by Calia Read
But he leans against the wall and watches me the whole time and it feels like I’m dancing for him.
During the whole song, he watches me without moving away from the wall and when it finishes his chest is heaving just as fast as mine.
“Everybody listen up!” Chris shouts.
I hold Macsen’s gaze for a second, but he looks at Chris and I know the moment is gone. I try to catch my breath and turn my body to look at Chris. He smiles widely at everyone and wraps an arm around Macsen.
“It’s this motherfucker’s birthday!”
The place erupts with hollers and whistles. Macsen smiles for a second and it’s like he remembers I’m there. His smile is wiped clean and he stares directly at me, practically boring holes through my body. I swallow and feel a surge of unease traveling up my spine.
“I think we should make Mac do a few Seven and Sevens-”
“Can I say something?” Macsen shouts.
Chris cocks his head to the side and everyone stares at Macsen curiously. I turn frantically to Thayer and Severine and the two of them stand next to me, looking just as worried.
Macsen smiles at everyone and yells, “I want to thank everyone for showing up!” People smile and cheer and Macsen keeps talking, but this time he’s looking at me. He raises a finger and points it directly at Sebastian. His eyes go from friendly to hateful in seconds flat. “And to you, Seabiscuit…”
“Oh, shit,” I hear Thayer mutter behind me.
“Is he drunk?” I whisper to him.
“I’m gonna go with yes,” he replies.
Sebastian tenses next to me. I want to slink away from the room but Macsen’s words practically paralyze me. “I think it’s great to see you here, and I think it’s even better to eye fuck my ex-girlfriend the whole night!”
My face pales and Severine grabs my upper arm. Everyone looks around at each other, unsure of what to do.
“Did you have fun teasing me, Emilia?” I stay rooted to the spot and watch him. A few people look around, looking for Emilia. Only a handful look directly at me, and their stares are filled with curiosity. I have no doubt that my cheeks are red. Macsen opens his mouth and Chris quickly interjects.
“Okay! Thank you, birthday boy. Such a great speech,” Chris says loudly.
I take off and practically run out of the door. Severine and Tosha are by my side with wide eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Severine quickly rushes out. “I knew Chris was planning this party and there might be sluttastic girls here but I didn’t think Macsen would do anything like that.”
“But he didn’t expect Emilia to do that,” Tosha points out with a grin. I glare at her and quickly pull my car keys out of my back pocket.
“I’m proud of you!” she exclaims. “You owned him and everyone in that room!”
“He just called me out in front of everyone!” I shout.
“He’s hurt,” Tosha says gently.
Resting my elbows on the trunk of my car, I take a deep breath, hoping I don’t cry. “I’m hurt too,” I reply.
“Emilia!”
That voice is the same voice that just called me out in front of everyone. I know I shouldn’t turn around, but I do anyway. Macsen jogs toward me with a frown firmly planted on his face. “What the hell are you doing here?” he shouts.
“I invited her!” Severine interjects.
Macsen looks over and glares at her. “No one told you to do that.”
“Just go inside.” I shake my head and look down at the ground. “Go back to the redhead.”
He lifts his hands in the air and lets out a bitter laugh. “I didn’t know you’d be here!”
“And if I wasn’t?” I ask. “Would you be sticking your tongue down her throat right now?”
“What are you trying to do?” Macsen shoves his hands into his unruly hair. “Are you trying to torture me?”
“Macsen,” Chris says seriously and pats him on the shoulder. “Let’s go inside and get a drink.”
He shrugs Chris off and advances toward me. His eyes never leave my face. “You switch tutors, you come here tonight and let that little fucker touch you everywhere!”
I stand tall and crane my neck up to look at him. “I was dancing.”
“No, you were dancing for me. You wanted me to see the whole thing!”
“Yes! I did!” I step closer and the tips of my breasts almost touch his chest. Quickly, I’m forgetting that people are around us. “You told me to leave you alone and when I do, you resent me! But then you’re with that girl, letting her hang all over you! You make no sense, Macsen!”
“You’re driving me crazy!” he shouts. His chest rises slowly as he looks me in the eyes. “Are you doing this on purpose?”
I open my mouth to say more but stop short when I see the crowd of people that have filtered out of the party and onto the sidewalk. “I’m gonna go.”
“No!” Macsen grabs my arm. “You’re here now, so let’s talk this out.”
“Not in front of everyone and you’re drunk,” I hiss out and yank my arm away.
“Why the hell do you think I’m drunk?” he shouts. “It’s because of you!”
I slip away from him. My whole body shakes when I slam my car door and it doesn’t let up the whole ride home. Even my innocent plans backfire on me.
I wait until I’m in my room to cry.
I hear loud banging. Instantly, I sit up. My heart thunders as I look around wildly for the noise and finally realize it’s coming from the door.
The pounding is incessant and I groan as I sit up in bed and look down at my body. I’m still dressed. After the disastrous party at Macsen’s, I came home and passed out on my bed. Glancing at my phone, I see it’s two in the morning.
Slowly, I move toward the door. I’m cautious because Severine is never here on the weekends, and if she would be, she’d never pound on the door. I slightly part open the door. Macsen barges in. He reeks of smoke.
His legs are shaky as he walks into the middle of the room. And when he turns around, my eyes widen. He doesn’t even look like himself. His dark hair is standing up in some areas, and his collar is awkwardly sticking out of his coat.
He points at me, and his finger wobbles. “I almost kissed her,” Macsen slurs out.
His words stab me right in the middle of the heart, right where it hurts the most. Wrapping my arms around me, I lean against the door. “Who?”
I know who, but for some reason I want to know her name.
Macsen stumbles out his words, “I don’t know.” He shrugs off his jacket and tosses it onto my bed.
“You’re drunk,” I accuse.
My words make him stop staring at my body and he looks me in the eye. “Yes, Emiliana.” The way he says my full name makes me squeeze my eyes shut.
“How did you get here?”
Macsen shoves his sleeves up and looks around my room casually. “I drove.”
“Are you insane?” I shout.
“You left,” he says calmly, as if that justifies him driving drunk.
I lean against the door with my hand resting on the doorknob. “And you drove over here to tell me you almost kissed someone else?”
This is a disaster. As much as I want to talk to him, I don’t want to talk to drunk Macsen. This Macsen stares at me with so much raw hurt, it makes my hands shake.
“I was so close,” he rasps out and rubs his eyes. “I was so close to kissing her.”
He still belongs to me. And it’s selfish of me to feel that way, but it’s the truth. I can’t listen to him tell me how he ‘almost’ kissed someone. It hurts too much. A thousand shards of glass are nicking my heart. If he came here to hurt me, he’s succeeding.
I draw air into my lungs and shake my head. “You need to go.”
The words aren’t even out of my mouth before I feel two large hands wrap around my wrists. Macsen presses his body against mine and I stay perfectly still, trying not to breathe him in because past that cigarette smoke is his scent,
the one I love.
His face moves closer as he asks me, “Is Sebastian a good tutor?”
My head thuds against the door. I close my eyes and feel Macsen rest his head on my shoulder. We sit there in silence, until I finally answer him. “Why are you asking about him?”
He lifts his head, and his bright green eyes are bloodshot. “He likes you.”
“Macsen, he’s just helping me.”
Adamantly, he shakes his head. “He wants you … bad.”
The intensity in his voice makes me sag completely against the door. “I don’t want to talk about this,” I whisper.
“I blame you for this,” Macsen replies sadly. He moves his hands away and my palms flatten against the door as he leans down to me. Macsen’s nose brushes against my own. “I was so close.” His head drops down to my neck. He kisses me once and breathes deep. His tortured voice turns into a whisper as he wraps his hands around my neck. “You’ve ruined every girl for me,” he murmurs.
I release a shaky breath as his free hand moves to the buttons of my sweater. He breathes rapidly and two buttons come undone. I feel Macsen’s hands slip underneath the straps of my bra.
I wrench myself away from him and back up, walking deeper into the room. I don’t want him to forget everything tomorrow. As much as I want him, I want him to always remember every single time we’re together. I know I deserve that much. Macsen is panting as he takes a step closer to me, and I hold my hands up in the air.
Alcohol reveals a person’s true emotions. I’m used to Macsen being composed and quiet. I’m not used to seeing him desperate and crushed. My eyes close and I fight the urge to wrap my arms around him.
“Why were you there?” he whispers.
Reluctantly, I open my eyes and look at Macsen. Nothing will come out of my mouth.
“Why?” he shouts. I jump and he steps forward and grips his hair painfully. “How can I forget about you when you’re everywhere?”
“It was your birthday,” I tell him lamely. He looks at me blankly and I continue, “And I just wanted to see you outside of class, where you can’t pretend I’m not there!”
“I know you’re there!” he yells.
Swallowing back my nerves, I take a step forward and point a finger at him. “If you’re trying to forget about me, why are you here? I didn’t make you show up!”
Macsen turns his head and glances at me with anger. “But you did,” he smiles darkly, “you did because even when I’m trying to forget about you, you’re in my mind telling me what to do.”
Everything he’s admitting makes my heart drum wildly in my chest. He still needs me. There’s still a chance for me to make this right. “I don’t want to stay away from you! Do you think I want that?”
Lacing his fingers behind his head, he snorts and looks up at the ceiling. “I don’t know what you want, Emilia. You danced against some guy and let him grope you!”
Dancing with Sebastian tonight was a mistake. It drove Macsen crazy and I knew that then, but now I see just how jealous and torn up he is. He’s jealous enough to show up at my dorm when he hasn’t even acknowledged me in the last few days.
Without hesitation, I tell him truth. “I don’t like Sebastian!” I shout. “I love you!”
After those words, neither one of us says anything. My arms shake at my sides and Macsen stares at me with wide eyes.
But I think those words were all he needed to hear because it only takes a few seconds before he lunges for me.
This time I don’t move away. This time I grab on tightly to his shoulders when he kisses me roughly. His kiss is filled with anger and he makes no attempt to be gentle. I gasp into his mouth and quickly wrap my legs around his waist. My fingers curl around the strands of his hair. I yank hard and his hat falls to the ground.
My tongue slides against his and I angle my head to the side, trying to show him just how much I’ve missed him. Our kiss is frantic and angry and filled with more intensity than the two of us have ever felt. A moan escapes my mouth as I kiss him deeper. I can’t get enough of him.
When Macsen pushes himself away, I know he’s feeling the same thing. But now that I have his arms wrapped around me again, I don’t want him to walk away. My fingers dig into his shoulders as I grind against him and a strangled noise comes from the back of his throat.
Macsen rips himself away and my feet touch the ground. I pant as he backs away. I need more from him and he’s taking way too much time.
I don’t have to worry any longer. In a hurry he takes off his shirt and unbuttons his pants, letting them hang low on his hips. I don’t get to appreciate the view. His body is pressed against me instantly. My breath is stolen from me as he seals his lips tightly over mine. He walks me toward the edge of the bed and his hands tug and pull on my sweater. It tears and buttons fall off, and I feel only a second of remorse that Severine’s sweater is ruined. I love this desperate, intense side of Macsen.
The material hangs from my body and I quickly push it away and breathe deep when Macsen touches the swell of my breast. My nipples instantly tighten. “I like this,” he whispers gruffly. “Did you wear this for me?”
Mutely, I nod my head. My chest rises as he hooks a finger under the material and it gives away. It’s another article of clothing that’s ruined.
I stumble back onto my bed on my stomach. I take deep breaths and when I feel Macsen’s hands slide up my thighs, I gasp. His hands are frantic as he tugs my jeans and underwear down my legs. And when his hands touch the bare skin of my legs, I whimper.
He moves his hands higher and higher and my breathing becomes erratic. I feel his large hand caress my ass before he slips a hand in between my legs and rubs his thumb where I’m aching to be touched. Heat pools in where he strokes his finger against me. He stops touching me only to slip a finger inside me. My eyes close and my mouth forms a perfect O from the pleasure he’s giving me. His body covers mine and I feel his erection pressing against me.
I groan loudly.
Impatiently, I wait for him to enter, but he pulls himself up and I feel his lips touch my shoulder. My body jumps and he kisses and nips his way down my spine as his hands outline the curves my body.
“I want you so fucking bad,” he murmurs against my spine.
His words excite me. My body arches underneath his hands. I feel his teeth graze my skin as he smiles.
He moves back over me and positions himself between my legs. Excitement and fear course through me because I’ve never been in this position. But I don’t want to pull away. I want to see what Macsen can make me feel.
“Hurry,” I pant out.
Macsen chokes out a laugh. “Spread your legs,” he demands. Immediately, I push my knees further apart. In the next second, he slowly fills me.
My knees almost buckle out from under me and I bite hard on my lip to keep myself from groaning. It’s been way too long since he’s touched me and now that he’s inside me, I give myself only a few seconds before I orgasm.
He groans deeply in relief and rests his forehead on my shoulder before he pulls out slowly, only to rock back into me.
My hands blindly reach for leverage, and Macsen laces his fingers with mine and he extends his arms. They go further than mine and with just his arms, he drags me across the bed. My hands are at the edge of the bed and I’m practically kneeling with my ass in the air.
He pushes deeper into me and I hear Macsen hiss.
My hands slam on the mattress and my head briefly rests against the mattress as I grip my sheets. He moves in and out of me slowly and it’s agony. “Oh, God,” I moan.
Macsen’s hand curves around my neck and he angles it so he can whisper in my ear. “I want you to watch.”
My head shoots up and my hair falls around me as I look at the full-length mirror in front of me. The reflection shows my flushed cheeks. Macsen’s hands are on my hips as he moves inside of me. Sweat gathers on his tan skin, and the muscles in his neck are strained as he moves quicker. A smile of t
riumph is on his face as he watches me and I know he realizes that he’ll be the only one to see me this way.
I find his pace as I watch the two of us in the mirror. I can’t look away. My body starts to burn and tingle, and my arms start to shake. My blood roars in my ears as I clench myself tighter around him, and his body jerks against mine.
“Fuck,” he breathes.
“Macsen!” I cry out his name as I climax around him.
His palms touch my stomach and drift higher to cup my breast. And even with my body relaxed, I lift one hand away from the bed, and keep his hands on my breast. His hands knead and caress my breast and I moan softly. My eyes are still fixated on the mirror. I watch Macsen’s body move faster. His hands drift away from my breast and land on my hips. He starts to control all our movements. His eyes shut and he throws his head back just as his large body shudders against mine as he comes.
For the longest second, all that I can hear is the sound of our breathing. My arms give out and I relax my body, stretching like a cat. Macsen lies down next to me and drags me toward him until we’re chest to back.
“You feel so good,” he murmurs. “I love the way you feel.” His heart is pounding against my back but I barely feel it. It’s his words I feel the most.
He repeats his words over and over, until his heart rate slows and he starts to relax. Macsen sighs deeply and kisses my shoulder. “I’ve missed you,” he whispers. My eyes slam shut tightly.
I want him to miss me right now, tomorrow and every single day of his life. I want every day that he’s not around me to be the agony that I feel. But I know what he’s telling me isn’t for my ears. He’s spilling his thoughts out tonight. Tomorrow will be a different story.
He makes slow strokes up and down my arm as I stare blindly at the clock on Severine’s side of the room. I love being held in his arms, it makes me feel safe. He cures my stress and sadness, and all I feel is relief.
I would like to hope that everything between us is okay, but I can’t.
He loves me and needs me. But I don’t think Macsen realizes that.
Or maybe he does.
Maybe that’s why he’s fighting so hard.
