by A. J. Jacobs
puns generously classified as
Jonah:
anger issues of
in “great fish” or “whale,”
Joplin, Janis
Joseph (son of Jacob)
Jacob’s favoring of
Rachel’s divinely assisted conception of
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor, Dreamcoat,
Joshua, reconciling science with the sun stopping for
Josie and the Pussycats,
“Journal of By-gone Years: The Smuckers,”
Jubilee Harps
Jubilee USA Network
Jubilee year
debts forgiven, workers stay home, markets collapse in
plan to forgive third-world debt in
Judah, Judeans:
prophetic warnings to
Samaritans hated by
Judaism:
Ashkenazi, polygamy banned by
biblical interpretation in
Catholicism and Protestantism compared with
“deed over creed” as slogan of
food-related ideas about
holidays in
kindness to animals in
life trumping all (or nearly all) in
oral vs. written law in
original biblical intent in
reconciling biblical realities with
Judge, Mike, beaten to fantasy punch
Judgment at Nuremberg, atheism linked to
Judith, Holofernes seduced and beheaded by
kabbalists, white-wearing
kaparot, ritual of
Botox and transubstantiation compared with
money used in tamer versions of
summarized experience of
kaparot, ritual of (cont.)
vicariously sinful chickens used in
see also chickens, ritual
Karaite calendar
Karaite Korner
Karaites:
extreme, but safe diet of
theological minimalism of
why it’s best to forgo the “Mazal tov” with
Kate, Aunt
circumcision encouraged by
consequences in Friday visit of
as ex-uncle Gil’s ex-wife
on filial disrespect
as former cult follower
kaparot as practiced by
meshuga nephew rebuked for overlooking oral tradition by
on metaphor of the clutching wife
mother driven to sticking tongue out at Hasidim by
whoopee cushion gift of
why AJ fretted over Jasper’s toy blocks from
Ken (atheist leader)
Kennedy, D. James
Kennedy, John F.
Kerby, Carl, pop culture monitored by
Kevin (Bible study coleader)
Khayyam, Omar, as bathroom reading
Kill Bill,
Kings, First Book of, on those who pisseth against a wall (slay them all)
Kings, Second Book of, additional adult language in
Kissinger, Henry, inner and outer nature of
Knitting Factory
Know-It-All, The (Jacobs)
AJ quizzed by creationist on
checking reviews and sales ranking of
cross-eyed woman fetish references in
last recycled line from
optioned for a movie
postpartum downer in completion of
kohanim, sacred hand gesture of
kosher rules
Kosher Sex (Boteach)
lamb, Passover sacrifice of
Lamb Chop (sock puppet)
lamb juice
Lane, Robin
language laws:
of Amish minimalism
20 percent of AJ’s sentences lost to
see also forbidden speech; forbidden words
lashon hara (evil tongue)
see also forbidden speech
laws, biblical:
bizarre and ethically advanced, at times on same page
Christian distinction between, “moral” and “ritual,”
inexplicable, obedience to
in Torah, a total of 613 (AJ’s list is longer)
see also rules, biblical
Lee, Tommy, Thursday night with
LeHaye Ice Hockey Arena
Lennon, John
Leopard-skin Bustier Woman, lust avoidance attempted on
Lev (Israeli) (and fellow germaphobe), tithing negotiated with
Levi, cousin, quirky but compelling beliefs of
Leviticus, Book of:
on “an eye for an eye,”
author of food and sex prohibitions in (P)
on beasts you can eat
on birds you can’t eat
on daily payment of servant’s wages
on eating no manner of blood
on fruit forbidden from recently planted tree
on homosexuality
on the Jubilee year
on leaving your gleanings for the poor
on loving your neighbor as yourself
on making restitution
on not confusing wife with mother
on not mixing fibers
on not trimming beards
on not trimming the sides either
on period of male impurity
on rabbit’s dietary habits
on refraining from gossip
on rising in the presence of the aged
on the Sabbath year
sex acts in Aristocrats banned by
on stealing
on stoning adulterers
on which insects one may eat, if one is so inclined
on woman’s period of impurity
Lewis, C. S.:
on Jesus without divinity
on pretending vs. being better than you are
Lewis, Shari
Liar, Liar,
liberation motif
Liberty University, forbidden things at
Liddell, Eric, on feeling God’s pleasure
Lieberman, Joe
lies, lying
to the Falwell folks
to help the poor
how to cut back on
“noncommittal compliments,”
parental, inevitability of
size, taste, and colorlessness of
today’s, just a sample of
life:
AJ’s entry in the Book of
as balance sheet
as challenging jigsaw puzzle
curveballs of
Ecclesiastes on the uncertainties of
improved by believing in God
as Judaic priority
vitalist view of
see also everything
Lisle, Jason
Longfellow, Henry Wadsworth
loopholes, ethical:
bird-headed humans (as allowable images)
for Christian polygamy
of edible bugs in otherwise restrictive diet
in restricting animal sacrifice
in stoning adulterers
Looy, Mark
Lot:
God’s warning to
two anti-Israelite nations the result of two succeeding intemperate nights for
Lot’s wife, family events missed by
Lott, Clyde
love:
for God, like love for wife
for the sinner, not the sin
unconditional
for your neighbor
Lower East Side, cuisine of
Lubavitcher sect of Hasidim
Luke, Gospel of
on the blessed poor
on choosing God over all else
on forgiveness
on Jesus proclaiming Jubilee year
on John the Baptist in the womb
on the Samaritan’s compassion
lust avoidance
AJ’s apartment cleared for
day job’s effect on
keeping eyes on ground as aid to
in strategy number one (she’s the princess,
you’re the peasant)
in strategy number two (she’s your mother)
in strategy number three (recite Bible passages to yourself)
in strategy number four (focus on the complete person)
when finance page is a turn-on
Lutherans
Lynchburg, Va.
Maccabees
magicians, killing of
Mahalalel, Florida elders approaching age of
Maharishi Mahesh Yogi
Mail Boxes Etc., impatience and wrath at
Maimonides:
on religious food laws
613 rules compiled by
Maker’s Diet, The (Rubin)
mandrakes, Rachel’s disappointing use of
March, Fredric
Margie (Julie’s friend), foot washing offered to
marijuana, Bible often scanned for a favorable word on
Mark, Gospel of:
on picking up serpents
on plucking out the sinful eye
on rendering unto Caesar and God, accordingly
Mark (friend)
marriage:
celibacy said to be superior to
easy-to-follow steps for introducing polygamy into
Jesus’ theoretical firsthand knowledge of
levirate
no-touching ban not necessarily bad for
wife avoidance as monthly ritual in
Marti, Aunt:
as anticircumcisionist (or proprepucist)
in family photo shoots
going vegetarian in honor of
honey banned by
on religious words to avoid
Martin, Steve, “King Tut” song of
masturbation:
in objections to IVF
Onan mistakenly remembered for
Mather, Increase
Matisyahu, in top three
Matthew, Gospel of:
on committing adultery in your heart
on eunuchs in kingdom of heaven
on forgiveness
on giving to the poor
on Golden Rule
Jesus affirms and supersedes Old Testament in
on Jesus bringing not peace but a sword
Jonah’s “whale” found in
on judging not
Matthew (preacher)
matzohs
making and solitary consuming of
Mazal tov
megachurches
Memphis (Nancy’s dog), AJ’s success in finding a home for
men, discussing emissions with (this isn’t about global warming, as such)
Mental Floss,
Messianic Age:
Lubavitcher view of
music improved in
metaphors:
actualized by AJ
being born again
Bible as divine snapshot
biblical, fundamentalist recognition of
bungee jumping
chopping off opponent’s wife’s clutching hand
hating parents, wife, children, siblings, and own life
for life
literalized by prophets
for loving God
the Matrix wager
picking up serpents
plucking out an eye
sex drive as a roaring dragon
on tefillin wearing
twins Perez and Zerah
verbal pollution
wearing all white
see also food metaphors
Methuselah
mezuzahs
Micah, Book of, on justice and mercy
Michael (Jehovah’s Witness)
AJ’s out-Bible-talking of
on blood transfusions
Witness doctrine and FAQs explicated by
Michal, modesty issues followed by infertility of
Midler, Bette, where else she precedes Midrash
Midrash:
bloodletting vs. peace as viewed in
on how Jacob’s neck was saved
on how parting the Red Sea was managed
meanings of
Miles, Jack
Milton, Don
mind:
openness of
wandering of, during prayer
miracles, scientific explanations of
misinterpretations, biblical: of “an eye for an eye,”
of being fruitful and multiplying
of boiling baby goat in its mother’s milk
of “Sin of Onan
mistranslations, biblical:
of Gehenna, an ancient garbage dump, now “hell
of “kill” for “murder
of “leprosy” for generic skin disease
of “locusts” for “carob pods
of Moses’ “horns” for “qaran” or beams of light
of the rabbit “chews its cud” for “re-eats its food
of “Red Sea” for “Sea of Reeds,”
of “steal” for “kidnap
of words like “impurity” and “unclean,”
Moab, mother’s ill-considered plan to repopulate the world with
moral relativism, swimming in the muddy soup of
Mormonism
Morrow, Jimmy
as affable fundamentalist
speaking in tongues by
Morrow, Jimmy (cont.)
as sympathetic to LBJ Democrats and Falwell eschatologists
varieties of poisonous serpents handled by
Moses
as ever a slave to goodness
five books of; see also Torah
forty days spent listening to God by
God in two-sided argument with
God’s first words to
God’s parting words to
Israelites commanded to write God’s words on doorposts by
Israelites impatient for return of
Jesus compared with
at Red Sea (movie version)
righteous anger of
sacred anointing oil made with, God’s recipe by
shepherding experience useful to
mosh pits, Hasidic-style
Most Perplexing Rules:
admonition to chop off opponent’s wife’s clutching hand
ban on wearing clothes of mixed fibers
capital punishment
circumcision
purification using perfect red cow; see also red heifer
Most Violated Rules
lying, gossip, anger, and touching impure things included in
not making images of any kind
vanity and coveting might also be mentioned
mother, one’s own, thinking of pretty woman as
mother, pigeon’s, respect for
mother-son relationships, Julie’s hopeful study of
movies
“R,” “X,” or “NC-17
sanitized versions of
Muhammad, riots over published cartoon depictions of
multiplying, see being fruitful and multiplying
murder:
as appropriate word in Sixth, Commandment
evil tongue compared to
penalty for
Muslims
Third Temple location problematic for
see also Islam
myrrh, buying and smelling of
Nachshon, Red Sea’s timely parting for
Nancy (neighbor)
book idea of
death of
hallway conversation with
on her sketch of Jimi Hendrix
home found for pet dog of
as Jasper’s unofficial godmother
memorial service for
Natalia (niece), bat mitzvah of
Nathan, parable of greedy rich man told to King David by
Nazirites, strict rules of
Nebuchadnezzar, Hebrew faithful unscorched by
Negev Desert
Nerf bat, Jasper spanked with, laughing hysterically
Neta (TV producer)
New Catholic Dictionary,
; New Testament (Christian Bible)
circumcision optional at best in
guidance on Christmas absent in
hammering out approach to
heavenly reward promised in
on obedience to human institutions
polygamy not overturned by
see also Bible; specific books
New York City:
beards observed at fertility clinics of
coveting as energizer of
multicellular organisms in tap water of
return of the neorighteous to
70 percent of talk in
traffic signals as helpful hints in
ultrareligious compatriots in
walking around with exposed cash in
New York City Atheists
New Yorker,
New York Times,
Nicodemus, “born again” confusing to
Nimoy, Leonard, racy use of tefillin by
9/11, God’s judgment as cause of
1976 Plymouth Valiant, odor of sanctity in
Nineveh, Jonah’s refusal to preach to
Ninth Commandment
see also perjury
Noah:
as first flesh eater
Ham’s mocking of
if he were alive today
Noah’s Ark
biblical instructions for building of (cubits, gopher wood, etc.)
cute toys based on
Darwinian evolution at odds with
Noah’s Ark: A Feasibility Study,
animal exercise, ventilation system, explosive gases covered in
Numbers, Book of:
on attaching blue thread to tassels
on the perfect red heifer
on those who fell on their faces
on wearing tassels
obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
religions preeminent in
October religious holidays
Office Space,
Old Testament
creationism tied to
see also Hebrew Bible; Torah; specific books
olive oil lamps
Onan, eponymous sin pinned on
144,000 pious souls, Heaven reserved for
Ono, Yoko, guru troubles of
oral laws:
Aunt Kate’s reproachful reminder of
received by Moses on mountaintop
theological minimalist rejection of
Origen, over-hasty self-castration of
Orthodox Jews, see Jews, Orthodox oxen, sacrifice of
paganism
Palestinians
Palm Treo, wrongs recorded as “Stuff” on
pantheism
paper cuts, painless slaughter likened to
parenting
of Bart Simpson vs. Flanders kids
cultist chill in
parenting (cont.)
dangers in loosey-goosey style of
favoritism toward a twin in
at feeding time
free will and Purell applied in
hand spared “as object of love” in
as inevitably dishonest
Nerf bat used with predictable results in
nightmare scenario in
overprotectiveness in
painful battles in
predominance of males in
