I made my way up a grassy knoll, a gnarled oak at the top of it. There were many things still to settle. Eric. I had not forgotten him. I would avenge his death, and my betrayal. One Eye, I would do all I could to release him—a matter a lot more complicated now that he was in the hands of the Empire. And Siv, by the gods, I hoped she would be a good Jarl.
And looming above all, was the feeling that I had not seen the last of that gathering Orc Horde far to the north, at the edge of the world. For surely they would scatter, but it would not be easy to forget the power they held, and surely another warlord would rise up in time.
I longed for a sense of home, sitting there as the wind curled the tall grass, of simplicity. There was one person who I wanted to see now, who made me forget all the weariness of life as a Fenrir, as the Wolf Blade.
“Where is Kyra?” I asked, standing on the meadow before her father’s hovel.
“She’s out wanderin’ about, gettin’ away.” Tovir was seated on a tall log he had just chopped down and had greeted me as if it were just another fall day. His armor was off and he was relaxing with a mug of ale. “I would guess she’s hunting, just as you are. ‘Cept she’s hunting deer or elk, and you, you’re huntin for her big arse!” He chortled and downed his mug—the living portrait of his father.
“You know it’s not like that.”
“Oh, I know it is, ya sly dog. Come now, Rothan, who else would I want to bed my sister? Hell, I’d want ya to marry her, pump her full of man-wolf babies. It’d be swell—we’d be brothers then. Of course, now that yer marrying that Jarl’s daughter, I understand ya can’t. But hey, ya got my permission to keep Kyra too. That’s the way of things, a warlord like you. Nothin’ wrong with it, no shame in it for neither of you, I say.”
I smiled. Perhaps I could learn from Tovir, to laugh at any and all that happened. “You haven’t heard. I won’t be marrying the Jarl’s daughter. And Kyra has never been a woman I would merely ‘keep too.’ So perhaps we can still be brothers after all. Someday.”
“Eh, what the hell happened with the Jarl girl? Wasn’t that why ya were hunting for Orc heads in the first place?”
“It’s complicated.”
“Ladies are. That’s why I go for whores. They’re the least complicated. Love ya perfectly.”
“I’m sure one will come along and make an honest man of you.” I grinned with amusement.
“She’ll have to be from heaven itself! Maybe higher!” He cackled and drank. “Well I can bet ya my father will be blind drunk should the day come for ya and my lil sister, so as the man of the family, I give you and Kyra my blessing. Here, make lots of burly ax-murdering babies.” He poured himself another and offered me a drink. I took a swig and gave it back. He promptly downed it in one gulp.
“Keep it up, and you’ll be just as blind drunk as your father when that day comes.”
“Hey, I have to practice at this!” He poured himself another. “I wouldn’t want to be a disappointment to my old man, rahahaha!” He laughed out loud, shaking so much he nearly fell over, and it was that contagious kind of laughter so I couldn’t help but laugh too. I even felt like the beast inside me was quietly grinning, shaking just a little from its amused snickers.
My beast stirred at the sight of her, tensed, stalking her prey. My beast recognized in her a true packmate, one who could run with me on the hunt. One that could match my strength, and so it hungered for her, did not give me peace from the desire.
I watched her for some time, my body now able to stay hidden much easier than my size would betray.
I followed her through the woods, the scents exploding all around me, the twirling leaves sparking in the sun, and her shining in the center of my vision, gold and pale.
Watching someone when they thought no one was around became rather amusing. I noticed what her face looked like when it was intensely concentrated. How she would bite her lip or move leaves out of the way with her forehead to keep both arms at the ready on her bow. Shudders of laughter went through me.
“It’s not fair, you know!” I shouted, not being able to contain myself.
She turned, aiming at me for a moment then letting her bow lower.
“You just ruined my kill!”
“The closest elk is a mile off.”
She shook her head and put her bow away. “Well then? What isn’t fair?”
“It’s not fair, you hunting those poor animals. You’ve hunted Orcs, red Orcs, giant spiders and Gilabrachs. Hardly fair you hunt for helpless deer now.” I began walking toward her.
“In that case, you cannot be hunting either.”
“I’m not hunting.” I suddenly remembered Tovir’s jest and silently laughed.
“What’s funny?”
“Nothing,” I said, trying to keep from laughing out loud again, “I’m just glad to see you.”
“Well… thank you. Should I say, thank you, Jarl Rothan?”
I shook my head. “You know, I don’t think being Jarl fit me much. I am much more at home out here, or in the field with an ax in my hand and my brothers at arms at my side. And my sisters.”
“Sister. Is that what I am to you?”
“I think you know what you are to me.”
I rushed to her. I clasped my arm around her waist. My other hand ran through her hair as I kissed her. Our lips ran over one another, hungrily, parting and joining again in some rhythm only nature knew. Our faces came so close, our eyelashes brushed one another. I felt her arms over my shoulders, bringing our bodies together until they were tight against one another.
Then, she leaned back from me.
“What will happen now?” she said, her hands resting on my chest. “For truly I do not know. What am I to you?”
“You cannot tell?” I smiled and felt my eyebrows raise in jest.
“A man kisses a woman for many reasons. He can kiss her out of lust, out of love, out of duty, out of drunkenness.” She looked down for a moment. “I hear men can even try to climb station with a kiss.”
“I never intended to marry Siv purely for personal gain. I was convinced it was for the good of Wolf Rein. And I will not lie, she is desirable as a woman as well. What fool would not think so? But I did not go through with it. I could have forced her, Kyra. I could have brought down all the pressure of the people, the warriors, the merchants—even the priests would have sided with me. But I didn’t. She will be Jarl now. I gave up power that she might be free to choose her own husband and her own life.”
“I… won’t lie either, If you had gone through with it, I would have been angry, but I would have accepted you as Jarl. All of Wolf Rein would have followed you. Perhaps it was for the good of all if you had.”
“Gah. This is my place.” I reached out and took her hand. “With you there are no motives. I have nothing to gain but your companionship. I have loved you since we first became man and woman. We are made of the same stuff. The same soil, the same sky, the same trees, the same spirit. We ride and hunt and fight. Side by side. Perhaps someday we can join our lives as well. Create a mighty house, with mighty children.” She leaned her body against mine. Her eyes were searching mine.
“What about Bellabel?”
“She… is Bellabel. She is my concubine.”
“Hells, Rothan. Do you love her too?”
“...Yes. In a different way.”
“And you will not forsake her? You speak of joining our lives and family and a household, but you won’t forsake her?”
“Forsake her? Kyra, she has fought and bled alongside us. She has been loyal to me in every way. She has not demanded a thing from me, was willing to come to my homeland if it meant being with me. She feels no jealousy of other women, should I choose to have them.”
“You would lay with many women, even when you are speaking of marriage to one?”
“You sound like Quistainn. Since when are you so righteous?”
“It’s not a matter of morals. My brother whores. Half the men in Wolf Rein whore, or wo
uld if they had the gold. While you were away at war, I knew you would have many women. You are a man, a man of desires that suit your strength.”
“Then if you see nothing wrong with it, why do you keep it between us?”
“Because. There might be nothing wrong with it in the eyes of gods and men…. But…. must you make me say it, Rothan?”
“Yes! I need to know why the woman I love and who loves me in turn lets something come between us.”
“I... I don’t want to share you. I can’t do it.” Her eyes gleamed. “So… our lives have to part here, where they first touched.” She turned, her gold hair swirling, and walked off into the forest.
“Kyra!” I yelled after her, but was not sure what else to say. I stood watching in silence. I could still hear her footsteps, still catch her scent, but I knew it was not right to go after her. I was not stupid as to think Bellabel would not have come up, but did not think it would be such a conflict. Men all over Skald bedded many women at a time, married or not, and Kyra had grown to respect Bellabel as far as i could tell. Perhaps I truly was a barbarian fool.
I knew Kyra had every right to feel as she did, and as much as it pained me to lose the first woman I ever loved, I had to respect her wishes, and accept it.
22
My quarters in our family manor were silent, dark save for a flickering candle. It felt good to wear only my undergarment, to have the cool air of the house in my nostrils, a fur over my bare skin. I had related much of what had happened in our battles with the Orcs to Yorbrand and my father over dinner. Bellabel and Quistainn joined in the storytelling. I left out some of the details, for time’s sake, and to spare speaking of sad things. I left out everything regarding my talk with Kyra in the Horned Woods.
I stirred in my warm bed, motioned to blow out the candles.
“Rothan, love, do not blow them out yet,” Bellabel said as she entered the room in a new nightgown, which was half translucent so that her sensuous curves teased the eye through the fabric. “I believe you will want to see this before you sleep.” She walked toward me, her hips swaying as I drank her body in and noticed that she had lacey stockings that went up half her thigh. Her dark hair fell over her lean shoulders. She parted her gown open. The soft gossamer caressed her skin as it fell away from her—the movement itself sensual, like a hand running over her body. She came closer, the contours of her mound visible under the red garment she wore over it. Her nipples were covered with gold ornaments.
“I have never seen you wear this,” I said, feeling the beast in me begin to wake, and my hand running along her legs, feeling the fine fabric of her stockings.
“I purchased it, for special occasions. And what more important occasion than your return from battle. Triumphant, powerful, a scarred, savage conqueror of men... and women.” She reached the bed. Her limbs glowed in the candlelight as she crawled toward me, each of her movements slow, smooth, almost a cat’s. She slipped under the bed furs. I sat in bed, and her hands ran over my thighs. She climbed on top of me, began giving me small, teasing kisses. I put my hands on her waist. The gold coverings on her breasts felt cool against my skin, in sharp contrast to the rest of her body which was hot nearly as a flame, as always. She caressed me everywhere, rubbing my neck and shoulders.
“You’ve fought so long and hard. You deserve anything you desire. Anything.” She ran her hand down my stomach, until she reached my manhood. She gave it a playful squeeze, then began caressing it with soft, nimble fingers. She gazed at me with her long curved eyes. “I know there are no slaves in Skald, but at night… in bed…. I am to be your slave.”
I took in the sight of her, her toned copper body slowly swaying on mine so that her mound began rubbing against my manhood through the thin fabrics.
She kissed my neck, then made her way down my chest, my abdomen. When she came to my manhood, she gripped it, then looked up at me through her thick winged eyelashes.
“Your blade is only half unsheathed...” She smiled mischievously as she pulled down my undergarment. “But I know how to draw it out completely, so you can pierce me with it…over and over again, my master, my owner...”
She began stroking me, her tongue beginning to slide all over the tip of my cock, summoning up a fever in me. She paused for a moment and spoke while her hand rubbed my quickly stiffening manhood.
“They say this woman Jarl will rule the city, but everyone knows who the real ruler is….it is you. You will see, you will be lord over this city, just as you are lord over me.”
I ran my hand through her hair as she took my manhood in her mouth again. “Gods, Bellabel… I…”
Her tongue swirled around it, and her lips began stroking it with a sucking wetness. She looked up at me, stopped for a moment. “You are not yourself tonight. I… do not draw your blade out completely. Do I not please you?”
“Of course you please me.” I nudged her up so she sat beside me. Covered myself. “It’s just, I am so weary, Bellabel, of the battle, of dealing with Jarls, my father, the city, Kyra, I just need a night’s sleep…”
“Kyra? You did not speak of her at dinner.”
“It’s nothing.” I realized I shouldn’t have said anything. “I think she just needs to be left alone for a time. Losing her brother… it must weigh on her.”
“Losing you must weigh on her,” she seemed to correct me. “And losing her must weigh on you.”
“No, it’s not that.”
“Rothan, why do you hide this from me, when you know the truth does not hurt me, when I have told you it does not?”
“Alright, Kyra does weigh on my mind…letting her go… is hard. I have known her all my life. How did you guess this?”
She leaned into me, cupped her head in the crook of my neck. “I know how you love each other. First loves. Both of you are alike in many ways. She is a proud northerner, just like you. Pride. Always pride. The best, the greatest, the biggest—this is what you all desire. And so… how can she be the greatest in your eyes when… I am here.”
“Bellabel.”
“You know I would leave, if that meant your happiness.”
“I forbid it.”
“You forbid me to leave?”
“You said you were my slave, did you not?”
“You are right,” she smiled, “and I know you are too stubborn to let me leave, even if it meant you being happy.”
“It wouldn’t. Your place is by me now, until the day you decide otherwise, for yourself, not for Kyra.”
“I know.” She returned to her comfortable position, head on my neck, warm legs draped over mine. “I just wish you northerners weren’t so stubborn, so proud. I can see how much it hurts you to lose her. It must hurt her too.”
“There are some things you can’t change. Don’t worry yourself. I will forget it soon enough.”
We fell into silence, a stillness. Soon all I felt was the chill of the breeze coming in, and the warmth of her smooth skin against me, her sleeping breath. As for me, I stared up into the darkness of the ceiling long into the night.
Sleep and wakefulness tossed in my mind like a sea storm. I decided that I needed to walk or eat or do something until my thoughts subsided. I closed the door behind me, and walked down the hall. I reached the patio, and was surprised to see Quistainn standing watch, looking toward castle Stone Mantle.
“What are you doing up?” I said, tiredness hanging on my eyes.
“Keeping watch, Rothan.”
“You must be weary. Get some sleep.”
“Thrawn sustains me.” His eyebrows rose. “You seem troubled, Rothan.”
“Aye… you wouldn’t understand, my friend. Woman things.”
“I….” he stuttered, “I… I might.”
“It’s just having to keep myself from them, because other duties come first. Because you can’t choose just one…because—forget it, how can you understand. You have forsworn them.”
“It’s because I have forsworn them that I understand.”
> “It’s not the same. You were even younger when you took the oaths of a cleric. You probably never truly desired them.”
He was silent for a long moment. “I did once. More than any man I know.”
“You pull my chain.”
“No, truly I did.”
“I can’t imagine you whoring at taverns and halls. What a sight that must have been.”
`“Oh no, I did not desire them like that. Or I should say, the desire that most men have for many women, I had all that desire, concentrated as heat is concentrated in a smith’s furnace. I had all that desire for only one.”
“Only one? Ever?”
“Ever.”
“This must have been one goddess of a woman.”
“Not a goddess. She was a girl that some might have called normal. Pretty, but normal. But she was always smiling. Cheerful, dutiful, caring. You know, those souls that make you think there is good in the world, that there are great destinies that carry us like flowing rivers to glad days and fair sights.”
“Hells, then why didn’t you go after her, Quistainn?”
“I did.”
“And what happened?”
“I… lost her.”
“How?”
He lowered his face so that his helm’s visor shadowed his eyes. “That… is a much longer story.”
“So that’s why…” my voice trailed as I looked at him with sudden realization, for those that feel the call of the gods most often feel all things more, their hearts like musician’s hears, “that’s why you took the oath, that’s why you joined the order, isn’t it?”
“When a man has an endless hole in his heart, Rothan, only something endless can fill it.” He looked up at me, his eyes full of a yearning I had not seen in any other man. “Thrawn is endless Rothan. She is in him now. And I think now and then, that with my last breaths I will be able to say to Thrawn, have I been worthy now, of such a beautiful soul, and will you grant me to see her once more?”
Wolf Blade: A Sword and Sorcery Fantasy Harem Page 27
