by M. Mabie
I buried my head in my palms, knowing I couldn’t make it stop. All I could do was ride out the storm and pray he didn’t hate me for sharing some of our most intimate stories.
“OMG. Six pack of orgasms,” she squealed.
Not all of the episodes I told her were dangerous, for example the one she just mentioned happened to end quite well. Especially for me.
I groaned though. It was so humiliating.
“Oh, Lena, that one’s sooo sweet. Don’t be bashful. This is what family holidays are for. Getting silly and telling stories. It’s the last one. I promise.” She punched my leg, hiccupped, and faced Ryan again.
“This one Christmas break, my sister and her special friend got snowed in and only had six beers. So in order to earn one, they had to get each other off. For every orgasm they gave the other, they earned a bottle.”
You can imagine my surprise when Ryan asked, “Who won?”
He knew damn-well who won, and it wasn’t me.
“The mayor won.” She giggled and snorted. “He earned four beers before she even got her first drink.”
My chest fluttered remembering how he shared half the six pack with me anyway. That was a great night.
Ugh.
I never loved the idea of him dating others, but this was next-level torture. He’d mentioned the girl he was dating a few times, but I didn’t remember ever hearing her name. And, only the night before, he’d said he was going to break it off with her. I’d been the one to tell him to wait until after the holiday and look where it got me. I was a fucking idiot with a big mouth.
If I would have just minded my own business, and not been so cock-greedy, maybe I wouldn’t have been in the mess I was in.
Anxiety lit my stomach on fire, so I poured more beer down my throat to put it out.
Ryan stood.
Maybe he’ll leave.
“I forgot my phone in the car. I’ll be right back,” he said and headed for the door.
“Why did you tell him all of that stuff?” I growled at Katie.
“What? It doesn’t matter.” She chuckled and took another drink. “I’m going to break up with him anyway. You’ll never have to see him again. I tried to do it over the phone last night, but he was busy studying and didn’t answer.”
I slapped my hand to my forehead, not quite believing the fucked-up situation I was in.
She continued with a sour face. “I know, right? There’s just zero chemistry. Besides, who actually studies instead of bar hopping the night before Thanksgiving?”
Studying?
If he called railing my body into a pile of limp bones and flesh studying... well, let’s be honest, I’d gladly stay in school forever. Ryan, on the other hand, would already have a doctorate.
4
Snoozing and Losing
“I have to pee,” I said.
Taking advantage of the brief opportunity, I bolted to the small half bath at the back of the garage. With the door locked, I pulled my phone out of the kangaroo-pouch-like pocket in my hoodie.
I typed as fast as I could.
ME: WHAT IN THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE!?
MAYOR RHODES: I was about to ask you the same thing! What do we do?
I closed the lid on the stool and sat.
Think, Lena. Think.
The fact was: they both wanted to break it off with each other. If we could just make it through the afternoon, then it would work itself out.
ME: Are you still breaking up with her?
MAYOR RHODES: Yes. I’m sorry this is so weird. I obviously didn’t know she was your sister. I feel so fucking gross.
I hadn’t even considered if they’d—Oh. My. God.
I fought to remember what he’d said about the brief relationship. It had only been a few weeks back, and we were washing up after he pounded me over his desk. He’d told me he’d met a girl. Yes. He’d said she was cute and reminded him of someone he knew.
Ew. It was me.
ME: Did you two…?
I left the question open, not capable of typing the horror all the way out. He knew what I meant.
MAYOR RHODES: FUCK NO! Jesus, Lena. I’ve only met up with her a few times. I wasn’t really feeling it. She’s great and all, but not for me. She only invited me over because she said it was chill and casual, and I didn’t have anywhere else to go.
Katie was sweet, and I could totally see her doing that. I kind of felt like a monster for not inviting him myself.
Still, I could have taken a swim in the gallons upon gallons of relief that flooded the tiny room.
She didn’t want to be with him either. This was good. Maybe I wouldn’t lose him.
Wait. What?
Sex. I wouldn’t lose the amazing sex.
That would have been God-awful and tragic. He was the only man alive who I was certain could please me the way I liked best. Almost instinctively he knew how to touch and kiss me in ways I’d never dreamed would be so amazing.
How did he know my body better than I did? And why did I never get enough of him? Why was I so confused about everything all of a sudden?
Realization hit me hard under the blinking fluorescent bathroom light, and I knew losing my close friendship with Ryan would have been so much worse than just losing the physical part.
Who would warn me when my back moles were looking suspicious?
Who would bring me 7-Up when I was hungover?
Who else would let me steal all their brand new—still super soft and fuzzy—sweatshirts without a single complaint? One of which I was wearing that very second.
Who would pull my hair at the right moment before I came?
I might be fucking my sister’s soon-to-be ex-boyfriend or whatever, but he was mine first.
What if some bitch tried to actually take him from me?
Even though we’d both had short-lived relationships with others before, I suddenly felt very different, very possessive, and possibly a little jealous.
ME: I’m not staying here tonight. I’m going back to school.
MAYOR RHODES: Why did your sister refer to me as the mayor? ;)
Was he serious? All hell was breaking lose, and he wanted me to stroke his ego? My eyes rolled as another message lit my screen.
MAYOR RHODES: So you’re sore, huh?
I smiled to myself, and my legs squeezed together as thoughts of the night before flashed through my scattered mind.
ME: STFU
I pocketed my phone and put it on silent before rejoining my family. The football game was starting, and the traditional pre-game shots were passed as the players for both teams were broadcast at semi sonic levels through the garage.
I skipped the shot. If I was driving back into the city, I needed to be sober. My sister on the other hand, did hers and then mine, reciting, “You snooze. You lose, bitch.”
Ryan strode back into the garage and took his seat beside Katie.
That’s when time began to drag. The football game sucked, so a game of poker broke out in the make-shift bar. I lost interest in the whole scene pretty fast.
My sister was halfway shitfaced—despite the fact that her date had stopped drinking all together—but she deserved to have a good time. Katie rarely drank too much and was probably just trying to muster the courage to break it off with Ryan.
Neither of them had been affectionate with the other, but I hated being in the same room with him and not being able to touch him. My hands itched to reach for his. My eyes kept finding the bright blue set across the table. My leg bounced as I fought to keep my foot from wandering over to his.
What was wrong with me?
5
Nag. Nag. Nag.
Instead of torturing myself any longer, I waddled inside to see if I could help my mom with the table. After retreating to the house, I asked her, “Is it almost done yet? What can I do?”
Sometime, between switching pans in the oven and scrubbing the entire kitchen, she’d cleaned up and fixed her hair.
Pullin
g the foil off the bird, she answered, “Go in the dining room and tell the Black Friday Hell’s Angles that dinner is almost ready. Their hen party can hit the family room. I need that table.” Her ornery smile beamed at me as she blew me a kiss. “Please, Lena.”
The female horde was not going to be happy, and I’d put her in a home someday for that one, but I did what I was told.
I made the announcement from the doorway to the dining room, which had been converted into Bargain Strategy Central. “Hey guys, Mom needs the table. It’s about time to eat.”
My aunts and my grandma barely noticed or acknowledged I was there.
Laughing at how seriously they took their deals, I reiterated, “Hey. Yo. Move it or lose it. I’m starving. Don’t make me get the leaf blower.” I was starving, but mostly ready to get the weird day behind me.
“You’re just like your cranky mother,” my Aunt Marcy said and wrinkled her nose at me. “No fun at all.”
I tried to help stack the papers they had scattered around the oak table, but my grandma smacked my hand away. “Don’t you even think about it,” she warned. “We’re moving. Don’t you dare touch a thing.”
Don’t touch. That was becoming a common theme in my universe.
Leave the dip alone.
Don’t mess up the sale ads.
Don’t jump your sister’s boyfriend on the workbench by the lawnmower.
Nag. Nag. Nag.
When I could trust they were actually moving, I went back in the kitchen where it smelled like heaven. “Now what?” I asked for further instruction.
“Go get the drunks from the garage. And, was that Katie’s boyfriend I saw earlier?”
Not for long. Soon, he’d just go back to being the guy who tied her eldest daughter to the rod in her apartment closet and pounded her while wearing a Santa hat last Christmas Eve.
I wondered, what if I wanted more than just sex? It was becoming clearer how much I despised the mere thought of him being with anyone else. Especially having firsthand witnessed such a thing. It wasn’t right.
They didn’t get him like I did.
No one else was going to know how he liked his balls cupped or that he liked a little too much tongue in his ear. Nobody else was going to break into his apartment and set his DVR to record Game of Thrones for him when his car broke down on the turnpike. There damn sure wasn’t another woman on the planet who would be willing to wear a mermaid tail and red wig. They’d run screaming from his weird-ass Little Mermaid roleplay thing.
“I’m pretty sure they’re just friends. I’ll go get them,” I told my mom as I passed through the backdoor and waded through the sea of little people running around like maniacs in the back yard. I could hear the ruckus bunch in the garage as I got closer.
“I’m gonna kick your ass, old man,” Katie yelled at our dad. They’d moved on to playing darts.
Ryan sat at the table with the other guys and looked totally lost. When I caught his eye, he gave me a panty-wetting smile, and I was totally sure of what I wanted. The mayor was parading directly out of my fantasies and right into my real life. Surprisingly, I really enjoyed the notion.
“Dinner is ready,” I shouted as I walked up beside him.
My uncles grabbed full beers and darted inside while my dad finished giving my drunk sister a lesson in dart throwing on the other side of the room.
“I should probably tell her before dinner,” Ryan said. “I’ll feel like a dick if I eat, then do it.”
That made sense, and I respected him for it, but I knew my sister wasn’t going to be too bent out of shape—if at all. Why should he have to be without a great holiday meal?
“And miss my mom’s turkey? Don’t be an idiot. Do it after you’re good and full.” He laughed, but it had a trace of humility in it, so I confessed, “She’s going to break up with you anyway.”
He signed in relief, and his shoulders slumped. “Really?”
I laughed and quietly said, “Yeah. You know when she called last night, and I told you not to answer? Well, she was gonna do it then.”
He gave me a flirty scowl—one I’d seen before. If all of this Thanksgiving fiasco wasn’t too weird for him, I prayed he’d punish me in a wickedly erotic way for causing the whole mess later. My breath hitched from the thought, and I bit my lip.
“Are you fucking serious?” he asked with a chuckle as he squinted at me. If only I could read his naughty thoughts.
I nodded. “Yeah, that whole listening to me thing—don’t do that again. Apparently, I don’t know what I’m talking about. From now on, you’re the boss.” It was a dangerous game I was playing—flirting with him only feet away from my family—but I had to admit it was a thrill.
He stood and glanced over at my sister who wasn’t paying any attention, then whispered in my ear, “No, Lena. I’m the goddammed mayor.”
He wasn’t a mayor. Nowhere near it, but I adored how he played along with me. How he always had. There was some mischievous, depraved part of me that was only for him.
As he looked into my eyes, I felt things change. The hair stood on the back of my neck and a shiver ran up my spine.
I peeked at the score on the dart board and knew they were almost done. It was my dad’s turn, and he’d end their game with his next throw.
I said, my tone low enough for only him to hear, “I know it’s a holiday, but do you think the mayor could see me tonight? I have some very important issues that need his attention.”
Something flashed in his blue eyes. Temptation. Heat. Need. “Yes, and he intends to discuss a number of matters with you as well.”
I swallowed, and my heart raced.
The dart board sang the telltale song of victory, and our little moment was over. My sister, less than gracefully, lumbered over to us.
“Time to eat?” she asked and linked her arm through Ryan’s.
Again, I felt the grip of the green-eyed monster. “Yeah, Mom’s already kicked the shoppers out of the dining room.”
“Oh, shit,” my dad said as he pulled another beer from the cooler and rushed past us like the house was on fire. “I don’t want to miss the good piece of turkey. She knows better than to give that shit to just anyone.”
Then there were three. Katie, Ryan and I stood around awkwardly for a minute—until I realized, I was the one who was lingering.
Leaning against him for support, Katie asked, “Lena, can you give us a minute?”
“Sure. Sorry,” I apologized and spun on my heel feeling like a huge ass. I left them, stepping slowly because the strained muscles between my legs were still tender.
I hoped she was breaking up with him. Even if it was before dinner. I wasn’t sure how much more I could take.
In years, or maybe sooner, we’d all have a good laugh about it. But, at the moment, I just wanted to get through dinner and to my dick appointment.
6
Big Feels
I placed my phone on the table, took a seat with my plate, and stared at the door as I picked over my food, waiting.
After a few minutes, Katie came in looking drunk but not even a little upset. In fact, she didn’t seem bothered at all. She sat next to me, and as I swallowed a mouthful of green bean casserole, I asked, “Where’s Ryan?” as casually as I could.
She opened another beer and answered, “I ended stuff with him. He went home.”
I kept my head down and cut my turkey into teeny, tiny pieces, unsure of how to proceed. I was thrilled. Tickled pink that Ryan was now completely single, but I also wanted to be sensitive.
Katie ripped a corner off a buttery hot roll and ran it through gravy. Before popping it in her mouth, she said, “I want what you have with the mayor, Lena. I want the excitement. The adventure. The chemistry. I’m looking for big feels, and I just didn’t get them from Ryan.”
I nearly choked for the second time that day and chugged my water to clear my throat. Mentally, I kicked myself for ever using that pet name for him when I confided in her. However, my h
eart also grew warm over what she’d said.
Maybe it took seeing him with another girl with my own eyes to realize what I had. What we had. And it was much more than what I ever let myself believe.
It was excitement. I damn near broke into a sweat everytime my phone chimed the special, only-for-him notification sound. And the anticipation of going a whole day, knowing I’d see him later, was usually so intense that I’d pray for time to fly.
I wasn’t typically someone I’d think of as adventurous, but with him I’d try just about anything. I trusted him. Ryan wouldn’t let anything happen to me. Regardless of the aches and pains I sometimes felt days after especially wild nights, I was always safe with him. Somehow, he made me braver.
And our chemistry was next level. Since the first night our freshman year, when he’d kissed my neck on the dance floor at a house party, I’d only craved more of him. Maybe that was why I was always scared to take the next step, or even bring it up. I feared it would ruin everything, and I’d never experience the same explosive desire I had for Ryan.
So it was safe to say…okay, I had the big feels.
“Yeah,” I croaked like one of the smoky old aunts from The Simpson’s cartoon. “I know what you mean.”
She nudged my elbow and spoke with a slight slur. “I don’t think you do. You need to get a hold of that guy and actually tell him what’s up before he gets away. Or else you’ll be shit out of luck like me and the rest of the single suckers of the world.”
She could be so dramatic sometimes. And as weird and awkward as it was having her tell me to go after the guy she’d just broken up with, I couldn’t have agreed with her more.
I ate faster than ever. Bite after bite, I thought about how I was going after my man.
Don’t get me wrong, I still had seconds, but I wolfed them down too. This bitch was ready to get back to school and lay claim to the guy who not only rocked my body, but who had managed to fuck his way right into my heart.
I cleaned up my plate and moseyed out to my car for to-go containers because, regardless of what was going on, I was no fool. Free, homecooked food was more valuable than gold to students like me. But there was someone who needed it more, and so I stuffed them extra full for Ryan.
