My tiny room may not have a window to the paradise outside, but posters adorn the walls to remind the soulhunters what they strive for. Images of the vast viridian landscapes I glimpsed from Darius’s window look back at me: houses the size of three of the Fated dwellings, all with happy, smiling people relaxing inside. A reality as far removed from where I am now as I am from the Fated too.
I flick on the light and climb out of bed. I’m still dressed in the bloodied soulhunter uniform. I peel them off and change into pyjamas. No voices come from the hallway, which means I’ve slept through lights out.
What can I do? The only places soulhunters are allowed alone are the bathrooms, training rooms, and cafe. Every time I move, a new muscle aches, and my throat hurts where the demon tore at the skin. I settle on a trip to the bathrooms; hopefully a hot shower will ease the pain.
The jet of steaming water relieves my sore muscles, and as I step out of the shower I inspect my body for bruises. I’m semi-amused to see huge black marks on my backside. Not so amusing is the ring of blue bruises and scratches on my neck reflected in the mirror. I pull on clothes to cover the evidence but can’t hide my neck.
I’ll wear them with pride. The others don’t have to know how scared I was and still am.
I leave the bathroom and head down the hallway where two figures stand in the shadows, outside the grey door of the training room. One of the figures looks like Daniel. Not in the mood for his type of treatment, I rest against the wall and pull my damp hair into a ponytail. I need to pass them to reach my room before anybody sees—hopefully they’ll leave soon.
They continue to talk for a few minutes and curiosity about their conversation overwhelms me. I shuffle along the wall, finding some shadow of my own.
The second guy moves, and his hair catches the nearby light. Blond, almost white. He’s taller than anybody I’ve met, and a faint silver glow emanates from him. I reel. A high angel from the Caelestia council? When I first arrived, I expected to see at least one in the training academy. But they reside elsewhere and never come here.
His head returns to the darkness as I moves further into the shadows and the glow blends away.
“I’m unsure about the one in this batch.” Daniel’s voice.
“She’s chosen because of the things that make you unsure about her,” replies the other man in soft tones. “The girl holds a spark we need.”
Daniel laughs. “She holds more than a spark—her inner fire means she’s uncontrollable.”
“Control her then,” the angel says sternly. “There are few soulhunters who survive now. We need to take the risk.”
“I’m trying.” Daniel’s voice raises with his irritation. “She’s difficult.”
A sensation like something crawling across my scalp begins when I realise they’re speaking about me.
“The girl doesn’t need to know anything; channel what she has. If she’s too difficult to control, leave the girl to her fate. More recruits arrive next month. Perhaps we’ll find somebody from their ranks.”
Blood drains from my face to my boots at their matter of fact discussion about my life. If I don’t pull into line, for whatever reason I’m wanted, Daniel will stop helping me. Without his help I’ll die. I’ll become another faceless soulhunter killed by a demon.
The conversation halts as Daniel closes it down with words I can’t hear. Moments later, footsteps pad along the hall, away from Daniel and the opposite direction to me, as the imposing man walks out of sight. I tap the wall behind with my fingers, waiting for Daniel to leave too.
“So you can skulk in dark corners when it suits you, Ava?” Daniel turns to face me.
12
I want to run, but my leg muscles stiffen. “I’m waiting for you to finish talking. I didn’t want to walk past you or interrupt.”
Daniel approaches. “Really? But you stayed close enough to listen.”
I pull a disinterested face. “Wasn’t that interesting. Didn’t hear much.”
“Hmm. Come with me.” Daniel takes me by the elbow, opens the nearby door, and guides me inside. A single light over the desk at the other end of the room shines. The training room isn’t the brightly lit place I’ve learned to fight in.
Oh, shit.
My pulse rate hikes. In the hallway, I heard something I shouldn’t. Is Daniel about to work on the “difficult to control” part of their conversation.
“What did you hear? How long were you there?” he demands, the moment the door closes.
“Nothing much. Something about an uncontrollable person. That’s all. Honestly.”
“Did you see the other guy’s face?”
“No.” Damp hair from my shower soaks the back of my top, and I shiver.
Daniel’s manner scares me more than anything so far—including the demon. He’s not large, or bulky like Tom, but he fills the world around him with a “don’t-fuck-with-me” aura.
As if aware of his effect, Daniel steps to one side, giving me breathing room.
I need to know. “Was it me you were talking about?”
“Forget you saw or heard anything.” His low voice carries a hint of a threat.
“But I did. And if what you said involves me, I have a right to know,” I retort, fighting down my fear because I need answers.
“Ava, you don’t understand the dangers in your new reality.”
“Umm. I think I do. Demons? I met one earlier today?” Sarcasm. My one defence I can be sure of.
“That’s exactly what I’m talking about! That ‘fuck you’ attitude is as dangerous as it is helpful. You won’t learn unless you listen to people who can help you, instead of being a smart-ass.”
I stumble backwards as he moves closer, unable to hide the apprehension in my eyes. Daniel’s face softens. “It’s fear, isn’t it?”
“What?”
“Fear makes you like this. Fear closes you down, so you only hear what you want.”
His words pierce through to the Ava I hide. “I’m like this because it works. Because people can’t touch me if they think I don’t care. They leave me alone.”
“Then use this attitude to your advantage. I can see you have skill in combat, but you need to listen and learn how to stay alive.” He pauses. “Demons aren’t all you need to be afraid of.”
I sigh at his broken record, but his veiled threat prickles. What else would I want to do apart from stay alive? “Has Darius asked you to choose some soulhunters for special treatment?”
Daniel steps back, face clouding. “Something like that.”
“Why?”
He pushes his hand through his hair, ignoring my question. “How are you feeling?”
“What?”
“After your encounter with the demons.”
My head twinges in response. “I hurt.”
“Hurt? Physically? Or deeper?”
“I don’t hurt inside myself, if that’s what you mean. I never hurt inside.”
“Of course you don’t.” Daniel laughs.
The anger in his eyes has passed, and he studies me with a look I recognise, the one from the training room. The one from my dream. I shiver and not because my hair is wet this time, but because his expression delves into the other hidden Ava. The one who craves affection.
“I wish you’d listened to me,” he says softly.
As Daniel lifts a hand and touches my face, I freeze. The space between us contracts, and something forbidden hovers between us. His fingertips spark sensation in my face, which buzzes through my aching limbs.
“Why do you do this? Two minutes ago you were threatening me!”
He rubs a thumb down my cheek, and my chest tightens to match my stomach. “Because I’m intrigued by you. I’ve dragged you into a dark room because I discovered you’ve seen and heard something you shouldn’t. And instead of trying to talk your way out of the situation, you admit you eavesdropped even though you’re frightened.”
“I am not frightened of you,” I snap.
�
��No?”
“No.”
“Then why are you breathing rapidly? Standing stiffly, coiled for attack? Or is this reaction something else?”
Daniel moves his mouth closer, warm breath on my cheek. Nice try—he’s not defeating me that way again. As his lips move towards mine, anger overtakes any desire I have for his kiss.
“I’m not that fucking stupid,” I growl, as I push him hard in the chest.
Confusion flickers across his face, and he stumbles.
“You don’t do this to me,” I shout, slamming my hands into his hard muscle again.
Daniel staggers backwards, then regains control of the situation and grabs my wrists. Holding them in front of me, he squeezes my arms, his brows pulled together. “That was very well done. I certainly didn’t expect this reaction.”
“Well, seduction techniques are what you used last time you humiliated me,” I retort, attempting to loosen his grip on my wrists.
Daniel drops my hands and strokes my face with the back of his hand. “This time I meant it. I wanted to kiss you.”
“What the hell? Stop screwing with me!” I push his hand away and edge towards the door.
“Wait!”
“Leave me alone.” My head is fucked. Earlier today, I almost died at the hands of a demon. Then I overheard a conversation that I need controlling or they’ll let me die. I can’t cope with anymore, especially not the actions of a man who fluctuates between helping me and taunting me.
As my hand touches the door handle, Daniel grabs my other arm and spins me around. “This is the last chance I’ll have. Everything is over.”
I attempt to move again, but his fingers dig into my arms as he holds me tightly. Daniel’s breath comes in short bursts to match mine.
“What is?” And why the hell is my voice hoarse?
“Your training.”
But I don’t think that’s all he means. “And my life?”
He releases my arm and places his rough fingers on my cheek. “Who are you, Ava? Who will you be? Frightened Fated girl or a fighter and survivor?”
I can’t answer, but I can show him—I throw a punch in his direction. Daniel anticipates and pushes me to deflect my attack. I sway, then relaunch my assault attempting to trip him, but he’s chosen a better stance than me, and I can’t knock his stability.
“Ava. Think about what you’re doing. Anticipate my next move.”
I fail, and he seizes me around the neck then drags me towards him. Twisting to one side, I grab Daniel’s loosening hands and dig my nails into the skin. I jab one elbow in his neck, and he releases me with a gasp. Holding his throat, Daniel’s eyes glint as he watches for my next action.
I attempt to mirror his stance, but he’s too quick and kicks my legs from under me. I slam to the floor, my spine hitting the hard wood and adding to the aching from the fight with the demon. Focusing on combatting the pain that’s squeezing tears into my eyes, I misjudge Daniel’s next move. He straddles me, pinning my arms above my head and his chest falls and rises as rapidly as mine.
Daniel overwhelms and confuses me. Nothing he does helps with my training—all he’s done the whole time I’ve been here is make life harder.
But I understand why now.
I shift my head and gaze back into his dilated pupils. I know what he wants, and he’s pretending to help me in order to get it. I part my lips as I fight the weight and heat of his body on mine.
Daniel releases my hands and leans forward to take my face, calloused hands holding my cheeks. “I spend my life training soulhunters, Ava. Boring, clueless Fated. Outside of this academy, I have no life. I’m as bound to this world as you are.”
I stare back into his strange coloured eyes, aware of nothing but my skin heating and heart thumping.
“Occasionally, someone like you arrives.” He moves a hand to trail a finger along my cheek.
I can’t cope with this kind of attention. I want him to let me go. But I don’t. Now my arms are free, I could fight back, but the only fighting is within myself, against touching his face in return. “Okay. You win.”
Daniel doesn’t respond. He climbs from me, and I take a deep breath as his weight leaves my body. He holds out a hand, eyes fixed on mine the whole time. Should I take his hand or push myself to my feet and run the hell out of this room? “Ava. I’m sorry, okay?”
I take his hand, and he yanks me to my feet. “For?”
“Being too tough on you. You distract and disarm me, and that isn’t good for either of us. I have a job to do, and I hate that I’m sending you to your death.”
I reel at his words. “You think I’ll fail?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t die, and you’re a little like I was when I first started hunting. Maybe that’s why I like you.” The soft words pierce my barrier, and I’m no longer sure he’s doing this as a line of attack because the sadness in his eyes disarms me. “I wish I had time to really know you, but our life isn’t like that.”
Before I realise what’s happening, he holds my cheeks and touches my lips with his.
I jerk my mouth away, but when I look back to him, I know there’s no point. Not because he’ll take something I’m not willing to give, but because I want this.
I want him.
This man can fill the aching emptiness I carry inside, and for a fleeting time, I can allow in every emotion I intend to kill the moment I leave this academy. I’m sure Daniel’s motivation isn’t anything outside of lust. That I mean nothing more to him, but I don’t care.
Everything is transient in our world.
I move my face and brush my lips on his. Daniel’s crush mine and his kiss snatches the remaining breath from my aching lungs. He grips me to him, and I make a noise of surprise as he tangles fingers into my hair. His tongue darts into my mouth, as his kiss grows fiercer. Tentatively, I slide my hands along his arms, pushing underneath his T-shirt so I can dig my nails into his biceps. In response, he slips his hands beneath my damp top. The heat of Daniel’s feather-light touch unfurls barely contained desire and wipes away the hurt. Inside and out.
I make a low noise in my throat, and he pulls his head back, smoothing the damp hair from my face. “Is this okay? Do you want me to stop?”
The unmistakable look in his eyes tells me he doesn’t want to. I can fool myself that Daniel doesn’t do this every time a girl he’s attracted to comes into the academy. Tell myself I’m different. But of course I’m not. I shake my head, unable to reply.
Daniel hesitates, and by this point I’m a mess of emotions and sensations I’ve blocked out my whole life or was never aware of. I push my mouth onto his, tracing my fingers across the hard planes of his chest and abs. The heat of his skin and his heady scent fuel the slow burn inside me, illuminating parts of myself I never knew before.
Hidden in the darkness of the room, the world is Daniel and me—nothing and nobody else. All I’m aware of is his mouth on mine, his lips moving down my neck and across the wounds from the demon. I wince. Daniel looks back up at me, our breathing in short, sharp unison. In a world that owns me body and soul is a moment with a man who wants me for different reasons.
“Ava, look at me.” His tone is earnest—does Daniel crave a connection he can’t have with others too?
I rub my lips together, gauging the situation, but my logic departed the moment his lips touched mine. I want more than to kiss Daniel. I crave a place in his world and he’s pulling me there.
Daniel shifts his hands and cups my head in one palm. “This isn’t okay, is it?”
“Yes, it is,” I reply, wishing I didn’t sound stupid and breathless.
“Ava.” He pulls me against him, and the warmth and comfort from Daniel’s embrace pushes tears into my eyes as my decision to open up to another person overwhelms me. I don’t know what we’re doing, or how far this will go, but for the first time in my life, I’m standing in the moment and not focusing on the future.
If this is almost the end of my life, I want to conne
ct with Daniel. Daniel, the man interfering with my need to remain dead inside. The one who’s uncovered the true Ava who craves somebody’s love and affection.
And once whatever happens between us tonight is over, I need to kill and bury this Ava forever.
13
The five soulhunters never returned yesterday. Neither did three others. The remaining soulhunters wait in the tiled, bright room that holds the portal to the human world. This is the last day of training. After today, we’re on our own.
Nobody speaks, shocked by the news. One week training. Two practice sessions in the human world. That’s all we get.
The door opens, and I duck my head as Daniel enters the room, and refuse to meet his eyes. I don’t know how things stand between us now. After our encounter last night, I lay in bed more alive than ever before, as I recovered from the shaking mess Daniel reduced me to.
Then I cried away the remaining part of Ava, the Fated girl. I left her with Daniel. He taught me the biggest lesson I needed: shut off your emotions. Now I’ve experienced them, I’ve learned exactly how much they can weaken me.
This morning I woke and pushed the memories aside to focus on the other part of last night—Daniel’s conversation with the blond man. I’m singled out for reasons I can’t comprehend. What happens to me now?
The physical and mental exhaustion of the last day won’t help in tonight’s hunt, but I suppose soulhunter life will always be like this.
Daniel divides us into pairs, and I’m with Sarah.
“Please don’t disappear this time,” she says and glances at where a bruised Zeke stands with Tom.
“I won’t. I’ll make sure we practice this together.”
“I’m scared what will happen to me when I’m on my own. I’m not ready yet.” Sarah’s mouth twists downwards, and she fights to rearrange her features into a neutral look. I want to hug her, but don’t.
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