by Mandy Magro
I know this might be bittersweet, Nina, because you made it very clear you didn’t want your daughter to ever know who you were. You felt it best at the time, but I hope you understand I wanted your child to be forever close to me, to Riverstone Ridge, so I could watch her grow and treasure time with her, holding on to the hope that one day, you and she could reunite. As you now know, I understand the aching emptiness triggered from losing a child. The death of my baby boy was final, forever – your situation doesn’t need to have that heartbreaking inevitability.
You’ll be happy to know Brianna has been raised in a loving home, and knows she is adopted, but that is as far as it goes. She works at the little Italian takeaway in the neighbouring township of Campfire Creek. I really do wish I could be there, to watch you meet each other, because I know in my heart of hearts, without a doubt, she will want to know her mum, and her father – please bear in mind this will also be another decision you’ll have to make. You need to know, once and for all, who he is – and, my darling Nina-Jane, on your very first sight of Brianna, you will instantly know. I do, as it’s plain as day, but I am going to leave that for you to discover so you can make up your own mind without my opinion swaying you. For now, Ruby and Max’s phone number is in my Refidex in the office. Once you are ready, make sure you call them. They truly are beautiful people.
Love you, always and forever,
Bea Xo
The letter falling to her chest, Nina covered her mouth. This was too much. All. Too. Much. A barrage of emotions assaulted her in full force – shock, confusion, anger, fear, hope and engulfing love. Her mind careered back to that day, the day she gave birth, and she pictured the mane of dark hair, the small bunch of tiny limbs, and skin the colour of pure white snow. Closing her eyes, she could still smell the scent of a newborn, all innocent and pure. It had torn her heart out when Bea had taken her from her arms. She’d made the decision to put her up for adoption months before having her because her baby girl had deserved better than her, more than what she was able to give as a seventeen-year-old girl. Bless Bea for cleaning up her mess.
Brianna Rose is such a beautiful name …
A strangled cry rose as the walls of the homestead began to close in, while at the same time the earth felt as if it were giving way beneath her. Then, as if all the wind had been taken from her, she sucked in one desperate breath after another. Needing to move, she gently pushed Tom from her lap and shot to her feet as tears blurred her vision and fell heavily. Her baby girl was alive and well, and not far from Riverstone Ridge. Pacing the kitchen with her arms wrapped around herself, a rush of urgency and need overwhelmed her – after years of trying to imagine how her precious girl looked, how her voice sounded, what her smile looked like, she now had the chance to see it, and hear it, for herself.
Although not allowed to reveal who she was yet, Nina had to, at the very least, lay eyes on Brianna, not only to see her daughter as a woman for the very first time, but also so she knew who the father was, and what better time than to do it right now. So, grabbing her keys, she rushed out the door, jumped in the car and revved it to life, hitting the gas before she had a moment to come to her senses and change her mind. There wasn’t a hope in hell she’d be able to sleep knowing Brianna was only an hour down the road – she just hoped she was working tonight. And that’s when she remembered she had yet to respond to Logan’s offer of dinner. Pulling over in a cloud of dust, she quickly deleted what she was going to send and instead typed:
Hey, sorry, but something’s come up. I’ll catch you tomorrow. Xx
A reply bubble popped up almost straight away, and she waited impatiently for Logan’s response.
I hope everything’s okay? Remember, I’m here if it’s not. And please, Neens, let me know if you have any more weird calls or strange feelings, okay? I’ll be there in a flash if you do. See you tomorrow. Xx
She hadn’t felt as if she was being watched since she’d mentioned it to Logan – maybe it had all been in her head after all. She didn’t have the time, or the headspace, to worry about it right now. Tossing the phone back onto the dash, she hit the accelerator and was off again.
Forty-five minutes into the drive and a tropical shower had abruptly rolled in, the pouring rain making it almost impossible to see out the windscreen. Squinting into it, Nina bumped along the summer-baked track of jolting ruts, slowing to ease across the shallow creek bed made famous by the name of the one-horse township of Campfire Creek – just over the rise, and then she would turn into the main street.
So deep in thought and embroiled with nerves, she jumped when the blare of a horn brought her back to the present and to the fact she was near the little Italian restaurant. The time between running out the door and getting here had been a haze. Thank goodness she’d made it safely. She turned into a parking bay, switched off the ignition, and rested her head back against the seat – she needed to take a few moments to try and pull what she could of herself together.
A few minutes later, she knew it was now or never. She hadn’t been so afraid of anything in all her life.
Stepping from the Jeep, she took a deep breath in a bid to try and calm the flurry of butterflies in her stomach. Every step that closed the distance between her past and the present was both electrifying and terrifying. The door of the cosy restaurant jingled as she stepped through it and into the inviting space. Candles flickered upon chequered tablecloths and Italian music played. The appetising scent of authentic pizza and pasta filled her senses, although she wasn’t the least bit hungry. Her hands shaking, she shoved them into the pockets of her shorts. Almost every table was taken, bar one at the back. She made a dash for it and quickly sat, feeling like everyone was watching her, even though they weren’t. Shaking from head to toe, she grabbed the menu and held it up, not caring to read it but instead peeked over it. And it was then, in a moment that stole her breath away, she saw her beautiful daughter striding towards her, order pad in hand, with her strong jaw, eyes of sapphire blue, long legs, and waist-length locks of dark hair. Nina knew, without a doubt, who the father was. Brianna was him all over.
‘Hi.’ A kind-hearted smile filled Brianna’s pretty face. ‘What can I get you?’ Pen poised, she waited patiently for a response, an air of agreeable confidence lingering around her.
Speechless, and with the room spiralling around and around as if she were on a show ride, Nina fought to find her courage and her voice. ‘Ummm,’ she choked out, her eyes going to the menu still in her hands, but the words a blur.
‘It might be a bit hard, reading it the wrong way up,’ Brianna said with a giggle as she reached out and gently turned it around.
‘Oh, oops.’ Her tongue feeling as if it were glued to the top of her mouth, Nina’s mind went blank.
Brianna’s smile gave way to concern. ‘Are you okay?’
The sound of her daughter’s sweet voice almost broke what little resolve Nina had left. ‘Oh, yes, sorry, it’s been a strange day and I’m a million miles away.’ She quickly looked to the menu, forcing herself to focus. ‘I’ll have the spinach and ricotta cannelloni, takeaway please.’
‘Good choice, it’s my favourite.’ She jotted it down and glanced back at Nina. ‘Will that be all?’
‘Yes, thank you.’
Brianna turned and walked away, and suddenly all time stopped as Nina recollected the purest few minutes she’d ever known, when she’d cradled her baby girl to her chest and stared into eyes so full of promise, so full of innocence. If only she could have stayed in that precious moment for an eternity. But their time together was over almost as soon as it had begun, and less than half an hour later, as Nina had taken her last full breath of her daughter’s newborn scent while whispering, ‘I’ll always love you, baby girl,’ Bea had gently taken her from her arms and carried her away, leaving Nina feeling more alone, more broken, than she’d ever felt in her entire life. She’d never forget the warm sensation of Brianna pressed against her chest, would never forget the sound of her s
weet newborn cries – a mother’s love was something she’d never surpassed and knew she never would.
Perhaps feeling Nina’s eyes upon her, Brianna looked up from where she was folding pizza boxes on the front counter and offered her another kind smile. As Nina returned it, her lips quivering, more tender love burst from her heart, and it took every bit of doggedness not to leap from her chair, take Brianna into her arms and tell her how sorry she was for having to let her go, and how much she loved her, back then, and now. There was so much she needed to say, so much she wanted to know, to learn, about her girl. She wished she could stay here and linger in this moment, unknowingly shared between mother and daughter, forever. As she bit back tears she prayed to god that Brianna was going to want to meet with her. As for Brianna’s biological father, now that was something Nina was going to have to deal with, and sooner rather than later. She was terrified about what was going to come of speaking the truth, finally, after all these years. But now she knew, it had to be done. She wrestled with this notion while she sat waiting, her gaze never wandering too far from Brianna.
What felt like seconds later, but was almost ten minutes, Brianna was at her side again, this time handing her a bag holding her dinner. ‘Here you go. One cannelloni, and a free serve of my nonna’s knock-your-socks-off tiramisu, to help take the edge off your strange day.’
Nina’s welling heart warmed even more. ‘Oh, how kind of you, thank you so very much.’
‘No worries,’ Brianna said with a wide smile, one that reminded Nina of someone she loved deeply.
Nina reached into her pocket and pulled out a fifty. ‘Keep the change.’
‘Oh wow, are you sure?’ Brianna’s eyes were as wide as saucers.
‘Of course, you deserve a tip with the great service you provide.’ Nina stood. ‘Go and buy yourself something nice.’
‘Thanks so much.’ Brianna tucked it into her apron pocket. ‘Are you a local here? I haven’t seen you in here before.’
‘Kinda, sort of,’ Nina said with a soft smile. She ached to reach out and cup Brianna’s cheek.
‘Well, hopefully see you in here again,’ Brianna said cheerily.
‘I’m sure you will.’ Nina had to fight to walk away, every step in the wrong direction pulling at her heartstrings.
Then, without looking back, she stepped outside into the balmy heat of the night and headed towards where she’d parked. She now knew the answer to the question that had been plaguing her for almost twenty-one years. What would happen from here, she hadn’t a clue, but one thing was for certain: this was going to change everything.
* * *
Nina downed her second glass of red wine and, grabbing the half-empty bottle, quickly followed it up with another. She felt as if her entire life had been turned inside out and upside down; everything she felt so sure about was now flipped on its head. Where was she meant to go from here? As she stared out at the black velvet of night, scattered with a blanket of glittery stars and an almost full moon, she made the only decision she could right now: to call him. As much as she wished she could avoid the conversation they were about to have, for so many reasons, she had to do the right thing. Her mobile phone pressed to her ear, she held her breath, her fingers drumming the sink. After five rings, the call went to voicemail. She breathed a sigh of relief. Now almost midnight, she hoped she hadn’t woken him.
‘Hey, Logan, it’s me. Can you call me back as soon as you get this message please?’ As she hung up, she tried to blink away her exhaustion and the sudden onslaught of tipsiness.
Seconds later, the ringing of her mobile made her jump. She snatched it from the counter. ‘Hey.’
‘Hey, is everything okay?’ Logan sounded deeply concerned.
Raw emotion made it almost impossible for her to reply. ‘Not really, sorry to call so late, I’m just so upset.’
‘Don’t apologise. I told you I’m here for you, any time of the day or night, and I meant it. Have you had a scare again?’
She took a moment to understand what he meant. ‘No, nothing like that.’
‘Good.’ Heavy footsteps were followed by the jingle of keys. ‘Sit tight, I’m heading over now and I won’t take no for an answer, so save it.’
A soft smile tugged at Nina’s lips. ‘Okay, thank you, see you soon.’
She shoved her phone back into the pocket of her shorts. As she gazed out at the silhouettes of the horses, all of them completely at peace, she felt a strange kind of envy for their easy freedom. The grip of her past just wouldn’t allow her such luxury, and neither would the uncertainty of her future. Maybe that was about to change – for better or for worse, she wasn’t sure yet. With three of them involved, the outcome didn’t just depend on her.
Pacing back and forth, she swallowed down the nerves playing havoc with her stomach. Logan would be almost here, and just how she was going to break the news to him she still wasn’t sure. The worry of it had had her wandering the darkened hallways when she’d arrived back home, crying, cursing, and at times down on her knees, praying to god for both comfort and forgiveness. Now she was at real risk of losing Logan from her life, forever, she was faced with just how much he meant to her, if she were being completely honest with herself. In the four weeks she’d been here, he’d been her rock, her confidant, and besides all of that, he’d made himself vulnerable so he could prove to her just how much he loved her.
As she busied herself making a cup of coffee, Brianna’s pretty face flashed before her eyes yet again. The sky-blue of her eyes, her long fingers, the teasing curl of her lips right before she broke into her warm smile – it was all him. Without a doubt, as Bea had told her it would be. She now knew who the father of her baby girl was, and she thanked god that it wasn’t Josh Harper. Brianna didn’t deserve to have a biological dad as selfish and as horrid as him. Brianna deserved a righteous man to look up to, one with strength and honour, a man who would step up to the plate of being a father figure, if that’s what Brianna wanted, and Logan was that man. Nina knew that in her heart of hearts. Even if he chose not to have anything to do with her, for keeping such a life-changing secret from him, she knew he’d always be there for his daughter.
At the sound of the vehicle approaching, she gripped the edges of the butcher’s block in the centre of the kitchen and dragged in a deep breath. She could do this. She just had to – she had no more excuses for not doing the right thing. On shaky legs, she wandered over to the kettle, switched it on again, and then glanced to where she’d set the little dining table for two. A plate of coconut slice, a jug of milk, the container of sugar, everything Bea would have placed there in the anticipation of guests arriving – no matter the time of the day or night. Although, this conversation wasn’t going to be full of pleasantries and laughter; it was going to be gruelling, emotional and downright challenging. Just how Logan was going to react was anyone’s guess. It was a risk she’d have to take.
There was a clang of the garden gate and then hurried footsteps crunched up the gravel path. Her heart in her throat, she all but ran to answer the door with Max hot on her heels, making sure to take a deep breath before she opened it. ‘Hey,’ was all she could choke out.
‘Hey, Nina, I came as quick as I could.’ Brows furrowed and his gaze intensely worried, Logan was the epitome of concern. The calls of the frogs and crickets were resonant and the lingerings of the bush that hung to his clothes enveloped her just before his strapping arms did. ‘I’m so sorry you’re having such a hard time,’ he breathed into her ear. ‘But I’m here now. You don’t have to go through it all alone.’
‘This isn’t about Bea.’ Nina’s voice was muffled against his chest.
Logan pulled back a little, just enough to look down and into her eyes. Apprehension shadowed his gaze. ‘What is it then?’
Guilt overcoming her, she stepped back and allowed him inside. ‘We really need to sit down and have a chat; this isn’t something to talk about at the door.’
‘Okay, now I’m really wo
rried.’ Stepping in beside her, Logan went to wrap an arm around her shoulder.
Nina stepped out of his reach. ‘Sorry, but trust me when I say I don’t deserve your comfort.’
Logan looked at her as if she’d lost her mind. ‘There’s nothing you could do or say to make me not want to comfort you, Neens. Not ever.’
‘You might not think that shortly.’ A wisp of hair fell across her face, and he reached out and tucked it behind her ear. The gesture moved her beyond words and nearly brought her to sobbing tears.
She shook her head, closed her eyes momentarily. ‘Please, Logan, don’t.’
Logan stepped back, just like she just had. ‘I’m sorry, I just …’
‘Come into the kitchen, I’ll make you a cuppa.’
Leading the way, Nina was taken by surprise when Logan grabbed her around the waist and spun her to him. ‘I’m not going to let you do this.’
‘Do what?’
‘Ruin us.’
She went to speak, but he gently placed his hand over her mouth. ‘Please, I know what you’re about to say and I don’t want to hear it.’
‘No, you don’t, Logan.’
He shrugged now. ‘Whatever it is, I love you too much to lose you, Nina. I just want to be with you, for tonight, and in the morning we can sort it all out. Okay?’ His eyes offered an invitation she was powerless to not accept.
But she really should …
Before she could say another word, he picked her up, his lips pressed against hers as if to silence her, before parting his mouth and kissing her deeply. She couldn’t help but return his passion as she wrapped her arms around his neck and surrendered to him. This man was her home, her world, and the father of her child. She didn’t want him to feel rejected, as if she didn’t love him, because she did, with all her heart and soul. And for just one more night, before she flipped his entire world upside down, she was going to show him just how much he meant to her.
