by Mandy Magro
Thankfully oblivious to her train of thought, he leant up against the wall near her, his forearm above his head. She’d never felt so awkward making a cuppa in her life. Feeling his eyes upon her, she turned and offered him a coy smile. ‘Stop it.’
‘Stop what?’
‘Staring at me … it’s making me uncomfortable.’
His smile slipped a little, and with a look she couldn’t decipher, he stepped closer, so there were only inches between them.
Her heart stopped, and she forgot to breathe.
Oh. Crap.
‘Nina, can I just give you a hug, you know, break the ice a little? We are old friends, and old friends always hug hello … So let’s just do it and get it over with, huh?’
‘Yeah, of course, why the heck not.’ Trying to make light of the situation, and the fact she was so obviously jittery in his company, she turned and fell into his familiar arms – albeit much stronger ones than she remembered – and with her nose so very close to his gorgeous chest, had to stop herself from blatantly breathing all of him in.
He pulled her real close, and real tight, but not in a suggestive kind of way, more of a protective I’m-here-for-you kind of way – just like he always had when she’d needed comforting. With her head tucked perfectly beneath his chin, she unwisely relished the feel of his robust chest against her cheek, the rapid beat of his heart against it, the broad width of his shoulders, and the way he smelt of dust, spice, earth and leather, even though every inch of her screamed she shouldn’t.
‘Welcome home, Nina,’ he said gently. ‘I’m real sorry about Bea. I know it must have been a terrible shock for you.’
‘Yeah, it was.’ Blinking back fresh tears, she tipped her chin up to look at him. ‘Thanks, Logan, for caring so much.’ Hardly daring to breathe with his arrestingly angled face and investigative blue eyes holding onto hers, she tried to flash him a confident smile, one that disguised how potently his presence and touch were moving her. Holy crap! This was extremely dangerous territory.
‘Of course I care, Nina. Why wouldn’t I? You’re one of my oldest and dearest friends.’ His tone was soft, but his gaze was powerful.
He had a damn good reason not to, but she wasn’t about to tell him that. Panicking, she gave him a quick squeeze, followed by a little pat on the back. And then she begged her heart to return to some sort of normal rhythm as she stepped back from him, her feet feeling inches off the ground. Shaking the sensation of wanting to rip every shred of clothing from his scrumptious body, she sucked in another breath – she just needed to catch it and regain her composure. That’s all. No biggy.
‘There we go, the ice is now officially broken,’ she said, smiling.
‘Hopefully.’ He returned her smile, slow and steady.
As though the ground were fiery hot, she shifted from foot to foot. She spun back to the bench and grabbed the teaspoon as though her life depended on it. ‘Any exciting plans for your time off?’ She had always prided herself on being resistant to a man’s charms, but the giddy moment wasn’t passing.
Arms folded, he rested back against the butcher’s block at the centre of the kitchen. ‘Not really, just take it day by day, I suppose.’
‘God, Logan, it sounds like you’ve been sentenced to prison, not about to enjoy some time off.’
‘Yeah, well, I’m not the holidaying type.’ He smiled, but it was laced with deep sadness. ‘Not when I’m on my own. It isn’t much fun vacationing by yourself.’
‘It can be a little lonely.’ She offered him an understanding, soft smile. ‘You’re a very strong man, always have been, so if anyone can get through something like this, I know you can.’
‘Thanks for the vote of confidence, Nina, but I have my moments of weakness, trust me.’
‘I think we all do.’ Nina ached to pull him to her and comfort him. But she needed to keep a safe distance, because once she had all of Bea’s letters, she was outta here. Allowing herself to fall for him again, like she did all those years ago, was a complication she didn’t need or want. This protective wall she’d taken so long to erect was now the only thing holding her together; she wasn’t about to let him start tearing it down, brick by brick. He couldn’t know her secret.
After waiting a few moments to respond, Logan nodded and released a breath. ‘You make sure to tell yourself that, too, Nina, don’t be too hard on yourself right now, hey.’ He caught her eyes and offered a gentle, knowing smile.
Nina gave him one back before rolling her eyes at the fact she’d flicked the kettle on but hadn’t switched it on at the wall. ‘Oh far out … no wonder it was taking an eternity to boil.’
‘It does kind of help when there’s electricity in the picture.’ He grinned, and the mood of the room lifted. ‘Unless you’d like me to start a fire and we can pretend we’re back in the olden days.’
‘Ha-ha, so hilarious – don’t quit your day job.’ It felt good to have a chuckle. There was just something about this wonderful man that turned her usual defences inside out and back to front, which made her work twice as hard to act nonchalant. But, as nervous as she was to be around him, it was a relief to see a familiar smiling face, the few added wrinkles only adding to his handsomeness.
‘You want me to grab some plates for these tasty little morsels?’ He held up the little brown paper bags.
‘Oh, yes please, they’re over there.’ She pointed in the general direction.
‘I know where they are; I’ve been here plenty of times of late.’
Confusion creased her brow as she watched him saunter towards the cupboard. ‘Plenty of times of late?’
‘Yeah. I’ve been popping in on Bea every day since I found out about her …’ He straightened, but didn’t turn to face her. His shoulders visibly slumped forwards, and he heaved a sigh.
‘You knew she was sick?’ She blinked rapidly, willing herself not to shatter into a million tiny little pieces as she squeezed her hands into fists at her sides.
‘Uh-huh, but not because Bea told me.’ When he turned, his face was a display of regret, guilt and compassion.
Nina wasn’t too sure which emotion she wanted to tackle first, so just in case she said something she’d regret later, which was very much on the cards with how pissed off and hurt she now was, she stole a few moments to gather herself before saying another word.
‘Nina, please, it isn’t what you think.’ His eyes pleading, he took a few steps towards her. ‘Bea didn’t want me to know, but Pip, my best mate’s wife, is a nurse at the hospital, and one day, over a barbeque at their place after a few too many wines on her part, she let slip that she was worried about Bea because she was trying to handle her cancer all on her own.’
The giant knot in her stomach easing off, Nina rolled her eyes and nodded. ‘Yeah, Bea was always so damn stubborn and hated anyone fussing over her.’
‘Tell me about it.’ Logan chuckled a little nervously. ‘I took it upon myself to start calling in more often, and of course, Bea quickly figured out I knew by the third visit. It was like pulling teeth, trying to get her to agree to ask for some help, but I eventually talked her around to telling William, the estranged brother she told me about after I had been pressuring her to tell you – which, of course, she wouldn’t budge on.’
‘Hang on, you know about William too?’
‘No, well, only since Bea let it slip. She said, other than you, William was all the family she had. So, that’s who she begrudgingly told because I wouldn’t leave the subject alone until she did.’
‘I see.’ Emotions overwhelming her, Nina quickly turned her back to Logan and finished off making the cups of coffee. Chairs scraped behind her as she did, and when she turned back around, cups in hand, Logan was seated, his hands clasped atop the table as he eyed her both apprehensively and empathetically.
Placing the cups down beside the plates, Nina joined him. Silence settled between them as they busied themselves ripping open the paper bags and placing the lamingtons on the plates – t
he distraction was a godsend. Although, as they did, her gaze kept catching on his and an irrefutable connection coiled between them, one that was strong and fiery and meaningful, one that spoke of how different things could have been if she hadn’t run for the hills and kept so much from him in doing so. Then, thankfully, in between mouthfuls of moist pillows of sponge, chocolate and coconut heaven, washed down with sips of coffee, they fell into easy conversation about their jobs and the weather, and general life – nothing too serious.
‘I remember sitting here, eating all Bea’s home-baked goodies – her pumpkin scones were my favourites,’ she said with a smile, even though her heart squeezed with the memory of tucking into the golden mounds with lashings of jam and a mountain of freshly whipped cream.
Logan nodded. ‘Oh yeah, how could I forget her pumpkin scones? They’re to die for.’
‘Were to die for,’ she sternly corrected, while squirming in her chair like a caught fish. God, that was unanticipated – talk about snapping his head off.
‘Sorry, were to die for.’ Although remaining poker-faced, Logan’s mouth slowly twisted in that way it always did when he was admiring her dominance, but also finding it a little endearing.
Beneath his penetrating gaze, Nina’s heartbeat kicked into high gear. She lifted her chin and sat up straighter. ‘What’s so funny?’
Logan pulled a face. ‘Nothing.’
‘Really?’ She sat forwards.
He followed suit and sat forwards too. ‘Yes, really.’
They did what they always used to, and had a standoff. Nina knew Logan would most likely win, he always had in the past, and so she huffed and gave in first. ‘Well come on, then, spit it out, would you?’
His movements slow and deliberate, Logan sat back and considered her. As exasperated as she was with him, she couldn’t help but stare at his hands – big, tanned, square-fingered, masculine – they were made for fixing things, and for caressing the small curve of her back as he had far too few times in their lives.
He tipped his head a little and smiled. ‘You can just tell me if you’re still angry with me, for knowing about Bea … I’d completely understand.’
‘I’m not angry with you.’ Her tone spoke otherwise, so much so that it was even a shock to herself.
‘You sure about that?’ His gaze was a little challenging. ‘Because I reckon it’d be best to get it all out in the open, if you are.’
‘Maybe I am, just a little, but not by choice. I think I’m just hurting, because I was left in the dark … but that’s not through any fault of yours.’ It irked her that even after all these years apart, Logan could read her like a book. She gathered it was a combination of both intimate familiarity and being a copper.
‘Well, you have every right to feel upset, and hurt, and put out.’ He offered her a kind smile. ‘I’m a big boy, I can handle you taking it out on me, if you need to.’
‘I know you are, but I don’t want to go taking this out on anyone. It is what it is, and I’ll just have to find a way to accept it’s how Bea wanted it.’ She sucked in a shaky but much-needed breath. ‘Thanks for understanding.’
‘Like I said, I’m here anytime, even in the middle of the night, for anything …’
‘Anything hey?’ With her cheeky, playful grin reciprocated, Nina couldn’t help but burst out laughing.
‘Well, almost anything …’ He chuckled and shook his head. ‘And there’s that damn foot in mouth I seem to get around you.’
Nina cradled her cup in her hands. ‘Only around me, huh?’
‘And there I go again.’ His smile broadened, cracked, and then they were both laughing, too much, given the situation, but it was what they did, and did so well, and Nina found herself feeling buoyed and more at peace than she had in a very long time.
CHAPTER
10
The beautiful tapestry of native birdsong entwined with the chuckling of a kookaburra perched on the Hills hoist out back, its merry tune so distinctive of the Australian bush. The noisy call of cicadas from the rows of golden wattle was the crescendo that topped it all off. Morning sunlight flooded the country-style kitchen, and danced over the crystal vases Bea had collected over the years, on show amongst her finest crockery in the china hutch. Tom was stretched out along the windowsill, enjoying the warmth, totally content with his life in the country after just a week of being at Riverstone Ridge – Nina only wished she could be as adaptable as her moggy mate.
With Logan having called in a few times since first popping over to welcome her back and to offer his condolences, Nina had to admit that, as confronting as it had first been being in his captivating company, she now felt a little lighter and a little less alone in all of this. Not that she was going to call on him, as he’d offered her to, but it was just nice to know he was around to share a cuppa and a bit of a laugh with as they reminisced over the days they’d spent together so long ago. Even having Bert arriving each afternoon, his half-smoked rollie hanging from his lips as he did his few jobs around the place, made some of the loneliness and sorrow from Bea’s passing subside.
With her hands full, Nina smiled softly at the birds’ melodious song as she wandered down the hallway, butting the screen door open with her shoulder when she reached it, a half-drunk cuppa in one hand and a piece of Vegemite toast in the other. If she didn’t start making more of an effort in the kitchen, she was going to turn into a jar of Vegemite soon, and obtain some carb-loaded hips to boot, all thanks to the amount of white bread she was consuming at a ravenous rate. But, just like when she was in the city, she couldn’t be bothered cooking when it was just herself to think about. She made a mental note to grab a box of protein bars and a couple of pre-made salads from the grocery store when she headed into town later to run some errands.
Leaning on the railing of the verandah, her sunglasses resting atop her head, she blinked into the beauty that was Riverstone Ridge. It was only just shy of eight o’clock, but the sun was already a furnace in the clear blue sky. Under its harsh glare, heatwaves shimmered from the unpainted corrugated tin roof of the shed and rays of light bounced across the horse paddocks. With the endless azure sky above, the untainted earth below, and nothing but Mother Nature’s beating heart in between, this was heaven. And all around her, the oasis that was Bea’s cherished garden erupted with every shade of green imaginable, and amongst it all were bursts of bright colours as flowers blossomed. If only she could stay a little bit longer, if only she was brave enough to let her past catch up with her so she could deal with it, once and for all. But with the choice she’d made, how was that even possible? She shook the thought off before it consumed her. She was going back to Brisbane, end of story. There was nothing to be gained from reliving everything.
Breakfast done and dusted, she tugged on her boots and headed down the steps. Having been let out of the homestead two hours ago after sleeping on the floor beside Nina’s bed all night, Maxwell crawled out from beneath the house, with seemingly half the garden clinging to his coat, and met her. He nudged her hand with his wet nose and she gave him a ruffle behind the ears. ‘I wondered where you’d gone off to after I’d let you out for toilet duties. You want to come for a bit of a wander, mate?’
Maxwell wagged his tail faster, whipping her leg with the tip of it as he whined in response.
‘Stupid question, of course you do,’ Nina said with a heartfelt smile.
So off they trotted, dog and woman, side by side, at a cruising pace. The faint call of the cattle from the saleyards came over the distant rise, and Nina breathed in the air’s earthy scent as if it were the most exquisite perfume on earth. Bea used to go to the weekly sales, and when Nina wasn’t at school, she’d go along with her. Bea’s objective was not to buy cattle for profit, but to mix with the locals and to save the odd unwanted calf or old heifer so she could bring it home and raise it like a member of the family. Over Bea’s dead body was any animal going to get sent to the meatworks if there was a chance she could give them a lovin
g home in which to spend their final years.
As if it were only yesterday, Nina recalled climbing the post and rail fencing of the holding yards to gain a bird’s-eye view of all the cattle milling about. It had been one of the highlights of her childhood. She’d loved watching the stock contractors and auctioneers at work, and still to this day hadn’t a clue on how in the hell they could talk so damn fast. Quite often, Logan would be there with his father, and she and Logan would get up to unadulterated mischief, only to head home covered head to toe in a combination of dirt and cow dung.
So simple, so magically exciting, life had been back then.
The paddocks stretched down the gently sloping hill, the horses dotted through them swishing their tails. Golden wattle trees baked in the morning sunshine, branches drooping as though weary of the heat. Humming to herself, Nina followed the dusty trail towards the back of the property for a couple of lazy, blissful kilometres. Other than the creak of the windmill carrying upon the gentle breeze and the distant drone of a tractor, country silence echoed all around her. The day’s heat was increasing quickly – a dip in the dam would be perfect, if she could bring herself to get in there. With nobody around for miles, she could easily slip into the cooling water in her bra and knickers, and the sun would have her dry in no time when she got back out. Hopeful time had maybe eased her fear of the watering hole, she cut across the open paddock and made a beeline for the top dam.
Reaching the glistening oasis, Maxwell raced from the sweltering heat and lunged in, snapping at the drops of water that flew every time he doggy-paddled. Not wanting to give herself time to chicken out, Nina kicked off her boots and quickly stripped herself of her shorts and t-shirt, leaving her standing in just her undergarments. Maxwell looked to be having the time of his life, and every bit of her wanted to just race to the water’s edge and dive right on in with him. But, to her horror, just like every other time she’d tried to do just that, she froze to the spot. A tightness started in her stomach, followed by a familiar tremble in her hands. She blinked back an onslaught of frustrated tears. What the hell was wrong with her? It was just a dam, for goodness sake. So, she forced a step, and then another, until she stood at the water’s edge, but try as she might, she just couldn’t go any further.
