by L A Cotton
There was no denying I’d come to life out there, lost to the music and lyrics, under the harsh glare of the lights. But as soon as I’d finished guilt had snaked through me. Twisting and tightening and taking hold until I could barely breathe. I didn’t know if I wanted to make a run for it, puke, or confess my sins.
I guess part of the healing process was acceptance. But it was painful and hard and still ignited too much confusion and anger inside me.
“I, uh, thanks.” I swiped at my eyes, trying to hide any evidence I’d been crying.
“Hey, are you okay? If you need some time I can….”
He went to double back, but I said, “No. Stay, please.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“No, I really don’t.” I pulled at the hem of my blouse. “But thanks anyway.”
He jammed his hands in his pockets, lifting his shoulders in a small shrug. “You were great out there.”
“You listened?” I found his eyes, instantly lost in their intensity.
“It was kind of hard not to.” He lowered his head, staring at the ground, his boot kicking nothing but thin air. “Have you always wanted to be a country singer?”
“Why do I feel like that’s a loaded question?” I smiled.
Talking about music was safe. Easy. The guy in front of me was a musician, that much was obvious, but he didn’t look like your typical country singer.
“No reason.” His mouth curved. “I just... well, you sounded great, don’t get me wrong. But it almost sounded too rock to be country.”
“Is that a compliment?” My brow rose. I’d chosen to sing an upbeat cover version of Believer by Imagine Dragons. It had always been a favorite of mine but since everything, there was something even more poignant about the lyrics.
“I’m not sure.” The guy—I realized I still didn’t know his name because he hadn’t offered it—ran a hand through his dark, tousled hair. “Anyway, I should probably go.”
“You should?” the words spilled out.
“Yeah, I need to…” He hesitated.
“Yeah, of course.” A strange sensation tugged deep in my stomach. I didn’t want him to leave. Which made zero sense considering I barely knew him from Adam.
“Good luck with the next round. Although something tells me you won’t need it.” His lip kicked up at the corner, and then he was gone. Walking down the hall as if nothing had happened.
And it hadn’t.
Except I couldn’t shake the feeling something had happened.
“Hey,” I called out after him. He spun around but continued walking backwards. “Yeah?” he replied.
“I never got your name.”
“That’s because I never gave it to you.” I couldn’t be sure, but I thought I caught a smirk in his expression. Soft laughter escaped me, replaced with a sinking feeling when he offered me nothing more.
No explanation.
And still no name.
“There you are,” Molly spotted me as I made my way backstage. “I’ve been lookin’ everywhere for you.”
“Do I even want to know how you got back here?”
“As if they could stop me.” Mischief twinkled in her eyes. “How are you feelin’?”
“Like I’m on the Tilt-A-Whirl and it’s getting faster by the second.”
“You did so good. Like seriously, Eva, the crowd went wild. I thought your mom was going to pee her pants.”
“I hope for your sake she didn’t.” We shared a smile.
“Where have you been anyway? I asked a couple of people after you, but they said they hadn’t seen you since you came off stage.”
“I needed a minute…” I let the words hang.
“Gosh, babe,” she roped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me into her, “I can’t even imagine how crazy this must all be for you. And overwhelmin’. But you’ve got this. There’s no way the judges won’t pick you after that performance. I had chills, Eva. Honest-to-God chills.”
“Now I know you’re just blowin’ smoke.”
She pulled back to look me in the eye. “I swear on Jesus. You know, I heard some of the other contestants talkin’. Apparently, there’s always a party after—”
“No. No way. I signed up for the contest. I didn’t agree to any parties.”
Molly pouted. “Please, for me? We could blow off your mom and dad and hang out with the other contestants. I spied a couple of guys I wouldn’t mind—”
“What happened to Hudson, huh?”
“A girl has to keep her options open. Besides, I can’t imagine he’ll want to party with us mere mortals.”
“Will Josiah be there?” I couldn’t believe I was even contemplating this. But Molly looked so hopeful, so excited. Going for a couple of hours couldn’t hurt.
Could it?
“I guess so.” She shrugged. “But we can surround ourselves with much nicer, much cuter guys.”
“You’re insufferable.”
“But you love me.”
I did. More than she would ever know.
“Fine. Maybe we can check it out… if I make the final four.”
“If you don’t, and you will, a party might be exactly what you need. A little pick me up.”
“Oh no, that won’t work with me. If I don’t get through, I’m headin’ home to break out the ice cream and Blake Shelton albums.”
“You really need to expand your musical repertoire.” She exaggerated the words.
“My repertoire, huh? And what do you know about musical repertoire?”
“I know that you need to move on from the likes of Blake Shelton and listen to some rock for a new era.”
“Let me guess, the kind of rock Black Hearts play?”
“Annnd she gets it.” Molly fake cheered, barely containing her laughter.
“Go ahead, mock me, mock me all you—” I spotted the guy from earlier darting into the hall.
“Eva?”
“Y- yeah?”
Molly frowned as I met her inquisitive gaze. “Is everythin’ okay?”
“I just thought I saw someone.”
“Who?”
“Hmm, no one. It doesn’t matter.” A bolt of guilt shot through me. But it wasn’t like there was anything to tell her. He was just a guy.
A guy I knew nothing about.
I didn’t even know his name.
So why did I feel like I was lying to my best friend?
The lights beat down on me, the glare almost blinding. I knew the audience were out there, a sea of faceless people beyond the judges table, but I couldn’t focus. Anticipation flooded every cell making my skin tingle and my vision blur.
“Judges,” the announcer said, “It is now time to choose your finalist to advance to the Final Showdown in Camdena. Garth, let’s start with you.”
“Firstly, Gabe, I have to say the bar was very high this year. Y’all did an amazing job.” He let his eyes run over each of us. “But one act stood out for me in both rounds today and that was Scott Roscoe.”
Applause broke out throughout the vast room, and Scott, a twenty-something guy from the next town over, stepped to the side, waiting for his competition to join him.
“Okay,” Gabe ushered the crowd to silence, “let’s move to you, Sarah Lou.”
“Well, Gabe, I’m fixin’ to agree with Garth. The talent this year has blown me away. I had my eye on one or two contestants, but this young lady really upped her game in the last round.” The judge’s eyes landed on me and my breath caught. Surely, she didn’t mean—
“Gina Denby.”
My shoulders sank, disappointment clinging to my insides as the crowd once again erupted. Gina bounced over to Scott and the two of them hugged.
“Congratulations, Gina; if you’ll join Scott.” He gave her a minute before moving on. “Now we’re onto the lovely Miss Betsy.”
“Well thank you, Gabe.” Betsy Miller winked at Gabe and then looked out at the remaining nine of us. “I didn’t need to think about this because let me
tell you somethin’ about my finalist. They’ve got what it takes to go all the way. Give it up for country’s newest sweetheart, Miss Evangeline Walker.”
The world fell away as the roar of the audience stunned me into complete paralysis.
I did it.
I was through to the Final Showdown, and one step closer to a place in the final at Camdena in two weeks time.
I could hear people chanting my name. Mom, Dad, and Molly, maybe? No, it sounded louder—too loud to just be my loved ones. Slowly, I broke free from my trance, like a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis.
“Your third finalist everyone,” Gabe said over the noise which showed no signs of abating. “Miss Evangeline Walker.”
That’s all for you Eva.
Betsy smiled knowingly at me. As if she saw it, right there in my eyes. Saw the second I transformed from a contestant doing it for her best friend and parents, to a girl who needed it.
Heart fit to burst, I joined the others. Gina and Scott were quick to congratulate me but then Gabe was ushering everyone into silence again. I looked over at the remaining contestants. A couple had their eyes closed, mumbling, as if in prayer. Josiah’s gaze met mine, narrowing, his jaw set. “And finally,” Gabe said. “Our new guest judge to this year’s showdown. Hudson, my man, who’s it going to be?”
The drummer scrubbed his jaw, making a point of looking everyone up and down, as if he were judging a beauty pageant, not a singing contest.
“Josiah Golden,” he said with little emotion.
“Yes!” Josiah mouthed, discreetly punching the air at his side.
“Anything you’d like to say to Josiah, Hudson?”
“Yeah,” a slow smirk lifted the corner of his lips, “Nice hat.”
The crowd’s cheers turned to rumbles of amusement. Even I couldn’t help but snicker as Josiah strutted over to us, obviously immune to Hudson’s dismissal. I guess for some people a win was a win no matter how you earned it.
“Well, okay then.” Gabe frowned. “Give it up for Ploughton Regional 2019 Finalists.”
Of course Josiah had nothing nice to say as he joined us, the crowd’s applause drowning out his words.
“Don’t get too comfortable, little lady,” he mouthed out the side of his lips. “This is a cakewalk compared to the final at Camdena.”
Rolling my eyes, I paid him no attention. The final was two weeks away. I’d worry about that later. Right now, I wanted to soak up the atmosphere, let it wash over me and purify my soul. Because up here, on stage in front of three thousand people, I could almost believe this is what I was destined to do. That this was why I’d been given a second chance.
And I wanted to cling onto the feeling for as long as possible.
“I’m not sure about this.” I grabbed Molly’s hand, yanking her backward. She spun around and gave me her best Mom-look.
“Eva, we are doing this. You need this. Hell, I need this.” A heavy sigh slipped from her lips. “One night of normal. Of good ol’ fashioned fun. Besides, your parents already left and your dad paid for the room upfront.”
“I still can’t believe he did that.”
“Believe it.” Molly smirked. “This is a good thing, babe. It means your mom is finally loosenin’ the strings.”
I wasn’t so sure about that. When Molly had slipped it out that we wanted to stay to the party, Mom had made it perfectly clear she didn’t mind... as long as she and Dad stayed with us. Imagine her horror when Dad offered to check us into the hotel where most of the contestants and judges were staying overnight; the same hotel where the party was happening.
The same hotel I knew had cost him more than we could afford.
But that was my dad, always trying to put a smile on my face.
“By the time we get home tomorrow,” I went on, “I’m sure she’ll have initiated divorce proceedings.” Mom was furious. But instead of making a scene in front of everyone, she’d given me and Molly a lecture about being responsible young adults, before shooting Dad her ‘we’ll talk about this later’ stare.
Dad was in big trouble, and I was just relieved it was one argument I wouldn’t be home to witness.
“So we’re stayin’?” Molly’s eyes lit up.
“Staying, yes.” I was excited about a night in a plush hotel room with my best friend. “The party though… I’m not sure, Mol.”
“Please?” She interlinked her fingers with mine and pouted. “We’ll just stay an hour. Two, tops. I won’t leave your side, promise. I think it would be good for you to go, put yourself out there a little.”
“I don’t need a babysitter Molly.” Irritation rolled up my spine.
“I know that, silly.” She flicked her brown waves off her shoulder. We were still in our clothes from the day, not having brought an overnight bag with us. But Molly being Molly had packed an emergency make up kit, just in case.
“Ready?”
“As I’ll ever be,” I mumbled half-heartedly, letting her take the lead and pull me towards the tenth-floor suite. My eyes widened as we stepped inside, my heart fluttering wildly in my chest. The huge suite was crammed with production staff and contestants.
“Okay?” Molly asked me as I tried to take it all in. I’d been to parties before, but I’d missed out on the ones where cups of soda were replaced with questionably acquired liquor. Where risqué games of seven minutes of heaven were replaced with couples getting lucky in darkened bedrooms. And morning after lie ins were replaced with hangovers from hell.
“I’ll take one of those.” Molly scooped up a glass of what I could only presume was champagne from a passing server. I half-expected him to card her but of course, he didn’t. This was a private event.
“You didn’t want one?” I gave her a bemused look, and she quickly added, “Your meds—”
“It’s fine.” I was still on a cocktail of post-chemo drugs. Would be for some time yet. “You can drink enough for both of us.”
“I do not.” She smiled deviously. “Don’t look now, but Scott Roscoe is comin’—”
“I was wonderin’ if you’d show up,” he said around a smirk. The kind of smirk I figured got girls like Molly to eat out the palm of their hand.
“Eva,” he craned around my best friend to greet me, “you killed it out there today.”
“Likewise.” I tipped my chin, internally cringing at how brisk I sounded. It wasn’t intentional, I’d just forgotten how to do this. How to be a seventeen-year-old girl at a party.
Probably because I’d never been a seventeen-year-old girl at a party. Much less a party like this one.
“Not much of a talker?” he asked, nothing but gentle curiosity in his gaze. “I dig that.”
“Don’t mind Eva,” Molly intervened. “She’s just...” I held my breath, silently praying she didn’t reveal the truth. “A little overwhelmed.”
“Happens to the best of us. But trust me when I say this is nothin’ but a warm up for the real party after the final show in Camdena. Colton might have a stick the size of Tennessee up his ass but him and his team sure know how to throw a party.”
“We look forward to it.” Molly flashed me a wink, and I managed a smile.
“Well, I should probably...” He flickered his head over to a huddle of people. I spotted Gina and another couple of contestants who had performed in the final round.
“Isn’t this a bit... unnecessary?” I remarked in a hushed voice.
“Babe,” Molly’s brow shot up, “you really need to get out more. This is a taste of what it’s like.”
“What it’s like?” I frowned.
“Yeah. Making it. Being someone in country musiclandia. You heard Josiah; he travels all over the state doin’ these things.”
“Yeah, but that’s not what I want to do.” This was a one-time deal. I couldn’t deny today had ignited my passion for performing again, but I didn’t want to spend my life chasing talent contest crowns.
“But you looked so good out there.”
“If I
’m destined to have a career in performin’, Mol,”—which I didn’t believe right now I was—“It’ll happen when the time’s right. But I’m not sure this is the path for me. One day maybe, but I’m not sure I want to regularly compete at these things.”
The corner of her mouth lifted, a twinkle in her eye. “What?” I asked.
“It’s just, I wish you could see what I see, babe. What everyone out there saw. You are born to be on the stage, Eva.”
“It takes more than raw talent to make it these days.” Josiah strutted up to us. “You need the whole package. You need to give the fans want they want.”
“And what exactly is that?” Molly humored him.
“You’ve got to let them in on the journey with you. Let them get to know you, your story.” He knocked back the rest of his drink. “So, Walker, I have to ask, what exactly is your story? Because from what I’m hearin’, you’re a closed book.”
“Who said that?” I pressed my lips together, glowering at him.
He shrugged. “Just idle backstage talk.”
“You don’t know anythin’ about me or my story,” I ground out. “I’d like to keep it that way.”
“Oh, it’s like that, huh?” It only made him smirk.
“It’s like that, Goldenboy,” Molly said. “Now why don’t you run along and annoy someone else?”
His easy laughter grated on me like nails down a blackboard but thankfully he took the hint. “Sweet baby Jesus, he’s annoyin’.” Molly’s nose scrunched in disgust as we watched him melt into the sea of people. “Shall we mingle?”
My expression must have said it all, because my best friend hooked her arm through mine with a chuckle. “I’ve got you, Eva,” she leaned in, “I’ve got you.”
The party turned out to be a bust. Even Molly grew bored of the mindless conversation, all the industry talk. She’d hoped Scott would improve the situation, but he turned out to be a persistent flirt, working his way around the room like an old pro.
