City of Second Chances

by Jane Lacey-Crane

  ‘Well? Do you see my point?’ I said.

  ‘Um… not really… if I’m being totally honest.’

  ‘I’m not perfect, Dan. I’m not this idealised memory you have of a girl who wrote overly angsty plays about Hemingway and led a protest about the lack of vegetarian options in the canteen!’

  ‘Christ, I’d forgotten about that little mini rebellion!’

  ‘You’re missing the point.’

  ‘No, I’m not. I’m not stupid, Evie, I know you’re not the same – I’m not the same. What I’m trying to say is that I want to know you, this you, the one sitting in front of me now, looking sexy and making me laugh like no one else has ever been able to do.’

  I opened my mouth to reply but found I couldn’t; what was I supposed to say to that? I was trying not to focus too much on the fact that he’d called me beautiful and passionate more than once in the last few minutes. And don’t forget sexy, he also called you sexy. I started to think that maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing to just enjoy his company and not worry too much about where it might all lead. Just enjoy the moment, Evie.

  ‘Okay, I’ll stop trying to scare you off with all my dodgy confessions.’

  ‘Great. Let’s talk about something else. Tell me what brings you to New York.’

  Oh, blimey – another conversational minefield. Why couldn’t this be straightforward? ‘Do you remember Olivia Bennett? She and I were friends at college.’

  ‘Yes, I do actually. She was sweet, had a scar on her cheek, I remember. From some sort of accident?’

  ‘Car crash – it wiped out her entire family.’

  ‘That’s right, horrible. I remember you, Olivia and Rachel. Always had your heads together, laughing about something. Is Olivia here too? Is that why you and Rachel came here?’

  ‘Sort of. I told you Rachel flew back home, didn’t I?’

  ‘You did. Something to do with her husband, right?’

  I nodded. ‘Yes. Well, me and Rachel, we came here because of Olivia.’

  Daniel looked confused and I couldn’t blame him.

  ‘I’m not explaining this very well. The three of us came here for a girls’ trip back in 1995. A long time ago. Whilst we were here, Olivia disappeared. Just vanished one night.’

  ‘Jesus, Evie, that must have been awful. You guys were all so close.’

  ‘We were. Anyway, a couple of weeks ago a story appeared in the newspapers back home, about some hikers stumbling across a cabin in a national park in Albany, upstate. It was filled with… remains. Eight different sets. The police seemed to think that some of them might be Olivia’s, so Rachel and I decided to fly out and see for ourselves. It was a stupid idea though.’

  ‘Why do you say that?’

  ‘We met with the police and they looked at us like we were nuts, to come all this way on the off chance. They didn’t get it.’

  ‘You wanted to feel like you were helping her, making sure, if it was her, that she wasn’t alone. You wanted to show her that you cared and that you hadn’t forgotten her. Nothing stupid about that, Evie.’

  I could have thrown myself across the table and kissed him; he understood, he really understood.

  ‘I’ve always felt so guilty about what happened. The night she disappeared, I was the last person to see her and I let her leave that bar on her own. I’ve never been able to forgive myself for that. I should have stopped her or left with her. Something, anything, but I didn’t.’ I wiped away a stray tear and tried to force a smile.

  ‘As it turns out, the police were wrong. None of the… remains…’ I flinched at the word ‘… were hers.’

  ‘They know that for certain?’

  I nodded. ‘Olivia had some titanium screws in her arm and shoulder blade. From the car accident that wiped out her family. There was no sign of them in any of the… what the police found.’ My throat felt very tight, I choked back tears as I struggled to get my feelings under control.

  ‘Rachel and I went back to Olivia’s favourite spot in the city and we raised a glass – actually more like clinked a can – to her. Wherever she may be.’

  ‘What happens now? Are the police still looking for her?’

  ‘I don’t think so. It’s been over twenty years. Wherever she is, whatever happened to her, I don’t think we’ll ever know for sure. And I know I have to let it go now but it’s so hard.’

  He moved around to my side of the table and put his arms around me.

  ‘You couldn’t have known what was going to happen. It wasn’t your fault.’

  I closed my eyes and rested my forehead on his chest. His arms felt so good around me, and, yes, I might have inhaled deeply. I couldn’t help it; he smelled so good. If sniffing a man as divine as that was wrong, then I didn’t want to be right. I looked up and I saw a flash of something move across his face, before he tucked it away behind a gentle smile. He wiped away a tear from my cheek and then kissed me softly on the forehead, before pulling away.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ I asked, sitting up. ‘Did I make your jumper soggy with my crying? Sorry,’ I said, wiping down the front of his top. I felt him tense under my touch. He took my hand and held it still.

  ‘Don’t,’ he said. He swallowed, and I could see a tiny muscle start to tic along his jawline. I didn’t know what was happening and my confusion must have shown on my face.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘It’s just if I keep you in my arms much longer I’m not going to be able to keep my promise.’

  ‘What promise?’

  ‘To just be friends.’

  ‘Oh,’ was all I could manage. And then it hit me. Those strange feelings whenever we touched, the heat I’d felt between us just now in the museum; I wanted him. Christ Almighty, had it really been that long since I’d desired a man that I’d forgotten what it felt like? I chided myself for being such a fool. I was a grown woman; I was allowed to feel this way about a man. We were both adults, available adults, with nothing stopping us from doing what I knew would be something amazing.

  ‘I don’t want you to keep your promise,’ I said, simply. For a second, I didn’t think he’d heard me because he didn’t move, so I carried on. ‘Did you hear what I said?’

  ‘I heard,’ he replied, his voice thick with emotion. ‘Are you sure? I’m a big boy, I can deal with rejection.’

  I didn’t know how to make him understand with words alone, so I moved closer to him, putting my hand on his thigh and my lips over his. He groaned, a deep guttural sound that seemed to vibrate through him and into me. I felt his lips part and the kiss deepened. It was one of the most amazing kisses of my life. We were breathless by the time Daniel tore his mouth away from mine.

  ‘We have to leave, right now,’ he whispered into my ear. I felt his breath on my neck and I had to squeeze my thighs together to get some relief from the feelings coursing through me. I nodded my agreement, unable to trust myself to speak. He stood up, threw some cash down onto the table for the beers and then he threaded his fingers through mine and we left.

  Twenty-Three

  Daniel kept a tight hold of my hand as we waited for the car to pull up. He held me close and kissed me; I could feel the stubble on his face scrape against mine and it felt so good I wanted to scream. At one point I bit down on his lip, my frustration evident. Where was this bloody car? I thought. I slid my hands up and under Daniel’s jumper, feeling his hard stomach and the heat that was burning through him.

  ‘I’ve missed you so much,’ he whispered into my mouth, between kisses. ‘You don’t know how many times I’ve thought about coming to find you. I’ve dreamed this so many times.’

  ‘I’ve thought about you too, and if your bloody driver ever gets here, we can find out how the dream matches up to the reality. For all I know, you could be a really crap shag,’ I murmured with a smile. Daniel laughed, an amazing sound of genuine happiness.

  ‘No pressure then,’ he said.

  ‘None at all.’

  The car finally arrived, and Danie
l dragged me inside, pulling me onto his lap and kissing me hard. I ran my hands through his dark hair and pulled his mouth down onto mine any time he tried to move away. I couldn’t get enough of him; I wanted to taste him, to feel every inch of his gorgeous body against mine. I trailed kisses down his neck and ran my hand along the waistband of his jeans. I think I would have probably undone them and dropped to my knees in the car if he hadn’t stopped me.

  ‘Not here,’ he said, ‘I want our first time to be done right. Not a quick fumble in the back of a car. Although, I’m not saying that won’t ever happen. Just not this time. You’re too important to me to just throw this away.’ He kissed me tenderly on the lips and I tried not to pout; this made him laugh.

  ‘We’re almost there, not long to wait, I promise.’ He took my hand and kissed it and I slid off his lap and sat beside him, resting my head on his shoulder. He kissed my hair.

  ‘I know you were smelling me, you know, just now in the bar,’ he said.

  ‘So what? You smell good, practically edible actually.’ I wasn’t ashamed that he’d caught me. Why should I be?

  It took us twenty long frustrating minutes to make it back to The Colonial Hotel. Daniel had the car door open before we’d even stopped moving, jumping out and pulling me with him. We barrelled through the door and headed straight for the lift across the lobby.

  ‘Mr Roberts?’ The polished looking robot receptionist called out to Daniel as we rushed past. Daniel stopped and took a deep breath, before turning around to face her. I saw her glance slide my way as she approached but she maintained her fixed smile.

  ‘Yes, Felicia. What is it?’

  ‘I have some messages for you.’ She held out some pieces of paper and Daniel took them. ‘Thank you, that’s great. Goodnight, Felicia.’

  ‘Goodnight, sir. Madam.’ She nodded in my direction before turning on her expensive heels and walking back to her desk. Daniel shoved the papers into his pocket without looking at any of them.

  ‘They might be important,’ I said as we stepped into the lift.

  ‘Nothing could be more important than this,’ he growled, walking me backwards until I was against the wall. The doors slid shut and Daniel pushed the button for the twelfth floor before turning back to me and pressing his body against mine. ‘Jesus, Evie, I want you so much.’ He trailed kisses along my jaw and down my neck, his hands caressing the curve of my breasts, and then he returned to devour my mouth once again. I lifted my leg, wrapping it around him to pull him closer into me and a gasp escaped my mouth. The feel of him was like a drug, my head was spinning, and I was already craving more. I heard the lift bell ting, signalling our arrival on the twelfth floor, and in one swift movement Daniel lifted me off my feet. I wrapped my other leg around him and he walked me across the corridor to his room. He found it a little tricky to locate his room key, but he managed eventually.

  ‘You can put me down, you know,’ I whispered into his ear.

  ‘Not happening. There, got it!’ He shoved the door open with his foot and carried me through it. His suite was beautiful, at least what I saw of it as he carried me into the bedroom. Daniel stood in the middle of the room, looking over at the bed and then at me.

  ‘Put me down,’ I said, ‘please.’ He lowered me down and I stood in front of him, taking in the sight of this amazing man. I turned and lifted my hair away from my neck. ‘The zip,’ I said. I felt him fumble slightly, trying to get a hold of it, before he slowly started to drag it down. He opened the back of my dress, sliding his hands under the sides and exposing my back. I felt him exhale and then he started to run his hands along my spine. An involuntary shiver ran through me.

  ‘Are you cold?’ he asked.

  I laughed. ‘No, definitely not cold.’

  ‘Good.’ He leant forward and dropped a kiss onto my shoulder. ‘I’d hate to have to put the dress back on.’

  ‘Me too.’ I took my arms out of the dress and let it fall to the floor, sending a silent prayer of thanks to the gods that I had good underwear on and I’d let my sister persuade me to wear stockings rather than tights. Wriggling out of a pair of sixty denier at that moment would have ruined the mood for sure. I felt Daniel’s firm hands on my hips and he turned me around to face him.

  ‘I want you, Evie, so much. I need you. I don’t think I can wait any more.’

  ‘Then don’t,’ I said, leading him closer to the bed. I took his face in my hands and kissed him. ‘I want you too, Daniel, so much.’ He crushed his mouth down hard onto mine, as I reached behind my back to undo my bra. I had a moment of hesitation at this point and I let my hands drop to my sides, bra still firmly clasped shut. I realised that the last man to see me naked was Tom, almost a decade ago. And my boobs were fabulous, but they were real, and they’d fed two children. I was pretty sure that Maria Williams probably had delicate little bosoms that still stood upright with no support. Daniel noticed my reluctance.

  ‘What’s wrong?’

  ‘It’s nothing… it’s not like I haven’t done this before… It’s been a while since anybody other than my husband has seen me naked.’

  ‘We can stop, if you’re not sure…’

  ‘No, I don’t want that.’

  ‘Thank fuck,’ said Daniel, with a grin.

  ‘Perv.’

  ‘Where you and your gorgeous body are concerned? Definitely.’ He returned to kissing along my collarbone and then down between my breasts. When he reached his hands up to slide the straps of my bra down my arms, I didn’t stop him. And when he reached behind me to undo said bra, I let him. I was who I was; I figured that if it wasn’t enough then there was very little I could do about it. He took off my bra, dropping it to the floor and smiling like an idiot. I suddenly felt a bit self-conscious under his fervent gaze and I made a move to cover myself, but he stopped me.

  ‘Don’t, don’t do that. I want to look at you.’ His eyes roamed over my body, taking in every extra inch, every silvery stretchmark and scar, and then he picked me up and laid me gently down on the bed. I watched as he took off his own clothes, swiftly and without any trace of reluctance, before lowering himself down on top of me. His body was toned but not overly muscular and I enjoyed the feeling of his weight on me.

  ‘I’m still half dressed,’ I said.

  ‘Well, that won’t do at all,’ he replied, sliding his hand over the lace on my underwear and then pulling it down my legs. He unhooked my stockings and rolled each one gently down, kissing along my inner thigh as he went. I felt like I was having some sort of out-of-body experience by the time he was finished and so desperate to have him I was practically panting. He gave me a devilish grin before dipping his head to my breasts, gently teasing each one in turn. I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled him close to me. He raised his head from my cleavage.

  ‘Something you need, Evie?’ he said with a slight smile playing on his beautiful lips.

  ‘Maybe. Oh, God!’ I couldn’t suppress the moan as he pressed his body against mine.

  ‘I’m going to spend the rest of the night making you moan just like that,’ he said.

  ‘That’s what I’m hoping,’ I replied, before pulling him towards me for a kiss that left us both breathless and desperate for more.

  *

  ‘You look very serious,’ I said. I’d put on a hotel bathrobe and was sitting on the edge of the bed. Daniel was looking at me intently.

  ‘I’m not serious, I’m euphoric. You are amazing.’

  ‘You didn’t do too badly either,’ I replied. ‘I have no notes to give you on this particular performance,’ I said with a wink.

  ‘I’m glad to hear it.’ He chuckled. ‘Come here.’ He pulled me down onto the bed, lying behind me and curving his body into mine. I yawned and then looked at the clock on the bedside table – it was almost four in the morning!

  ‘I should go,’ I said, making a move to get up.

  ‘What for? Stay with me. I want to wake up with you in the morning. I want to eat breakfast in bed wi
th you and then, well, I’m sure we can think of something to keep us occupied.’

  ‘Like Scrabble?’

  ‘Something like that.’

  I had a feeling that if I stayed I wouldn’t get much sleep – if I was lucky anyway. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of being in his arms. I felt desired and desirable and I liked it.

  ‘Tell me about your husband.’

  My eyes flew open at the question. What? I sat up. ‘Why?’

  ‘I’d like to hear about him. I want to know what kind of man he was.’

  ‘He was an amazing man. He was kind and funny and gentle and he loved us all very much. He lived for his family and we were very happy. Is that enough?’

  ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.’

  I reached out and traced the frown on Daniel’s brow. ‘You didn’t upset me. I didn’t mean to snap like that. I don’t mind talking about Tom, I’m just surprised that you wanted to know. Most of the blokes I’ve met since avoid the topic like the plague. And before you ask—’ I put my finger on his lips to silence him, ‘there haven’t been that many. I never met anyone who matched up to Tom, so I didn’t see the point in bothering. Until now, that is.’

  I leaned in close, revelling in the scent of him, and I kissed him softly on the lips. As I went to pull back, he put his hand behind my head and deepened the kiss. I pushed him onto his back and sat astride him; the idea that this gorgeous man, a movie star no less, was trapped between my thighs, was highly erotic. I felt so strong and confident. Daniel swiftly undid the belt on the robe I was wearing and pulled it down off my shoulders. He sat up then, burying his face in my chest, and I stroked his hair; it was such an intimate position, but it felt so right. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight. We stayed like this for a few minutes until eventually I said, ‘Dan, have you nodded off?’ He shook his head and I could feel his laughter rumbling through me.