by Kate Rudolph
“You did good out there,” said the captain. “But we haven’t talked about your future with this crew, and since we’ll be at Honora Station in a few hours, I think it’s time we did.”
Did Xandr know Alleyva was talking to her about this? Did he care? Was she about to get kicked off the ship? She managed to keep a straight face as panic lanced through her and when she spoke, her voice was even, if a bit flat. “Yes, let’s talk. Please.”
Alleyva studied her for a moment, her gaze intense. “You showed potential and quick thinking on our last job. The crew doesn’t hate you, and Xandr has vouched for you. There’s a place for you on this crew, in a probationary capacity, if you want it. But this life can be hard and dangerous. Honora Station is a transport hub for this corner of space. There are plenty of ships every week that can get you back to Earth, and as a thank you, Xandr has offered to pay for first class passage to get you back home. If that’s what you’d prefer.”
“He wants me to go home?” She shouldn’t have said that out loud, and Andie wished she could call the words back as soon as she’d uttered them, but they were out there and saying way too much.
But the captain didn’t latch onto that weakness. “You’d have to ask him what he wants. He wouldn’t have vouched for you if he didn’t think you’d be suited here. Take the time you need to think about it.”
“I’d like to stay.” Andie didn’t need time. She’d been working towards this for the last week, and even if that wasn’t very long in the grand scheme of things, she was ready to make this decision. “There isn’t anything for me back on Earth. And...” Anything else she could say was far too personal. She and the captain weren’t friends, and she wasn’t sure they’d ever be. But Alleyva was fair; the proof lay in the fact that she’d given Andie a chance. “I’ll make it worth it. I promise.”
“Then welcome to the crew.” She turned around and must have performed some sort of magic trick to pull out a watch with an embedded communicator from one of the piles that sat precariously behind her. “You’ll need to undergo training to make sure you’re physically fit for our missions, and I’ll want you to have basic knowledge of the Oscavian Empire and its social systems. We don’t usually hit within the empire, but we’re close enough that we’ll be swimming within its influence. And once we’re back from leave we’ll formalize your duties. On the ship it’ll be a lot of grunt work. Any questions?”
Andie shook her head, almost overwhelmed by it all. She fastened the communicator to her wrist and couldn’t help the smile that bloomed on her face. The cool metal against her skin felt like acceptance.
“Now don’t fuck up my crew.” With that, Andie was dismissed.
Andie walked back to her room in a much better mood. She didn’t know what the hell she was going to do about Xandr, but for the first time in years she felt like she was standing on solid ground.
XANDR HAD LOST COUNT of the number of times they’d stopped at Honora Station for a few days of rest. He knew every public space on the station and quite a few of the private ones. The most memorable encounter had been the year before, when the station started a winter holiday tradition, an interesting plan for a place wholly devoid of seasons.
Today there were no festivities. Just a bunch of lonely travelers drinking in one of the seedier bars and looking for someone to spend a few hours with to feel less alone. Xandr recognized a few of the people here as partners from past trips, and while he’d acknowledged some of them with a tilt of his head, he made no effort to approach.
He knew who he wanted, and she wasn’t here.
This idea had been stupid when he’d thought of it after their mission on Quordon, but Xandr knew he had to do something. He’d been riding the edge of distraction the entire time he was near Andie, and if he hadn’t been incredibly lucky in the fight he’d been embroiled in, he would have suffered more than a few annoying bruises. He knew he was aching for release, and a small part of him had hoped that anyone would do the trick.
But he hadn’t thought of anyone but Andie since their escape from Ixilta. He didn’t get hung up on people. He’d been taught from a young age to care for his responsibilities first and to keep his emotions in check. Lust had no place overruling anything, and he couldn’t put his desire for one woman above his duties to his crew. If Andie was a distraction, then he had to find a way to get her out of his head, and he’d always heard the best way to get over an unattainable lover was to choose another.
Though Andie was anything but unattainable.
He knew that all he had to do was approach her, and that was why he’d spent the last two days doing everything he could to stay out of her path. She made him feel things he didn’t know how to control, made him want things he didn’t know he could crave. And he feared that if he walked down that path with her there would be no turning back. His life was too precarious to take a lover who didn’t know what it meant to keep him, and Xandr’s secrets weren’t something he’d reveal, not even to Andie.
He couldn’t offer her a relationship, not without the risk of ruining them both. So he needed to force himself to get over this thing before it grew too large to overcome.
He stared at the drink in front of him, the frothy blue liquid something both sweet and sour with a kick of liquor that warmed his blood. The air shifted as someone slid into the seat across from him at the small table for two he’d chosen and he looked up, ready to brush off whoever had joined him.
Andie sat there, a strange look on her face.
“Am I an idiot?” she asked. She was dressed in an all-black jumpsuit, something he hadn’t seen her wear before. Her curly hair was haloed by golden charms that she must have purchased at one of the many shops on the station. She looked ready to kick ass or seduce anyone in her path, and Xandr wanted to growl and fight anyone that thought they could have her.
But he had to keep himself under control. He already knew this wasn’t smart. He’d come here for a reason, and it wasn’t to chat with the human he couldn’t get enough of. “Why do you ask?” When in doubt, years of training were there to make sure he kept his composure.
“Because you kiss me like there’s no tomorrow, then run away and hide. And now you’re in a bar looking to pick up a stranger when this thing has been simmering between us for weeks. So have I imagined it all? Is this something I’ve blown out of proportion?” She didn’t sound angry, but she was getting close to the edge of it, fire simmering in her voice just ready to explode if Xandr provoked her.
He wanted the heat. “Relationships between crew members can get messy,” he warned.
Her eyebrows shot up. “Who said I was talking about a relationship?” When his eyes got wide, she smirked. “I’ve heard enough about you to know that’s not your style. I don’t need poetry and roses, Xandr. All I want is honesty... and orgasms. I won’t ask more from you than you’re willing to give. Hell, I’m not sure that I can give any more than that. You might not have noticed, but my life is in a bit of an upheaval at the moment.”
Images of their bodies entwined circled his brain, and despite that he smiled at the wry tone in Andie’s voice. What she was offering was perfect; it was more than he’d ever hoped. And a small part of him knew it would never be enough. If he took Andie to bed, he knew he’d want to keep her there and damn the consequences. Even if the past came calling and tried to collect for debts due, he’d do anything to keep her at his side.
It wasn’t what she was offering, and he couldn’t be sure she’d ever want more. Taking her up on her offer could end up hurting them both.
But he’d never met a challenge he couldn’t conquer. And conquering her would be the sweetest pleasure. He’d have her begging for his touch and his heart in no time.
She was waiting for his response, her composed tone belied by the way her fingers tapped against the table. She was nervous and Xandr wanted to calm those fears, but old instincts died hard and there was a distant voice in his head telling him to press his advantage and take every
thing he could from her. She’d shown her hand, shown her weakness by being honest about her desire. He could still win this thing.
But in games of sex, weren’t they both winners?
“I didn’t come here to pick someone up,” he said, lying and telling the truth at the same time. He might have intended to do so, but sitting next to Andie he knew he wouldn’t have gone through with it, not when she was the only person he hungered for.
Andie took a shuddering breath and blinked her eyes twice before meeting his gaze steadily. “I’ve got a room for the night. Want to see it?”
CHAPTER SIX
ANDIE DIDN’T KNOW WHERE she’d found the courage, and she had to stuff her hands in the pockets of her new jumpsuit to keep from shaking. But when she’d heard Sayevi tell Dr. Hayk that Xandr must have gone out to get laid, she’d been like a woman possessed. Something had ridden her hard, telling her that this was her last chance to make her move.
It wasn’t like Xandr owed her anything, and certainly not fidelity. There wasn’t anything to be faithful to! But to know he’d gone out and found someone else would have crushed her.
So she might have been bending the truth when she said she wanted something casual. Something without strings. Right now all she knew was that she wanted him, and she finally had the courage to go out and grab the alien by the horns, so to speak. Whatever came next, she could deal, and if one night was enough and they both walked away sated and over one another then so be it.
She knew she’d lost a piece of her heart to him during their escape, but the rest of her heart was still hers, and no matter what happened it would survive. Guarding it from feeling what it wanted wouldn’t keep her safe. It would only leave her dissatisfied and confused, things she had no time for now that she was free from her past.
Xandr followed closely behind her as she led him to the hotel portion of the space station. He probably knew these corridors better than she did, but he didn’t try and take over. She could feel his heat behind her and wanted to lean into it, but she wasn’t exactly sure what Honora Station’s policy was on public exhibitions. Once she got her hands on Xandr, there wasn’t going to be any stopping. Not this time.
They took an elevator up to the small room she’d rented. It wasn’t the cheapest space available. That had been a small, coffin-like box that offered a private bed and nothing more. And the extra space had stretched those credits she’d earned on the ship until there wasn’t much left over. But with Xandr right behind her, Andie couldn’t regret it.
They probably needed to talk, needed to figure out exactly what was and wasn’t going to change once morning came, but when Andie opened the door and let Xandr in, he had her crowded up against the wall, invading her space with his scorching heat before she could even open her mouth to offer him a drink. His eyes were that blinding blue she saw in her dreams, more vibrant than the sky on any planet, and every bit of him was hard.
Hard muscle, hard mouth, and definitely hard cock.
She couldn’t remember how long it had been since she’d taken someone to bed, and with Xandr standing in front of her there was no room for thoughts of past lovers in her mind. Just standing there was enough to obliterate all thoughts of the past, and she was almost scared to find out what his touch would do to her. Scared and anticipating it so much that she ached with want.
There were words they needed to say. Andie was certain she’d been thinking about that just moments ago, but who needed words when actions were so much clearer?
Their mouths crashed together in a punishing kiss. There was no room for romance here, only a desperate need to feel what they’d been ignoring for weeks. Andie pressed up against Xandr, her hands clenching his shoulders tight enough to bruise, tight enough that he couldn’t back away. Her own fingers hurt from the way she held on, but that didn’t matter when his tongue invaded her mouth, his taste sweeping into her like he could conquer her, like he could own her.
She burned with wanting him, arching against him like any molecules of air between them were an enemy that needed to be destroyed. Her eyes snapped shut, squeezed closed so tightly that tears formed in her eyes. If she looked at him it was too much, too overwhelming, memories of everything that had happened to her in the last weeks, the last months, the last years threatening to crash over her. But as Xandr kissed her, sensation washed over her and she could push everything else away.
One hand wove through her hair, cradling her head in a controlling and protective hold. She didn’t need to worry when he had her like this; he could keep all the dangers of the world at bay, all she had to do was let him.
And Andie wanted to let him, needed to. No one had removed her burdens in so long, no one had cared for her. Not until a hulking alien prisoner smashed into her life and changed everything in a single night. She knew she was fooling herself, knew that nothing more than a night or two of mutual pleasure could come from this thing between them.
Xandr had a hidden darkness to him, a well of secrets she knew he’d never share. She didn’t need to spend every minute with him to see that there were things he kept from the crew, from her. And though she knew he didn’t owe her anything, she wanted him to trust her with those mysteries. Wanted to face his demons at his side.
It was all too much. She’d told him this was casual, and though she knew how fast she could fall, she had to guard her heart as best as she could.
Control. She needed control.
Andie pushed against Xandr, and he moved back a step, his eyes dark with desire and a little curious. She shot him a grin and pushed him back until his legs met the edge of the small bed, and when he sat, she followed him, straddling his legs and moaning as the hot length of his cock pressed against her, even through all the layers of their clothes.
Why were they wearing clothes?
Xandr leaned in to kiss her again, but Andie put her hand on his mouth to stop him. If he kissed her again, she’d lose everything. Kissing was intimate, a promise of something more than just sex. And if it was just going to be sex between them she needed to put up a barrier, to hold some part of herself back that he wouldn’t own.
No more kissing, she vowed to herself, not unless it’s real.
But her lips already missed his taste.
No more kissing on the mouth, she amended silently. She could handle everything else.
She undid the clasp of his collar and loosened his shirt until she could pull it over his head, revealing the gorgeous purple skin beneath. Oscavians and humans looked a lot alike, and the more clothes that came off, the more thankful Andie was. She didn’t want to solve a puzzle of extra limbs and pleasure organs, not when they could be getting down in the most old fashioned way, something that seemed to be the same on so many planets and with so many species.
Her fingers ghosted over the ridges of his muscles, the heat of him almost enough to burn. She didn’t know if he ran hot because he was Oscavian or if it was just part of Xandr, but if she slept beside him, she wouldn’t need to worry about a blanket.
But Andie pushed that thought aside as well. There was no use getting ahead of herself here. They were going to sleep together, not necessarily sleep together.
She hesitated for a moment, and Xandr seemed to sense that something had changed. Their gazes locked and his eyes sharpened, and with a quick thrust of his hips he had her flat on her back, her hands pinned above her head as he gave a feral grin.
“My turn.”
XANDR DIDN’T THINK that Andie was having second thoughts. From the way her eyes tracked him as he loomed over her, keeping her hands pinned and her body exposed to anything he wanted to do to her, she hungered for him just as much as he craved her. But she’d shut some part of herself away, closed it off and bricked it up to make sure he couldn’t get to it. He wanted all of her, every part she kept to herself, every part she was too afraid to share. He wanted to make her give them up to him, wanted to make her quiver until she surrendered everything.
But that wasn’t what
she’d offered him, and that wasn’t what he needed. All they could have was a fuck, and he’d make sure it was one she never forgot.
Her jumpsuit seemed to be painted on, but Xandr took his time tracing his fingers over every hidden seam until he found the catch that opened the fabric up. Peeling Andie out of the garment was like opening a gift, one more precious than he’d ever hoped to be granted, and as her naked flesh was revealed he wanted to touch and kiss her everywhere, mark her until there was no question that she belonged to him. He’d never wanted a mate before, but with her lithe body under his, he finally began to see the appeal.
“Grip the headboard,” he rumbled at her, his voice almost too low to understand.
Andie shivered and her body tightened under him, but she threaded her fingers around the simple headboard and held on tight. “You look like you want to eat me,” she said, licking her lips and looking happy with that possibility.
“I’m going to devour you,” Xandr promised. He’d been with enough humans to know their erogenous zones, but with Andie everything was new. He didn’t want to do this by rote, bring her to her peak and then find his pleasure in some sort of impersonal exchange. He wanted her writhing around him until she begged for more, until she forgot her own name and history and only existed in the moment for the pleasure he could give her.
That was no simple task, but there was no greater pleasure than to bring this woman to the brink of ecstasy. Even if he only ever had this night with her, it would be a memory to hold close until his dying day.
He ran his hands over her, his fingers gently nipping at her nipples and swiping down her sides until she shivered. Her hips arched up towards him, seeking more contact, but she didn’t move her hands, letting Xandr keep control. For a moment he wanted to find something to bind her in place, to hold her there with more than just hands wrapped around a cheap metal bar, but she hadn’t agreed to restraints, and he’d never before needed to dress sex up as more than it was.
