***
By the time we got back, the only substantial subject Kent and I had managed to talk about was which kind of pizza we liked best. My vote was on pepperoni, but for some ungodly reason he said he liked anchovies and pineapple.
Of course, that conversation resulted in us ordering pizza for dinner. Even though it was only four thirty, my mom decided to order early so that we could take our time eating. She headed into the bedroom to call, leaving Kent and me alone.
“So…” he started awkwardly. “You’ve got a name for your garage band. That’s cool, right?”
“Yeah.” I felt as if we’d long since moved on from being a garage band, but didn’t bother to correct him. Instead, I walked toward the living room window, staring out at the gas station across the road. Its red-and-white striping caught the sun, seeming entirely too shiny for a block that also held our dull apartment building. “So Kent, why do you really want to move in with my mom?” I asked, turning away from the window.
He shifted uncomfortably on the couch. “Because I love her and I want our relationship to keep moving forward.”
“Mhm. Then you would want to marry her eventually?” It was actually kind of fun grilling him; by leaving the choice of moving in with me, my mom had given me entirely too much power for a fifteen year-old.
For a few seconds, Kent just looked at me with raised eyebrows. “Yeah, I guess that would be the eventual goal.”
Faking enthusiasm I didn’t quite feel, I clapped my hands together and smiled. “Fantastic! And then I can be your step-daughter!” Pretending to be happy was a lot more fun than being depressed. The longer I pretended to be happy, the more distance I felt like I was placing between myself and the crying girl who might as well kill herself.
Kent cleared his throat. “Yeah, I suppose…” Luckily for him, my mom came back before I could get too annoying.
“They said we should get the pizza in about a half-hour,” she said, putting her phone away. “Looks like you two are getting along.”
“Yup, we are,” Kent answered for the both of us. I had to bite my tongue to keep from contradicting him; I didn’t think one trip to the bowling alley was enough to make us get along.
Mom gestured toward the bedroom. “Perfect! Ash, do you wanna talk for a bit?”
“Sure.” It wasn’t as if I had much of a choice; I followed her back into our bedroom and closed the door behind us.
“What do you think?” she asked. She didn’t clarify what she was asking about, but she didn’t have to. I knew she wanted to know if I was okay with living with Kent.
I exhaled slowly, trying to make a decision. Based on what I’d seen of him, he wasn’t anything special. But he wasn’t the asshole I’d originally assumed he was, either. Given Mom’s track record, perhaps that was the best I could hope for: someone who wasn’t about to win a step-father of the year award, but who at least tried to get to know me. Even if it was only so that he could move in with my mother.
For a moment, I thought I’d made my decision. I started to say I was okay with it, but I couldn’t get the words out. “Do you love him?” I asked instead.
Mom frowned. “I think so. It’s not… Well, when you’re older you’ll see that love isn’t always simple. It’s not always as if you’re in love or not in love. I like Kent, and I think that could turn into real love at some point. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah, I guess.” That made the decision harder. If she’d said that she was head over heels for him, I could have moved in just so she could be happy. But if that wasn’t a sure thing, I didn’t know how to make my decision.
My phone buzzed. I pulled it out of my pocket; the text was from Joey, finally responding to the message I’d sent earlier. Hope things are fine. We sucked without you… And Charlie’s mom made us cookies. I was pretty sure he added that last part to make me jealous, and it worked, in a way.
“We can just move back here if it doesn’t work out, right?” I asked.
“Yup. There are those two empty apartments downstairs. We could move back into one of those, or a different one. Or we could move somewhere new if you want. This doesn’t have to be permanent unless it works.”
“Okay, I guess I’m in.” I wanted to live in a family where my mom brought me cookies, where she could be home by five PM instead of midnight. If accepting Kent into my life was the price for that, I’d gladly pay it.
Auburn: Outcasts and Underdogs Page 12
