“Hey, you. You can’t drive. Come here, you.”
“Pee.”
“Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.” I ran inside, helped Bay take her pants all the way off because she insisted, and then helped her back into them. I forgot about breakfast, but only until Kit called, face timing me on the way to work.
“Hey,” I answered with the phone pointed to Bay in the backseat.
“Hi, Bay! Are you going to school today? Mommy loves you so much. You be a big girl and I will talk to you in a couple days, and then I will talk to you every day, okay? You can tell me all about your day, and I’ll tell you about mine. I love you.”
“Say, bye, Mommy.”
Bay waved an arm from the backseat, feet kicking excitedly. “Bye.”
“Did she eat good?”
Not wanting her to see the expression on my face when I lied to her, I turned the camera off on our call. “Yeah, pretty good. How was your flight?”
“Fine, this is the one I’m dreading. Ugh. Did she brush her teeth and take her vitamin?”
“Yes, she did. Hey, I gotta go. I’m pulling into the church parking lot now,” I said as I gave a right turn signal, lying my ass off, sucking at my first day of being a dad. I tried to tell her this was a bad idea.
“Okay, give her a kiss for me.”
“I will. Have a safe trip. I’ll talk to you in a couple days.”
“Sooner if I get the chance. Love you, Bay,” she called, tone a little choked up, but strong.
Even though she was the one who chose to do this, I did feel bad, and I knew it was hard on her. That made it hard to be a dick and remind her this was all her. I hung up and looked at Bay through the rearview mirror.
“Next time wake up and help me out,” I accused, pulling up to the window of McDonalds, deciding I’d better give the kid some food. My first day and I already sucked, but I did bring the Bay Bible. I knew my kids left my class for lunch, recess, music, art, gym, and something else that I couldn’t remember, but I wasn’t sure when or where. I was for sure doing some reading before I picked her up and spent the entire night with her alone.
I pulled to the front of the church and cleaned hash-browns and smashed up biscuit from my backseat. Bay was a greasy mess, and her hair looked like she fell into a bowl of butter, head first. That was right after I told her not to touch her hair. Lucky for me, my favorite Garth Brooks shirt was in the backseat, a nice grease stain over the Garth part later and we were good to go. Mostly. I couldn’t do anything about the ketchup stain on her shirt. Maybe smear it a little more.
“Christ, kid. Did you get any in your belly?”
Bay laughed at me and reached for her scraggly looking T-Rex. “Phil.”
Once I got to the daycare class all the way down stairs, Sister Dawn met me at the door, a noticeable glance from Bay to me.
“What?” I questioned.
“Nothing, does she have a bag?”
“A bag of what?”
“Things, extra clothes in case of accident’s or spills,” she asked while reaching for Bay, eyes darting to the stain smeared on her white shirt.
My eyes went to Bay, but not because I felt like an idiot for forgetting to bring her bag. The one that her mother already had packed for her. It wasn’t that at all. Bay tightened her legs around me and clasped my shirt with her little hands. She held a death grip and whined, climbing up my body like a monkey to get away from Sister Dawn.
I tried to get her to look at me when she wrapped her arms around my neck and held on tight, not about to let go of me. It shattered my heart. She didn’t want me to leave her. “Hey, it’s okay, Bay. You’re going to stay here while Daddy goes to work and then I’ll come and get you, okay?”
“Look, Bay. Do you want to help Carter at the water table? He’s trying things that float. Do you want to play?”
My feet led me to Carter all on their own. I squatted and handed Bay a little red boat as I lightly placed her on the floor. She took it and placed it on top of the water and Carter gave it a shove. Bay giggled and splashed her hand, leaving wet polka dots all over my shirt. Sister Dawn distracted her again with the boat, waving me out. I didn’t want to leave her like that. I wanted to say goodbye, and promise to come back, but I didn’t. I watched her run around the table to fetch the boat, forgetting all about me while I backed away.
My attempt to be prompt and on time for my first day of school was rendering me a fool. I brushed my hand over the fading dots on my shirt as I made my was across the parking lot. Of course, I was way in the back, probably the last teacher to arrive.
“You’re not out front yet? Rydell is going to kill you.”
“I’m going,” I assured Wendi with a snarl. Bitch needed to mind her own business. It wasn’t like I was needed. I was sure Rydell had it all under control.
“Oh, my God. Get down there and move some cars,” Rydell yelled from the upper end, directing one hell of a traffic jam, trying to anyway.
Two cars sat corner to corner, trying to get in first, neither of them willing to budge. I tried to get the guy on the right to move, but he pointed to the car on his ass, unable to back up even an inch. The guy on the left could have backed up, but that would have meant getting the guy trying to come up the right to backup. I couldn’t blink. I stood there like an idiot, wondering what to do.
“What are you doing? Go get in my car and move it up.”
I nodded to Gabriella Pierce and walked away, obeying her commands like a broken robot. I said hi to her three kids and watched ahead. Gabriella took over and moved the line while Rydell stood at the other end, forming a C into the air, her body bending to form the letter.
“What the hell is she doing? Shit, I mean, sorry kids. Don’t cuss, it’s bad, but don’t tell on me.”
The little ones laughed from the backseat and promised not to tell. This was not going to be fun.
“My daddy gives us money for not telling our mommy,” Ophelia assured me, matter of fact like.
“Is this a bribe? You want money?”
“Can I?”
I frowned at her attempt to extort a payment from me, but found it cute that she asked permission first. With my hand held behind my head, I made a deal. “No, but look me up later, I’ll sneak you a piece of gum. Deal?”
“Deal,” she agreed with a high-five.
By the time we made it to their mother, I had learned a lot. Gabriella was in an accident with her identical twin. She had amnesia and she didn’t remember who she was, and her sister died. Vander wasn’t her kid, but he lived with them now, and they were expecting a baby in the spring.
I took a deep breath, finally waving the last car away, exhausted before school ever started. “Holy shit, thanks for the warning.”
Rydell crossed her arms and stormed past me. “I did warn you. You don’t listen. I’m not doing this all year. If you can’t be responsible enough to get here on time then find another job. Be here in this spot at seven-thirty every morning.”
“You don’t know anything about me.”
“And I don’t want to. This is about work. About this carpool hell. That’s it. Nothing else.”
The bell rang, shutting her up and sending her storming off. “I hope your day is as nice as your ass.”
Rydell didn’t say anything, but I was sure had I been able to see her face, it would have been an open book. Following her back to the courtyard, I watched kids scramble, darting into rooms all around me. Including mine. Oh boy.
I cautiously stepped into the room, watching the roomful of kids skeptically. Two boys argued over a hook in one of the cubby’s, two more bickered over a corner desk, a few kids went straight for the toys, and one boy raised his hand.
“Yeah, you. I pick you.”
“Hey, can I tell you something?”
“Yeah, sure.”
The kid lifted his chin toward the ceiling and straightened his spine, arms stiff at both sides. “Will I be assigned a seat in the near future, or shall I take it upon
myself to decide for myself where I would like to sit.”
WTF? “Just sit. All of you sit, come on. Pack in here, guys.”
That was fairly easy. Seven-year-olds listened way better than Bay did. I stopped the argument over the corner desk, and directed the kids to sit down. As nervous and out of place as I felt, I knew I couldn’t let them see that. Just like I would in front of a crowd of people, I didn’t show weakness. I may have been new, but I wasn’t brand-new.
“Okay, so, I’m Mr. Jandt, but you can call me Mr. J. ” I said with my back toward my class, scribbling Mr. J on the board and then underlining it. When I turned around, Harry Potter had his hand up again.
“What?” I asked, not even trying to hide the sarcasm. Me and this kid were going to have some issues. I could already tell.
Everyone else sat quietly waiting for instructions. He stood like a soldier, demanding my attention.
“Hey, can I tell you something?”
“Yes, and you don’t have to ask every time. Just tell me.”
“I don’t have to raise my hand?”
“Yes, you have to raise your hand. You don’t have to ask if you can tell me something. What is it?”
“Oh, well, do you want to know my name?”
“Not really. Sit down. I’m going to take roll.”
I spun around, wondering where that list might be, scratching my head. “Oh, the hub.”
Principle Day’s voice came over the loudspeaker, welcoming everyone back for another year. I half paid attention to Miss Day wishing a couple kids happy birthday, talk about basketball tryouts, and something about confession. That caught my attention, but I had zero details. I was too busy trying to get the stupid hub to open up so I could find my names.
“Got it. Okay, listen up. When I call your name, raise your hand so that I can put a name with your face.”
“But what if we want to keep our names with our own face?”
My eyes looked up to Tori Spelling, arm still in the air. “What? Never mind. Just raise your hand and say here when I call your name.”
I tried like hell to ignore Harry, waving his arm to my left, but he made it impossible. Especially when he added the grunts. “What?”
“Can I tell you something?”
“Yup, go right ahead.”
“Well, I already met you, but it’s okay if you forgot my name. I forget sometimes, too.”
“That’s great. Can you sit on your hands long enough for me to get through this?”
That might have been a little over the line. The kid looked at me puzzled, moving his hands below his desk, trying to determine whether or not he should do it.
“Not really. Just sit there with your arm down. Kayla Booth.”
“Here.”
Ahhh, Tori Spelling had a name. “Damion Long, Chuck Ker, Brady Stewart, Elizabeth Helmic, Candi Cane.” Really? Candy Cane? “Simon Worthington.”
“Oh, oh, can I tell you something?”
I looked over to Harry Potter, walking his glasses up the bridge of his nose by crinkling it up, and then finishing it with a straight finger.
“No, Simon. I just told you not to raise your hand anymore.”
“Well, this is very important.”
An open hand gave him the floor, and he took it. “Well, my name is Simon Sir Winston Charles Worthington the third. My family comes from the oil business and I’m going to be the CEO of Worthington Oil. That’s why my father wanted me to attend St. Augustine. Because it’s rated one of the highest academic schools in Florida. You have to be very smart to run a company like Worthington Oil.”
“You’re in trouble, kid.”
Again the kid looked at me dumbfounded. I reminded him once again to stop raising his hand and continued around the class, finally stopping at Danny DeVito. I mean Drake Watson. I swear the kid was a mini DeVito, right down to his short pudgy stance. With a hairline like that, the kid was doomed. He’d be bald by the time he made it out of high school. Guaranteed.
Rowan Pierce was my Godsend, a blessing in disguise. She politely told me that we were supposed to pray next, explaining in my ear how to do it, starting with the sign of the cross, and staring up to the crucifix. Rowan led the group and I followed along, repeating the prayer in my head. That wasn’t so bad. I looked at my half-ass plans, deciding on health next.
“Hey, can I tell you something?”
“No, Simon, you can’t. Okay, let’s learn about nutrition.”
I winged it. I taught the kids and myself stuff I was sure I had learned along the way at some point or another, but for the first time, I paid attention and actually learned something. Bay was for sure having something nutritious for breakfast from now on. My SUV would be happy about that.
Although most of my second graders were annoying, they listened well. We made it through a worksheet of high protein foods that I found online when I got tired of fighting with iPads. Nobody could seem to do the same thing at the same time. What the hell happened to books with real pages? This school was no doubt all about technology.
Next came math and another downloaded book. I was cool with evolving with the rest of the world, but this was a little ridiculous. They were second graders, for Christ’s sake. Instead of fighting with everyone and their electronics, I chose an interactive way to teach them. Nine girls against eight boys, and then Rowan Pierce. She stood in front of the class with me holding a blue nerf ball, wearing a huge smile.
“Okay, Rowan, when I call out the question you throw the ball to Tori Spelling. I mean Kayla. Throw the ball to Kayla. Kayla if you can answer the question in five seconds or less, your team gets a point. If not, you have to throw it back to Rowan and she’ll toss it to the boys for a shot. Got it?”
Of course, Harry Potter had to tell me something. His arm waved frantically while his body squirmed and he grunted.
“What, Simon?”
“Hey, can I tell you something?”
“Yup.”
“Okay, well, I think we should have team names, and I think we should have captains.”
The only reason I even gave it a thought was for my own benefit. I had to piss. “Perfect. You have three minutes to come up with a team name. I’m going to run to the restroom, and when I come back we’ll start. Rowan is in charge.”
“Aye-yai-yai,” I said, as I stepped outside to some poor little boy getting a lecture outside of Mrs. Brinkley’s class.
“Okay, go take your seat. Last warning before you sit out at recess, got it?”
The boy nodded and walked back inside, and Rydell turned on me. “What are you doing?”
“Um, going to take a piss. Why?”
“You can’t just leave your class alone like that.”
“Why? I’m teaching them responsibility, and I didn’t leave them alone. I put Rowan Pierce in charge. Besides, they’re busy picking team names for a basketball game.”
“A game. That’s nice. Did you plan on teaching them anything, or you just gonna play games all year and hope they can pass?”
I took a step toward Rydell with narrowed eyes and a sultry tone. “How about you teach your class and I’ll teach mine?”
“We have a curriculum to follow.”
“Yeah, I’m following it. I’ve got to go. I’ll see you around.”
Rydell didn’t respond with words, just a little snotty puff of air, and her back walking away from me. When I returned, the door between our classes was opened and my class was silent, everyone sitting like still mice in their desks.
I winked at Rydell first with my hand on the handle and then interrupted her lecture on mental math. In my defense, I did wait until she finished her sentence before speaking.
“Sorry you guys got the mean teacher. Maybe you can ask your parents to come to my class. We’re getting ready to play a game.”
Rydell walked toward me with a smirk, but our eyes did that thing. That one thing I couldn’t really explain. They stayed locked in a trance while she shut the door in my face.
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That’s about how the entire day went. She tried to tell me what to do, and I didn’t listen. I did my own thing, but stayed between the lines. If Miss Day walked in, we’d be learning just like Mrs. Brinkley’s class, only way cooler.
I walked up to the church to see Bay while my class was at lunch, but I didn’t get to see her. She was sound asleep on her own little cot with her name at the top, Phil tucked under her little cheek. I spent my free time reading the notebook, word for word this time. No more quick runs through McDonalds. I made it to page two before Rydell barged in.
“Your class can’t be over here yelling like that while I’m trying to teach mine.”
“Yelling?” I questioned, head down and eyes up.
“Yeah, you think my kids don’t hear the fun your kids are having? It’s a distraction, and this is a classroom, not a basketball court. Maybe you should stop worrying about writing songs and learn something about being a teacher.”
I looked down to the instructions written in pen and back to Rydell. “What is wrong with you? It’s like you have this mental beef with me, but I have no idea why. What the hell?”
“Me? What is wrong with me? There is nothing wrong with me.”
“Yeah, little Miss Perfect. That’s why you teach seven-year-olds by day and dance half naked in bars at night.”
“Fuck you, Brantley. You have no room to judge me. You’re the snake hiding your family while you hit on everything with a vagina.”
“I’m not hiding shit. I’m an open book, and I don’t have a family. I have a daughter.”
“Right, with a mommy and I don’t care. Just keep it down over here or I’m going to have to report you to Mrs. Day.”
I bobbed my head a little, giving her permission. “You go ahead and do that. I’m anxious to see who wins that one.”
I Pick You Page 13
