by Mandy Magro
With Cassie’s kind words, Nina broke and burst into tears. ‘You really think he and I could work through this and make a life together?’
Cassie smacked her hands together. ‘God yes!’ She stood and pulled Nina to her and hugged her firmly. ‘Stop thinking you don’t deserve happiness, hun, because you most certainly do.’ She pulled her back a little. ‘And I’m being selfish now, but I want you back here, too, so we can hang out whenever we like. I’ve missed you so much over the years you’ve been gone.’
‘Oh, Cassie, thank you.’ She kissed her on the cheek. ‘I love you heaps, hey.’
‘Ditto, lovely.’ She gave Nina’s arm a pat. ‘Now go get your hunky spunky man.’
Caught up in the moment, Nina made a run for the doorway, but skidded to a stop. ‘What about dinner?’
Cassie grinned. ‘I secretly don’t like minestrone, so I’m happy to get a burger on the way through town.’
‘You’re the best, Cass.’
‘Uh-huh.’ Cassie winked. ‘And don’t you forget it.’
‘Never have and never will, Cass.’
Nina couldn’t get out of the house fast enough. Finally, for once in her life, she felt like she was on the right path and there was light at the end of the long dark tunnel she’d been trudging through. As Logan had promised, he’d gone and made everything blindingly clear – she just prayed to god it wasn’t too late for her to make it right.
* * *
Digger lay in the dirt, his head resting on his front paws, ready to watch his master. It had taken Logan almost an hour to muscle the bales of hay out of the middle of the shed and off to the side. Covered in dust, sweat and bits of the spiderwebs he’d thundered through, he stood in the duskiness, looking to where a pair of dusty boxing gloves hung over an equally dusty punching bag suspended from the rafters. Hot as hell, he peeled his shirt off and tossed it to the corner. Stomping over, he grabbed the gloves and brushed them off before tugging them on. He laced them up, using his teeth to pull them tight. It had been a long time since he’d felt the need to pound something – the last time being the day after the fatal accident, when he’d walloped the bag, gloveless, until his knuckles had bled.
Approaching it as if it were an opponent, he steadied himself for the first punch. Fists up, chin down, his eyes low and focused, he stood in a perfect fighting stance. The first blow made a sharp crack, and it was quickly followed by repeated thumps as he ducked and weaved. Grunting, harder and faster, he pushed all of his anger out through his arms and fists. The bag swayed heavily, met each time with another forceful whack. Nimble on his feet, he became lost in the rhythm. His eyes stung from drips of perspiration. Using his forearm, he quickly wiped them from his face. But he didn’t give himself much time to catch his breath, continuing on until his shoulders ached and he could no longer feel his hands. Then, utterly spent, he collapsed to the dirt, on his knees, his chest heaving. His forever loyal four-legged companion came to his side.
Heaving in fraught breaths, Logan felt as if he’d been barrelled by a bull and then kicked in the guts for good measure – talk about the highest of highs to the lowest of lows in the past twenty-four hours. Having Nina near him this past month had felt so real, so right … too right. But he should’ve damn well learnt by now that nothing ever turned out the way he wanted. Damn her for making him feel … well, that was the long and short of it, making him feel again. For four long years he’d guarded his broken heart, had remained untouchable, and he’d gone and trusted her enough to reveal his battered and bruised soul. Now she’d taken it right into the palm of her hands and crushed it, then, once again, did what she did best and walked away.
As shitty as the situation was, he knew he had one thing to grab hold of right now – he had a second chance at loving his very own daughter, and come hell or high water, he was going to do his best to have her as a part of his life. He hoped Brianna wanted that too. Just how Nina – and Bea for that matter – had kept something so life-changing from him all these years was beyond his comprehension. If only Nina cared enough to help him come to terms with it, instead of turning her back on him the minute he told her some home truths, things might be very different right now. As he recalled how icy her tone had been as she’d told him to basically rack off before striding away as if the devil were hot on her heels, it split his already broken heart right down the middle.
Again.
He should have learnt his lesson twenty years ago, when she left without even a goodbye. What was with her not having the courage to stand and fight for what she wanted, instead of throwing her hands up in the air when the going got too tough? He knew in his heart of hearts she wanted him just as much as he wanted her, but that was proving to not be enough. The invisible hands wrapped around his throat tightened with every painful beat of his heart, making him feel as if they were cutting off his airway. For god’s sake, he felt as if he were about to cry. A surge of anger and frustration and hurt overcame him and he pressed his eyes into his boxing gloves – willing himself not to break down. It would do him no favours. But spent, broken, hurt beyond belief, he was surprised when the first tears he’d shed in many months gathered and fell. And like a dam bursting its banks, he sobbed for all that he’d lost and all that he was about to lose when Nina drove away from Riverstone Ridge for the final time.
‘Logan?’ Nina’s voice echoed from some faraway place.
Straightening, he turned, his gaze finding a silhouette standing in the doorway, the light behind it making Nina appear as if she were an angel sent from heaven.
‘Nina?’ He found it hard to see through his tears.
‘Oh god, Logan.’ She rushed across to him and fell to her knees, taking his face in her hands. ‘I’m so, so sorry. I should be here for you, not turning my back because I’m too scared to face up to the truth. You’re right, I need to learn to stand and fight, because I have a lot to fight for.’
He wanted to give in, to tell her he loved her so, but his hurt and anger wouldn’t allow it. ‘Yes, you do – and I’m one of those things worth fighting for.’
‘I promise I’m going to try and give you all that I have.’ She was desperate and just as broken as he was. ‘Please, Logan, take my word for it.’
‘I believe you.’ He yanked off his gloves and tossed them to the floor. ‘You’re here for me now and that means the absolute world.’ He took her into his arms and they held each other tight. ‘I love you, Neens, and I don’t want to go through this without you.’
‘I love you, too, Logan, and if you still want me, I’m not going anywhere.’
‘You’re going to stay at Riverstone Ridge?’
‘Yes, I am.’ She smiled through her tears. ‘Why would I want to be anywhere else, when the two loves of my life are here?’
CHAPTER
22
William eyed Nina across the candlelit dinner table. ‘I’m so very happy you’ve decided to stay on here, and Bea would be too.’ He held up his freshly refilled wine glass. ‘To you, and all the good that is to come here at Riverstone Ridge.’
‘To Bea.’ Nina held up her glass and chinked it against William’s. ‘And to wonderful times ahead, for all of us.’
‘Chin-chin,’ William added, before taking a sip. ‘And by the way, Nina, this is divine,’ he said before savouring his last mouthful of lasagne.
‘Why, thank you.’ Her plate basically licked clean, Nina sat back, smiling proudly. ‘I told you I could cook.’
‘Indeed you did, and indeed you can.’ Placing his knife and fork in the correct manner, neatly side by side, William offered her a gracious smile. ‘You were taught by the best, so I wouldn’t expect anything less.’
Nina replied with a gentle smile.
William rested back into his chair. ‘So, have you contacted Ruby and Ron yet?’
‘Yes, I did this morning. They’ve asked me to be patient with them while they find the right time to sit Brianna down and tell her about me and Logan. And of course I will be.�
�� She fiddled with her napkin. ‘I always believed I’d never get to know my girl, so waiting a little longer so that things are done right is fine with me.’
‘They are lovely people, so I’m sure they’ll have everyone’s best interests at heart.’
‘You know them?’ Nina straightened.
‘I sure do. I’ve had dinner, along with Bea, at their place and here quite a few times over the past couple of months.’
‘So you’ve met Brianna?’
‘Yes, of course, and she is the most beautiful girl, just like you. She doesn’t know who I am, exactly, other than a close family friend.’
Nina bit back a snappy response. ‘So you knew about her, that I was her mother, before me?’
William took a few lengthy moments to respond. ‘Yes, Nina, Bea filled me in on quite a lot. She wanted me to be here for you along your journey of discovery.’
‘Right, well, I suppose that’s a good thing for her to do, seeing as she can’t be here.’ Nina took a sip of wine. ‘So you know about my mother’s suicide and Bea’s baby boy being murdered?’
William nodded, his lips now clamped tightly shut as if he was trying hard not to speak.
‘Do you know what’s in the last letter?’
‘Yes, I do.’
‘Wow, okay.’ Getting annoyed, and not wanting to ruin the good vibe they had going over dinner, Nina decided to change the subject before she got too heated and too carried away. ‘I didn’t get to speak to Ron this morning, but Ruby was so kind on the phone. She said she’d been waiting for my call and was so glad it had come. She and Ron want Brianna to have a relationship with me and Logan.’ She shrugged. ‘Now, I suppose the ball is in Brianna’s court. We can’t force her to meet with us. I want it to be something she feels is right for her, however long that might take.’
‘I honestly believe it will all work out, Nina.’ William reached across the table and gave her hand a squeeze. ‘Brianna is going to want to meet you and Logan, I’m sure.’
‘I hope you’re right, William, I truly do.’ Before she broke down, she stood and began clearing the plates. ‘Anyhoo, time will tell.’
William followed suit. ‘Yes, it always does.’
‘Just leave the dishes in the sink, William, I’ll rinse them later.’
‘You went to the effort of cooking me a beautiful meal, I honestly don’t mind helping to clean up.’
‘Guests don’t clean in my kitchen.’ Nina offered a smile over her shoulder as she tucked the tea towel back over the rail on the stove.
‘I know where you learnt that one from.’ William wrapped an arm around her shoulder, giving her a tender squeeze. ‘You remind me so much of Beatrice.’
‘I like that I do.’ Nina blew out the candle. ‘Would you like to go and sit outside, finish off the rest of this wine while we watch the sun bow out for another day?’
William nodded. ‘Sounds superb.’
They wandered outside, with Max hot on their heels, and got comfy in the swing chair, a glass of red wine in hand and Max at their feet. They watched the sun sink over the distant mountains, splashing the sky with vibrant hues of pink, orange and lavender. Cockatoos took refuge in the many branches of the blossoming jacaranda tree, their chatter raucous but pleasant.
‘This is so beautiful.’ The gentle wind had lost the day’s heat, and it touched Nina’s cheek like a cool kiss. ‘Do you mind driving home in the dark, though?’ she added softly.
‘I usually try to avoid it, but the company is too nice to up and leave just yet.’ His forehead puckered a little as he turned to hold her gaze. ‘As I’m getting older, and after losing my love, I like to grab hold of all the precious moments in life like this, because you never know when you won’t have the chance to do so.’
‘Aw, that’s so sweet, thanks, William.’ She raised her glass to him, and he did the same. ‘And just for the record, I love your company too.’
‘I can’t begin to explain how happy that makes me, Nina.’
Nina’s heart fluttered. Her uncle was so much like Bea – warm, kind, caring. ‘Now I’m sticking around, we can make this a regular thing if you like. Maybe regular Sunday roasts, or something like that?’
William’s face lit up like a Christmas tree. ‘Oh, most definitely, I’d love that.’
‘Great, it will be nice for you to visit for the heck of it, instead of driving over to drop off another letter.’ She stared down at the final one clasped in her hands and then back towards William. ‘I almost don’t want to open it.’
‘Why’s that?’
‘Because once I have, it’s the last time I’ll get to communicate with Bea.’
‘Well, now you’re staying on at Riverstone Ridge, Bea will be with you all the time, everywhere you go, so you’ll be able to talk with her whenever you like.’
‘That’s a really beautiful way to look at it, William.’ She went to rip the envelope open, stopping when William shot to his feet.
His sudden movement making her start, Nina placed a hand to her chest. ‘Where are you off to in such a hurry?’
‘Oh, I think it’d be best if I gave you some space to read this one in private.’
Nina couldn’t help but notice his anxiousness and wondered why he was feeling so uneasy. She held up the unopened letter. ‘I don’t mind you staying for it.’
He chuckled a little nervously. ‘I just don’t think you need me here, peering over your shoulder.’
‘Actually, I’d love you to stay just a little longer.’
William hesitated, sucked in a breath. ‘Okay, if you insist.’
Nina nodded. ‘I do.’
Slowly, almost cautiously, William sat back down beside her. He sat stiffly now, as though ready to make a run for it. Nina regarded him for a few more moments before turning her attention back to Bea’s fifth, and final, letter.
My darling Nina-Jane,
Well, here we are at the final hurdle, and please know that even though I’m not there in body, I’m right beside you, holding your hand. I always will be. I know what I’m about to tell you will be a tough one to take in, but remember, everyone did what they thought was best at the time, and everyone is doing what they think is for the best now. You, my beautiful girl, have gone through something very similar, having to give up your child, so I am hoping, because of this, you’ll be able to have compassion for all involved.
William is a beautiful man, isn’t he? So kind and thoughtful and loving. He is my brother, that is the truth, and also … he is your father.
Nina sucked in a sharp breath. Her eyes filling with tears, she turned to the man beside her, only to find him in tears himself. He almost couldn’t bring his gaze to her, but did. They remained silent. Nina was too afraid to speak for fear of what she might say in the spur of the moment. And William looked as if he was too emotional to get a word out. She turned back to the letter, the words blurring on the page as her tears welled, and fell, upon the paper.
I hope, in time, you’ll be able to find forgiveness in your heart for him, Nina. He never wanted to cut you out of his life, but after what your mother did, and with homosexuality being a massive no-go in our day, he’d thought it would be best for you if he was out of your life, so you didn’t have to grow up with the stigma of a gay father. Of course, now we all know better, and he would give anything to be a part of your life. Please be gentle on him, Nina, for me.
Love you, always and forever,
Bea Xo
Her mouth tight and dry, Nina’s eyes remained transfixed on the cursive words a little longer as a mishmash of anger, shock and fear overcame her. With a sharp intake of breath, she looked up, only to meet equally anxious eyes, patiently waiting for her reaction – one that took her a few moments to gather and find the courage to convey.
‘You’re my father?’ She exploded out of the swing chair, and the world spun beneath her as she held her breath.
‘Yes, I am.’ William stood and stepped towards her, arms raised to pull her i
nto them.
She backed away. ‘Please, just don’t.’ She blinked back more hot tears. ‘Why didn’t you just tell me this four weeks ago, instead of lying to me?’
With a heaving breath, William’s shoulders sagged, as if the weight of the world had just landed upon them. ‘I haven’t really lied to you, as such …’
‘Really?’ Nina folded her arms defensively. ‘What would you call it then?’
His hands going into his pockets, William offered a resigned sigh. ‘I just wanted you to get to know me a little before you found out. I thought it might give you a chance to see me for me, and not as the man who left you behind, or the man who had finally come out of the closet and broken your mother’s heart.’ He looked to the ceiling, blinking faster. ‘I blame myself for so much, Nina, including your mum taking her own life. It was the day after I told her the truth of who I needed to be that she did what she did.’
Another wave of anger overcame Nina, but she rose above the surface of it. ‘It would have been a massive shock for her, and yes, it would have broken her heart, but nobody can take the blame for another person taking their own life. That is totally on their shoulders.’
William choked back a sob. ‘Thank you, Nina, that means a lot to hear you say that.’
‘It’s the truth.’ She bit the insides of her cheeks as she really looked at him. There were so many similarities – why hadn’t she allowed herself to notice until now? ‘Who else knows about this?’
He wiped tears from his cheeks with a handkerchief. ‘I don’t think that’s important.’
‘Well, I damn well do,’ Nina bit out, regretting her tone instantly.
Wide-eyed now, his halted, silent reply hung on his open lips. He shook his head and then rubbed his face. After a few moments, he found his voice, but it was almost a whisper. ‘Logan knows.’
‘What?’ The word whooshed from her lips.
‘Please, try not to hold it against him, Nina – it was Bea’s dying wish that he keep it to himself, so you and I could get to know each other first.’
