by Bella Jewel
I look into his eyes.
And I want to believe him, I do.
But he’s wrong.
It is my fault.
And Caiden might never recover.
~*~*~*~
AMALIE – NOW
“Amalie!”
I hear my mother’s screeching it’s that loud. It’s blurred, but I don’t miss the tone of my name. I turn and see her at my door. No wonder I heard it. I’m just finished getting dressed to go to the cookout and have just put the last curl in my hair when she came roaring into my room, waving her arms around. It’s not often I can hear without looking directly at someone, but she is certainly making a scene.
“What’s the matter?”
My voice is tired, I know it is, and I honestly don’t feel like putting up with her constant nagging tonight. I wish she would go home. I love her, she’s my mother, but I need my alone time again. My own space has become vital to me. It has become everything. The only way I can remember how to breathe again without my demons suffocating me.
“There is a biker at the door!”
Malakai.
Well, I knew that him arriving to pick me up would go down well, but she was going to find out eventually. Quite frankly, I’m surprised she hasn’t noticed them yet.
“Yes.”
Her eyes bulge and she comes closer, getting in my space, whispering even though she knows damn well I can’t hear her no matter what she does. I want to roll my eyes, and I hate myself for that because I’ve never been the type to act like a brat.
So, instead, I listen.
“What in the name of heaven are you doing hanging around bikers?”
I know she’s whisper-yelling; I can tell by the way her mouth moves, by her body language. When you take sound away, you can read a lot about a person by the way their mouth moves, their expressions, and their body movements. It’s quite incredible, really. You learn a lot more about people when their voices are no longer your focus.
“Scarlett’s boyfriend is part of the club and so they’ve been protecting us. You should be thankful; without them I would be in a lot more danger than I am.”
Her eyes get wider. Oh, yes, this is going down beautifully.
“You’re joking, right?”
I exhale. “No, Mom, I’m not. They’re good people.”
“And you’re … going out with one! What about Caiden?”
God.
I’m so tired of dramatics.
“I’m not going out with one, I’m going to a cookout tonight with Scarlett. And Caiden and I aren’t together, you know this.”
She crosses her arms angrily over her chest. “Yes, we know why.”
Here we go.
“Mom, please, for once I wish I could go a whole day without feeling guilt. Let me, I beg of you. I’m going out, purely because I’m a grown woman and I don’t actually have to ask.”
“You can’t be serious!” she says, throwing her hands into the air.
“I’m serious. Now, I can’t keep him waiting.”
“That man looks dangerous!”
I stare at her. “That’s the best part about him. At least I know I’m safe when he’s around.”
Her mouth drops open. I take my purse and step past her, walking down the stairs and to the front door when Malakai is waiting, looking so incredibly gorgeous I stop in my tracks, and for a second, I just stare at him. His beauty is terrifying. He’s wearing faded black jeans with chunky black boots. He’s got his jacket on over a dark fitting grey tee that clings to his chest muscles. His hair is damp, falling over his forehead and curling at the base of his neck.
His eyes, though.
They take my very soul and claim it.
He could own me in one single heartbeat, and I’d never look back.
My cheeks flush when I realize I’ve been staring at him for more than a few seconds. I look down, tangling a curl around my finger and twisting it nervously. I take a shaky breath and look back up. I wonder if I’m overdressed. Mal is staring at me, his eyes running down the length of my body, making my heart beat so fast it feels as though it’s going to launch out of my chest.
I’m wearing a pair of blue jeans and a halter neck tee. My hair is down, washed and curled, and I have on my favorite pair of black boots. I didn’t want to look completely out of place. I meet Mal’s eyes and one side of his mouth jerks up into an absolutely heartbreaking grin. “Ready to go, darlin’?”
I nod, and walk toward the door. I take one step out and my mother takes my arm. I spin toward her and stare into her wide eyes. She looks from Malakai to me, then back to him. Finally, after scrutinizing him for a minute, she meets my gaze. “You aren’t going out tonight.”
“Mom,” I say, patting the hand she has on my arm. “I’m safe. And I’m going.”
“You can’t do this,” she says, giving me a look that says “you know what I’m talking about."
Caiden.
Always Caiden.
“I can do this, please don’t cause a scene.”
“If you go, Amalie, I’m going to be so bitterly disappointed in you.”
I’m tired of those words.
Everyone disappointed in me. Everyone let down by my presence. I’m so damned tired of always feeling like the thorn in everyone’s side. I’m about to open my mouth, and say what, I don’t know. Maybe agree with her to get her off my back. Maybe argue with her because I’m tired of it. I’ll never know what would have come out of my mouth, because a hard hand touches my shoulder and I turn to see Malakai standing behind me, staring at my mother.
I read every word that leaves his lips.
“Don’t know you, don’t claim to. What I do know is no woman should ever speak to her daughter the way you just spoke to yours. Last time I checked, she’s a grown ass girl. Last time I checked, that meant she could do whatever she pleased. Using emotional blackmail ain’t the act of a good mother. As I said, don’t know you, don’t care to, but I do know her, and pardon me, ma’am, but she’s a fuckin’ angel. And I’m takin’ her with me. Goodnight.”
Without giving my mother a chance to respond, he curls an arm around my waist and hauls me against him, and then we’re moving down the front path toward his … motorcycle. I stare at it and come to a stop, but that doesn’t deter him in the slightest. He doesn’t give me a chance to fight against him and tell him no. He plucks a helmet from the seat, spins around, and brings it down over my head.
Then he climbs onto the bike and looks at me.
He is not taking no for an answer.
I turn and glance at my mother, who is staring at us, horrified.
A choice, really.
For the first time in such a long time, I’m getting a choice.
So, I turn, and I climb on the bike.
-5-
NOW – AMALIE
The second the motorcycle starts up, I can feel its power beneath me. It starts as a rumble that travels through my body, and then, when Malakai takes off, it’s a force that has me clinging to him, a loud squeal coming from my throat. I’m utterly terrified, and yet, at the same time, the adrenaline running through my veins makes me feel alive.
So alive.
Faster and faster we go, winding around bends, flying down straights, and all the while my fingers are curled around his waist and into his leather jacket. And I can smell him. All masculine power. He rides the motorcycle like it was born beneath him. He holds it like it is a part of his soul. He’s familiar with it. It’s his home.
He keeps riding until finally slowing to a stop, only I realize we’re not at the clubhouse, but a beautiful park. Rolling snowcapped mountains can be seen in the background and thick lush green trees go for miles. He stops the bike, slides off, and turns to me. I’m still sitting there, hands now on the seat, staring at him.
I don’t really know him, but I do trust him.
I’ve trusted him from the moment I looked into his green eyes.
“What are we doing here?” I ask once
I’ve taken the helmet off.
“You looked wound up. Know when I’m wound up, I don’t want to talk with a bunch of strangers. Thought we could come here for a bit, til’ you chill out.”
I nod, because it sounds like a damned great idea to me. I slide off the motorcycle and we walk until we find a big table and chairs made out of beautiful timber. I sit one side, and he kindly sits on the other so I can see him. The sun is going to set soon, so I know we don’t have a good deal of time, which is a little disappointing.
Sitting here with him, it’s nice.
“Your mother seems … intense.”
I smile softly. “You could say that.”
“She live with you?”
I shake my head.
“You’re a hard one, aren’t you, darlin’? Like a fuckin’ closed book, except all the pages are glued firmly together. You don’t trust anyone, do you?”
I look away for a second, feeling heat in my cheeks. Am I so bad? Maybe so. I just don’t need any more judgement in my life. It’s better if people simply don’t know. I look back to him, but I say nothing. I don’t really know what I can say, except to agree.
“You know, keepin’ secrets locked up, it ain’t healthy. Gotta let those demons out to play eventually.”
I smile a little. “I’m certain demons weren’t made for playing, Malakai.”
He grins at me. “Think you’re probably right about that. Well, keep your book closed, but surely there is somethin’ you can share. Nobody knows a thing about you, let me be the first to find out. Promise I’m as trustworthy as they come. Also promise I have plenty of fuckin’ demons, so you’ll hear no judgement from me.”
I stare into his eyes, and I know he’s telling the truth. “I’m sure that’s not true. You haven’t heard my demons …”
“You ever killed someone, sweetheart?”
My eyes get wide, and for a second, I contemplate my answer. I could say no, because I haven’t, but isn’t taking someone’s life and stripping them of living it, equally as close to killing them? Still, I’ll give him the honest answer, and the simple one. “No.”
“Then can’t say your demons are worse than mine, because I’ve killed, and I’ve done wrong, and I’ve done stupid fuckin’ shit, but you know what? I’m not a bad person. Far from it. People fuck up. It’s in our nature. Now, I shared that with you, so you gotta share somethin’ with me.”
I blink at him.
He said that without pause. Without shame. He spoke his demons like he was in complete control of them. Like he had accepted them and put them to rest. How I wish I could speak with such certainty.
Still, fair was fair.
And I hadn’t spoken about anything to do with my life to anyone, for a very long time.
“What do you want to know?” I ask him.
He studies me, green eyes scouring my face, before dropping to my lips and murmuring, “What happened to your hearing?”
I kind of knew he’d ask that, because it’s the first thing most people ask. People are curious by nature, when you tell them something is wrong with you, they need to know how. If you tell the someone is dead, they need to know how. It’s always a need to know.
“I had a car accident over a year ago, I hit my head hard, and the car also exploded. My inner ear was damaged, one of them ruptured. I’ve had surgery. It helped. At first, I couldn’t hear a single thing. Now I can hear faintly, if I’m really listening. And I can hear some background noise.”
He nods, crossing his big arms in front of him on the table. “Can they fix it any further?”
There is that dreaded question again.
“Yes, there is a surgery. It’s expensive. But they are confident it would work.”
“And you haven’t done it because …?”
I look at him, and I know he can see the agony in my eyes. My words come out before I can think of them. “Because I don’t deserve it.”
For a moment, we both fall silent. Me because I am horrified I said that out loud, and him, no doubt, because he is in shock at the words I just let slide past my lips.
“Gotta ask, and I figure you’re not goin’ to answer me, but I’m askin’ anyway … Why in the hell would you say somethin’ like that?”
“You’re right, I won’t answer you. Please, can we forget it?”
He stares at me, his eyes like two flames, burning right into my soul. He can read me. I can see it by the way his expression changes when he studies me. He’s been able to see, from the moment he first met me, how broken I am. Most people see a quiet, shy girl. He looked right past that, and he saw the darkness I keep trapped behind my gaze.
He saw it.
And he decided he wanted to conquer it.
“Nothin’,” he says, and even though I can’t hear his tone, I know his voice has lowered, “Not a single fuckin’ thing you could say to me would ever make me see you differently.”
And then he leaves it at that.
And my heart—oh, my heart—it’s left wipe open and gaping.
~*~*~*~
MALAKAI – NOW
Fuck.
I want to take her by the shoulders and shake whatever fear is trapped behind her eyes out.
I’ve seen damaged in my time, hell, I’ve been fucking damaged, but I’ve never seen someone afraid to talk. There is a reason she’s keeping her story behind a big fucking wall. I just don’t know what that reason is. She carries guilt like a suit, wrapped around her, closing her in.
But what could someone as fucking pure and beautiful have so much guilt about?
Her fingers tighten around my jacket, pulling it a little tighter on my body, when we ride into the club. There are people everywhere. Never thought until right now how daunting that might be for her. To be surrounded by strangers, and not just any strangers, but bikers. A lot of them. And old ladies. And club whores. And anything else that wanders in and joins the party.
I won’t let her out of my sight. But she doesn’t need to know that.
I pull my bike to a stop and wait for her to hesitantly climb off. She looks at me when she slides the helmet from her head, and her blue eyes are full of anxiety. She’s the prettiest damn thing I’ve ever seen. So fuckin’ soft. So fuckin’ pure. Her dark hair, that was perfect before, is now messy from the helmet. Without thinking, I reach over, freeing a strand and tucking it behind her ear.
She gasps, and my eyes meet hers.
She looks terrified, eyes wide, beautiful soft lips parted, cheeks rosy. The jeans she’s wearing fit her ass like a fucking glove, and I’ve let my eyes linger more than once. She’s tiny, petite even, but she has soft curves. A gentle flow that makes her body look like a damned road I want to explore every inch of.
She’s not like most of the girls I touch.
She’s got this innocence that draws you in. There is nothing rough about her.
It’s fucking incredible.
“Ready?” I ask her, and her eyes dart around, settling on something.
I hear Scarlett’s laugh before I see her. I turn and glance in the same direction to see Scarlett surrounded by people, no doubt fawning all over her. She is incredible, I forget sometimes who Maverick is keeping company with. She’s become just like any other member, only she’s not. She’s Scarlett Belle.
“Want to go join the fan party?” I ask when Amalie looks back at me.
She nods, and we walk over to the group of club members and their wives, mostly their wives, swooning all over Scarlett. She’s signing things, and answering questions, and smiling that smile that won America’s hearts. When she’s done, she turns, and her smile slips a little. She too, carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. But she knows how to put on a brave face.
“Amalie!”
She rushes over, pulling Amalie into a hug.
“I was wondering where you got to,” she says to her friend, then her eyes swing to me. “You two are late.”
I give Scarlett a look, and she smiles sweetly.
> “We took a detour,” I mutter. “Grabbin’ a drink now. Show Amalie around.”
Both girls watch me as I turn and walk into the clubhouse. The second I step in, Koda is by my side. “You gotta meet this chick, Prez. Think Mav’s right, she’s got somethin’.”
I look at him. “Get me a beer, then I’ll meet her.”
He looks at me. “Get your own fuckin’ beer.”
I exhale with a grunt and get myself a beer, stopping four times on the way to talk to people who all want or need something. “Yo, Prez.”
I turn and see Koda striding toward me with a girl by his side. For a moment, I just stare at her. Holy fuck, she’s beautiful. Not in a typical kind of way. Or even a sweet kind of way. She’s just fucking hot. Literally. Fiery red hair that cascades down her shoulders, eyes greener than mine, and skin paler than Amalie’s. She’s rocking some serious tattoos and has one full sleeve of bright colors mixed into different patterns.
She’s curvy, big set of tits, nice little body, jeans that fit her fucking well. If I wasn’t looking at the pretty mystery outside, I’d have my dick out and in this girl before the night is through, which is no doubt what Koda is planning by the way his eyes have gotten darker as he takes her in.
“This is Charlie,” he says when they stop in front of me.
Big lips looks at me through her thick lashes. Fucking lovely. “Charlie,” I say, staring down at her. “Malakai.”
She tilts her head to the side and flashes me a smile that shows dimples and a set of perfect white teeth. Oh, yeah, someone is goin’ home with her tonight. “Interesting name, any reason for it?”
“Yeah.” I take a swig of my beer. “It’s what my parents felt like that the time.”
Her grin gets bigger. “A man with an attitude, fine by me. Your friend Dakoda here has a bigger one, and he’s yet to make me flinch.”
Koda glares at her, and I grin. “Like you know you have already figured out how to push his buttons.” I jerk my chin in Koda’s direction. “We’ll talk in my office.”
