by Angela Mack
My phone went off, indicating I had a text. I carefully rolled over, using my hand to rifle around in the dark. I managed to locate my jeans pocket, tugging the phone out and gently laying back down so as not to wake Ryan again. I flicked my phone to silent and dimmed the screen before looking at the message. It was from Izzy. Everything OK? Georgie and Ryan OK?
Yeah, all good.
Sure?
Turns out I was overreacting for nothing. Ryan's got some kind of stomach bug, that's all.
Glad they are OK. Hope Ryan feels better soon.
Thanks. And thank you for the cab money too. I'd have gone crazy waiting for the bus.
No worries. Just glad everyone's OK.
I'll pay you back, promise. I was going to struggle with that one as I didn't even know how much she'd given me. What kind of arsehole just chucks someone else's money away without even bothering to check the amount? Me, that's who. Don't be ridiculous, Josh. My mum gave me the money to use for a cab anyway.
Shit, how did you get home then? I'm so sorry. I didn't realise you needed the money to get back.
Relax. I didn't. Mum gave it to me in case Jack turned out to be a Dominic Toretto fan. But he most definitely was NOT. So I got a lift back with him, no big deal. I felt a twinge of jealousy at the idea of her going home with someone else. Was something going on between her and Jack?
Ryan loves those films. Fast and Furious is his favourite.
That's the 4th one right? Where Brian tries to prove himself to Dom? That's my fave too :) We spent the next hour or so texting, talking about nothing really. Films mainly. Turns out Izzy is a movie buff too. I could feel my eyes starting to get sore, but I didn't want to go to sleep. She was so easy to talk to. I better go to sleep now. I can barely keep my eyes open. I sighed in disappointment as she echoed my own thoughts. Yeah me too.
Before I do, I should really say thank you to you too.
Thank you? For what?
Saving me from Ellie. I know that kiss didn't mean anything to you but you saved me. And it was amazing. So thank you.
Ah yes, that kiss. I closed my eyes, letting my head squash back into the pillow. If I concentrated hard enough, I could still feel the pressure of her lips on mine. I could feel her nails raking through my hair. Her gentle fingertips tracing my jawline. That kiss was amazing. And it wasn't meant to mean anything either. I don't even know why I did it, I only wanted that bitch Ellie to stop saying those nasty things to her. I wanted to prove to Izzy that it wasn't true, she was beautiful and sexy and Ellie was chatting complete bullshit. But fuck, I wasn't expecting the intense burn of desire that swept through me when we kissed. She had started off so timid and unsure but had soon taken control, pushing against me and deepening the kiss. I hadn't expected that at all.
But getting involved with Izzy was a bad idea. A terrible idea. She was already interfering, and I could just tell that she was the kind of person who would want to know everything about you. If she found out about Big Mike, she'd want to help. She'd definitely go blabbing to someone and I couldn't have her do that. No, I had to steer clear of Izzy. The idea of not kissing her again was disappointing, but I knew what I had to do to protect my brothers. I knew I had to stay away from her. Yet as I felt sleep tug me into oblivion, a smile danced on my lips as I replayed that kiss in my mind.
Chapter 17
Isabel
“We saw you, Izzy, so don’t even try to deny it!” I could hear the accusatory tone in Jess’ voice through the phone. It was Sunday night and I was stretched across my bed, listening to my friend grill me about what had happened last night. I had been very close-lipped during the ride home. Thankfully, Ed had been boasting about some girl he’d gotten off with, so I could ignore the sideways glances from Jess and Sophie until I escaped the car and through my front door. However, Jess had tried calling me three times already and I’d finally caved and answered her this evening. How I was regretting that decision now.
“Soph and I were worried shitless that Ellie would bump into you before we got a chance to tell you she was at the party. We were running ‘round like headless chickens and there you were, sucking the face off of Joshua Bugg! And what was he even doing at that party anyway? Hardly his crowd.” I tried to smother a giggle as her description conjured up a replay of that kiss. I could feel the blush creeping up my neck and was grateful she couldn’t see me.
“Ellie did find me. She was spouting her usual crap at me in front of a huge crowd of girls and as per usual, I froze up. Why do I do that, Jess? I’ve just started standing up for myself and acting more confident, but as soon as I am back in front of her again, I revert back into that pathetic little girl that doesn’t have a backbone.” I sighed into the phone. It was so frustrating.
“It’s conditioning,” she replied.
“Conditioning?”
“You have spent years being afraid of her. Every time you see her, your body shuts down because that’s what you always used to do. It’s been conditioned to act a certain way. You know, like Pavlov’s dog…” I pulled the phone away from my ear and stared at it incredulously.
“Who are you and what have you done with my friend Jess?”
“What? I can be intelligent sometimes too, you know,” she laughed at me.
“Hey, I know that. I was only joking.” I felt bad for teasing her. I knew Jess was a little insecure around Sophie and I sometimes. She felt like she was the ‘dumb one’ of the group, even though that was completely inaccurate.
“If I am being totally honest, we read about it in my textiles class the other week. About how some people will react a certain way to colours or graphics because of past experiences. You know, like how Sophie will buy absolutely anything with animals on, even if it isn’t particularly flattering, because she grew up on a farm.” I laughed at her and rolled my eyes. If anyone overheard that they might think Jess was being catty, but she wasn’t. That was just Jess; blunt and to the point.
“That reminds me, I saw Jack and Soph kissing before we left too. I thought she was mad at him? Because he was getting off with that blonde she told us about?”
“Apparently, when Soph saw Jack and the girl the other week, he was taking her home to explain that their casual ‘friends with benefits’ thing they had going on had to stop because he’d met someone he really liked. Not sure I believe that bullshit, what guy turns down no-strings-attached sex? But Soph seemed happy enough.”
“So, what was Ed’s comment about the other day at Nando's?” I asked.
“Again, apparently Jack hadn’t said anything to Ed at all about spending more time with Sophie, so he had no idea Jack was ending it with the blonde.” I could hear the scepticism in her voice.
“Anyway, enough with that. Stop changing the subject. How did you end up kissing Josh?”
“Well, like I said, Ellie was being a bitch as per usual and I stood there and did nothing. Next thing I know, Josh is strolling over to me and kissing me! It was so unexpected.”
“So, he just walked right up to you and kissed you? In front of Ellie?” I could hear the disbelief in her voice.
“Yep. But it didn’t mean anything. He was only being nice…”
“Being nice?! What the hell does that mean?”
“Er, afterwards he said that we were even now, because I’d saved Tom and he’d saved me. He was basically saying that he’d only kissed me because he knew I needed saving from Ellie.” I let out a surprised huff in disappointment and prayed that Jess didn’t catch it.
“Ah. And you were hoping it meant something? You wanted it to mean something?” No such luck, she’d heard me alright.
“I...he confuses me, Jess. I was sure that he was enjoying that kiss as much as me, but then he said that. And we were texting for ages last night. Not about anything important, but I felt comfortable talking to him. Then I had to open my big mouth and bring up the kiss and he didn’t text me back. He clearly just wants to forget all about it.”
“OK, one, let me tell
you that he most definitely enjoyed kissing you. What moron wouldn’t? And two, what exactly did you say to him about the kiss?” I could feel the heat colouring my cheeks again. It was so embarrassing.
“Oh Jess, you don’t want to know. I made a complete tit of myself.”
“Come on, you’re not getting off that easy. Tell me what you said.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“NO.”
“Yes.” I groaned.
“OK, let me put you on speaker and I’ll read it out to you.” I scrolled through my phone, locating the text and groaning again but even louder when I read it in my head.
“Tell me!”
“OK, so I said: Thank you for saving me from Ellie. I know that kiss didn't mean anything to you but you saved me. And it was amazing. So thank you.”
“You said thank you?! Oh jeez, Izzy…”
“I know, I know! You don’t have to make me feel like even more of an idiot. Who bloody well says thank you after someone kisses them? And why did I tell him it was amazing? I am such an idiot.”
“And he didn’t reply after that?”
“Nope.”
“And you’d been texting for ages before that?”
“Yep.”
“Shit.”
“Exactly.”
“OK. Well you know what? He’s the idiot if that kiss didn’t mean anything. He should be damn grateful that you kissed him back instead of slapping him. You’re going to strut into school on Monday, looking as fine as ever, and ignore him. You hear me? You’re going to ig-nore him. Trust me, he’ll soon be chasing after you, begging for more.”
“Haha, yeah right. But thanks for trying to cheer me up, Jess,” I laughed at her. “And I am going to have to ignore him anyway. I’ll die of embarrassment if I so much as even look at him again.” Jess started giggling down the phone.
“It’s not funny!” Her giggles turned into full on laughter.
“I’m...imagining him...kissing you...then you curtsying...saying thank you…” She could barely get her words out now she was laughing so hard.
“Shut UP! It wasn’t like that, you tit.” But I was giggling now too, the mental image of me in a tutu bowing at Josh causing me to burst into fits of my own laughter.
“OK, I’m hanging up now, bitch…” I could still hear her peals of laughter as I hung up. A few seconds later, my phone pinged. I love you really ;) I shook my head smiling, pulling a pillow tight over my head. If I could please suffocate now so I didn’t have to go into school tomorrow, please, that would be great.
◆◆◆
So far, I had successfully managed to avoid Josh all day. I had purposely arrived at school bang on 9 a.m. so I could go straight to class and I studied through lunch and my free periods, avoiding the common room like the plague.
“So, you’ve not spoken to him? At all?” Jess asked. Jess, Sophie and I were walking to the bus stop and were almost there. A few more minutes and I’d be sitting on the bus without a care in the world, not having to worry about bumping into Josh.
“Nope,” I grinned. “Have you spoken to Jack at all today, Soph?” I wiggled my eyebrows at her, changing the subject. She immediately blushed.
“Don’t even ask, Iz. They were all over each other at lunch. You were lucky you were in the library. I’m going to join you tomorrow if they keep it up.” Jess rolled her eyes playfully as Soph bumped her shoulder.
“We were not!”
“You bloody were!”
“Are you and Jack together now? Like officially?” I questioned, feeling very happy for my friend. Before she could answer me, we were interrupted.
“Izzy! Iz!” I turned around and saw Josh waving, trotting towards me. “Hey.”
“Hey,” I replied, praying that my face wasn’t turning bright red.
“I didn’t see you at lunch today.” He looked down at me, dragging his fingers through his hair and pulling it to the side, out of his eyes. My heart skipped a little as we made eye contact.
“I was, er, studying,” I muttered, looking at my shoes.
“Why hello ladies. A pleasure to see you as always.” Ollie strolled past Josh and I, throwing his arms around Jess and Sophie’s shoulders whilst winking at me. Sophie giggled but Jess huffed, knocking his arm off and turning away.
“Don’t pretend you can’t feel it, Jessie girl,” Ollie called after her as she dragged Sophie away.
“Feel what?” she responded, confusion drawing her eyebrows close together.
“This.” He pointed his finger between the two of them. “There is some chemistry here, baby.” Jess laughed at him, flipping him the bird over her shoulder as she walked away.
“Ouch!” Ollie clutched his chest over his heart, staggering backwards before chasing after Jess.
“He’s an idiot,” Josh laughed, shaking his head.
“I think he’s funny,” I laughed along with him and he cocked an eyebrow at me, narrowing his eyes. I was definitely blushing now, the intensity of his gaze making me uncomfortable.
“Anyway, I wanted to give you something to say thank you for last night. You must have thought I was a right psycho, stressing out over my brother when all he had was a stomach ache.” Now it was Josh’s turn to look uncomfortable as he tugged his backpack off his back, rummaging through the contents.
“I don’t know if you’ve seen it or not but figured it might be your kinda film.” Josh tugged a DVD out of his bag, handing it over to me. I turned it over, analysing the front cover. Rush. The merciless 1970s rivalry between Formula One rivals James Hunt and Niki Lauda.
“How did you know?” I asked, completely shocked.
“Know what?” he frowned at me.
“My family and I love Formula One. My dad was telling me about this film a while ago, but I couldn’t find it on Netflix. I have been wanting to see this for ages.” I could feel my cheeks pushing up into my eyebrows, I was beaming at him so hard. Josh scratched the back of his head, breaking eye contact.
“I’m glad you like it,” he choked out. “And don’t worry, I will still pay you the money for the cab back, promise.” We started walking and I felt more comfortable now we were side by side and I didn’t have to look directly at him.
“Josh. I told you not to worry about that. Honestly. It’s fine.”
“But I feel like a complete shithead. You’re always paying for stuff.”
“It’s the twenty-first century and it’s my choice. So get over it,” I smiled over at him as he snorted.
“Well, I better get going or DeeDee will have my balls if I’m late again." Josh tilted his head towards Martins as we rounded the corner.
“DeeDee?” I queried, laughing.
“Don’t even ask…” He gave me a little wave, heading off into the direction of the shop. My bus pulled up and I could see Sophie gesturing at me to hurry up from the doors. I climbed up the first step when I heard my name being called. I turned and saw Josh watching me.
“Come find me when you’ve watched it. Let me know what you think,” he nodded at the DVD I was still clutching in my hand. I smiled in agreement as I climbed onto the bus, spying Josh still watching me from the corner of my eye.
“Told ya it would work. Treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen works every time,” Jess leaned over from behind me and whispered in my ear. I laughed at her, shaking my head. I couldn’t help but smile the whole way home.
Chapter 18
Joshua
I couldn't stay away from her. I'd promised myself that night after the party that I'd steer clear, and as much as my head was screaming it at me, my heart had other ideas. I had no clue why I'd picked up that DVD the following morning. All I knew was that I wanted to show my appreciation and do something to make her smile. I hadn't expected it to escalate from there though.
She'd watched Rush that night, tracking me down between classes the next day to tell me how much she loved it. As she regaled her favourite parts, I couldn't help but study her facial expression
s. The way her eyes creased when she smiled, or how she tipped her chin up when she laughed, or how she cocked her head when she was trying to figure something out. I was fascinated by her.
Later in the week, she brought me a DVD to watch too (Death Race, an epic Jason Statham film) and we fell into an easy habit, taking it in turns each week to bring the other a movie to watch. We didn't always agree. She did not appreciate Anchor Man (note to self, Izzy hates 'pointless comedies.' Her words, not mine) and I thought Pitch Perfect was a total piece of crap (though Georgie loved it), but we gradually started spending more time together. For the first time in my life, I was ignoring my instincts and better judgement and doing what felt good instead. What felt right. And being friends with Izzy definitely felt right. Problem was, every time I looked at her, all I kept thinking of was that kiss and how much I wanted to do it again. But that really was a terrible idea. Being friends with Izzy was risky enough. I couldn’t let it develop into anything else.
“Oi, Josh! Josh!” Ryan waved his hand in front of my face and rolled his eyes.
“Sorry man, must have spaced out a little there.” The three of us were sitting around the kitchen table, picking at our dinner of tuna pasta. Ryan had been talking for the past couple of minutes, but I hadn’t heard a single word.
“I’m not sure I like tuna anymore…” Georgie muttered.
“But it’s better than Pot Noodle, right?” I asked.
“I guess…” My wages had taken a hammering, what with the time off I’d had thanks to Big Mike’s last beating. I ended up missing sixteen hours in total this month, which might not sound like a lot, but given how far our money had to stretch, it had a big impact on us. I was sick of tuna pasta too, but it was cheap to make and more filling than a Pot Noodle. And it meant Ryan and Georgie got a little more protein in their diet.
I looked across at Ryan and was pleased to see him finish the whole bowl. He had served his week suspension without fuss, staying over Ollie’s all week and promising me not to get into any more fights. So far, he’d kept that promise.
