by Helena Stone
They walked in silence for a while. Cian was still trying to come to terms with this most fortunate turn of events, and he was pretty sure it was the same for Mitch. They turned the corner onto the street where the old library had been a year earlier. Excitement bubbled up in Cian’s stomach.
I wonder if he’s there again.
Two years in a row, Cian had visited the building over the weeks leading up to Christmas. The first year it had just been him and the librarian, Klaus Nichols. He would always treasure the memory of those few weeks. Before meeting Klaus, he’d hated himself, convinced he was worthless and deserved to be cast out if anybody ever discovered he was gay. Klaus’s easy acceptance and reasonable arguments had given him a new perspective and, eventually, the courage to embrace who he was. As good as the first time had been, it didn’t compare to what had happened twelve months later, when he’d found Mitch there.
“Will you look at that!” Mitch’s exclamation pulled Cian out of his memories. He blinked when he saw what had caused Mitch’s surprise. What had been an old and decrepit building a year ago, now looked fresh and restored to its former glory. He stopped walking because he needed a moment to take it all in.
“It’s like a different building.” Mitch stood next to Cian, eyeing the wide-open front door. “I’d forgotten they were going to work on it.”
“You knew? Why is this the first I hear about it?”
“I met one of the builders here, just before they started the work, last summer,” Mitch explained. “He told me they were refurbishing it to create the new…” He gazed at Cian, his eyes shining. “The new library.”
“You don’t think...?” Cian couldn’t make himself finish the sentence.
“I don’t know.” Obviously, Mitch had no problem interpreting Cian’s unfinished question. “Only one way to find out. Let’s go in and have a look.”
They speed-walked the remaining distance, only to come to an abrupt halt when they arrived.
“Mmmmm.” Cian pointed at the notice board beside the entrance, which stated in no uncertain terms that the building wasn’t open to the public.
“Ignore it,” Mitch said. “Who’s going to know? I just want to see what it looks like inside. Come on. Where’s your sense of adventure?” He nudged Cian with his shoulder.
“Who are you and what have you done with my Mitch?” Cian didn’t realize what he’d just said until he noticed Mitch’s raised eyebrows. Cian hadn’t meant to use the word “my,” but he wasn’t about to retract it either.
Mitch shook his head as if he’d also decided not to push that slip of the tongue. “Come on. You know you want to.”
Cian rolled his eyes in mock despair before grinning. “Okay, then. Lead the way.”
A buzz of excitement erupted in Cian’s belly as they rushed for the door. A sudden attack of second thoughts and nerves made him slow down before he crossed the threshold. Can’t back out now. Not that he seriously wanted to. He shared Mitch’s curiosity about what had been done to the building they both had fond memories of.
They slowly entered what appeared to be a fully renovated center. Gone was the musty smell, and what had been drab walls were now clean and white. A year earlier, the library had been located in one room, but through the open doors opposite each other on both sides of the hallway, Cian saw that now it took up at least two rooms. When Mitch turned to the old library where they’d met a year ago, Cian followed him.
“Wow.” Mitch’s awed exclamation matched Cian’s feelings perfectly.
“Can I help you, gentlemen.” The kind voice, laced with humor almost made Cian jump out of his skin. He spun around in the direction of the sound.
“Klaus!”
“Mr. Nichols!” Mitch said at the same time.
The older man stared at them. “I see some things never change. Obviously, you two are incapable of ignoring an opportunity to trespass.”
Mitch shuffled his feet, and Cian felt heat rising to his face. Then Klaus laughed and broke the tension.
“It’s good to see you, lads. And even better to see you together.”
While Klaus did seem delighted to meet them again, he didn’t appear to be all that surprised about them showing up at the same time.
“It’s good to see you too.” Mitch found his tongue before Cian did. “I was wondering if you’d be here again this year. Hoped you might be.”
Since Mitch had reflected his feelings perfectly, Cian said nothing.
“You want to see the new library?” Klaus asked.
“Yes, please.” The enthusiasm in Mitch’s voice was contagious, and Cian nodded his agreement.
“On one condition,” Klaus said. “While you’re here, you can help my other volunteer. He’s shelving books through there and could do with a hand.” He indicated the room to their left.
Cian followed Mitch through the doorway, almost walking into him when Mitch came to an abrupt halt.
“Cormac?” Mitch turned to Cian. “I don’t think you’ve met him, but Cormac was in my class at school.”
The blond young man turned from the bookcase he’d been filling with a wary expression on his face, only to smile brightly when he recognized Mitch.
“Hey, Mitch. What are you doing here?”
“I thought I was having a sneak peek at the new library,” Mitch replied. “Turns out, I’m here to say hello to an old friend.” He indicated Klaus with a wave of his hand. “What about you?”
“I…eh.” Cian could almost smell Cormac’s discomfort.
“You too?” Mitch asked as he took a step in Cormac’s direction. “Why didn’t you say something last year? You knew about me, surely?”
“Mitch.” Klaus’s voice was soft, his tone firm. “Remember what I told you last year?”
Mitch turned around with a stricken expression on his face.
I wonder what that’s about. Cian felt a bit lost, but he knew enough to stay quiet.
“You said,” Mitch spoke slowly, “that nobody has to come out until they are ready. And that every person has to decide for themselves when that is.” Mitch grimaced, then looked over his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Cormac.”
Cormac shrugged, looking only slightly less uncomfortable under the combined scrutiny of Cian, Mitch, and Klaus. Cian took pity on him.
“It’s nice that you all seem to know each other, but is anybody going to introduce me?”
Both Mitch and Cormac visibly relaxed while Klaus chuckled.
“It’s good to see you haven’t changed, son.”
The remark made Cian a lot happier than it should.
Minutes later, Cian found himself pulling books from boxes and placing them on shelves, shoulder to shoulder with Mitch and Cormac, to whom he’d at last been formally introduced.
He half listened as Mitch and Cormac chatted and learned that Cormac had decided to resit his leaving cert exams and hoped to go to Galway for his third-level studies in September. Mitch’s enthusiastic stories about their life in Dublin made Cian smile, and he chimed in when the topic turned to his rugby club.
“I heard about them, the Emerald Warriors.” Klaus, who’d been so quiet Cian had almost forgotten about him, entered the conversation. “I went to see a few matches during the Union Cup this summer.” A delighted grin crossed his face. “I even got to talk to Nigel Owens. And managed a selfie.” He reached into the pocket of his brown trousers and extracted a surprisingly up-to-date phone. “Look.”
The three of them crowded around Klaus’s outstretched hand, Cian ending up behind Mitch. He squinted at the screen. Something about the photo didn’t seem right.
“Where’s your beard?”
Mitch’s question solved Cian’s mystery.
“Summers are too warm for beards. I don’t start growing this”—Klaus stroked his beard—“until the clocks change.”
“I missed that tournament. I didn’t even know about the Warriors at that stage.” Cian still cursed the fact that he hadn’t discovered them a few months earl
ier.
They concentrated on the boxes with books again, using them to fill the ever-shrinking number of empty shelves. It didn’t escape Cian that Mitch was considerably slower than either he or Cormac as he took his time to study covers and read the back of most books before he shelved them.
Cian wasn’t sure how long they’d been at it when Cormac folded the last box he’d emptied, put it away, and turned to them.
“That’s all I can do today. I promised my sister I’d give her a lift so she can get some shopping done.”
“I think we’ve all done enough for now.” Klaus, who’d been busy in the room on the other side of the hallway, entered. “You get going, Cormac. Thank you for helping.”
“Cormac.” The hesitancy in Mitch’s voice took Cian by surprise. “Why don’t you take my number before you go. Just in case you’re ever in Dublin or”—Mitch glanced at Klaus—“want to talk.”
Cian’s heart swelled. A year ago, Mitch had sat in this room, shy, scared, and waiting to be rescued, and look at him now. Here he was offering his support to somebody else who hadn’t quite found his way yet.
“Now then, lads,” Klaus said minutes later after numbers had been exchanged and Cormac had left. “Why don’t you let me take you out for lunch? I’m sure this isn’t how you thought you’d be spending your morning, so a good meal is the least I can do.”
Cian glanced at Mitch, who shrugged and nodded at the same time.
“Sounds great.” If only because Cian had one or two questions he wouldn’t mind finding answers to.
Chapter Three
Mitch walked along in silence, not really listening to what Cian and Klaus talked about. He couldn’t shake the feeling that everything had come full circle. There was a symmetry to Cian finding Klaus a year before Mitch did, and him helping Mitch figure out his life twelve months later, only for Mitch to be able to offer the same to Cormac now.
As he followed the other men into the Castle Tea Rooms, Mitch smiled to himself. Whatever he might be able to be or do for Cormac, it wouldn’t be the same as what Mitch had found with Cian. Mitch had been lucky and drawn the winning ticket that day. He hoped Cormac would find his own miracle one day, but Mitch wouldn’t be it.
“What’s up with you?” Cian asked after they found an empty table and sat.
“Nothing. Why?”
“You have this weird smile on your face.”
Klaus turned to Mitch too, making him squirm a bit under their curious scrutiny.
“I was thinking about serendipity and coincidence.” Mitch kept it deliberately vague, unsure how to verbalize his thoughts without sounding soppy or dramatic. He picked up the lunch menu and opened it, hoping to end the conversation before it properly started.
After they’d placed their orders for club sandwiches and a large pot of tea, Klaus sat back in his chair and folded his arms across his belly.
“It does an old man’s heart good to see the two of you together.” His smile was warm and genuine. “I had a feeling it might work out, but it’s hard to predict such things. Tell me, how are you two getting on?”
Mitch blinked at the man he still called Santa in his head. He had no idea how anybody might be able to predict how relationships would develop. Then again, he wasn’t convinced normal rules applied to Mr. Nichols.
Cian jumped straight into the story of what they’d done after Klaus and the library had disappeared. Mitch was happy to let him get on with it and limited himself to occasionally nodding in agreement.
“Then we went to Pride together,” Cian said.
“That was amazing,” Mitch added, the memories of that day still one of his favorites. “I can’t wait to do it again.”
“Why’s that?” Klaus asked. “What was so special?”
Mitch wondered if he really didn’t know or if he just wanted to hear Mitch state his reasons. Not that he minded.
“It’s just that even with marriage equality and all, being gay is still seen as weird most of the time. We may no longer be outcasts, forced to hide, but we’re still far removed from being considered normal. And during Pride, for just one day, that’s different. It’s almost as if that day sets the world on its head, and instead of us trying to appear like everybody else, the straight world goes out of its way to be gay. As if it is an honorary badge or something.”
Their lunch was served as soon as Mitch finished his sentence, at exactly the right time as far as he was concerned. As he made short work of his sandwich, he allowed the thoughts to float through his mind. He’d never put those mostly vague feelings into words before and needed a moment to ponder them because most of the time he didn’t feel different from anybody else.
“What are you thinking?” Cian’s gaze bored into him as if he wanted to read Mitch’s mind.
“Me? Why?”
“You look…I don’t know…As if you’ve discovered something important.”
Now Klaus was studying him too.
Mitch shrugged. “I’m not sure it’s all that remarkable. It just occurred to me that whatever anybody says, we’re still not the same as the majority. And that confuses me because most of the time I don’t feel as if I’m all that different from everybody else.”
“True that,” Cian said quietly.
“Me neither.”
Mitch opened his mouth without any idea what he wanted to say and closed it again. He glanced at Cian and found him staring at Klaus with a thoughtful expression on his face, his mouth stretched into a small smile.
Klaus chuckled. “You hadn’t guessed?”
“I hadn’t thought about it,” Mitch muttered. In the twelve months since he’d first met him, he’d never considered Klaus’s sexuality. In fact, if he’d ever thought about him as anything other than a librarian, it had been as the worker of miracles.
Klaus turned to Cian. “What about you?”
Cian wrapped his hands around his tea mug on the table and stared at the drink for a few moments. When he looked up, he smiled.
“I had thought about it. Not a lot, and not because it was important, but from the start, I had this feeling you were almost certainly gay.”
Mitch gaped at Cian. Why didn’t I know this?
“Think about it.” Cian turned to Mitch. “When you met him, were you ever afraid or wary, even for a moment?”
Mitch leaned back and took his time. The memories were vivid still. He could see himself running into what he thought was a deserted building. He remembered almost jumping out of his skin when he heard a voice. But after that… From the moment he’d seen Klaus, he’d relaxed. He hadn’t thought about it then, but somewhere deep inside, he’d known he was safe.
“No.” He smiled. “Not even for a moment.”
Klaus beamed at them. “Enough already. I’m glad I could help.” His smile turned into a grin. “Now tell me how you’re getting on in The Birches.”
“I knew it.” Cian’s voice was so soft and low, Mitch only barely caught his words.
“You knew what?” Mitch thought for a moment. “Wait.” He turned to Klaus. “How did you know…?”
Mitch slumped in his chair without taking his gaze of Klaus’s friendly and amused face. “You are our landlord.”
“When they offered me the librarian position full time, I had to move here,” Klaus said. “That left me with an empty apartment in Dublin and two young men in Castleforest who were in dire need of accommodation.” He shrugged, but the twinkle in his eye belied his nonchalance. “A simple case of perfect timing.”
Or a miracle. But Mitch kept that thought to himself.
They finished their tea and sandwiches while Cian and Mitch raved about their life in Dublin. Klaus’s expression changed from interested to delighted as they exulted about the apartment, its location, and the luxury of having the place to themselves.
“I’m so happy to hear that,” Klaus said when, at last, they ran out of words to express their lavish praise. “It is a great place, and I was very happy there for a long time. B
ut I can’t see myself going back. Dublin is too busy and cramped for me now. He stared at the tabletop as if he could see the city there.
“Anyway…” Klaus blinked and focused on Mitch and Cian again. “I had it on the market for a while, but the only thing potential buyers talked about when they viewed the place was how they could partition it up further to accommodate as many lodgers as humanly possible. Then I heard about you two, and that settled the matter.” He straightened, and his face turned serious. “I want you two to know that the apartment is yours for as long as you want it.”
“We have a spare room.” Mitch spoke without thinking and blushed when the meaning of his words sank in. “I mean. If you ever want to visit Dublin and need a place to stay”—he glanced at Cian—“right?”
“Anytime.”
“Thank you, lads. That’s not necessary, but it’s much appreciated.” Klaus checked the time. “And on that note, I’d better get back to the library. I’ve got more organizing to do if I want to open in the New Year.”
“Do you need more help?” Cian asked. “We had nothing planned for the afternoon, and it’s the least we can do.”
Well, nothing specific. Mitch had all sorts of plans, but he wasn’t about to disagree with Cian. Those ideas could wait. Shelving books seemed negligible compared to the difference Klaus had made in his…their lives.
“Thank you, but no.” Klaus smiled. “You two go off and do whatever it is youngsters your age do these days.” He winked as if he knew Mitch’s mother had left for Dublin and they had twenty-four hours to themselves. He pushed back his chair and stood. “I’ll get this.”
“But—”
“No buts.” Klaus didn’t give Mitch the opportunity to finish his objection. “Consider it your payment for a morning of hard work.”
A few minutes later, they were outside, about to go their separate ways. Mitch studied Klaus and marveled at how much he had changed Mitch’s life for the better. He took a step forward and spread his arms. “May I?”
“No need to ask. I love hugs.” Klaus pulled Mitch against his soft belly, enveloping him with his arms. When he let go again, he reached for Cian and repeated the action.
