Deadly Chaos (Steel Roses Book 2)

by Samantha Bee

  I guess I don't hate it.

  "It's not meant as one," Luca says as he looks over his shoulder at me.

  I shake my head and run my fingers through my hair as I think about their words. So simple so why does it feel like such a thing? "So what? Is this the way all of you are showing your acceptance of me?"

  "I've known you had feelings for Scar since I first watched the way you calmed her during Roe's birthday. You still pushed her towards us." He shrugs as he looks at the other guys. It's clearly something they've talked about before. "You even just admitted you feel it too."

  "What did I admit to?" I ask, my eyes narrowing in not only suspicion but also confusion. What does he think I admitted to?

  "The gift from all of us feeling right. All five of us being there for Scar just feels right. That stays true if you choose to pursue more than friendship with her."

  I feel myself reel back in shock. I can feel my defenses coming up even if a part of me wants to trust in what he's saying. Hell. All of me wants to believe it's a possibility between me and Scarlett. "She just needs me to be her friend."

  Luca scoffs, "I've known that girl for a long time. I'm telling you, it'll happen eventually. Faster if you're more open with her about your feelings."

  I narrow my eyes at the others. "And you're all just okay with that?"

  Ryder throws his hands up. "Don't look at me. I don't get a say in this aspect of things."

  I roll my eyes and I can tell I'm not the only one when I hear the mutterings of the other guys.

  "If you wanna talk about an inevitability," Noah murmurs and I can't help but chuckle in agreement.

  Ryder's cheeks flame as he tries to defend himself. "It's not like that between us."

  "Uh huh, sure," Kade drawls sarcastically, "it's not like that with me either."

  Noah slaps his chest again even as they laugh together. I can't help but smile at the antics. "The point is we all want what's best for Scar." Noah intervenes, trying to get us back on track with the conversation. He gives pointed looks at both Ryder and me. "In whatever form that takes."

  Surprisingly enough, it feels like a weight has been lifted off of my chest at his words. I didn't realize I had been needing this. Their acceptance. The chance to just maybe have more with Scarlett. The thought alone makes my heart rate pick up. But I still know, she isn't ready for that. Not yet. Maybe not ever but at least there's a chance now. I know I would never win if it was a me vs them decision but now, now it doesn't have to be.

  I don't know how to respond so instead of saying anything I just nod to acknowledge their words before bringing us back to the task at hand. "So are we going to go inside now?"

  If Scarlett was paying attention to the security feeds, which I have no doubt she was, she's probably wondering what the hell is taking us so long to come inside.

  The tension in the car breaks as everyone starts moving at once. Kade reaches over to adjust the bow on Roe's present as everyone else starts getting out of the car. I carefully tuck it into my chest as I get out of the car and head to the door.

  Kade steps in front of me to block the girls from being able to see what's in my arms as we walk into the house. We find them both sitting on the couch with Jade. Roe curled up between the two women, her nails a sparkly teal blue. That's different from earlier. Scarlett and Jade both have a ton of clips in their hair as well. I smile as I take the three of them in. They must have been having a little makeover and letting Roe play with their hair. It's surprisingly sweet seeing this side of Scarlett.

  Kade coughs to draw their attention up to us. "We have a surprise for you, Roe." I can hear the smile in his voice even without being able to see his face. The happiness that radiates from Scarlett in response lights me up. She seems lighter surrounded by all of us.

  I'm equal parts excited and nervous for her reaction to what we've done.

  Roe's little head pops up as she sits up on her own and pulls away from Scarlett. Excitement building in her little features. On the other hand, Scarlett's fill with suspicion and apprehension as her eyes flick to each of us. First going back and forth between Noah and Kade as they stand next to each other in front of us. Then to Ryder on my left, before grazing past me to focus on Luca.

  The suspicion in her eyes grows as with every one of us she focuses on until finally her eyes land on me. I give her a subtle nod and little grin. My heart rate picks up again when I see the way the tension bleeds out of her.

  I really don't know what she is afraid we might have planned. I also don't know that she should necessarily trust me because I have no idea what her stance on this will be.

  Guess we are about to find out. Kade and Noah move so that Roe can clearly see the sleeping puppy resting comfortably in my arms.

  She squeals at a pitch that I wouldn't have ever known possible before this moment as she launches herself across the room towards me.

  Laughter sounds throughout the room. My eyes meet Scarlett's sparkling with amusement even as she chuckles and shakes her head. "You've joined the insanity," she accuses.

  "Uh huh." I drawl. "Remind me how long you've had that dance studio again?"

  She responds by flipping me off, but I have no chance to say more as Roe is practically climbing up my leg trying to get to the puppy. The little guy is not wide awake, his vibrant blue eyes focused on Roe as he yawns, and his little tongue rolls out on one side.

  I bend over and sit on the floor but even before my ass fully hits the floor, Roe is climbing into my lap and pulling the puppy into her chest. She nuzzles into his soft fur as her little arms wrap around his chest. He takes immediately to her. Rolling in her arms, waiting for her to rub his belly.

  Her giggles bounce through the room. Making everyone feel ten pounds lighter. The other guys settle on the ground around us as the puppy starts to wake up a little more and wants to play.

  Roe holds him up in front of her face, studying him with a look a lot more mature than any five year old should be capable of. She looks up at me and asks, "Does she have a name?"

  I pat her head as I answer, "He's a boy but you get to pick his name. He's only eight weeks old."

  She turns her head back to studying the puppy before she beams. "Baby Blu!"

  He cocks his head before licking her face and more giggles sound through the room.

  "Pst," Scarlett tsks at Roe, giving her a little look. Roe immediately starts blushing before turning back to all of us and thanking us. She gives each one of us a hug, giving me a fist bump after she releases my neck. I press a kiss to her head as she runs back over to Blu. I should have guessed the name. Fitting though.

  "Is he an Aussie?" Ian asks. I look up and see him and Holden walking into the room. I had forgotten that they were here, but it makes sense. They were the ones who had brought the girls home and they must have picked up Jade on the way.

  "Yeah," I answer him, "a Blue Merle."

  He walks over and bends down to pet the puppy as he bounces around Roe. "Cute." I nod, acknowledging his words as we all watch the two play. I hear him and Holden talking about how the boys will react once they get here too. I wouldn't be surprised if they insist on needing a puppy now too. Especially the twins. I grin up at Ian, even as Kade voices my thoughts with a mock apology.

  They push each other back and forth, giving each other a hard time. I laugh as I rise up off the ground and make my way over to Scarlett.

  "Hey, pretty girl," I whisper in her ear as I sit next to her.

  "You didn't have to do this," she says as she leans her head against my shoulder. I gently knock the side of my head against hers, loving the way she feels curled into my side. She still radiates only friendly vibes though.

  I sigh, "It was all of us." She scoffs and I can tell she knows that this was mostly my endeavor. It was but the other guys really did do a lot as well. We all voted on which type of dog we should get her. We all visited different breeders before finding one we wanted to go with. And we all voted on which puppy from t
he litter. While everything leading up to it was heavily debated amongst us, picking Blu was a unanimous decision.

  He really is such a cute, fluffy, little thing. With his pure white belly, and a mixture of brown, black, and gray, spotting his face, back, and legs. All four of his paws are white, making it look as if he's wearing little socks. His nose and center of his face is also white while one eye is surrounded by black and the other a mix of black and brown, making the blue of his eyes stand out even more.

  "We really did all pick him out together," I murmur. She huffs but moves in closer to my side, belying her annoyance with me.

  "Either way, thank you, D."

  "Anything for you and my little Rosie Posie."

  My words have their intended effect as she starts laughing at me. I feel eyes on me a half second before Kade drops down next to me and Noah lands on the other side of Scarlett. I feel like these two are always together lately.

  Kade hums as he makes himself comfortable next to me. “So is the reason you call Declan “D” because he gives you “The D?””

  I snort, surprising even myself. Only Scarlett has ever managed to get me to relax enough to let such a sound escape my mouth. I purse my lips as the thought runs through my mind. She must be able to sense the downturn in my mood as she nudges me before responding.

  "You've all given me “The D,” Kade.” She uses air quotes as she rolls her eyes at him.

  I grunt my agreement, already forgetting the path my mind almost took me down. “Except me. I haven't even given her “The D.”” I point out, not altogether sure why we are even talking about this. Is this his way of showing what he's already told me?

  What an incredibly odd way to go about it.

  The three of them start teasing and taunting each other as I sit in the middle, a bit perplexed about how things derailed so quickly.

  I look up to find Luca watching the interaction with a slight smirk, even as Ryder jumps into the debate about which one of them has the best nicknames. I lean forward and arch a brow at him. “Are they always like this?”

  His smirk grows as he opens his arms in front of him, gesturing to them as a group. “Welcome to the shit show, Declan.” He pauses as a soft gleam enters his eyes when he focuses on Scarlett. “Otherwise known as the Scar Show.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  I run my fingertips along the top of the bar. I missed this place more than I ever could have anticipated. I’m glad we came before opening so that I could soak in the feeling of being back here.

  It’s been months since I performed for a crowd. Dancing with Roe has been something really special but... but I don’t get the same thrill as when I’m performing. Being with her, teaching her, watching her grow, it soothes my soul. Fills me with comfort and a level of pride in someone else that I’ve never experienced before.

  Dancing on the bar, climbing up the pole and pushing myself into crazier and more daring poses, for a crowd vibrating with energy? It makes the blood in my veins rush in ecstasy. Like a hit of pure adrenaline, sending my body into overdrive. I’ve missed the high of dancing here.

  It seems like an odd thing to fixate on with everything else we have going on, but Steel Roses is the first place that ever felt like home. It was the very first legitimate business Luca ever bought. The first place I danced for a crowd that wasn’t a bunch of pretentious pricks. The first place I danced for no one else but me. The first place we started really planning out our revenge. The place we met Joe, Ronan, and Mikey.

  In a lot of ways, Steel Roses is where Scar was born. I left everything behind. Went through my metamorphosis here. Traded the pom poms for a pole. The prom queen crown and sash for a blade and a gun. The spotlight of a socialite to being shrouded in shadows. A life blinded by my privilege for one filled with monsters and demons. Ironic how much clearer I'm able to see while living in the darkness.

  Is it really any surprise how much I adore this place?

  I feel Kade’s presence sneaking up behind me before he grazes his hand along my spine, moving to stand next to me. At one point, he would have pulled me back into his chest and nuzzled into my hair. Then again, not too long ago he would have stormed out of the room as soon as he saw me standing here. I guess we can call this progress.

  I’ll take it. Only because I have to.

  I lean my head against his shoulder. "I've missed this." Being here. Being with him. Being free.

  Hmm. I guess that's the kicker though. I'll never really be free. I've chained myself to my revenge. Tying myself to my tormentors more tightly than they ever managed. Buried myself under the weight of my expectations in a way I never would have allowed anyone else to put on me.

  "Do you think life would be better if all I was really, was the front I put up?" I can feel that he turned to look down at me but I'm too scared to look up and see his reaction. I've had that thought a lot. What if I was just the good time that I have so desperately chased for all these years. What if the distractions really were enough to satisfy my demons?

  "I couldn't imagine you any other way, Scar."

  I scoff, "You've known the old version of me. The better version."

  I can feel the weight of his eyes on me, studying me, trying to pick me apart. I can't bring myself to meet them even as he stays quiet, clearly waiting for me to cave and look up to him. He gives up after several long moments, sighing. "I still see the little girl I first met in you. Every day I still see the teenager you were when you first came to the group home. You're still Letty, just a little different now." He nudges me, referencing back to when we first reconnected. "Remember?"

  I laugh, letting some of the tension out of my shoulders. “Of course I remember.” I sigh, a nostalgic smile taking over my face as I recall that night. The drinks, the dancing, the tattoos, the performance. I laugh as I think about the way I licked Luca’s face that night. “Why does it feel like ten years have passed since that night instead of the ten months it has been?”

  He nudges me with his elbow, somehow, it’s both teasing and comforting. “A lot has happened since that night.” His tone is almost wistful as he thinks about all the shit we’ve been through. It has been a busy year. “Maybe we’re finally growing up.”

  I can hear the amusement in his voice as he finishes. I wrinkle my nose at the thought. “Us? Grow up?” I shake my head, chuckling. “I don’t see it.”

  He turns towards me and looks down at me with narrowed eyes. This time it’s not rage directed at me though. He’s having fun. Something loosens in my chest as I realize it’s the first time we’ve relaxed like this with each other since I came back. “Dude,” he says with this serious little look on his face. My eyes narrow and my nose stays scrunched as I stare back at him. “You’re a mom now. That’s about as grown up as you can get.”

  He slaps his hand down on my shoulder as if he just delivered some bad news. I freeze for a moment before shaking my head. So what if I become a mom? That doesn’t make me a functioning adult. No way am I sane enough for that shit.

  “Nope.” I shake my head, refusing to accept this. His eyes sparkle at my refusal. He grins as he moves forward and places his hands on my hips. I shiver as his thumb gently brushes over the exposed skin just above my jean shorts. His grin grows wider.

  He hums, squeezing my hips as he takes half a step closer. His thumb still driving me mad with the smallest little circles he rubs into my skin. “Scar is finally growing up. We should be so proud,” he taunts. “Less partying, less drinking. Even yelling at all of us about our drinking. Leading the team, pushing us all harder. To do better, to be better.”

  I cut him off, slapping his chest. “That makes me a leader not an adult.” I smile back up at him, having to tilt my head almost all the way back to meet his eyes as he’s moved closer to me. He’s so close now, our chests almost touch. We haven’t been this close in a long time when anger wasn’t the driving force behind it. I’ve missed our back and forth. Even if I want to deny everything out of his mouth, I can
’t wait to hear his next argument. Because it’s him. Because it’s me. Because this is us. An us I know. An us I’ve missed. An us I love.

  He continues humming, letting me know just how amused he is by my denial. It’s cute he thinks he’s going to win this debate. “So what does taking Ryder under your wing make you?” He doesn’t give me a chance to respond as he continues. “Training and helping Jade integrate back into society? Planning Christmas and birthdays? I even heard you helped Charlene cook.” His eyes light up and I know he’s going in for the kill.

  His hands tighten even more on my hips. The possessive touch has that feeling stirring deep in my gut. Flutters rock my system, and my body seems to vibrate under his touch. I feel like a live wire, one soak away from exploding. Fuck. I want Kade’s lips to stop spouting nonsense and kiss me senseless.

  He pulls me into him until our bodies are pressed together from knee to chest. My heart rate picks up as my mouth parts open, silently begging him to lean down and meet my lips with his.

  “Pursuing healthy, functioning relationships.” He smirks as his hand cups my cheek gently.

  Mother fuck.

  I can’t say shit back to that. Or can I?

  I scoff, “Don’t think dating three men is normal in any way, Stranger.”

  He cackles. So loud and free that it’s almost jarring. I’ve been doing his whole dating thing and they’ve actually been good. This is the first time he’s really just let loose with me though. The first time I felt the same connection we had before. I can’t help the smug smile that spreads across my face as I watch him. Another knot in my chest loosens.

  I almost feel free too. More than I ever have before.

  “I said absolutely nothing about you being normal, Ladybug.” He finally settles enough to continue his argument. Like every other time I hear my nickname out of his mouth, I shiver. It never affected me quite like this until I lost it. Now, every time I hear it, warmth spreads through me. Dulling the void in my chest that has been present since that night.