by T L Swan
“Of course.” The kind people all smile.
“Thank you so much,” I splutter as I take my place at the front of the line. “Please hurry. Please hurry,” I whisper again and again.
The cab doesn’t arrive until 5.10 pm. “Where are all the cabs?” I panic, and the woman next to me rubs my arm sympathetically. “Have you rung them?” she asks.
“My phone is dead,” I whisper through my tears. Owen is there waiting and I can’t get to him. I feel sick knowing that he is the last little kid on his own waiting for me. How must he feel?
“Do you want to use mine?” she asks.
“Oh, please.” I take the phone from her and quickly Google the preschool’s number and dial them up. It rings and then I get a message.
Hello, you have reached
ABC Learning center.
We are currently closed right now.
Please call back during the operating hours o
f 8am to 5pm,
Monday to Friday.
My eyes widen in horror. “Oh my God, it’s the answering machine,”
I cry.
The lady in the line behind me speaks up. “Do you want me to ring my daughter to go and get him. Where is it?” she asks, concerned.
“This is a nightmare. They wouldn’t let her get him anyway.”
We wait and we wait, and I can’t even ring Jenna because I don’t know her number by heart. Why the hell didn’t I charge my phone properly?
A cab finally pulls into the parking lot and everyone sighs in relief. “Thank you so much for letting me go first,” I thank them as I climb in.
“ABC learning Centre… on… on Russel Street,” I stammer. “And please drive fast. I’m so late.”
The driver nods and pulls out into the traffic and I glance at my watch again. I’m now thirty-five minutes late.
I’m a terrible mother. How could I have let this happen?
After the longest ten minutes of my life, the cab pulls up at Owen’s kindergarten. “Wait here, please,” I tell the driver as run up the driveway just as the woman is locking the front door.
“Oh my… God,” I pant. “I’m so sorry. My car got blocked in and couldn’t get here.”
She looks at me, unimpressed. “He tried to call you but your phone was turned off. Owen’s father came and got him.”
My eyes widen in horror. “What?”
“We called his father and he came and got him. You know what time we close.” She looks at her watch. “Forty-five minutes ago.”
“Yes. I… I apologize about that...” I stammer. I turn and run back to the cab and shuffle through my purse to dig out Cameron’s address on a piece of paper. I hand it over. “Take me here, please.”
* * *
The car pulls up outside Cameron’s house and I gingerly climb out. “Just wait a moment, please. I need to see if he’s here,” I tell the driver.
I go over to the gates and push the doorbell. The security guard comes out. “Is Cameron home with Owen yet?” I ask.
“Yes, Ashley. He got home about half an hour ago.” He smiles.
“Thank you.” I smile awkwardly, then I turn and pay the cab driver, not hanging around to watch him as he drives off into the distance.
Cameron’s going to lose his shit, and I close my eyes because I know I deserve it.
I walk up the front steps and knock on the door. Owen bounces in to view through the glass. “Hi, Momma.” He waves.
I smile as relief fills me. He’s safe. Thank God, he’s safe.
Cameron opens the door and glares at me.
“Hello.” I smile as I bend and take Owen into my arms. “I’m so sorry. I got blocked in and I couldn’t get a cab.”
Cameron holds his arm out for me to come inside, and I walk in sheepishly.
“Momma, Dad picked me up and I made him a painting today.” He smiles happily as he leads me through to the kitchen and shows me his painting in its prime position on the fridge.
Cameron is in navy suit pants and a white shirt. His tie and suit jacket have been discarded, and my eyes fall to his biceps and shoulders that I can see through his shirt.
Why does he have to be so fucking gorgeous?
Owen is drinking hot chocolate and there’s cartoons on the television.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” I ask.
Cameron glances at Owen.
“Alone,” I add.
He points to the stairs. “Let’s go upstairs.”
I gulp. Shit. “Okay.” I turn to Owen. “I’m just going to talk to Daddy for a moment, darling. Watch your cartoons and then we will get going, okay?”
“Alright,” he calls, distracted by the television.
Cameron walks upstairs and I follow him like a naughty child.
Fuck’s sake.
He walks to his bedroom and I follow him in as he closes the door behind me.
“Cameron, it was a nightmare. I got blocked in by some inconsiderate asshole, and then my bloody phone was dead and I couldn’t get a cab. I didn’t know anyone’s number by heart.”
He glares at me. “Do you have any fucking idea how angry I am with you?”
“I know.” I shake my head. “I’m angry with myself.”
“He was there by himself. You should have seen his face. He was so worried.”
My face falls.
“Why was your phone dead?”
“Because I plugged it in and forgot to turn the power point on.”
“Because you haven’t slept,” he says, his tone eerily calm. “How the hell, do you expect to parent when you’re not sleeping?”
My eyes fill with tears. “It was just a mistake.”
“No, Ashley. It wasn’t a fucking mistake. It was a choice to go to the club last night and get naked for other men. It was a fucking choice to neglect Owen today.”
“This has nothing to do with last night.”
“It has everything to do with last night!” he yells, making me jump.
My eyes narrow as tears form—guilty tears.
He puts his hands on his hips and drops his head as he tries to calm himself down. “I don’t know what the fuck is going on with you.” He sneers. “But you better get your fucking act together real quick.”
He leaves the room in a rush and I stand still as the weight of his words swirl around me.
I hate that this happened. I hate that I let this happen.
I slowly walk downstairs and back out to the kitchen to see Cameron pick up Owen off the sofa and put him on his hip. “Come on, mate. I’m going to drive you both home. Mom’s not fit to drive tonight.”
My eyes close with regret because he’s right… I’m not.
Cameron
“What days do you go to preschool, Owie?” I ask as my eyes find his in the rear-view mirror. It’s Saturday morning and I have just picked him up for the day.
Ashley’s greeting was as icy as ever, but I don’t care. I’m off her. She fucking shits me. She can hate me all she wants.
“Tuesdays and Thursdays,” he replies as he looks out the window. “But I don’t really like it.”
“Why not?” I ask.
“Ryan is mean to me.”
I frown as I watch him. “What do you mean?”
He shrugs. “He takes my toys and won’t let me play chase.”
“Well, you just tell him you’re playing.”
“Yesterday he told me he was going to punch me in the dick.”
What the hell? “What?” I snap. “When did he say that?”
“Alison said I could play chase, and then he said if I did he was going to punch me.”
“And what did you do?”
He shrugs as he looks out the window. “I just went away.”
“What did Mom say?” I ask.
“She said…” He hesitates as he tries to remember. “She said to stay away from mean people.”
“Has he been doing this for long?” I ask.
He nods as he stares out the window.
“Owen, I want you to do something for me,” I say as my eyes flicker between him and the road.
“What?”
“Next time he says he’s going to hit you, I want you to do this.” I hold my hand up and then make a fist. “You do this with your hand and you tuck your thumb around the outside.”
He frowns.
“Can you do that for me? Show me how you do your hand?”
He makes a fist.
“Now, tuck your thumb around the front of your fist.”
He does it.
“Next time he says he’s going to hit you, you hit him first. You pull your arm back and hit him straight in the nose as hard as you can with your fist.”
He frowns.
“Bullies will only pick on you if they know you won’t fight back, Owen.”
He frowns at me.
“You don’t put up with crap, mate. If someone’s going to hit you, you show them you’re not scared, and they won’t be mean anymore.”
He watches me.
“Next time he says something, you do that, and I promise you he won’t be mean again.”
A trace of a smile crosses his face. “I might get into trouble.”
“It doesn’t matter.” I smirk. “It’s better than putting up with crap.” I pull the car into the parking lot. “Now, let’s go and buy our new skateboards.”
His eyes widen with excitement.
“You and me are learning how to skateboard this morning. How does that sound, buddy?”
“Good.” He smiles cheekily and makes a fist at me.
I smile broadly and hold my fist over to the back seat and he hits it with his.
Game over. This kid’s got me already.
* * *
It’s 2pm when the doorbell rings. Owen and I have been skateboarding up and down the driveway for hours. He’s actually pretty good and has natural balance.
It’s time for my family to meet my son, and it feels weird to be honest.
“That’s them, Owie.” I smile.
His little hands wring in front of him nervously and I smile to reassure him. Ashley was right, he is timid. We head to the front door and find Joshua, Tash, and their five kids. The kids are bouncing balls and the two younger boys are wrestling, as always.
Joshua has wild kids and I guess I didn’t realise how wild until I met Owen. I thought all kids were the same. My mother and Murph are with them and I open the door in a rush.
“Hello,” they all yell and Owen cowers behind my leg.
“Hello.” I smile as I pull Owen out from behind me. “This is Owen.” I present him.
Joshua and Natasha’s faces fall when they see him, and Joshua instantly chokes up. The resemblance Owen has to me is uncanny. “Say hello, Owen.” I smile.
He forces a scared smile as he clings to my hand for dear life. “This is Uncle Joshua and Aunty Natasha, and this is Grandma, and this is Murphy,” I introduce.
They all step forward and shake his hand one at a time.
“You look like your dad.” Joshua smiles with a cheeky wink. “You poor thing.”
Mom bends and grabs him into an embrace and kisses him. “Oh, he’s beautiful, Cameron.” She smiles happily. “I’m so happy to meet you, little man.”
Owen wriggles out of her grip and comes immediately back to my side, grabbing my hand for reassurance.
Natasha smiles and puts her hand on her chest as she gets teary. “You’re gentle like your dad, Owen.” She smiles.
“We’re not gentle, are we? We’re tough.” I smirk as I swing his hand in mine.
“These are your cousins. Jordy, Ellie, Blake, Joel, and Jackson.” The kids all stand in a row as they sum up their new cousin.
“Hello.” They smile and Owen cowers deeper behind my leg.
“Come in. We’ve got lunch ready, haven’t we?” I smile down at him.
Owen stays silent as the kids all run off like maniacs through the house. It’s going to take him a while to get used to all this action. My family is full on.
* * *
It’s just gone 5pm and Joshua and I are sitting at the fire pit drinking a beer. Tash is inside with Murph, while Mom and the kids are all playing chase in the yard around us.
I shake my head. “She was there after I told her not to go.”
Joshua sips his beer with a murderous look on his face. “So, let me get this straight. You paid her rent for a year and told her not to go back to the club and she went anyway?”
I roll my lips in contempt. “Yep.”
He frowns. “What was her reasoning?”
“I swear, she just wants to piss me off.” I shake my head. “I don’t know. She probably worked in the Escape Lounge that night and fucked someone. How would I fucking know?”
He narrows his eyes. “She’s a hooker?”
I shake my head. “No.” I hate the thought of her being with anyone else and I blow out a deep breath. “But I don’t want her there. Simple as that.”
“But you told me you were in love with her only two weeks ago?” He frowns. “You said she was the one.”
“I thought she was, but then she springs this on me and she lied about it. How am I supposed to feel?”
He blows out a deep breath as he watches the fire. “Fuck, man.”
Mom walks out onto the back patio and calls the children and our eyes flick up to her. “What’s Mom said about it?” Joshua asks.
I shake my head. “She’s hating Ashley’s guts.”
Joshua smirks. “She hated her before she knew any of this.”
I smile as I sip my drink. “Mom would hate anyone I dated, true, but...” I hesitate and smirk. “Well, she has a good reason with Ash now.”
We sit for a moment as the fire dances in front of us.
“And get this, yesterday she forgot to pick Owen up from preschool. I got an emergency call saying she hadn’t shown up and her phone was off.”
Joshua screws up his face. “What the hell?”
“I know, right? She was shattered from the night before and forgot she was picking him up.”
Joshua glares at the fire as it crackles in front of us.
“I need to pull her in line,” I murmur as I feel the fury I felt bubble under the surface.
“Yeah, you do. I wouldn’t be taking that shit with my kids,” he replies.
The children all come running over with marshmallows that Mom has just given them to toast on the fire. Blake picks up a drink can and throws it into the flame.
We all jump back from the fire in fear it may explode.
“What the hell are you doing? Blake, what the frigging hell are you doing that for?” Joshua growls as he stands abruptly.
“You do not throw things in the fire. Do you hear me?” he yells at the top of his voice.
The kids all stop for a moment and Blake nods “Sorry,” he murmurs.
They then carry on as if this is a normal occurrence, and when we know it’s safe, they carry on toasting marshmallows. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Owen standing back. His eyes are filled with tears and his little hands are clenched tightly up in front of his chest. I stand and scoop him up into my arms.
“Hey, what’s wrong, Owen?”
His tears fall free and roll down his face as he clings to me, terrified.
“Did Joshua scare you?” I ask softly as I pick him up.
He nods through his tears, and I pull him close to kiss the top of his head. “Oh, baby. It’s okay. Don’t cry.”
He puts his head down on my chest and I can feel him shaking with fear.
“Stan, stop being a big gorilla, scaring my kid,” I snap with a shake of my head.
Joshua comes over and rubs Owen’s hair. “Sorry, mate, but sometimes I just lose it at Blake. Pay me no attention. He’s naughty and drives me mad.”
I sit back down in my position by the fire with my son on my lap, clinging to me for dear life, and for the first time in my life, I feel my protective instincts kick in.
; Owen comes first. I need to protect him at all costs.
I stare into the dancing flames…
Whatever it takes.
23
Ashley
I sit at the table and laugh for the first time in two weeks. I’m out with the girls from Club Exotic, and to be honest, this is exactly what I needed. We’ve been out to dinner, and while some of the girls headed home early, a few of us are now drinking cocktails in a bar. I need to head off soon, though. I’m working tomorrow.
A group of guys have been lingering around us all night and we even just had a dance with some of them. They seem harmless enough.
“I need to get going, guys.” I smile. “I have to work tomorrow.”
“Stay for another round.” The tall guy says as the girls all shake their heads in protest.
I laugh and get off my stool. “Thanks, but no thanks.” I wobble on my feet as I stand up. Holy shit, I feel drunk.
“Those cocktails you got us are toxic,” I murmur with a laugh. The girls all continue to talk, but I really do have to go. “See you later, guys,” I murmur, distracted by how drunk I feel.
“Let me walk you out,” the tall guy offers.
“No, you stay with me,” one of the girl’s purrs as she links her arm with his. His eyes light up in delight.
He’s in.
I smile and walk out the front doors and onto the sidewalk as a rush of color mixed with inebriation fills me. Christ, I’m so drunk.
I totter down the street in my heels as I look for a cab. All the cars sound so loud, as if the noise has been magnified.
I look up the street one way, and then the other way as things begin to lose focus. I step back to try and gain my footing.
My God, I need to get home. How did I get this drunk? I continue to walk down the street and I stagger as I nearly lose my footing.
What the hell? I haven’t been this drunk for years.
I make it to the cab rank and hold onto the sign as I try to hold myself up. A young girl comes over to me, concerned. “Are you alright, Miss?”
I frown as my vision starts to tunnel and I shake my head. “No, I’m not,” I slur.
I hear her muffled voice in the distance as my sight blacks out, and I feel the earth move from underneath me. A huge head spin hits me and I fall, smacking my head on the ground.
Confusion.
