“Anne, may I sit with you?” he asked from the open doorway.
She put aside her book and looked up at him. “Certainly.” When he had sat, she observed, “I have not had any time to visit with you in the morning during your stay. You were always busy with Mother’s accounts or visiting the Parsonage.”
“I was,” he nodded, “and I am sorry if you felt slighted.”
She gave him a sad smile. “I did not feel slighted. I have accepted our situation.”
“And what is that?” he asked, surprising himself with how much he genuinely wanted to know her feelings.
“Well, Mother wishes you to marry me and you do not want to. Naturally, you must avoid me to not give her false expectations.”
“What do you want, Anne?”
“Are you asking if I want to marry you?”
“Yes. I realise I have never asked what you thought on the matter.”
“What has changed? Why are you asking me now?” She looked at him warily.
“I have seen that I am selfish and arrogant. Years ago, when we spoke about your mother’s plans, I laid out that I had no intention to marry you. I never allowed you to speak.”
“Did she say that to you?” Anne asked softly and stared at her hands. “Miss Bennet is wrong, Fitzwilliam. You are not selfish or arrogant, but I will not be your consolation prize.”
Anne’s words surprised Darcy, and he looked at her as though he had never seen her before. “I would not demean you so but how did you know?”
“I know what longing and love looks like. I know the face of rejection.” A tear trickled down her cheek.
“Anne,” Darcy sighed. “I never meant to hurt you. Did I mistreat you? Did I raise your expectations?”
“No, do not blame yourself,” she said as she wiped away her tears with a handkerchief. “I knew you did not want me, you told me so, but it could not stop my heart from yearning.”
“Perhaps you only wish to be away from your mother. Perhaps if you were in more company…”
“I know my mind and my heart,” she snarled. “There is Richard. There is Mr. Montague-Churchill. There are other gentlemen I have met. It is you I loved.”
“I am sorry,” Darcy said quietly but meaning it with all of his heart. When he first made contact with the Fitzwilliams and de Bourghs, they filled a hole in his heart. “I never knew.”
“I did not wish for you to know,” she shrugged. “Mother told me I could gain your interest. However, I always saw we would not suit. I admired and loved you but would be an abominable wife to you, and you are not the sort of man that would make me happy.”
Darcy furrowed his brow. Thinking of being with Elizabeth made him happier than he had ever been. In his mind, that happiness equated love but what Anne talked about was dark and depressing. How could you love someone who could not complete you or be your equal? How was it love if it could only bring pain?
“You asked me what I wanted,” Anne interrupted his thoughts.
“I did.”
“I wish for your happiness. I hope Miss Bennet will see her error and if she does not, that your heart will be stirred by another.”
Darcy felt the lines between his brows deepen.
“You do not understand?” Anne asked and gently touched his hand. “I wish for that because I love you.”
That sentiment Darcy understood entirely. Of course, he desired for Elizabeth to love him but having no hope of that now, he wished for her happiness. No matter how painful it was to consider, she would find it with another man. “I do understand.”
“I would do nearly anything for you.” He covered her hand with his other one. “You are family.”
“Find someone to love and marry her. Do not return to Rosings unwed.”
Darcy hung his head. “Anne, I do not know that I will find another.”
“Please,” Anne pleaded. “You do not know how my mother’s constant hints and nagging torment me.”
“I did not know, forgive me.”
“I will not,” Anne said and raised her chin. “You have no reason to reproach yourself.”
Darcy pulled his hand from hers and paced around the room. “I am a flawed man. I have wounded people—”
“Did you mean to?”
Darcy ceased walking and stared at her. “Pardon?”
“Did you mean to hurt anyone?”
“No, but my mere existence in this world has created pain.”
“It is not your fault,” she insisted. “Accidents may happen and over-sensitivities occur, but I will not forgive you for my silence and secrecy.”
Darcy remained rooted, hearing Anne’s words and the clemency she offered but wishing it was another woman before him. The things he wanted to share about himself, the deepest parts of his heart, he could not say to his cousin. Given her feelings for him, expressing them would only hurt her further. One thought stood out to him, however. She must feel similar to Jane Bennet. They both loved a man from afar and had mothers who cannot keep silent about it. He castigated himself anew.
“I will leave you now,” Darcy said.
“I will not see you off tomorrow,” Anne said. “I meant what I said.”
Darcy nodded and bowed to her then made his way to his chamber.
Chapter Thirteen
Richard and Darcy arrived in London around noon the following day. Elizabeth had not asked for Darcy to inform Bingley about Jane’s feelings for him. However, Darcy knew he needed to confess his wrongdoing to his friend. He imagined how he would feel if Bingley or Richard had told him that they had found Elizabeth unworthy of him and withheld information about her whereabouts. Of course, Darcy might have thanked them for the effort. He was rather sure that Bingley would not be so grateful.
Dropping Richard off at his Regiment, Darcy returned to his empty London house. No friends or family greeted him; only paid servants. Trustworthy and loyal though they were, he felt the pang of not having others to share his time and space. Even Lady Catherine had her daughter and Mrs. Jenkinson. Even Mr. Collins had found a wife and hosted guests.
When Darcy had retrieved Georgiana from Ramsgate, she came to Darcy house. After a week or two, he hired a companion and set up an establishment for his sister. They had never been close and he believed it would allow her the freedoms and interests a young lady would have. She would enter Society soon and friends already arrived to call. Hating the ever-increasing flow of fortune hunters wanting only a glimpse at him, he gave her a residence of her own. It also proved that he trusted her and did not blame her for the Wickham fiasco. Did he ask how she felt?
Bringing her to Darcy House instantly crossed his mind. However, he realised his first instincts often did not consider the emotions of others. He had thought his decisions perfectly rational and logical but he had grown so used to shutting off his feelings that it did not occur to him that others felt differently. Still, he hoped Georgiana might be willing to reside with him until she married. Instead of relying on her companion to chaperone after her come out, he would squire her around himself. A selfless task, indeed.
He had too many matters to attend to after being gone for so long to call on Georgiana that day. It required thought and preparation as to what to say. He worried, too, the desire would vanish as instantly as it had occurred and one could not simply boot their younger sister out of a house because they changed their mind.
Retiring early that evening, he determined to seek out Bingley in the morning and then call on his sister after that errand finished.
*****
The April day in London dawned partly sunny. Parliament had returned to session and the Mayfair district Darcy lived in thrummed with activity as lords and ladies welcomed the warmer temperatures. The Season continued until the end of June but few could afford to spend all of the time in Town. Warming temperatures meant an increase in the city’s population. In turn the streets were more crowded. All was not perfect, though. Pickpockets came out in abundance and ragged, dirty children
asking for handouts lined many streets. Darcy could not abide to ignore them. He might have been one. George Darcy had every right to cast him and, later, Georgiana aside.
Instead of arriving by coach, he chose to walk to the Hurst Townhouse on Grosvenor Street. With any luck, Bingley would be in and his sisters would not. As he entered the drawing room, his hopes proved wrong.
“Darcy!” Bingley cried with his usual cheerfulness and reached out for a handshake. “What brings you here? I thought you were in Kent!”
“I returned yesterday.”
“And your first thought was to visit us?” Miss Bingley cooed. “How thoughtful!”
“Have a seat,” Bingley said. “We were just ordering refreshments.”
“I am sorry there are no lemon tarts, as I know they are your favourite,” Caroline said.
“As long as there are some crumpets,” Hurst said.
“Of course, there are your crumpets,” his wife glared at him. “You are always here and we know your favourites.”
“Do tell us, Mr. Darcy, if you plan on visiting more frequently. We could easily keep your favourites on hand,” Caroline smiled as she poured his tea.
Darcy held in his sigh as she added three cubes of sugar. He detested overly sweet tea.
“Just as you like,” she beamed.
Handing it to him, she leant down in attempt to display her cleavage. Darcy averted his eyes, as usual, and murmured his thanks.
“How did you find Rosings?” Bingley asked.
“My aunt and cousins are well,” Darcy smiled. “To my surprise, I met with a few of mutual acquaintances of ours.”
“Indeed?”
“You will recall Mr. Collins,” Darcy said.
Bingley stared blankly at him.
“The parson related to the Bennets? His patroness is my aunt.”
At the mention of the name Bennet, Darcy saw Bingley’s eyes take on a faraway quality.
“Yes, he danced at my ball.”
With Elizabeth, Darcy mentally added.
“Do not get me started with that dreadful ball,” Caroline said. “Such vulgarity! And the Bennets arranged to leave last, I am sure of it!”
“The presumption,” her sister added. “So disgusting.”
“And that Eliza!” Caroline harrumphed. “I tried to steer her away from Mr. Wickham, but she would defend him, no matter how abominably he used you, Mr. Darcy.” Caroline fluttered her lashes and simpered at him.
“What do you expect from such low breeding?” Mrs. Hurst added.
“I expect you to see to my plate,” her husband groused.
Darcy watched the scene as though he had never met them before. Had he thought the Bennets improper? Bingley’s family was little better. Nor was his. He cleared his throat. “As it happens, Miss Elizabeth Bennet was at the Parsonage as well.”
“I knew it!” Caroline cried in glee. “She did marry her cousin. Her mother crowed that she would.”
Thank God, I do not have to live through that misery, Darcy thought as Anne’s words echoed in his head.
“You see, Charles,” Mrs. Hurst said. “They are all out for as much as they can get. Anyone who would marry such a fool is.”
“I do not feel qualified to speculate on the heart of his wife. However,” Darcy paused for dramatic effect, “the former Miss Charlotte Lucas married Mr. Collins. Elizabeth Bennet was there as a guest, as was Mrs. Collins’ sister.”
“Did she mention her sisters? Are they all still at Longbourn?”
Bingley nearly dumped his plate of biscuits over and sloshed his tea in excitement. It told Darcy all he needed about his friend’s continued feelings. Each mentioning of Elizabeth’s name, each time he referenced her family and recalled his terrible proposal felt like a slice to his heart. Still, for Bingley, he would bear this. He had wronged the man.
“No—”
“Mr. Darcy, have you seen Georgiana yet?” Caroline interrupted. “How I dote on her! I am due to call on her. Perhaps you could escort my sister and me there tomorrow, as my brothers have need of the carriage.”
Darcy’s mouth dropped at Caroline’s forwardness. A part of him wanted to think that if she had not been scrambling to redirect the conversation then she would have behaved better but there was delight and security behind her eyes mixed with her panic.
“I have no definite plans but allow me to answer your brother’s question.”
“It hardly matters—”
“Caroline!” Bingley called in a tone Darcy had never heard him use before. “Let the man speak!”
Miss Bingley blushed a little and even Mrs. Hurst looked away and did not come to the support of her sister. Darcy took a breath to bolster his courage.
“All but one are at Longbourn,” Darcy said and glanced at Miss Bingley, who fiddled with her skirt. “The eldest Miss Bennet is in London and has been for many weeks.”
“We must call on her!” Bingley sprang from his chair. “Do you know the address?”
“I…I do not but perhaps your sisters might?”
“Of course! You must write her directly. I believe it was somewhere near Cheapside.”
“Bingley,” Darcy said in solemn tones. “I need to speak with you alone.”
“A splendid idea,” Caroline agreed rapidly. She hastened to her brother and kissed him on the cheek. “You are so fortunate to have such a great friend in Mr. Darcy. We are all so dependent on him for advice.”
She was going to pin this all on him? She and Mrs. Hurst scurried away. Hurst had fallen asleep and remained.
“What time do you think I should call tomorrow?” Bingley said as he walked around the room full of nervous energy.
“Bingley—you may want to sit down for this,” Darcy said and his friend slowly wheeled toward him and cocked his head.
“I have done you a disservice.”
“Oh, God. No, don’t do it Darcy. Even you can’t be that thick-headed.”
“Do what?”
“Ask me for Caroline’s hand. You just avoided your cousin but it does not mean you need her.”
“Good God!” Darcy cried and he was the one who stumbled backward into a chair. “Have I made you or her think I would? Do others believe it?” He pulled on his cravat feeling like a noose squeezed around his neck.
“Nothing beyond her grasping wishes and my knowing you would deny your heart for Society’s approval.”
Darcy shook his head. “I would never…but you are a good friend. You tried to stop me.”
“Of course,” Bingley said. “Caroline is my sister but she is not for you. We do not need to be directly related.”
“Indeed,” Darcy said as he gathered his thoughts again on how to ask the truest friend he ever had to forgive him of cunningness and deceit.
“Well, if you are not here to ask for my sister’s hand then what has you looking so awful?”
Darcy met Bingley’s eyes. “I have known Miss Bennet was in Town since January. I should have told you. My interference was officious.”
A vein near Bingley’s left eye ticked. It was the only sign that he had even heard the damning words Darcy said. After several moments in strained silence, Bingley spoke.
“Why didn’t you?”
Darcy shrugged. “At the time it seemed well-reasoned. I did not lie when I told you my observations in November. I did not believe Miss Bennet cared for you as you did for her. When I heard she was in Town, I worried you had not been parted long enough to loosen her pull on your heart.”
“Who? Who told you?”
Bingley asked but his face showed security. He already knew.
“That is unimportant,” Darcy said as he leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. “I knew you relied on my opinion. Nor did I even put the information to you. I decided for you.”
“You were very wrong.” Bingley’s voice shook.
“I was,” Darcy said.
“Do you think so little of me?” Bingley glanced away.
“No,
” Darcy said truthfully. “I failed to reason that you would feel differently than me. Or that you would trust my judgement.”
“You expect me to believe that you did not trust yourself?” Bingley scoffed. “You are the most arrogant man I have ever known.”
Darcy gulped. “That is true and I do not expect your forgiveness.”
“Why do you tell me now?” Darcy opened his mouth but Bingley shook his head and held up his hands. “No, I no longer care. Get out.”
Bingley had barely moved a muscle from his position in the chair but Darcy felt as though he had been punched in the gut. In truth, he would rather face his friend’s fists than his solemn and determined silence. “If you wish.”
Darcy bowed but Bingley did not look up. As he walked to Mrs. Annesley’s residence on Park Lane, he reflected that being denied his heart’s greatest wish and then losing his greatest friend in one week was just one more cruel fate destiny handed him.
“Fitzwilliam, I did not expect you,” Georgiana said as she invited him to sit in the modest drawing room.
Darcy looked at his sister, seeing more than a hint at the woman who bore them. He ought to have done this years ago.
“I returned from Rosings yesterday. Lady Catherine and Anne are well.”
Georgiana tensed. “Did they ask after me… do they suspect?”
If he answered as callously as he felt, it would be, Of course, no one suspects you planned to elope with the steward’s son! Ladies of Society rarely do so. However, even before Elizabeth’s chastisement, Georgiana was one person with whom he could be nothing but gentle. “Nothing is known and there is no reason for alarm or worry.”
Sighing, Georgiana sagged in relief against her chair. “Then why do you visit?”
“I am your brother.” Did family usually need reasons for visiting? In the Darcy family that had been the case.
“Yes, I know. My brother and my guardian, in charge of everything about me until I marry.”
Seven Days With Mr Darcy Page 63
