by Samantha Bee
I want to give her as much as she's given to me. It's so much more than just the way her looks have ensnared me from the start. Her damage painted on her skin was just the first thing that drew me into her. Her sadistic smile, the blood splatter across her face, the way she came alive by draining the life out of another. It all caught my interest, made the blood in my veins rush with the thrill of just being in her presence.
Every moment I spent with her after that only made me grow more and more enamored with her. The most complex and complicated person I have ever met. Sweet as sugar, dark as death, brutal as a beast. Scar is more caring than anyone I have ever met, taking in other shattered souls under her wing, carefully caring for all their broken pieces.
It's maybe the thing that made me go from being intrigued to actually falling for her. The way she doesn't just set out to heal their broken pieces but teaches them how to take their sharp edges to heal themselves. To take their weakest moments and turn it into their greatest strength. I don't even know if she realizes she does it.
But it's so clear to me. The way she's helped me. Jade. Even Roe. Everyone gravitates around Scar for a reason. A million of them. She never stops amazing me, compelling me. I just hope when she wakes up, she's happy to find it being my finger tracing down her side.
She scoots closer to me, leaning into my warmth and I just can't keep my hands to myself. My hand grips over her hip and she moans in her sleep. She's so responsive to the smallest of touches. I didn't stop to grab her scattered clothes, so all of her curves are already visible to me. It's hard to keep my eyes away from all the creamy flesh on display.
I had tried to put her under the blanket, but she kept kicking it off. After the third time I gave up trying to keep her covered. I knew she was psychopath but really? Who the fuck can sleep without a blanket on them? It's not like it's even hot in here. I like to keep my room cold because I need to be under the covers.
I trail my fingers down her thigh and smile as goosebumps break out in their wake.
I don't know all that they put her through in the kitchen, but I've got a good enough idea. Her body must be absolutely exhausted. She fell asleep in my arms before we even made it to my bed, but she had the sweetest little smile on her face as her eyes drifted closed, my name still on her lips.
I can still taste her on my tongue and fuck. What a heady, intoxicating taste it is. I don't think I'll ever taste anything quite as decadent as her. I was content to just lay here with her in my arms, fall asleep and just enjoy being with her, feeling her skin against mine. But my mind and dick didn't get the memo. They refused to settle down enough to let me follow her into dreams.
I guess there's no point when everything I could possibly dream about is laying right here in front of me.
She turns into me, her hand landing on my chest, fisting my shirt in her fist. I smile as she moves one of her legs in between mine. I wrap my arms around her back, anchoring her to me and she relaxes, a content little sigh passing her lips.
I lean down and graze my tongue just briefly against her lips. I don't want to steal my first kiss with her. I want her to be awake, wanting, and willing. Just as invested in this as I am. I want to consume her.
I don't know how long we lay there like that. I never was able to fall asleep, but I was perfectly happy just holding her against me, drawing patterns on her exposed skin as I thought about how far we've come since I first met her.
She's moved a bit in her sleep until she was laying on top of me. Her head on my chest, her tits pressed against my stomach and legs entangled together. I'm drawing patterns on her back when her head starts to lift, and her eyelashes flutter open as she starts to wake.
"Ryder?" Her voice comes out slightly raspy and I wonder how much she was crying out with her panties in her mouth before I came into the kitchen.
"Hey there, sleepy." She rubs her face into my chest, but I catch her little smile.
She hums, her hands slipping under my shirt as she drags them up my sides. "Is this real?" Her voice has this breathless quality that I've never heard from her before. As if she's almost scared for my answer. That it might all be a dream.
I smirk, lifting my hips so she can feel how I'm still hard for her. "The taste of your come on my tongue assures me it was very real."
Her head pops up to look me in the eyes, a speculative gleam in hers. "When did your tongue become so wicked?"
I grin, deftly flipping her underneath me. "About the same time you were riding it. Want me to refresh your memory?"
She shivers at my words and it does something big for my ego. To see her react so keenly to my presence. She tugs my shirt up over my head. Her movements still lazy and slow. I know she's still feeling the effects of all that we put her body through earlier. This is going to be slow and sensual. An exploration of each other's bodies and souls. A new connection formed between the two of us, binding us even closer together.
I wasn't lying to her earlier. I'm never going to let her go again. She tosses my shirt to the floor, running her fingers up my abs before winding her arms around my neck. "I always thought you only ever saw me as your trainer," she admits in a small voice, even as she pushes our bodies closer.
I skim my hands all over her body as I scoff. "Are you kidding?" I lean back to look at her face. She shakes her head in the smallest nod and I can see the slight blush on her neck. Hell, I never see her blush. It's fucking adorable.
An adorable Scar is fucking dangerous.
I would burn the world down for her if she asked on a good day. If she asked when she's like this? Fuck, I just might figure out a way to pull realms out of the sky and burn those down for her too.
I huff a laugh at how serious she looks though. "Scar, I have wanted you from the first time I saw how savage you were. The sweetest savage I had ever seen, and I've been dying for a taste since." I kiss up her neck and can feel the warmth of her embarrassment against my lips.
I flick my tongue out and trail up her neck, nipping just next to her mouth. "You taste sweeter than anything I ever could have imagined."
She arches up into me, chasing my lips but I pull out of her reach. "I didn't see why you would ever want me, so I put you firmly under the label of boss and trainer. The way for me to ease the ache of losing Jen. The one who would teach me how to get my revenge and soothe my demons at the same time."
I drop a kiss on her nose. I love the way her eyes shine with a hundred different thoughts and feelings. It's one of the few times she's let her walls down around me and let me get a peek inside her soul. "But no matter how hard I tried, I craved you. Craved what the others had with you. Craved to know you in every possible way."
I put all my weight on my arm so I could cradle her face in my hand. "You bared yourself to me, to us, piece by piece. Showing us a little more of you in all the little moments. All the little things you do and say. I saw more and more of who you truly are. The boss, the bad ass, the damaged, the deadly, the lonely, the scared little girl, the fierce protector to all those around you. And every piece I saw made me fall for you just a little bit more. No matter how much I want to deny it, I was yours the moment you stabbed that guard through the eye. You're my sweetest savage and I couldn't walk away from you now." I let my own walls completely down, letting her see to the depths of my feelings for her. The vulnerability and even the doubts.
"Please don't ask me to." My voice comes out in a whisper. Even I know that I'm begging her, I can't bring myself to regret it. Not when it can make the difference between her knowing just how much she means to me.
Her small hands snap out, grasping my face tightly in her hands. "Never, Ry." My nickname on her lips sends vibrations of pure bliss through me. "I've wanted you since I came back. I already thought of you as mine." The blush climbs back up her neck, but she shakes her head. Trying to dispel whatever embarrassment she was feeling over it. "I just didn't think you saw me that way."
I throw my head back and laugh. I can't help it. We could have b
een together this whole time, but our signals were crossed. I guess there is something to say about open and honest communication, huh?
"However we got here, I'm glad to finally have you here."
She hums her agreement, lifting her hips to cradle my erection. Her teeth sink into her lower lip as she gives me her wicked little smirk. "We could get closer."
I push my pants down and boxers down and kick them off in one move before settling back over her.
"Fuck, Ryder," she moans. I run the tip of my dick between her folds, she's already so wet. I look up and smirk at her, but she just shrugs. Completely unphased by it. I take great fucking pride in it though.
I lean up and capture her lips in a fierce kiss, needing to claim her this way before we go any other way. Her tongue slips into my mouth the moment our mouths collide. I welcome her into my mouth, letting her curiously explore as I slide my tongue against her.
She lifts her hips to me again, demanding more even as she plunders my mouth. I smile against her kiss as I slide into her in one smooth thrust. I don't feel any need to rush through this first time. Wanting to savor and enjoy every moment. Drag it out for as long as I can.
I pull out of her, keeping a relaxed pace. Pulling all of the way out of her before thrusting back into her. Sliding against her and feeling her walls tighten around me with every stroke.
I take control of the kiss, moving my tongue into her mouth searching out more of the taste that is so uniquely hers. I can't let any space between us, not even for a moment to catch her breath. I want to steal the very air from her lungs, fill her with nothing but me. Burn myself into her soul as deeply as she's engraved in mine.
I keep up the slow torturous pace, bring my hand up to tweak and twist her nipples until I can feel her clenching around me. She finally breaks our kiss to throw her head back as she cries out her orgasm. I fuck her through it, loving the way I can feel her body's reaction everywhere our skin meets.
Her body breaks out in the most beautiful flush but I'm nowhere near done with her. As soon as she catches her breath, I start working her back up. My hand leaves her tit to find her clit as I start to pick up the pace.
I keep my thrusts measured, increasing the pace bit by bit, until I feel her orgasm looming once more. As soon as I feel her at that precipice, I let go of my control. Pistoning my hips into hers wildly. Loving the way the sound of our panting and our bodies slapping together fills the room.
I get completely lost in all of who she is as I slam into her one final time. I feel the waves of her orgasm break over her at the same time as I cry out her name. Finally feeling like the piece I was missing came home.
I feel whole for the first time since my mom died.
Chapter Thirty-One
I run through my apartment one more time, packing up anything else I see that I might need.
I have some fond memories in this apartment but nothing that is keeping me tied here. Really the only reason I haven’t gotten rid of it yet is because I just don’t want to have to pack all this shit up.
We’ve all talked about it and agreed to stay at Luca’s house indefinitely. Luca even asked if I had gotten rid of this place yet, so I know I’m more than welcome there. I don’t think I can even imagine us not living together at this point.
Even Declan is more comfortable at Luca’s than his own place. It has become the center of activity for all of us and I’m a hell of a lot happier surrounded by them than I ever could be in this plain, boring, empty apartment.
I look around and I can’t even really remember what initially drew me to this place. All I can think about now is the lonely nights when it felt so barren those couple of weeks that I wasn’t in contact with even the guys. I haven’t lived with anyone else since I moved out of my parents’ house, so the solitude shouldn’t have gotten to me as much as it did. But fuck, it really did.
I had become used to the rowdiness of being around Scar and the guys. The constant stream of other people and the kids coming in and out of the house. At Luca’s house, something was always going on, someone was always stopping by. Before Scar ran, his house was overrun with all types of distractions.
His house was filled with light and laughter and love. With family.
Scar may be the very epicenter of my life, the sunshine I didn’t know I was missing, but the other men, and all the others she has brought into it, have only added to my otherwise mediocre existence.
It’s ironic that Scar is worried about dragging me into the darkness. I know that she is. I know it’s why she isn’t ready to face all the secrets we will still have between us. She isn’t quite ready to face her own demons in that way. To accept them and share them with the people she considers her light.
I’ve been tarnished for almost as long as Kade and Luca. The loathing I feel for my father turning me into a sick and twisted creature just like the rest of them. I just hide it better than they do. Where they all have embraced the chaos, turned to the shadows, and lived their lives in the dark, being the light for each other.
I pushed down my demons. Locked them in a box and threw away the key. I tried for so long to lie to everyone around me and even myself that the hell my father put us through didn’t warp who I was.
I hate my father with a passion so vitriol I swear it is the sole reason for the darkness in me. Hate like what I have for my father is so black, so toxic, and destructive. It’s a poison in my veins, slowly corrupting me from the inside out.
Hate is almost easy. It’s easy to know that I would kill him if I ever had the chance. The feelings I have for my mother are far more complicated. I adore my mother, I do. I just don’t really know if I can say that I love her.
Can you love someone when you’re still so full of resentment?
I recognize that she’s sick. I recognize that my father was behind so much of her paranoia and abuse. I know he manipulated her and twisted her sickness into something so much more perverse than it ever had to be. He stood in the way of her getting treatment and getting healthy. He took so much from her and from me. It was always all on him. I can see that and understand it.
But she’s broken now. Far past the point of return. And while I adore her, I don’t know if I can ever truly get over all of the damage she inflicted on me. I don’t hate her, not really. I just don’t forgive her either. Not totally. It’s hard to reconcile the monster she was with who she is now.
I cherish the woman she is now. Protect and care for her to the best of my abilities. But I don’t think I could ever share my source of happiness with her. Scared she would take that from me too. Somehow destroy it like she has so many other things in my life.
It’s almost amusing how Scar thinks she’s the one who will ruin me. I know how deeply she’s entrenched in the darkest parts of humanity. How she has been living in the shadows and lost that naïve innocence so many people take for granted. She has come face to face with evil and survived. It’s not something you come through without marks on your soul. Scar has hundreds of lashes against her soul. And yet, even submerged in shadows the way she is, she’s the light of my life. The warmth of the sun on my skin. The lightness I needed in my life. Even with all the baggage and secrets. Scar gives my life meaning.
I never knew what it would feel like to slot into a family so easily. The carefree atmosphere we so often have with everyone sitting around the living room or dining room table. Even extended out past just Scar and the guys.
All of us. The way we all click so easily together. The way the kids all look out for each other and take care of one another. I smirk to myself as I think about the way Roe punched that kid out for being a dick to Trev. I love that little girl something fierce.
Another thing I never could have expected in a million years. My heart fucking swells at the thought of her cheeky little smile and sparkling eyes. When she burst into the room calling all of us Daddy, nothing ever felt quite so right in my life.
I don’t think any of us ever could have expected that.
It was always so clear that Scar was meant to be her mom. They are kindred spirits that were meant to find their way to each other. I know that every single time I see the two of them together.
The rest of us? It just felt like we were all blessed with a whole lot of extra love when Roe became a part of our lives. She brings a joy I never would have anticipated being a part of my life. Having the honor of being her dad, even just one of her dads, it’s more than I ever could have dreamed of.
Only she could have all six of us completely speechless and in the palm of her hand without even realizing it. She’s as enigmatic and yet captivating as her mother. An unsoiled pure soul. A version of who Scar could have been had she not been dragged through the pits of hell.
There’s a determination in all of us to keep the same fate from befalling Rowan. Even though she’s already come face to face with the devil. She’s more resilient than I ever could be, coming out the other side as still this untainted being.
I wasn’t surprised to find out how long Kade and Luca had been living with their demons. It made sense to me why I was able to form a bond so quickly with Kade. From the first time the two of us met. I felt a connection with him that was only fortified by our shared connection with Scar.
It was so easy to fall into the dynamic with the three of us. Almost being able to read each other’s minds and fill in the blanks without words. It was a relationship that made sense after months with Scar and getting to know her. But it came just as easily with Kade, with no time needed to perfect our routines. You would think that sharing the love of your life would be harder, but it really hasn’t been a challenge at all.
The only thing was when she ran. That was the only roadblock in this family we have created. But even that only made us break down our own walls and grow stronger as a unit.
I sigh, looking all around and grabbing one more bag full of clothes. I don’t have much left here. Some sentimental shit that can honestly be packed away. The furniture could probably be sold. Maybe if things stay calm enough, we can get some movers out here and I can let this place go.
