by Bella Jewel
“You’re probably right,” I say in a soft voice. “I am so terrified he is going to pick Chantelle, because she’s everything I’m not.”
“But it isn’t a choice, Penny,” Cassie says carefully. “He’s been open with you both, he’s trying to keep his distance as much as he can, and he’s conflicted, but he’s been honest with you. It’s not as if he’s dating the both of you and making you wait for him to decide. So, while it sucks, and it hurts, and he may end up not being able to fight his feelings for one of you, it isn’t a choice. Not for him. And if, for some reason, he did end up finding himself unable to stay away from Chantelle and wanted to make it work with her, it has absolutely nothing to do with you, your looks, or your personality. People can’t help the way they feel. He’s not a player. He adores you. Your fears are coming from something far bigger than him.”
Damn.
“Has anyone ever told you that you should become a therapist?” I say to her, and she laughs.
“I’m actually thinking of it, I’m fascinated by the human mind.”
“Well, when you do, make sure to look me up. No doubt I’ll need it. But you’re right, I know Boston isn’t trying to hurt anyone, or play anyone, and if he chooses to be with Chantelle, then it isn’t because I’m not good enough, but that doesn’t stop the stupid and irrational feelings that arise when I think of it, even though I know they’re silly.”
Cassie nods. “They’re not silly, but they aren’t fact. I got told once, insecurity is not because of the person you’re with, but because of yourself. It is inner fear, and inner doubt. You’re worth it, Penelope. If my brother doesn’t decide to do anything with that, I promise you, there is someone out there who will.”
I’m not sure if that makes me feel better or worse, but it is the truth and I respect the hell out of Cassie for always delivering it straight forward.
“You’re my voice of reason.” I smile at her. “Want to go out today? I could use a break?”
She grins. “Oh, hell yes.”
This girl.
I’d be lost without her.
~*~*~*~*
NOW – PENELOPE
I’m hiding.
I know it’s pathetic and stupid and I need to go and face him. But I feel dumb for the way I acted—really, really embarrassed. I’m not that girl, I’ve never been that girl, and the fact that I acted like a baby earlier on the phone, overreacting and making a scene, makes me feel damned horrified inside.
But I know I have to talk to him.
I heard him come home half an hour ago, and I’ve not moved from my new home in his guest room. I’ve thought all day about what I need to say to make it better, but nothing is coming to mind. Cassie told me just to say sorry, to be honest and tell him why I reacted, and be done with it. But that seems a whole lot easier said than done.
I’m scared I’ve made him doubt me.
And maybe he doesn’t want to remain friends out of fear that I’ll overreact and won’t be able to handle the situation if he moves on, be it with Chantelle, or anyone else. With an exhale, I stand, straighten my shoulders, and suck it up. I have to do this, and this feeling won’t go away until I do. So, I move toward the door and push it open, stepping out and walking slowly down the hall until I get into the kitchen.
Cassie and Boston are laughing about something and, for a moment, I just stop and watch them. He doesn’t get to spend a lot of time with her, but any time he does have, he tries to give. He’s looking at her with pride, and it’s that look that makes my heart ache even more for him. He’s a good man. The best kind. And it sucks that the situation is what it is.
I clear my throat and Cassie turns, mid laugh, and smiles at me. “I have to go finish my study, I’ll leave you two to it.”
She grins at me as she wheels past, and I give her a smile in return. When she’s gone, I walk over to Boston.
Straight out with it, Penelope.
No more rubbish.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him, my voice not as strong as I’d like but at least it’s coming out clear and not shaky. “I acted like a complete and utter idiot this morning. I overreacted and let my own demons get the better of me. You didn’t deserve that. You’ve been nothing but honest with me, and I allowed myself to get affected over something that is none of my concern.”
I hold his eyes and watch him study me for a few moments, before he says, his voice low and husky, “I get it, fuck, I get it Penny. But you gotta understand how fuckin’ hard this is on me. Best thing for all of us would be no time together, at all. But Cassie loves you, you’re my friend, and you have no home. Chantelle is in danger, and she’s my friend, too. Makes it fuckin’ hard to turn my back, even though I’m sure it would be best if I did. You gotta understand that.”
I nod. “I do understand that, and I honestly appreciate that you’re helping me so much. I know it makes it hard.”
“What makes it hard is I want to talk to you both, I want to be around you, but I shouldn’t fuckin’ be. Nobody is ever goin’ to get past this if we’re always communicating, so, I have to make a fuckin’ hard choice.”
My heart starts pounding as I stare at him. “Told Chantelle the same this morning. I’m not into hurtin’ people for my own pleasure, but I’m also not able to not help you both, I couldn’t stop now even if I wanted to. But that doesn’t mean I need to be around the both of you all the time. I’ve put myself way too fuckin’ close, and that’s on me. Could have had anyone watch Chantelle’s place last night, could keep my distance from you when I’m home here. I choose not to. But, think the time has come, for me to do my protectin’ through the club, and create some distance.”
My heart sinks, and the sudden urge to beg him not to do that because I’ll miss him like crazy, overwhelms me. But I say nothing. Because, as much as I don’t want to stop talking to my friend, I know he’s right. The only way any of us is going to move on and stop this from spiraling out of control, is to create some distance until the feeling goes away.
“I understand,” I whisper. “But it really sucks, Boston. You’re my friend, above all else, and I won’t lie and say it’s not going to suck not talking to you.”
“You can talk to me, but it has to be basic conversations, nothing intimate, nothing deep, and no extra time spent together. It’s fuckin’ hard for me, too. Understand that. But I’m not into hurtin’ people, and my feelings are fuckin’ me over. I can’t protect either one of you properly if they’re weighing me down. Will be makin’ sure you’re both safe, rest assured, but I’ll be doin’ that with as little communication as possible.”
I nod, but my heart aches.
For me.
But mostly, for him.
Because this can’t be easy on him. And yet, it shows just what kind of person he is, that he’s doing it, because it means he doesn’t want to hurt anyone, and that takes a lot. He’s putting us first, instead of his own feelings and needs.
I respect that.
“I understand, and I agree. For us all to get over this, we need to spend time apart.”
He nods. “If anything happens, anything at all, in regard to Ashton, I need to know, though. Understand?”
I nod.
He nods.
“I’m goin’ to bed. Goodnight, Penelope.”
And the way he says my name, that kind of hurts the most.
This sucks.
Dammit.
“Goodnight, Boston,” I murmur, watching him disappear down the hall.
Well.
This isn’t how I wanted things to go.
~14~
NOW – CHANTELLE
I stare at the pregnant woman standing at my door and, for a moment, I don’t say anything, I just glare at her. She has to know, god, she has to know, that I despise her. If she wasn’t pregnant, I’d probably launch right on over and kick her in the fanny, just for existing and being the snot ball of a human being that she is.
But I can’t do that.
Because she’s p
regnant, and that would be cruel.
I can imagine it, though. And I do, in slow motion. It’s rather satisfying.
“What are you doing here, Yolanda?” I ask, crossing my arms.
I just got back from a jog, and my heart is still racing, my body covered in sweat. It helps me clear my head, helps me get back into the game. Which is what I need after Boston dropped the bomb this morning after his little conversation that I overheard him having with Penny. He is creating distance. Limited contact. Only if it involves the situation going on, otherwise, he has to stay away.
From both of us.
Seems like I’m getting the raw end of the deal, considering Penny lives with him. But whatever.
I won’t beg. I won’t chase him. I’ve never been that pathetic, and I’m not about to start.
I’ve got this.
I do.
Right?
“I’m here on behalf of Enzo,” Yolanda says, arms crossed, belly starting to round out.
I snort. “You’re still talking to that douchebag? Honestly? He didn’t even care if you got hurt and you’re here on his behalf. What for? Saskia told you she doesn’t want anything to do with you or your child. Same goes for me.”
Yolanda studies me. “I’m pregnant with Enzo’s baby. I want to make a go of it. I want this to work, so I’m doing what I have to. He gets out soon, you know this, and because of Saskia and the club, there is a lot of heat on him. He owes a lot of people, and because he didn’t deliver when he said he would, he has bad men after him. He’s not happy about it. You betrayed him, you lied, and now you owe him.”
I smirk. “I owe him nothing.”
“But you do. Because you didn’t come through with the money you promised, we’re in danger. I’m in danger. My baby is in danger. Enzo is in danger. So, he’s going to get what you owe him, pay them all off, and we’re going to disappear when he gets out. It’s our only option and you’re going to help us.”
I raise my brows. “What makes you think I’d ever help you? Or that scumbag that nearly got my best friend killed? It’ll never happen, Yolanda, and you can tell him that. You can also tell him all the threats in the world won’t work. I’m not afraid of him. Not even close.”
Yolanda smirks. “He said you’d say that. So, he told me to remind you that he has people, high up people, bad people, and they’re more than willing to do what it takes to get you to agree considering he’s otherwise occupied at the minute.”
I raise my brows. “Are you threatening me?”
She shrugs. “It isn’t a threat, more of a promise. We’ll do what we have to do, Chantelle. You’re a road block, but we will knock you down. We’re going to do what it takes to have a safe life for our baby, and until these people are paid off and we have the cash we need to disappear, we’re not safe. Which means you’re not safe.”
I snort. “Firstly, you desperate little bitch, I highly, highly doubt paying those men off and disappearing is going to ensure your safety. Don’t you watch television? They’re going to kill you anyway, money or no money, for the sheer sake of it.”
Yolanda’s face pales a little. “Not if we pay them and run, change our names, have some extra cash to hide away. Enzo is smart, he can get us there, we just need the money.”
“You sound desperate now,” I mutter. “And I wasn’t done. Secondly, what makes you think I’d be scared enough of Enzo, and some stupid threat to hurt me, that I’d just give you a heap of cash and be on my merry way?”
She studies me. “You underestimate Enzo.”
I grunt. “He was with my best friend for years; I underestimate nothing. I also know this is a waste of my time and yours. If I were you, I’d run away with my baby and start again. Not hover around waiting for a man who is going to get you killed. I’m not bowing down to him, and neither should you. Enzo can threaten me all he likes, I’m not giving him any fucking money, and I’m not helping him after he nearly took the only person in this world who I truly care about.”
Yolanda’s face gets red. “You’re going to make us do this the hard way, and I don’t want that, I don’t want Saskia to endure any more, but I will do what I have to, for my family.”
I shake my head, holding her eyes. “Don’t act like you give a shit about Saskia and what might hurt her or what might not. If you cared, you’d leave me the fuck alone. Because she is your family, and she should matter.”
Yolanda’s face flushes, with both shame and rage. “I’ve warned you. You have a rich family, it wouldn’t take much to get the money we need. I’ll give you forty-eight hours to think about it, and if we don’t see any cash, we’ll be back, and we’ll do what we have to do.”
“What are you going to do, kidnap me? That went well before. Enzo will end up dead. You know that, right?”
“Enzo is smart. We have big plans for you, Chantelle. I’d do as we’re asking; you’ll regret it if you don’t. As I said, you’re nothing to us. We’ll do what we have to do to get you to agree. No matter who or what that takes.”
I stare at her, then step back and grab my door. “Say a big hello to Enzo for me, I hope they’re not being too cruel to him in prison.”
Then I slam the door and lock it.
I turn and face the inside of my apartment and ponder her words. I’m not scared of Enzo, but I won’t lie and say I’m not a little anxious about the fact that they seem so determined to get back at me and get some money from me. I’ve learned the hard way that people are cruel and will do what they need to get where they want in life. And that bothers me a little.
Would Enzo actually hurt me for money?
I don’t think he’d kill me, he’d never get his cash then, but would he do enough damage that I would cave?
Or worse, would he hurt someone I love? Like Saskia?
I contemplate calling Boston but decide against it. He made it clear that he wanted me to tell him if anything happened but turning to him now seems …I don’t know …wrong. He’s helping me because he feels like he has to, but my presence is only causing us both pain, and if I don’t get over him now, I won’t.
So, I decide against it.
But I’m also not stupid enough to think I can handle this on my own—the club will want to know, and I know they’re going to be helpful to me right now.
I shake my head and sigh.
I’m going out with the club tonight for some drinks, hopefully Boston isn’t there and I’ll talk to Malakai. If not, I’ll turn to Saskia and she can advise me on what to do.
Either way, I’m not liking where this is going.
And it’s making me feel uneasy.
~*~*~*~
CHANTELLE
“Why do you always look like a damned super model when you walk in the door?” Scarlett asks me the moment I arrive at the table later that night and sit down.
I laugh and take the drink she slides toward me. “Ditto, girlfriend.”
“How are you, Chan?” Charlie asks. “Long time no see, I think it was the last time we sat at this table that we saw you.”
I grin at the beautiful red-head. “It was, and as I recall, my best friend got carried out like a Viking. Speaking of the devil, where is she?”
“Not here yet,” Scarlett laughs. “But no doubt she will be soon. I’ve been dying for this catch up. We girls need to do this more often.”
“I agree,” Charlie nods, taking a drink.
I glance around, and see no bikers here yet, which makes me feel a little better. Because honestly, I’m not sure I can take even looking at Boston tonight, let alone being in the same room with him. After my little visit with Yolanda today, my heart has felt constantly sore, like a dull ache that’s growing.
I miss him.
And I don’t want this to happen.
So it sucks. It just really sucks.
“Hey, girls.”
I look up and see Amalie and Penelope walking in. For some reason, my heart races when I see her. I guess when you’re looking at the woman who you kno
w the man you have feelings for likes, too, it can be daunting. And you can’t help but look over every inch of her, wondering what it is that she has, that you don’t. What traits? Is it her looks? Her personality? What is it I’m lacking? What is it she’s lacking?
Why is he so stuck between the two of us?
“Hey.” I smile when the two of them sit down.
Penny looks to me, and I’m honestly not sure how this will go down. I really like her, a lot, and she has done nothing wrong to me. But I can’t help but feel a slight tension radiating off her, and that kind of sucks.
“Hey, Penny,” I say to her, deciding to break the ice. “How are you?”
She studies me, and then smiles, and it’s genuine. I instantly relax. Thank god. “I’m good, Chan, how are you?”
I nod. “Okay.”
She nods, too.
She understands.
“Ladies!”
We turn and see Saskia coming in, all bouncy and beautiful. Thank god. She stops at the table and hugs everyone, and then scoots in next to me, nudging me with her shoulder.
“How is everyone?” Amalie asks.
The conversation starts flowing, chattery female voices suddenly talking about anything and everything. It feels nice. Good. Exactly what I’ve needed.
“Lord,” Saskia pipes up. “Have you ladies laid your eyes on Slater’s brothers?”
I turn to face her, and all the women stop talking and pay attention.
“Yep,” Scarlett breathes. “Holy shit. They’re in a whole league of their own.”
“I’ve only met one,” I say, “but he was …wow.”
“They’re to die for, seriously.” Charlie nods. “I swear, I find it hard to look away, Koda gets jealous, broody thing he is, but I can’t help it. A woman knows gorgeous when she sees it, and those boys are incredible.”
“I’m starting to think I need to see the rest of them,” I say, grinning. “One was good enough, but two more …”
“I don’t know who their parents are,” Scarlett breathes, “but they have incredible genetics.”
