by Sarah Noffke
It shouldn’t be hard since she’d prepared for this part of the adventure, studying up on ways to make fire. The tree with her dinner under it provided not only the perfect source for fire but also the ideal way to draw her food out.
It was a eucalyptus tree, and its oil was considered extremely flammable. Not only would the flaking bark make great kindling, but the oil would make a great fire starter. Sophia smiled triumphantly. As a bonus, the eucalyptus oil would also make a great bomb—one she’d throw into the burrow to draw out her corned beef and hash, or rodent, or whatever it ended up being.
She hoped it would be corned beef but had serious doubts.
Chapter Eighty
Do you really think that’s going to work? Lunis asked.
She pushed the sweat pouring into her eyes away with the back of her hand. No, I’m just making homemade bombs because I don’t think they will work.
Sarcasm is the scared man’s way of keeping others at a distance, Lunis intoned. He was trying to sound sage-like, but a hint of mischief in his voice rang through.
Where did you get that proverb from? Sophia asked.
I made it up, Lunis said. Dragons are considered very wise, so I was thinking of coming up with a bunch of dragon proverbs. Maybe publish a book of them.
You need t-shirts, Sophia said, wrapping the soaked eucalyptus leaves in dry twigs like a bird making a strange nest. She’d been playing with figuring out the best design for her homemade bombs. It needed to have a fuse of sorts, and of course, an explosive element, but not so explosive it killed whatever was hiding in the burrow under the tree. She just wanted to scare it out, and then she’d sword it up and serve it on… Sophia looked around. She’d have to serve it on a leaf or something since the Outback was fresh out of plates, it seemed.
I like the way you think, Lunis approved. T-shirts are a good idea, and we can make a board on Pinterest.
You’re not allowed to use my Pinterest account anymore.
Because I keep filling your boards up with baking recipes, he replied.
Yes, that’s exactly right, she answered. And you don’t even bake. I don’t get the logistics of how a dragon would bake. Like, can you work a hand mixer?
He snorted with laughter in her head. I think you’re missing the hint. I don’t bake, but I do enjoy baked treats. I was thinking one of us should take up the hobby.
Sophia returned the laugh. You think I need a hobby? You have heard I’m a dragonrider in training with a mysterious mission resting on my shoulders, according to Mother Nature.
I’d heard rumors of that, Lunis agreed coyly.
Just because you’ve taken up this hobby to create dragon proverbs with an author slash T-shirt business doesn’t mean I need side projects, Sophia replied.
I’m just trying to help you live your best life, he bragged.
Then I need you to work on your proverbs because that one about sarcasm didn’t have a ring to it at all, Sophia complained. Maybe say something about how sarcasm is the result of talking to stupid people.
I don’t think you get the point of these dragon proverbs, Lunis argued. They are supposed to lift people up, not insult them.
Are you sure that by pointing out their stupidness it won’t help? Sophia challenged.
I don’t think “stupidness” is a word, Lunis stated.
And yet, you’ve just used it, Sophia fired back.
I think you misunderstood the context in which I used it.
Sophia held up the homemade eucalyptus bomb she’d made and admired her handy work. I have no idea if this will work, but it sure is pretty. I should make stuff with my hands.
Like jewelry, Lunis remarked.
Sophia rolled her eyes. I was thinking like weapons or explosives or spyware or something cool.
Bracelets are cool, Lunis disagreed.
You are so strange, Sophia said, going to work building a fire.
I’m going to go be strange while I eat a kangaroo, Lunis offered. You good down there?
Yeah, I’m about to be eating corned beef hash, she said, creating a spark and watching the kindling catch.
I think the heat is already starting to get to you, Lunis said dryly. If you think corned beef is hiding out under that tree, you might be a bit disappointed.
I can pretend wombat tastes like corned beef, she reasoned.
Aw, you’re going to eat a cute little wombat. Lunis sounded offended.
Says the dragon, she fired back. Who incidentally eats sheep.
Just the cult ones that want a way out so they can return to the mother ship, Lunis sniffed.
Sophia shook her head and fanned the flames, proud of the fire she’d built. I don’t know what’s under the tree, but I’m eating it.
We shall see, Lunis said, sounding skeptical. I’ll bring you a roo if all else fails.
Keep your kangaroo, Sophia told him. I’m having wombat tacos.
She turned and faced the burrow, her homemade bomb in her hands.
Now let’s hope this works, she thought, her stomach starting to growl from hunger.
Chapter Eighty-One
“Magic,” Sophia remarked. She held the handmade bomb close to the flames to get the outer portion to spark. “I don’t need no stinking magic. I’ve got this.”
When the casing caught on fire, Sophia threw the eucalyptus bomb into the burrow. She heard it hit the dirt and roll a few feet.
Now was the moment of truth. If this didn’t work, Sophia had to figure out another way to catch food. She had to figure out something since she couldn’t just bomb holes in the Outback to get lunch.
The bomb exploded just as she had planned—like a firecracker, and made the ground and tree rumble.
Sophia withdrew Inexorabilis from her sheath and stood at the ready, waiting for the wombat or whatever to scurry out from its burrow. Maybe it would be a family of rodents and she could make lunches for the week.
A scratching noise followed a small plume of smoke that shot out of the hole. Sophia narrowed her eyes and listened as the noise grew louder and closer.
Something black and furry popped out of the burrow. It was hard to make out with the smoke surrounding it, but it didn’t move like a furry creature.
The mysterious animal made a series of scratching noises as it scurried from the hole. It stayed in the path of the smoke, keeping it partially obscured.
As far as Sophia could tell, it was about the size of a bowling ball, but its limbs were strange and moved at odd angles.
Sophia stepped forward and tried to get a closer look just as a breeze knocked the smoke away and revealed the bizarre creature.
“Oh, hell,” Sophia said, backing up a step.
Chapter Eighty-Two
The creature before Sophia represented a common phobia for most people. Not for Sophia, though. Living with her eccentric sister Reese had broken her of being fearful of spiders. The kooky magician had forbidden anyone in the family to kill any spiders who entered their residence, saying they were good luck.
Reese probably just wanted them for potions, but many did believe having spiders around was good luck. Reese had often said the spiders thought they were roommates and killing or kicking them out was just plain rude.
However, even Reese would have tensed at the sight of the large spider before Sophia. Its beady red eyes were intently focused on the source of what had stirred it from its home.
It regarded her with menace as it ground its pincers angrily, the threat obvious in its actions.
Sophia tightened her grip on her sword and wondered how spider soup would taste.
Soup? Really? Lunis questioned. In this heat?
It was more of a joke than a plan, Sophia retorted.
Can you handle that large arachnid, or do you need my help? Lunis asked.
Sophia scoffed. Go get your roo. I’ve got the itsy-bitsy spider.
All right, then, Lunis replied.
Sensing the spider was about to charge and pounce, Sophia prepared her
defense.
A cacophony of scratching echoed from under the tree, making the base vibrate more than when she’d bombed it.
The spider froze. Sophia did as well. She held her breath and waited.
When a mound of black spilled out of the burrow, she bit her tongue and cursed under her breath.
Chapter Eighty-Three
One giant spider wasn’t a big deal to Sophia, although it was inevitable she’d break a sweat fighting the thing since she was sweating profusely just standing there.
The hundreds of spiders that had hurried out of the burrow would be much more of a challenge to fight. Based on their angry red eyes and threatening pincers moving back and forth, a battle was imminent.
What about now? Lunis called, having seen the force facing off against Sophia. She backed up, making room for the spiders, which moved in unison like an army getting ready to charge.
I’m good, she lied, watching the sidelines as the spiders forced her back, nearly making her trip.
Her hands were shaking on her sword’s hilt, but she kept her breathing steady as she watched for the first attack.
Okay, well, my dinner is hopping away, Lunis began. Let me know if you have trouble wrestling yours.
Sophia wasn’t worried about wrestling her next meal. For the first time ever, as she looked at a hundred hairy, angry spiders, she was worried about her dinner eating her.
The first spider, maybe the original one that had scurried from the burrow, sprang at her, hopping like a kangaroo and making considerable progress. She brought her sword around like a baseball bat and swung it as the spider screamed like it was sending a volley of insults at its attacker.
The sword connected with the large spider and knocked it several dozen yards.
Home run! Lunis exclaimed.
Sophia rejoiced, feeling the victory run through her. Celebrations were short-lived as three spiders simultaneously jumped at her from three different directions. The scream that shot out of Sophia’s mouth was purely reflexive. The attacks that followed absolutely weren’t.
Sophia brought Inexorabilis around, bringing it low to hit the first spider on the right, then up to get the one in the middle and low again to get the creature on the far side. This time, the side of the blade didn’t hit the monsters, but rather the edge. It sliced through them and the pieces fell to the red earth.
This only seemed to enrage the creepy beasts, which obviously didn’t like watching their mates slaughtered. Not taking the hint that Sophia was a force not to be messed with, they all inched forward, making her take another step back.
You sure you don’t want some fire? Lunis asked.
You get to fly, Sophia replied. Who said anything about fire, though? That seems a lot like magic.
Hey, can I help it if I cough and fire comes out? Lunis argued.
Sophia shrugged and guessed the dragon had found another loophole for using magic, but she wasn’t going to chance it and have to start over. Keep your fire to yourself, Sophia stated as an idea occurred to her.
The spiders were inching in closer to her, and she sensed they were about to attack, probably all at once. Before that happened, she had to reduce their numbers drastically.
Sidestepping, Sophia was careful to keep the pack of spiders in her sights. They moved in concert with her, scampering to make up for the distance she tried to put between them. They were planning something. Sophia wasn’t sure how she knew, but the way they moved in formation told her they were working together—a strange, silent communication obviously happening among them.
Sophia’s eyes darted to the fire she’d made when it was to the side of them.
The arachnids’ gazes shifted to the fire as if they were figuring it out.
These were smart, magical spiders, she guessed.
I don’t see why I don’t get to use magic when I’m fighting a bunch of magical creatures, Sophia complained. She was going to have to make her move soon.
Because life isn’t fair, Lunis said. On a side note, kangaroo tastes pretty good. Could use some barbeque sauce, though.
What does it taste like? Sophia asked, careful not to give the spiders any hint of what she was planning.
Kind of like venison and buffalo, Lunis described.
You’ve had buffalo? she questioned.
No, but an ancestor did, he replied.
Sophia nodded, and to her surprise, all the spiders nodded too, copying her movement. “That’s odd,” she muttered.
They are mirroring you in an effort to understand what you’re going to do next, Lunis offered.
Oh, so if I do this… Sophia said, sidestepping three feet to the right.
All the spiders followed her action, hurrying in the same direction.
She jumped and the spiders all hopped.
I don’t get it, Sophia mused to her dragon.
I don’t think they do either, Lunis said. Try doing something defensive.
Okay, Sophia said, taking a step backward.
All the spiders took one step in her direction.
Okay, Lunis said, intrigued. Now try doing something offensive.
Sophia lifted Inexorabilis.
The spiders all posed, rising up on the tips of their legs and growing taller.
What does this mean? she asked Lunis.
It means that with what you’re planning, Lunis answered, you better be ready for retaliation. They will respond to you in kind. Retreat, and they will follow. Try to get away, and they will match your movements. Attack, and they will, too.
What if I smile at them and give compliments? Sophia questioned.
You can try it, Lunis answered.
“Hey, guys,” Sophia began with a smile. “You all sure are interesting.”
All the spiders crouched like they were part of the same beast. Their red eyes bulged as they hugged the ground, and they appeared like they were about to spring.
No compliments, Lunis exclaimed. They don’t like to be softened up.
“You guys sure are ugly,” Sophia spat, grimacing at the angry spiders.
To Sophia’s surprise, a dozen of the giant spiders hopped into the air and fell back down, landing on their backs with their legs flicking like they had just kicked the bucket.
Can this be possible? she asked the dragon.
Interesting, he mused. It appears that like the old adage, words do break their bones.
That’s so odd, Sophia mused, edging farther to the side. The remaining spiders copied her movement. So if I run, they’ll follow. If I attack, they’ll retaliate. And if I criticize them, they’ll kick the bucket.
Yes, but I’d warn you against throwing out a bunch of insults, Lunis said. There are a lot more of them than you, and I don’t think you can kill them all with words.
What makes you think that? she asked.
Well, try it, he suggested.
Sophia focused on the family of angry spiders. “Hey, guys, you sure are pretty dumb.”
Again, a dozen spiders jumped and then landed on their backs, their legs kicking. However, three of the largest flew straight at her face. She screamed, ducking as the first passed over her head. One went by her arm, scratching her with its long pincers. The other attached itself to her leg, holding on furiously with its legs.
“What?” she exclaimed. “Get off!”
Sophia threw a punch at the spider’s head as it sank its teeth into her leg. She screamed from the pain, her voice echoing over the Outback.
Hey, you scared the kangaroo away, Lunis complained.
Sophia raised her sword and thrust it down like a toothpick, spearing the spider attached to her and making it release her. Instantly, her leg throbbed from the bite.
Sorry, not sorry, she said to Lunis. What’s the deal with these things.
Some appear to be copycats, Lunis stated. Some are young enough that they are hurt by words.
And the rest? Sophia said, backing up and watching as the two other spiders who had attacked her rejoined the group
.
They are murderous and out for blood, Lunis told her. It’s pretty interesting because just one approach won’t work on these guys. If you attack, some will retaliate. If you insult, some will die.
And if I retreat? Sophia suggested, favoring her leg as she sidestepped.
Then they are going to come after you and most likely attack, stripping the flesh off your bones, Lunis explained.
Sophia gulped. Okay, then it’s time for a two-pronged approach.
I like it, Lunis said, already privy to her idea by spying her thoughts. Fight the aggressive ones with force and the sensitive ones with words, but you better be fast because one false move and you’re spider food.
Thanks, Sophia said, grateful to be in position. All of the spiders’ eyes were locked on her, even though the small campfire she built stood between her and them. They didn’t seem to notice, or maybe they didn’t realize she had positioned herself there for a specific reason.
She was absolutely certain they knew what she was planning when her eyes skipped to the homemade eucalyptus bombs lying a few feet away. She’d made extra, not knowing if the first would be enough. Now she was glad she had.
They all tensed, about to spring in her direction in a collective attack.
Sophia moved fast, using the speed of the chi of the dragon to drop her sword and grab a bomb in each hand. She hurled them at the spiders, ensuring they passed through the fire on their way.
“You hairy little beasts need a total makeover,” Sophia spat as the bombs exploded in the pack, sending up spider parts. The guts rained down from the sky, landing all around the survivors. Several sprang up like popcorn kernels and landed on their backs.
That’s your insult? Lunis asked with a laugh. “You need a makeover?” Why don’t you tell them they are only of average intelligence?
Sophia had four more bombs. She launched two of them as the creatures broke out in total chaos.
I’m a bit preoccupied here, Sophia retorted as another dozen spiders exploded. Why don’t you be in charge of the insults?
