by Nolon King
“Jade, right?” I was just off another tour de clients — exhausted and dying to get home. But maybe I could help her.
Or maybe I was a hypocrite.
That might be what Jade was thinking, the way she was eyeing me.
Victor looked between us, seeming ever so slightly amused. He smirked, said, “I’ll leave you ladies to it,” then disappeared from the room.
Jade hardened the second he left. Her eyes, mouth, and posture all told me to get the fuck out of her room. I wondered if I had made a mistake. I probably should have left with Victor. I could be in my car already.
The silence weighed a ton, and I was thinking that I should probably just leave when Jade finally spoke.
“I’ve heard about you,” she said, her tone antagonistic, like a teenage daughter rebelling against her mother, the kind of tone I’d not yet had to suffer from Lena. “You’re the MILF, right?”
“I guess.”
“That’s what I figured.”
“Do you have a problem with that?” I asked.
Even though she sounded like a total bitch, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her.
Then the drawings tacked to the wall beside her bed caught my eye. Four of them, done in pencil. But they were delicate and beautiful. Her sketchbook was open to the start of her fifth drawing, what looked like a young woman sitting on a park bench, staring at a pond full of ducks, trying not to cry. The shadows were there, and I felt a sudden longing to see the whole thing filled in. Jade had clearly poured herself into them.
“Don’t think you’re going to boss me around. I’m a legal adult and free to do as I please.”
“Did you draw these?” I asked.
She shrugged. “They’re just sketches.”
“No,” I said. “They’re incredible. You’re really talented.”
Jade shook her head and gave me another shrug. “They’re stupid, and it doesn’t matter anyway.”
Then she fell silent again, obviously wanting to be left alone.
But I didn’t want to go, despite my fatigue. I thought of Lena, considered the karma in my account if I were to simply leave this young girl to her fate. There were so many things I wanted to say.
Why are you here?
You have all the potential in the world.
You’re too young to settle for this, can’t you see that?
But then, couldn’t she level all those same arguments on me?
Jade finally said, “Are you planning to stay in my room all day, or did you actually need something?”
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“Gucci.”
I didn’t know what that meant, so I just kept looking at Jade, hoping she might elaborate.
One more try: “I guess I just want to make sure that this is what you really want to be doing.”
She sat taller, and leaned forward. “They warned me. Said that people would feel threatened, and that they might even try to chase me away. So good luck with that, Mom, but it isn’t happening.”
The Mom hurt, more than it should have. “Who warned you?”
“Some of the other girls. There are only so many jobs and—”
“I’m not trying to take your job, Jade. I have plenty of work on my own.”
“Well, whatever.”
I shouldn’t care, but I genuinely couldn’t help it. Seeing Jade, defiant and lost, was pulling me out of my own drain of despair. She needed someone to care.
And Victor sure as hell didn’t.
I took out the little pink Moleskin I kept in my purse, double-checked the number for my burner, scribbled it onto the first blank page, then ripped the sheet from the notebook and handed it over to Jade.
“You can call me. Anytime. If you ever need anything.”
“I’m good,” she said, with another harsh and almost scathing gaze. “I can’t imagine needing something from you.”
I didn’t know what else to say. I tried to smile, but I’m sure it came out looking like sorrow stretched across an awkward face. I wasn’t sure why this girl was affecting me so much, but I couldn’t deny that she was.
I left her room, and it was easier to put her out of my mind. She didn’t want my help and I had plenty to worry about.
On my way out, I saw Victor giving shit to a girl, one I’d never met. I hesitated. I shouldn’t stick my nose in.
“—then fine. Don’t. There will be another bus full of beauties better looking than you by this time tomorrow. So you decide, but I doubt you’re going to be earning this kind of money at Walmart, which is where you’ll be if you don’t start listening.”
I should’ve walked out before he noticed me listening. Gotten into my car and driven away. But as I looked from him to the girl — a tiny thing with red hair and freckles and a girl-next-door appeal — I couldn’t stop the ugly thought.
He’s going to use her up, way too fast.
“Everything okay?” I asked, not looking at either one. I meant the question for her, but of course Victor assumed I was talking to him.
“Angelica here needs a lesson in enthusiasm, isn’t that right, Angelica?”
Angelica nodded.
Victor continued, “She doesn’t quite understand that confidence is the key to making this gig work. It’s a simple formula — well-groomed, comfortable, and confident in your skin. It’s a vibe that men are paying for, not the pussy itself. They want you to be energetic and professional; they want to know that they’re needed and wanted. That is most men’s actual fantasy.”
Angelica looked like she was going to cry.
“So why are you yelling at her?” I asked.
Victor shook his head at me, “Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m not yelling, I’m instructing, and hopefully, helping Angelica keep her job. But I can’t have clients calling me after her job telling me that it didn’t seem like she was into it. She needs to make her guy think she wants him bad and that she’s enjoying him, even if she isn’t. That’s the job.”
“I can do that,” Angelica whimpered, trying to sound strong.
“You heard her,” I said. “She’s got it, Victor. Now back off.”
And to my surprise, he did.
Angelica thanked me with her eyes.
Victor did not.
Chapter Eleven
Thursday Evening …
The house was blessedly quiet.
My nerves were shot. I kept thinking about Jade and her drawings. I’d assumed that all of Victor’s girls were like me — short-timers needing to earn money fast — or like Olivia, who’d confessed to me that her family had lost most of their fortune, and she was socking away most of her earnings toward an early retirement fund that would let her recover the wealth of her childhood. I hadn’t realized that Victor was also recruiting barely legal runaways and grooming them into a career.
Jade was a talented young woman. She should be going to college and dating boys her own age and stressing about her grade point average — not learning to fake enthusiasm about sucking a stranger’s dick.
I wondered how many of his escorts had been brought in young enough that they knew nothing else? How many had never even had a chance to fail at something they cared about before they’d fallen into this?
As I shut the front door, I shrugged that thought away and focused on how good it felt to be home.
That lasted about two seconds. Then I heard Alec and Lena fighting. Again.
At first I couldn’t make out what they were saying, but then Lena yelled, “Stop it!” and started bawling.
Dammit.
I pushed myself up from the counter and traded the solace of my kitchen for conflict in the living room.
“What happened?”
Lena cried harder, but Alec stared me down, obviously not sorry at all. “It’s her fault!”
“What’s her fault? What did she do?”
“She wouldn’t give me my space!”
“What do you mean, she wouldn’t give you yo
ur space? You pushed her for that?”
“She had the whole living room to play in, but she kept coming over to my side of the coffee table.” Alec pointed an accusatory finger at the glass top. He was trembling mad.
“Your sister was just trying to be closer to you. You didn’t have to push her.”
“You didn’t see, you weren’t here.” There was a pregnant, horrible beat, where I knew exactly what Alec would say next. “You’re never here.”
I ignored Alec and went over to Lena, who’d transitioned from sobbing to shrieking.
“It’s okay,” I soothed her, holding Lena’s head against my chest, and rocking her back and forth.
“You always take her side!”
It had been like this lately — Alec acting less like a big brother and more like a sulky toddler who needed just as much coddling as Lena did. He felt neglected, I understood that, but I was working so much for him, as much as for his sister, and I needed him to step up and act his age, since I couldn’t depend on his father for help. Or anything else.
“You come over here and tell your sister you’re sorry.”
“No.”
I knew he was pissed, but I didn’t expect that. Alec had said No to me maybe five times in his entire life.
“Alec.”
He stared at me. “What?”
“Tell your sister that you’re sorry.”
He shook his head. “She should say sorry to me.”
“Shhhhh …” I soothed Lena, her sobs now soaking the front of my shirt. “She should say sorry for what, loving you? Wanting to be closer to her brother?”
“She kept poking me and poking me and poking me. And she wouldn’t stop! How would you like it if someone kept poking you, even when you didn’t want them to?”
I sympathized. That’s exactly what servicing asshole clients was like — having someone poking and poking you, and having to keep your mouth shut and even pretend you liked it because that’s what they were paying you for.
And Victor enjoyed poking us too, poking holes in our self-esteem so we’d be more willing to take the shitty jobs he needed us to do.
But if you poke the bear often enough, she might bite off your finger.
As Lena’s sobs faded into hiccupy whining, I wondered if I could afford to slow down. I was obviously hurting my children, especially Alec. Lena wouldn’t be this needy if everything was okay, and Alec wouldn’t be acting like a little dick.
I was ready to spend more time being a mother instead of a MILF.
Starting right now. I pushed aside my exhaustion and resentment and pasted on my Mommy’s-got-a-surprise smile.
“Who wants to go to the Galleria?”
The look of hope on Alec’s face made my heart ache — that was all it took to make him happy?
“Can we have dinner at the food court?” he asked.
I’d really rather not. “Sure.”
In a trembly voice, Lena asked, “Can I get a rainbow mermaid blanket?”
I had no idea what that was. “Of course.”
Less than five minutes later we were on our way to the mall. I was on full mom duty, doing what I apparently did best, pacifying my children with shit they didn’t need to assuage the guilt I was heaping onto myself. Every penny I spent on my kids now meant more time spent away from them later.
But I couldn’t tell them that and push the burden of guilt onto them.
I didn’t expect it to be the best shopping trip of my life, but it was, because for the first time ever, I didn’t make a single charge on the cards. I hadn’t been carrying them for more than a week, though I did have at least a thousand dollars cash on me at all times.
For the first time I had money of my own to buy my children the things that they wanted, and I wouldn’t be fighting with Ryan about it.
Alec got his dinner at the food court, but he also got a new pair of Air Jordans, two games for his PS4, and an archery set that Ryan wouldn’t be happy about, which was half the reason I bought it.
Lena got her rainbow mermaid blanket — it was actually cute, and exactly what it sounded like — along with barrettes from Claire’s, a stuffed rhinoceros she immediately named Gollypalooza, and a bag of crap from Bodyworks, including a lotion that Lena thought “smelled like a meadow.”
Things were definitely better by the time we were all driving home.
But I couldn’t escape the feeling that I hadn’t done the right thing at all. I was teaching my kids to make the same mistake that had gotten me trapped between Ryan and Victor — making them think they could go shopping for happiness.
But this was a short-term thing. I’d be with them all the time once it was over. Then we’d figure out how to be happy, together.
I just needed to make enough money to leave Ryan, then everything else would be fine.
Chapter Twelve
Monday Afternoon …
I was used to being uncomfortable at CPA meetings, just not like this.
I couldn’t afford to be here — I’d already seen one client and had another book for this afternoon. But I couldn’t afford to skip another meeting either, not with the rumors going around. Lynette has to be behind all the odd looks and whispering behind my back. Probably still hasn’t forgiven me for calling her out on her bullying of Theresa, who I noticed was sitting in a corner of the room, surrounded by empty chairs.
It was paranoid, but I had the sinking feeling that they knew. Everything.
Knowing I was being paranoid didn’t stop me from sweating or wanting to squirm every time someone looked my way.
There’s no way they could know. Olivia, who I hadn’t seen since she ditched me at the club, lost out on her cut of my income if I had to quit. Ryan had been out of town almost nonstop since that night, so he couldn’t know either — unless Olivia decided to tell him to hasten the breakup of our marriage out of spite. For all I knew, he’d already moved in with one of his other mistresses, and this current business trip would be his version of going out for cigarettes and never coming home.
But I still couldn’t imagine him doing anything that would hurt Alec and Lena. And telling the rich bitches at their school that their mother was an escort would definitely hurt them.
That left Alec and Lena themselves. Maybe they’d told their friends that I was never home, or even that I’d been out with Lynette’s pack of bitches when Lynette would know I wasn’t.
I felt a flash of fury that my own children — the reason I’d agreed to work for Victor in the first place — might be running their ungrateful little mouths and starting whatever rumors had obviously taken root.
In the next moment, I was horrified at myself for that reaction. How could I be angry with Alec and Lena for wanting what every child wants: their mother’s love and attention?
They had no idea the line I was trying to walk, or what it was like to be treated like a pariah, or why I had so little time to spend with them. And I couldn’t tell them.
So this, whatever this was going to turn out to be, was my cross to bear.
Lynette was staring at me the hardest, but with suspicion instead of admiration, like she used to. If she ever discovered the truth, I would be ruined.
The meeting adjourned and I had no idea what we even accomplished, except that Eileen Patrelli is an idiot because even after her son has been caught stealing — six times — she still stood there with her hands on her hips, declaring that it was the school’s job to teach her children right from wrong.
I turned toward the door and found Lynette blocking my way.
“Natalie,” she gushed with obvious insincerity. “You look so good. What have you been doing? You have to tell me. Is it that keto diet? I thought you gave that up.”
What could I say that would get me out of here fastest?
The most boring thing.
“Nothing, really. I’ve just been super conscious about what I eat, and I’m always moving around.”
I’d been eating kale instead of cookies and doing
Pilates videos before the kids woke up and replacing my mochas with that weird coffee with the butter and coconut oil. My tips depended in part on how good I looked naked, so I’d made it a priority to lose those ten pounds of baby pudge.
“Well, you look fantastic.” She smiled at me like the strawberry bruschetta incident had never happened. “So where have you been lately? I’ve barely seen you.”
Shit, the kids probably had complained. And now I was backed into a corner I wasn’t sure how to get out of.
Theresa was also backed into a corner, all the way across the room. Her shoulders were sagging, and it looked like she was trying hard not to frown, to appear cheery in the face of a friendly berating by another concerned Constellation parent trying to save Theresa from herself.
I had to deal with Lynette, so she was on her own this time.
I forced a smile that I meant to be apologetic but probably looked condescending, and said, “ Ryan has a lot of stuff going on at work, so I’ve been running around for him. He’s about to get some really big promotion, and there’s a lot of little things to take care of before he hands things off to his successor.”
Lynette gave me a knowing little smile. “So, are you looking forward to Family Day?”
Family Day? Fuck! NO.
But then I realized I could throw Ryan under the bus to get out of Family Day.
“Of course! I really hope that Ryan doesn’t have anything last minute. His schedule is like stupid unpredictable these days. Alec would be so disappointed.”
“Oh, you can’t let that happen, Natalie! Drew is so looking forward to it. Frank, too. Everyone is.”
I laughed, just enough to reassure her. “I’m sure it will work out.”
Theresa walked over and Lynette immediately stiffened.
“Hi, Theresa,” I said.
She looked relieved, like she wasn’t sure I’d acknowledge her presence. “Hey, Natalie.”
Lynette said hello too, and clearly didn’t mean it.
“Hi, Lynette!” Poor thing, for a moment Theresa looked hopeful. “Do you think that new lighting in the auditorium is really worth all that money?”
