I pulled the phone from my pocket, opening up the Internet to find the closest gay club. If there was any place I would avoid, it happened to be any establishment in the city. A little over an hour away sat a club that looked like it might work. The reviews online made it look very dark and dim in the place. I’d be able to hide and hopefully find a man to help me forget Reagan. At least for one night. More than one night just happened to be a bonus.
CHAPTER 15
Sawyer
How did I let myself get talked into this?
Heath and Mari had a point. If I didn’t get laid soon I was going to get sloppy and give myself away. The more time I spent with Reagan, the harder it became to keep my secret. There were many nights I found myself reaching out to touch him only to pull my hand back mere seconds before my fingers connected with him. So there I was in a bar an hour from home, looking for a quick fuck.
No one will see who you are in a place like that.
Reds, yellows, and blues flashed throughout the room in time with the throbbing music. I could barely make out the faces of the people a few feet in front of me. With the baseball hat pulled low, they were right, I’d never be recognized there. I walked up to the bar and ordered a shot of vodka. Anything to help me forget the man back in his office working late. I dropped the cash onto the bar and tipped my head back, letting the warm liquid slide down my throat.
“Your ass is meant for fucking,” a deep voice said as warm breath blew over my ear.
The heat of his body burned through my shirt. I set the glass back onto the bar and turned to face the guy whose interest I’d caught. An inch or so shorter than me, his hair was dark, but I couldn’t tell the exact color in the pulsing lights. Heavy muscles were visible beneath the tight white T-shirt covering his chest.
I lifted a brow. “And what if I said I liked to do the fucking?”
A sexy smirk tilted the corner of his lip. “I’d say I have an ass for fucking too.”
He turned around slowly, giving me an incredible view of an ass that was most definitely made for fucking. I didn’t want to think about the similarities between this guy and Reagan. For one night I wanted to forget it all and have fun.
“Seems you do. Follow me.” I took his hand and led him to the dance floor.
When we reached the edge of the gyrating bodies, I turned toward him and moved him close. Our bodies began to move to the pounding beat. The low bass thumped in time with the pulsing of my cock as it hardened with each slide of his body. Warm lips touched my ear.
“Kyle,” he whispered.
“Steven.”
It was a dick move, but the more anonymity I had the better. He cupped the back of my neck and lowered his lips to mine, our bodies still moving in sync. The moment his tongue touched my lips, I opened to let him in. The metal of his tongue piercing caught my attention immediately. I could only imagine how it would feel against the base of my cock. Needing to feel more, I wrapped my hands around his ass and held him closer, letting our bodies connect from our chest to thighs.
Song after song changed. We danced and kissed. The feel of him against me helped push everything else from my head. I slid my hands up his jean-clad ass, slipping my finger between the fabric and his skin. His hips flexed as my finger slipped into the top of his crack. I needed this more than I realized. My dick pulsed in my jeans.
“I’m pretty sure we both want more than grinding on a dance floor.” He reached down and covered my dick with his palm.
“Where to?”
He was right. I wanted to slide my dick into the tight ass beneath my fingers and fuck the guy senseless.
“My roommate is away for the next few days, but it’s a drive.”
I leaned closer and nipped his earlobe. “Lead the way. It’ll give me time to imagine all the things I’m going to do to you once we get there.”
“Fuck,” he moaned, adjusting himself. “Let’s go.”
Without another word, I followed Kyle to the parking lot, watching the sexy ass as it swayed in front of me with each step. He hadn’t parked far from where I was. Once I saw him get in his car, I turned for mine. Then we were on the road. I followed closely behind to make sure I was heading in the right direction. Reagan kept trying to break into my thoughts, but I pushed them back. Tonight was for me. I’d deal with my feelings for Reagan in the morning. When Kyle turned into the lot for Reagan’s apartment complex, I almost shit a brick. I knew Reagan spent his Wednesday nights working late in his office. Most of the members on his team stayed late those nights, too. I’d only been to his place once. His roommate was an absolute dick and Reagan avoided him as much as possible. I prayed he didn’t live anywhere near Reagan’s apartment.
Eventually, Kyle turned into the parking area and followed the drive down to the last few buildings. I wanted to groan when I realized he’d parked in front of Reagan’s building. I glanced at the clock on the dash. One hour. One more hour until the time Reagan normally left. I climbed from my car and couldn’t keep myself from glancing around. When I realized we were the only two in the lot, I let my gaze wander back to Kyle. The way his jeans hugged his thighs made my mind go blank to everything but the man in front of me. My dick was hard as a fucking rock and I needed to do something about that besides spending time with my right hand. I stalked him step for step until his back hit the wall of the building. Once again I cupped his ass and dragged his lower body against mine.
“Show me to your place.”
He thrust his hips into me and nodded. The door next to him flew open and he pulled me through. We both glanced at the stairs and back at the elevator. With how I felt, there would be plenty of exercise soon enough. The doors slid shut and I didn’t bother to wait. I gripped his face in my hands and captured his lips with mine. Strong hands wrapped around my waist and his warm tongue plunged into my mouth. Holy hell we clicked and it was even hotter than it had been at the club. The car ride didn’t do shit to calm us down. The doors opened and I moved him out the door without taking my lips from his. I backed him up until his body connected with the wall behind him.
He tore his mouth from mine. “Fuck, that’s sexy.”
Then he dived in again. Tongues dueling, bodies grinding, it was like we were back in the club without the music. Kyle and I had serious fucking chemistry. It was time to mix the two and create an explosion.
“Motherfucker,” a very angry, yet familiar voice shouted.
Both of our heads snapped around. Being gay meant you were always prepared for some homophobic asshole to take exception to what you were doing in your private life. Then again we were still in the hall, but there was no reason we couldn’t move to the privacy of his apartment. However, I wasn’t prepared at all for what was before me.
Reagan stood in the middle of the hall looking like he wanted to murder something. Hands clenched into fists at his sides, his jaw ticking as he ground his teeth together. I should have had an hour.
What is he doing here?
My instant reaction was to step back and make excuses. This time that wouldn’t work. There was no denying I’d just had my tongue down the guy’s throat. And before my brain could catch up and figure out something reasonable to say, my mouth opened wide and said the first thing on my mind.
“What are you doing here?”
His eyes blazed. “Are you fucking kidding me? What am I doing here? I live here. What the hell are you doing here?”
I fumbled for words, but this time nothing came out.
He shook his head. “You know what, I don’t give a shit. Apparently you still have secrets you want to keep.” He stormed down the hall toward his apartment near the end.
“Reagan, wait,” I called out, hoping he’d listen. He kept walking.
Kyle narrowed his eyes at me. “You’re with someone?”
“No. He’s a friend.”
Kyle scoffed. “This looks like way more than friendship.”
“I swear it’s not. He didn’t know I was gay.” I saw Re
agan reach for his door. “Goddammit, Reagan, let me explain.”
He stopped moving.
I turned back to Kyle, who was now watching me, curiosity lighting his eyes. “Can you give me ten minutes to talk to him?”
He pulled a key from his pocket and stepped around me to the door next to us. “Don’t worry about me. Looks like you’re going to need more than ten minutes. But that’s okay. You have more baggage than I’m ready to deal with.” He glanced up and down my body. “Too bad. I think we could have had fun. If you ever find yourself alone, you know where to find me, but you need to settle the tension between you two first.” He slipped my phone from my back pocket and I unlocked it. In a daze, I watched as he programmed his number and handed it back to me.
“Thank you and I’m sorry about tonight.”
He put the key into the lock. “Don’t worry about it. Shit happens. Although I gotta say this was a first for me.”
The door shut behind him and I looked up to see Reagan still waiting at the end of the hall. I walked slowly to him, afraid if I moved too fast he’d jump inside and lock the door. When I reached him, his back was straight as an arrow.
“Please talk to me.”
“I’m not sure there’s much to talk about. You apparently didn’t think I was important enough to know the truth.”
“It’s not that.” I glanced around the hall, noticing how exposed we were to anyone coming and going to their apartments. It didn’t matter to me I was just making out in the same hall, but for some reason I needed to talk to him face-to-face, not from behind a closed door. “Look, I know you and your roommate don’t get along. Heath went out with the guys. He won’t be home for a while. Please come back to my place so we can talk about this.”
His head snapped around. “Does it really fucking matter at this point?”
I placed my hand on his arm and he snatched it away. Bile burned the back of my throat. I knew I couldn’t have Reagan the way I wanted him, but I’d been content to have him in my life as a friend. Now I might have ruined everything.
“Please,” I begged.
He brushed past me toward the elevator. “Fine. I’ll hear what you have to say, but I doubt there’s much that will convince me you aren’t a complete asshole.”
The doors opened and we climbed inside. The silence engulfing us added even more weight to the hundred pounds it felt like were on my shoulders. He stood in the corner as far as he could get from me, with his arms crossed over his chest and a vein bulging at his temple. The elevator hit the floor and for a second I thought about offering to drive and stopped myself. I needed the car ride to collect my thoughts.
I climbed in the driver’s seat and hit the gas. How did things get so screwed up in a matter of minutes? One second I was getting sex for the first time in a while and the next thing I knew everything in my life was falling apart before my eyes.
I pulled into the driveway and climbed from the car, more than aware that Reagan wasn’t right behind me. My stomach flipped, tying itself into knots. I went inside to wait. Either he was coming or not and having this conversation on my front lawn didn’t sit well with me. It would be uncomfortable enough already. I paced the room until I heard the front door slam into the frame. Reagan stalked forward.
CHAPTER 16
Sawyer
“Is that why you fucking left?”
Reagan stormed forward, his hands landing hard against my chest. I stumbled backward, lucky to catch my footing before I fell on the table.
“Why the hell wouldn’t you tell me?”
Staring at the veins bulging in his neck, the way his eyes narrowed to slits, and his hands clenched into fists, I couldn’t believe he actually needed an answer to that question. I stepped forward and shoved him back a few steps.
“Why didn’t I tell you?” I shook my head. “You’re fucking pissed at me. And you wonder why I kept it to myself.”
“Fuck you. You know I’m not pissed because you’re gay. I’m pissed you didn’t tell me the truth from the beginning.”
Reagan spun on his heel and stormed across the room to the door. “Is that why you ran?”
I raked a hand through my hair. My eyes held his. “Yeah. I ran because I’m gay and I wanted something I couldn’t have.”
Why the hell did I say that? Reagan wasn’t dumb. He would know exactly what I meant. I might as well have said I love you. I flopped down on the couch. Acid burned the back of my throat. How could I admit so much? Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back, unwilling to watch the disgust take hold of his face. “And I was afraid you’d freak out on me and leave.”
Silence filled the space. The same awkward silence that once settled between us when Reagan showed up at the meet and greet that first night. Footsteps sounded as Reagan moved to the door. Opening my eyes, I lifted my head and stood. He laid his hand on the knob.
With a quick glance over his shoulder, he shot one last dagger into my chest. “You’re a dick to keep something like this from me. Apparently, I valued our friendship more than you, because I’d never fucking leave you to deal with that shit on your own. And I’d never keep secrets from you.”
Before I had a chance to respond, he flung the door open, its frame rattling as he slammed it behind him.
For fuck’s sake.
Things had gone to shit. I knew the risks when I went looking for a quick fuck. What I hadn’t expected was for Reagan, of all people, to find me. Pain radiated up my arm as my knuckles connected with the wall next to me. I grabbed my hand, flexing my fingers and hoping to God I didn’t break anything. The last thing I needed at the moment was to lose the only other thing that mattered. Besides the blood covering my hand, everything else seemed to be fine.
The front door opened and for one brief moment I thought Reagan had come back. That I hadn’t ruined our friendship once again. Long dark hair came into view. Heath. His gaze zeroed in on the way I held my hand.
“What the hell did you do?”
I shrugged. “Punched a wall.”
He walked over and took my hand in his, pressing on the edges of my knuckles and fingers. “Looks like only a few cuts. You need to ice it before it swells.”
I went to the kitchen, bypassing the fridge. A beer wouldn’t do after the shit storm that just happened. The sound of the front door shutting reached my ears. I yanked the liquor cabinet open. The half-filled bottle of tequila was front and center on the shelf. Ironic and very fitting at the same time. I grabbed the bottle.
“Damn it, Sawyer. Forget the liquor and ice your fucking hand. We have to play tomorrow.”
He yanked the towel off the counter and filled it with ice. Ignoring him, I pulled the top off the bottle, lifting it to my lips. Heath grabbed my hand, holding the ice over my abraded knuckles, while I took another long sip of the warm liquid. The burn as it slid down my throat helped me calm down enough that I took the towel of ice from Heath and held it. I put the bottle under my arm and went back to the living room. After setting the bottle on the floor, I dropped my ass down onto the couch.
Heath followed me, taking the seat in the recliner opposite me. “Wanna tell me why you’re punching walls and drinking tequila? You hate that shit, unless you’re trying to get wasted.”
I laughed humorlessly and took another swig. “That’s exactly what I’m trying to do.”
“Doesn’t explain why. What happened? I thought you were going out to find a guy to hook up with.”
“Oh, I did.” Another swallow. I set the bottle on my knee. “At least until Reagan caught us.”
Heath’s eyes went wide. “What the hell was he doing an hour outside of town?”
“He wasn’t. The guy I picked up happened to live in the same building as Reagan. He caught us making out against the wall next to his door.”
He glanced at my hand. “So you waited until you drove home to punch a wall.”
“I asked Reagan to come here so we could talk without dealing with his asshole roommate.”
; Heath rolled his eyes, as I took another drink. “There are so many things to say about how stupid all of these decisions were, but I know you’re not going to remember any of it tomorrow.” He stood and nodded toward the bottle. “You’ll regret that in the morning.”
“Right now, I don’t give a shit.”
He shook his head and walked down the hall to his room. The door slammed shut. Who the hell was he to judge? The one secret I’d kept from Reagan was finally out in the open and exactly like I feared, he left when the truth came out. I’d known all along Reagan would never be mine. I was completely in love with him. Everything about him called to me. It didn’t matter that he was straight. I couldn’t keep my thoughts off him, even when I knew I couldn’t have him. Hell, it was part of the reason I’d left. But that had never been my biggest fear. I never wanted to see the disgust and anger for me on his face. Leaving seemed like the better choice. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. At least I didn’t have to wonder and worry about what would happen anymore.
I settled farther into the couch, making sure the ice stayed put, and continued to drink myself into oblivion. The hangover would be worth being free of the pain. At least for a little while.
CHAPTER 17
Reagan
The light in the living room was still on as I stared at the house. Someone was awake. It was the question of who that kept my ass rooted to the seat of my car. I’d been there for over an hour watching.
I’d driven around for a bit, before stopping at my apartment to change. Hitting something sounded perfect. Two hours and a heavy bag later I was able to think clearly since the first moment I saw Sawyer kissing that guy. After I’d calmed down, I realized how badly I’d fucked up when I walked out on Sawyer. My best friend, and I treated him like he was a parasite. I had no idea what it was like to let your friends and family know you’re gay. Hell, why it mattered to anyone else who you were sleeping with never made any sense to me. As long as it was in your bedroom, why did someone care?
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