The sides battled inside of me, and for the first time in my life I felt utterly alone in the world.
“I don’t know what to do,” I said softly as a tear began falling from my eye.
Micah moved swiftly, and before I knew what was happening, his lips were on mine. At first I was so surprised that I didn’t respond, but after a few seconds of feeling the pressure of his mouth, the shock disappeared and I relaxed.
I was aware that I was sinning but pushed the knowledge aside. Micah’s soft touch had ignited a flame inside me that had made all rational thought leave my mind. I liked kissing him, and by embracing me, he’d struck away the loneliness in a heartbeat.
His arms tightened about me and his lips opened slightly, covering my mouth. The movement caused a tingle in my belly, and I responded by opening my mouth farther. I felt his smile against my lips, and I was suddenly relieved when he ended the kiss. He was being respectful, and that made me sure that he was the boy for me. Gently he guided my head to his chest as he held me close. Hearing the rhythmic beating of his heart, I closed my eyes.
“What’s going on here?”
The booming voice shattered the moment as Micah and I separated, yet still stood side by side.
“Father, please listen. It’s not what you think….” Micah implored, but he wasn’t able to finish the sentence.
Elijah Schwartz’s face was red and held a tight scowl. The anger pushed off of him like heat blasting from a roaring bonfire. Fear made my insides go cold, and I couldn’t have spoken if I’d wanted to. But in that instant I did catch a glimpse of Rachel’s face in the doorway. Her wide eyes locked on mine in solid support. She was gone in a blink, and I was finally able to take a shallow breath, knowing she wouldn’t leave me to deal with the angry man on my own.
“I know exactly what this is, boy—a mistake, a huge mistake. I will not allow you to tie yourself up with that family. Who knows what mischief this girl has in mind…she’s probably no better than her lying brother.”
“Don’t you dare say such a thing about Sarah—she is not her brother!” Micah shouted.
“I’d listen to your son, Elijah, he speaks the truth of it.” Father’s firm voice was music to my ears. Even though I wanted to flee the stall and run into his arms, I stood my ground beside Micah, not wanting him to take his father’s wrath on his own.
The storm that was brewing around Elijah suddenly changed direction as he turned to Father.
“Just the fact that your girl is out in the stable playing with a boy shouts the truth to the world,” Elijah said with more control to his voice than he’d used with Micah.
His words struck home, and I bent my head in shame without meeting Father’s eyes.
“I will deal with my daughter as I see fit. You have the responsibility of controlling your own son,” Father said.
“Agreed.” Elijah motioned to Micah to come out of the stall.
Micah glanced at me before he joined his father in the aisle. The look had been brief, but it spoke volumes—he wasn’t giving up on us, and he didn’t want me to, either.
When Elijah and Micah were gone, I finally had the courage to face Father. He shook his head and frowned, but his arms spread wide.
I ran into his embrace, letting his protection tighten around me.
“I’m so sorry. I never meant for it to happen, I didn’t,” I cried into his shirt.
He murmured, “I know, I know. You must be strong, dear child, and stay away from Micah.”
Before the tears blinded me, I saw Rachel standing behind Father. Her face held only pity for me as she lowered her eyes and shook her head sadly.
23
Noah
The look that passed between Rose and Sam chilled me to the bone. What was he talking about?
“No, Sam, please, don’t. I’ll do it. I’ll tell him myself.”
“You promise?”
Rose nodded her head as she glanced between her brother and me.
He wagged his finger at her and said, “You better. This has gone on long enough.”
When he’d left, Rose held out her hand, and I grasped it. She avoided my gaze, leading me to her barn. I followed along, very nervous about what she had to say.
When I was seated on a hay bale in the loft, I watched her pace back and forth in uncomfortable silence for a minute or so before curiosity overcame the worry, and I blurted out, “Rose, come sit down and talk to me. Please.”
She stopped and looked at me with her own fear clearly showing. The loft felt very different in the brightness of late morning than it did in the dark of night when we’d met before. Somehow the light beams shining through the gaps in the wood made the moment feel more real…and frightening.
With reluctant steps, she approached, stopping in front of me. I spread my legs and pulled her forward into a hug. Breathing in the lovely lavender scent, I tried to relax. Rose needed my strength now.
She whispered against my cheek, “I’m pregnant.”
I wasn’t shocked. Deep down, I’d known all along, although I’d been afraid to face it. I should have asked her that night when we’d met in the cabin.
I wrapped my arms around her for a long minute. My heart calmed. The thought of my precious Rose having our child warmed my heart. Sure, there were things to worry about, but I pushed all ill thoughts away and instead focused on what was the best thing to say to prove to Rose that I was ready to be a father…and husband.
Pulling Rose onto my lap, I took a deep breath and looked into her blue eyes that reminded me of the summer sky.
“It’s wonderful news, sweetheart. I can’t wait to hold our baby. I just wish I’d talked to you about it a long time ago.”
Rose’s face brightened, and her mouth dropped open for a second.
“I thought you’d be upset. That’s why I kept it from you. You said you wanted me to be patient and wait for things to settle down in your community—that we couldn’t be together.”
Understanding flooded my mind and anger at my own self along with it.
“I’m sorry. I never meant to make you question my intentions. Of course, if I knew you were with child, nothing else would matter.”
“I was so worried,” Rose said as she leaned her head against my shoulder and let out a long sigh.
With the most conviction I’d ever felt in my life, I said, “You don’t ever have to worry again, sweetheart. I’ll tell my parents, and we’ll arrange for a quick wedding before you even begin showing.” As an afterthought, I said, “Just think, our baby will be born not too many months after Katie and Jacob’s. They can play together as they grow.”
“Katie’s pregnant—really?” Rose pulled away and looked at me in surprise.
I nodded my head, happy that her face had lost the thoughtful frown. Everything would be all right.
“How are you feeling? Have you been sick?”
“It’s been awful. I throw up at least three times a day. I can hardly keep any food down at all.”
Seeing my worried look, she rushed to add, “But other than that, I’ve been fine, really. Summer babies me like I have a rare disease, and Sam and Justin have actually been pretty helpful.”
With some hesitancy, I said, “How is your father taking it?”
“He doesn’t know yet.”
A sudden rush of adrenaline pumped through me. “What— Are you serious? Does this mean you haven’t been checked out by a doctor yet? How could you keep such a secret from him?”
I watched a variety of emotions battle on her face, before she said softly, “I almost told him this morning, but I was afraid to. I don’t want him to hate me.”
“He won’t hate you. You’re his daughter—he’s proven the lengths he’ll go to protect you.”
Rose rolled her eyes, and
her words spoke her doubt. “How would your dad feel if Sarah told him she was pregnant?” When I didn’t immediately answer, she said, “Huh, tell me.”
“That’s completely different.”
“How so?” Her voice became sharper, and I knew I’d said the wrong thing. “Oh, I see. It’s because I’m English and you think it’s all right for a girl like me to get knocked up.”
“No, that’s not what I meant at all. Gosh, Rose, you have to stop taking everything I say so personally. It’s like you always have a battle going on between our cultures that I don’t know about.” Softening my tone, I continued, “I meant that your father is a doctor. He understands things better, and he’s more experienced to handle such a situation. Besides, I’ve been trying to marry you for a year. Your father knows that I’ll be a committed husband and provider for our children. Sarah isn’t even courting.”
The huffing noise that Rose made sidetracked me for a second.
“At least, I don’t think she’s courting anyone.”
Rose met my searching gaze straight on and nodded.
“Who?”
“Do you know a guy named Micah?”
I thudded my head back against the hay bale behind me, saying, “Oh, great, they’re moving a lot faster than I ever guessed they would.”
“Don’t tell me that you’re going to give her a hard time after everything we’ve been through.” With a sharp warning, she said, “Don’t even go there, Noah.”
“It’s not that at all. Micah is a great kid. I like him a lot, but he’s one of Constance’s brothers.”
“I get it that her family is upset, but it shouldn’t matter. Sarah and Micah are not you and Constance.”
“Regardless, it’s going to be a lot of trouble for them, and unfortunately, I’m to blame.”
“I know. You were pretty dumb to get hitched to her.”
The abrasive sound to her voice made me wary of the direction the conversation had gone. I had just found out that she was pregnant and was still dealing with shock of it; the last thing I wanted to do was argue with her about my bad choices.
Pulling her to my chest, I murmured into her ear, “Sweetheart, you’re right. It’s the dumbest thing I ever did. I’m so sorry.”
I could feel her body soften beneath my hands, and I continued to hold her in silence for a minute more before I asked, “What do you want to do?”
She tilted her head and looked up at me with raised eyebrows.
“You’re asking me? I thought you’d already have a plan.”
I couldn’t help but smile. Rose really was naive.
“Ah, this news changes everything, of course. I’ll tell my parents the truth of it, and I’m sure they’ll support a quick wedding…but, what I meant is how you want to go about informing your family. You’re still underage. Your father may not allow it.”
She looked up with such a horrified expression that worry suddenly filled me. What could we do if David didn’t give us his blessings on the union?
“Could he keep us from being together if I’m pregnant?”
“I don’t right know, but we need to be in agreement about what we’re going to do if he interferes.”
She sat up straighter and asked, “Would you run away with me? We can go anywhere—it doesn’t matter where.”
All my well-laid plans went straight out the window when I gazed into her fear-filled eyes. The only two things in the world that mattered were Rose and our unborn child—and it would be less than a year before she turned eighteen and we’d be away from the community. Surely my parents would understand.
“Yes, Rose, we’ll leave this place together if your father is unreasonable about our marriage. Your family won’t keep me from you—especially now.”
She nodded her head and smiled before she leaned in and kissed me. The crazy desire in my gut that I always felt when our lips met flared to life. My mouth moved on hers rhythmically, and I knew everything would be fine.
In the back of my mind another thought crept in, and I let it go quickly, not wanting to mention it at that moment. If we had to leave, we’d go far away to another Amish community and stay there until Rose comes of age.
Somehow, I didn’t think those were the words she’d want to hear.
24
Sam
“Where’s your sister?”
Dad took a sip from his glass of milk, set it down and unbuttoned the top of his shirt.
I felt a momentary pang of guilt that I was about to screw up his evening in a major way, but I used my superior ability to stay focused on the task at hand and plowed straight in, anyway.
“She went into town with Summer.”
“I’m glad she got out of the house. She’s seemed a little off lately. Do you know if she’s been talking to Noah in secret?”
Leave it to Dad to get right to the point. Maybe this conversation would go more smoothly than I thought.
When I nodded my head, he shook his and slumped into the kitchen chair.
“I hate to snitch on Rose, but you should know what’s going on.” After taking a deep breath, I blurted out, “Noah came over here today to see her.”
“Dammit, I had a feeling. That’s why I was afraid to bring her home in the first place, but she was so adamant about moving on and wanting to be with her family for her senior year.”
“Rose is a good actor,” I said, before sitting across from Dad.
“How long has this been going on?” Dad asked.
“Longer than you want to know. But that’s beside the point.”
With an aggravated voice, he said, “No, Sam, if she’s seeing that boy again, that’s the only point that matters to me.”
“Sorry to burst your bubble, but things are a whole hell of a lot worse than you think.”
“Watch your mouth with the language and just say whatever’s on your mind.”
“Rose is pregnant.”
Watching Dad’s eyes widen in shock and his face instantly pale was not pleasant, but seeing Justin’s accusing eyes in the doorway to the foyer was even worse.
“You are such a loser,” Justin said.
Dad finally came out of his coma and sputtered, “You…both…knew?” He leveled a hard stare at me and added, “Are you absolutely sure?”
“Definitely, I was there when she took about ten home pregnancy tests in a row. Summer’s been helping her out, and Justin and I went along with her wishes to keep it a secret for a while longer.”
“You are such a traitor. You made an oath to Rose that you’d let her tell Dad,” Justin spit out.
“Shut up, Justin! This is too damn important to keep from Dad. This is real life, not one of your Xbox fantasy games. Rose was going to tell Noah this afternoon, anyway. Basically, I did her a favor—Dad has a chance to calm down about the news before she has to deal with him.”
“She’s going to hate you,” Justin said with surety.
“Cut it out, you two.” Dad looked at Justin and said, “I should have been told immediately. Sam’s right about that.” Then he turned back to me and whispered, “My God, is it Noah’s?”
I had to admit, at that moment I was overwhelmed with confusion. I even glanced at Justin to see the same frown on his face that I probably held.
“Of course—who else could it be?” I said the words slowly.
Dad stared out the window as a small spray of light came through from the setting sun.
“I guess I was hoping that if such a thing had really happened, Hunter was the father. After all, they’d dated for a little while, hadn’t they?”
Funny, Hunter had never even entered my mind the terrible day I’d learned about the pregnancy. But I could see how Dad’s mind would have grasped that straw.
“Sorry, Dad, it�
��s inevitable now. Rose will be Amish,” I said.
“Like hell she will be.” He stood abruptly, and his chair knocked over backward. After taking a breath, he added, “There are many options available. Rose will not be forced into that backward society because of a pregnancy.”
The force of his voice made me lean back in the chair. In my mind, it was a done deal, but obviously Dad had other ideas.
Squirming in my chair, I asked tentatively, “What do you have in mind?”
“That’s none of your concern, Sam. When she gets home, I’ll discuss the matter with her, and we’ll make a decision.”
“Man, if I were you, I wouldn’t be looking forward to that discussion,” I said.
“He doesn’t have long to wait— Here she comes.” Justin pointed out the window at the headlights of Rose’s truck as she parked.
“You boys get out of here. I want to talk to her alone.”
For once I was glad not to be included in the action. Standing up, I followed Justin from the kitchen without a backward glance. When Justin darted into the TV room, I waited beside the door for the girls to enter.
One look at Rose and I knew from her red-rimmed eyes that she’d been crying. Summer had her arm gripping Rose’s shoulder, and her own face looked grim. I hesitated for a minute before saying, “Dad wants to talk with you. He’s waiting in the kitchen.”
The change to Rose’s face made me take a step backward.
“You didn’t,” she said.
When I lifted my shoulders and looked away, she told me, “I’ll never forgive you for this one—never.”
She hugged Summer and left us in the foyer as she walked with a straight back and slow strides to the kitchen.
Summer looked up with angry eyes and said, “How could you rat your sister out like that—especially after you made a promise?”
“This isn’t all black-and-white. We gave Rose a few weeks to make a decision and tell Noah and Dad. They both have a right to know, and I was getting the feeling that she’d let it go until her belly grew big. She has to make plans now.”
Summer shook her head and reached for the doorknob. “You are so arrogant. All Rose asked was to have some time to think about what she really wanted to do, and tell her boyfriend and Dad the news on her own. The really sucky thing is that she was going to talk to your dad tonight, anyway.”
Forever Page 10
