“You know nothing of what you speak! My brother saved me from Mr. Wickham’s evil schemes. Last summer I nearly eloped with him, without informing my brother. Nor would I have had the protection of a wedding settlement, which was his entire goal. I am to inherit thirty thousand pounds and Mr. Wickham, who we have since discovered had a prior acquaintance with my governess at the time, convinced her to take me to Ramsgate for a holiday. There he declared his love for me and I was run away with the romance and delighted in the attention.
“When William arrived unexpectedly, I happily told him my news. I have never seen my brother so displeased! Mr. Wickham hastily left, never to return. My brother wrote him a letter warning him off and Mr. Wickham only replied ‘The stupid cow is not worth your damned thirty thousand.’”
She paused and Lydia perceived some tears welling in Miss Darcy’s eyes but they seemed more from anger than pain.
Taking a deep breath Georgiana continued, “I know not how he has lived since leaving Ramsgate, but I am certain he has done nothing but search for some new heiress to seduce. But with a man so unscrupulous as that, you cannot expect him to genuinely have feelings for a single mortal other than himself. If I had married him, I am certain I would have been left in poverty as he gambled away my fortune. If Mr. Wickham loved anyone other than himself, where is his courage to fight for it?”
Lydia collapsed onto a chair. She hardly gave credence to Miss Darcy’s words alone, but when combined with the words of her parents and sisters, as well as what she believed she saw in Meryton, Lydia’s beliefs were finally shaken, and she began to see clearly. She had deliberately flaunted propriety out of fear of being found unacceptable. If she knew the looks of dislike she got were either due to disgust at her manners or jealousy at her liveliness, then she need not fear she was disliked for herself and some innate quality within her.
She could never be as beautiful and sweet as Jane nor as clever and witty as Elizabeth. Mary worked diligently for accomplishments, and Kitty at least was amiable and pliable. Lydia could find no other way to recommend herself but through wildness. And yet, what did casting off propriety nearly gain the young girl in front of her? Lydia had no older and wiser brother to take an interest in her life and save her from scoundrels. She was spoilt by her parents and her sisters, though attempting to guide her, often ignored her.
What would Wickham, or any man, want with her? Georgiana at least had a fortune. Lydia had read enough novels to finally understand her danger. She would have had no means to induce such a man to matrimony and would have been left ruined with no means for support but through her own self.
Lydia stood and intended to speak but, feeling the full effects of having inherited her mother’s nerves, she fainted in a heap, leaving Georgiana to sound the alarm.
*****
Bingley paced up and down the small garden to the right of Longbourn. On the second story was a window through which he thought he had first glimpsed Jane on the day he returned Mr. Bennet’s call in early October. A little over a week later, he walked with Jane in this garden before the dinner to which the Netherfield Party had been invited. That day he had felt only happiness. When he danced with Jane, he believed her an angel, and every minute in her presence continued to confirm his belief. Now, eight weeks later, and after nearly two weeks of separation from her, he came to believe more in her humanity than ever before. While he had been so busy worrying over her acceptance of him, he never considered how she felt about his actions. Had he wounded his beloved angel?
A movement caught his eye, and Jane darted into view.
“Mr. Bingley,” she said without hesitation, and Bingley held his breath.
“Mr. Bingley, you sir, are a blind idiot! The whole county knows I am in love with you!”
Her tone was nothing like he ever expected her to use, but then her words were nothing like he ever expected to hear.
“You love me?”
“Yes!” she said with enthusiasm. “Yes! I love you!”
She began to laugh freely, and Bingley joined in, grabbing her hands.
“I love you, darling!” Feeling uncommonly giddy, he stooped down and kissed her soundly on the lips.
“Ohh!” she cried in surprise.
Although blushing, she did not break her gaze with him and he was tempted to kiss her anew. Attempting to redirect his thoughts he thought seriously on her previous words. “Everyone knows you love me? Have they been awful to you while I have been away?”
She hung her head low. “No, not awful.”
He gently tilted her head up. “Oh, Jane. You are too kind. How terrible I have been to make you doubt me.”
“You are here now.”
“I am! And so are you! But how can you forgive me?”
“Did I not cause you misery, too?”
“No, no, the fault was all my own. I assumed your feelings and without even telling you mine. What were you to do?”
“Well, I…I could have written a letter?”
Her words sent them both into laughter. It might have been followed by an awkward silence but Jane seemed determined to continue to speak her mind.
“But…but…I need more time. I believe we both have the courage to declare our feelings, but one letter cannot erase our distrust.”
“A courtship then?” Bingley cautiously put forth. “As it should have been weeks ago?”
Her relief was obvious and she agreed with eagerness. “Yes, that is exactly what I would wish.”
Bingley leaned in for another kiss when suddenly Georgiana was running from the door and crying in alarm for help.
*****
Darcy, Elizabeth, Bingley and Jane all arrived at the door to Longbourn as one.
“What is it?” Darcy demanded of Georgiana.
She could only stutter out, “M-m-miss Lydia!”
“Where?” cried Elizabeth.
Georgiana pointed to the old school room door, and the group pushed forward. Jane took Georgiana aside and gently helped her sit.
“Miss Darcy, are you well? You look terribly pale.”
“I am very frightened. She just collapsed!”
Lydia did not rouse, and Darcy and Bingley, mindful of her head, carried her to the sofa in the drawing room, the others trailing behind.
“I will call Hill and my parents,” Elizabeth said while pulling the cord.
The servant arrived in a moment and was clearly alarmed at the sight.
“Hill, please ask my parents to attend promptly and fetch Mamma’s smelling salts.”
Darcy was pacing around the room when Mr. and Mrs. Bennet entered.
“What has happened?” Mr. Bennet asked.
“Lydia fainted, only she will not wake,” Jane said.
By this time the commotion of the house was so great that Mary and Kitty entered the room as well.
“Thomas! What are we to do?” Mrs. Bennet was growing alarmed.
Darcy approached, “Excuse me, sir, but I think it best to send for the apothecary immediately, and I will send for my physician from Town.”
Mr. Bennet looked at him for a long moment. He was too reserved of a man to say much, but Darcy saw the usual laughing glint in his eye disappear and be replaced with concern. “You think this serious; have you seen this before?”
Darcy slowly nodded and spoke quietly. Only Mr. Bennet and Elizabeth could hear. “My mother. She had an acute sickness strike her. See how Miss Lydia perspires and her breathing is so shallow? My concerns may be for naught, but I think she ought to be moved to a sick bed.”
“I will ready things,” Elizabeth offered.
Darcy managed a very small smile when he saw Elizabeth rise to the occasion. How did he ever think she would be incapable of managing manage his homes? Georgiana was still distressed and Miss Kitty facilitated between believing Lydia was getting too much attention and wailing her best friend’s unknown condition. Jane and Miss Mary went after Elizabeth to help and despite the noise of Kitty, Darcy recognized it was
quieter than he expected.
Scanning the room again, he recognized Mrs. Bennet standing over Lydia, who still lay on the sofa. She gently stroked her daughter’s hair. She was entirely silent but tears streamed freely down her face. Mr. Bennet wrapped one arm around his wife and was murmuring something in her ear. The tenderness surprised Darcy and he turned away from intruding on their private moment. He turned his attention to Bingley and they considered the best way to transport Lydia upstairs to the chamber when it was ready.
An hour later, Mr. Jones arrived and examined Lydia.
“It is as Mr. Darcy feared. I have bled her, but I believe this illness is beyond my experience. It is good a physician has been sent for. In the meantime, I must ask that those who are not family leave immediately,” he told the assembled group.
Jane began to cry, and Bingley was at her side instantly. “I will not leave you again, Jane.”
“No! I could not bear it if you became ill, too.”
Darcy interjected, “My friend and I assisted in moving Miss Lydia several times now, and my sister was alone with her when she fainted. I doubt the wisdom of us now leaving.”
“It is all my fault!” Georgiana wailed. “She would not believe me about Mr. Wickham, and I was too forceful!”
Everyone hastened to tell her that could not be the case, and Elizabeth attempted to console her. When the apothecary amended his statements that everyone should stay confined to Longbourn, Elizabeth took the sobbing Georgiana to her room.
A storm began, delaying the physician until morning. The house was still and sombre, the various ladies of the house were reduced to mostly silent tears. They all retired early and the situation was grave enough Darcy managed to give little thought to the fact that he was once again only a few doors down from a sleeping Elizabeth.
The next morning arrived with dark clouds in the sky, though the roads proved passable for the physician. He scarcely had more information to give but he did have additional medications to try. They had little effect. Lydia lay abed insensible to everything, with a high fever and symptoms of delirium.
Elizabeth, Jane and Mrs. Bennet took turns remaining at Lydia’s side. The gentlemen consoled the ladies as best they could. Mary and Kitty took to keeping Georgiana occupied. Elizabeth had scarcely been able to comfort her. Georgiana still blamed herself entirely.
On the second night of Lydia’s illness even Elizabeth’s spirits began to slip. Darcy sat with her hand in hand next to Lydia’s bedside. The door was open for propriety although it was unnecessary. Elizabeth wiped her sister’s brow and in what Darcy believed was a fit of exhaustion began to weep uncontrollably. He pulled her to his chest and pressed kisses in to her hair until she calmed. Then she looked up to him with reddened eyes.
“I never gave her enough attention. I was content to merely scold or laugh at her. And now…”
“No, Elizabeth. I will not allow you to despair. I have seen the deathbed. Look, her cheeks are still rosy.”
She looked more hopeful but still did not quite believe him. “But you said your mother…”
“Lydia is stout and young. My mother was always frail. Nor does Lydia cough. The physician tells us not to fear yet.”
She laid her head against his shoulder again and said, “I will try.”
“Dearest, you are a very affectionate sister. Would you still have come to Netherfield if it was Lydia who was sick instead of Jane?”
“Of course!” She wrapped her arms around his waist. “I am so thankful you are here with me.”
Regardless of being able to assuage Elizabeth’s feelings of guilt, Darcy recalled her words from only a few days ago. The Bennets were soon to be his family and were now on the brink of tragedy but he should have felt for their concerns long ago. Maybe they never had a daughter facing an illness before, but they had always been worthy of his notice. From his first acquaintance with them they had welcomed him into their home. It was only after his poor behaviour that Mrs. Bennet felt compelled to publically reprimand him at Netherfield. At the time he was angry at Mrs. Bennet, first for insulting himself and secondly for embarrassing Elizabeth but he had brought it on himself entirely.
When he would join Mr. Bennet in the library, the older gentleman was full of recriminations as well. The sensible people in the household knew Lydia’s illness was not caused by Georgiana’s revelation of Wickham’s true nature but as the physician offered little hope or information, it was impossible not to have regrets. Darcy did admire the way the family came together, though. He had not experienced that kind of unity and acceptance—of being able to show weakness and have others provide support—in a very long time. He only hoped it did not come too late.
*****
Saturday, December 14, 1811
Elizabeth stretched her back after sitting watch over Lydia. Jane was taking her place, and Elizabeth determined she must speak with her future sister.
Entering the small music room she asked Mary and Kitty to leave her alone with Georgiana, who immediately cast her eyes down.
“Miss Darcy, are you feeling well?”
“Yes, only I still hate myself for making Miss Lydia collapse. I can hardly believe I spoke so forcefully. You must despise me!”
Elizabeth sat next to her on the pianoforte bench. “Why would I despise you?”
“I have been so foolish! I know my brother informed you of my near elopement with Mr. Wickham. Then I stormed into your home and berated your sister when she certainly was not so stupid as I. It was nothing but selfishness and pride! I was ready to explain matters to you but I did not wish to appear so ridiculous to her after she insulted me and William. Mr. Wickham is terrible, but I share much of the blame and I did not wish to say that to your sister.”
“I assure you, Lydia needed to hear it and not in gentleness. She has been spoiled by my parents. My mother indulges her and my father only wishes to silence her pleas for trinkets and money. She needs a strong hand. How curious that she got it from you, who, I understand from your brother, had been feeling exceptionally meek of late. I think it very brave of you!”
“Brave? It is not as though I fought on a battlefield.”
“No, but that is not the lot we women have. Our power is so limited, but we must wield it with assuredness and with spirit. We may only have voices instead of weapons of warfare, but it does not make them any less important. Speaking to Lydia so forcefully was not the first time you were so courageous either. Your brother has told me how helpful you were on his journey to Longbourn and that you admitted to the premeditated elopement yourself. You risked displeasing him in both instances but stood for the truth.”
“I…I did not think of it that way.”
“Well, I think we seldom realize we are so brave in the midst of the battle. At the time it only appears necessary.”
“Thank you, Miss Elizabeth. I am so thankful you forgave William and agreed to marry him!”
“Your brother had much to forgive me of as well. Did you ever realize forgiveness requires bravery?”
“How so?”
“It can be terrifying to let go of your feelings and face a new world. This is true not only when forgiving a person—of not holding a grudge—but in forgiving yourself. I know I certainly am having a time of it when I think of how terribly I treated your brother.”
“But he insists you are innocent of all wrongdoing!”
Elizabeth smiled. “Your brother is a very generous man. No, I was wrong to be so prejudiced and to allow my vanity and pride to be hurt. To speak so freely against him and I was especially wrong to hurt him so badly by refusing his suit. He was willing to give up so much for me and all I could think of was myself! I was terrified of giving up my life at Longbourn and facing a world that may not accept me. I was afraid of what my life would be like if your brother ever changed his affections.” Elizabeth wiped a few tears from her eyes.
“But William is the most loyal gentleman! There is nothing you could do to destroy his love!”
/>
“I know, dear. And I am grateful for it. So you see, it was nothing about him and all about me. But I must learn to admit to my errors without losing my self-respect. I was foolish but it is not unforgiveable. It is only a lesson.”
“I am so glad you are to be my sister! Maybe…maybe we could talk about this again?”
“I would like that. And since we are to be sisters, first you must call me Lizzy and secondly, you must know sisters are not always so sensible or so dull. Come, let us learn a silly duet to cheer the family with as we wait for Lydia to recover.”
Georgiana smiled, and Elizabeth breathed a sigh of relief. It had taken two days for Georgiana to overcome her shyness and speak more than a monosyllable to any of the Bennets once the apothecary pronounced Lydia seriously ill. Georgiana was even more reticent with Elizabeth than the others, leading Elizabeth to believe Georgiana genuinely disliked her. What sister could not hate a woman who abused her beloved brother so abominably in a letter? Elizabeth had been ashamed of that letter as soon as she realized it was sent but after this conversation, she would look on the past only as it gave her pleasure. More than a common interest in music, and any other topic she would later speak on with her future sister-in-law, Elizabeth discovered that she and the Darcys could teach each other a few things about forgiveness and bravery.
Chapter Nine
Monday, December 16, 1811
Longbourn
No one else in the household fell ill, and eventually the guests were given permission to leave Longbourn. Despite the fact that the Darcys and Bingley could now remove to Netherfield, they preferred to stay at Longbourn until more was known. In the meantime, gossip had made its way through Meryton, and on the fifth day of Lydia’s illness visitors began to arrive.
Seven Days With Mr Darcy Page 17
