so quickly he wouldn’t be surprised if his shirt was inside out. He drove like a bat out of hell back to the show grounds only to learn his dad had already left with Bella to take her back to the hotel.
He’d escaped just in the nick of time.
Escaped?
He headed for their trailer. Yes, escaped. He shouldn’t have gone to bed with her. It’d triggered something inside him, something that scared the you-know-what out of him.
“You look like a man who needs a drink,” Reese said the moment he came into their trailer, taking his hat off and hanging it on the corner of a chair.
He took a deep breath, forced himself to act normal. “Bella get home okay?”
“Oh, yeah.” His dad sat on the seat opposite him. One of the spoils of war, their horse trailer with RV quarters in the front of it. The sides popped out, making it as roomy as a lot of homes.
“You talk to the mom?”
More than talk. Carson got up quickly, heading to the refrigerator and pulling out a beer before turning back. “You want one?” he offered before forgetting his dad shouldn’t. He was still on a restricted diet from his heart surgery.
“Nah.”
He popped the lid, the smell of hops filling the air. Carson took a big swig.
“You like her, don’t you?”
He thought about denying it. “Yup.”
“Oh, to hell with it, let me have a beer,” Reese said. “One’s not going to kill me.”
Carson retrieved the treat. His dad did the same thing he’d done, taking a big swig. Only he released a huge sigh afterward. “Forgot how much I missed the taste.”
Carson sat in his vacated chair. “I think I might be falling in love with her, Dad.”
Reese inhaled deeply, rested his free palm atop his belly, which had gotten a little bigger in recent years. “Carson, I’m going to be brutally honest here. Women like Dr. Moore aren’t very conducive to a rodeo lifestyle. You know that. You also told me the other day you wanted to make a run for the NFR, and I support that decision. Hell, it’s about time. But how do you plan to do that and date a woman at the same time?”
The panic returned. He admitted that was the question that had chased him out of her hotel room. “I would hope we could work it out.”
“Are you sure about that, son? What about the weekends you’re away? About the weekends when she’s away? Hell, the weekdays. Do you know how many hours a doctor works?”
“I know, but she’s been doing it alone for a while now.”
“And you think that will stop her from resenting your time away?”
His father’s words were like a sucker punch. That was exactly what he feared. How many marriages had he seen break up because of the rodeo lifestyle? One spouse wanted a home and kids. The other wanted to chase gold-buckle dreams.
“You know how tough it was on me and your mother.”
And that was the reason for the panic. Because as soon as he’d realized how serious things could get with Ava, he’d been hit by the realization that he might just be heading down the same road as his dad.
“I always wondered if your marriage wasn’t part of the reason why she got so sick,” Carson admitted with brutal honesty.
“I’ve wondered the same thing, son.”
They’d found a mass in her abdomen. Ironically it hadn’t been cancer, but it had caused health problems and she’d died when they’d gone in to remove it. No such thing as routine surgery. He’d learned that the hard way.
“I’d like to give you my blessings, son. Lord knows, the woman is a catch. But I’d be lax in my duties as a parent if I didn’t tell you to be cautious. This lifestyle isn’t for everyone. If you’re not at a rodeo, you’re at a horse show. You should at least talk to her about your concerns.”
His dad was right. What if Ava got tired of his life on the road? She could have anyone...anyone. What the hell did she see in him? Sure, the sex was good
...right now. But all things faded with time. What then?
He hated that he doubted himself. Hated that he’d run out on her the way he had. It made him feel like even more of a failure. Maybe tomorrow he’d have the courage to talk to her.
Maybe.
* * *
“I think I’m going to puke.”
Ava glanced over at Bella quickly, careful to keep the SUV on the road. She’d been up at the crack of dawn, long before they’d had to leave, polishing her boots, plucking every speck of lint off her jeans, smoothing the soft cotton of her button-down shirt Reese had bought her yesterday, cleaning her hat. She’d never seen her daughter so focused on something in her life.
“Relax. You’re going to be great.” Ava took a deep breath, trying to quell her inner fear.
She’ll be fine. Carson’s words echoed in her ears.
“And even if you have a tough time, it’s your first show. You have plenty of time to get better.”
Just please don’t fall off. Please, please, please.
Out of the corner of her eye she saw Bella glance over at her. “Do I?”
Ava met her gaze for a second. “What do you mean?”
“Do you like Carson, Mommy?”
“Of course I do.”
“No.” Bella frowned. “I mean like. As in, do you think you might want to date him?”
She almost laughed. If Bella only knew.
But the question was a serious one and she needed to think on how to answer. She didn’t want to get Bella’s hopes up, but she didn’t want to lie to her, either. Sooner or later she would have to admit to her relationship with Carson.
“I think there’s a definite possibility that I could date him.”
“Really?” Bella squealed, spinning to face her. “Oh my gosh, Mom, that would be so cool. Maybe I could ride more. You could leave me at Gillian Ranch. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if I started doing extra stuff to help out. That would give you some alone time—”
Home on the Ranch: Rodeo Legend Page 14
