As I climb into bed, still in my clothes, I know Carter made the right choice by staying outside.
That doesn’t mean I don’t wish I was falling asleep in his arms, though.
Chapter 12
Carter
I pace outside of the academic resources building. I’ve been here for twenty minutes trying to convince myself to go inside.
My goal was to get here early and have a conversation with Trina before we get down to the tutoring stuff. We were supposed to go on a ‘field trip’ today, but it’s raining. I got a text from Ben saying that we’d be in the tutoring center today.
I’m disappointed it wasn’t Trina who let me know, but she doesn’t have my number. Maybe I’ll change that today. It’d be a step in the right direction.
I mean, we’ve already kissed. I feel like exchanging numbers is a natural progression from there.
My lips tingle just thinking about Friday night. I can’t believe Trina kissed me. Yes, she was drunk, and yes, I did the right thing by saying no to her invitation inside. But, she still kissed me. I want to believe a part of her wanted it. Like maybe the whole drunken lies are sober truths thing people say. Maybe Trina didn’t have the courage to kiss me on Tuesday, but the alcohol made her more confident.
I feel like a dick for thinking this. She was drunk. I can’t hold her to anything she did when she was drinking. It’s more likely that Trina is going to tell me to fuck off.
Maybe I should skip today’s tutoring session. Things have gotten too messy with Trina. I thought I could hold true to just trying to be her friend, but I’m not so sure about that anymore.
I need to talk to Trina. Me thinking about it over and over again isn’t going to fix anything. I can guess how Trina feels, but I won’t know for sure if I don’t talk to her.
The door to academic services stares at me. The rain just beyond the lip of the roof is more tempting than entering the building. I’d rather get soaked and run to the gym than have to face whatever is waiting for me inside.
I don’t know what I’m more afraid of. That Trina wants to talk and actually gives me a chance, or that she pretends Friday night never happened.
From what I know about Trina, the second sounds more likely.
I take a deep breath. Again, I won’t know until I enter the building. I finally convince myself to open the door and walk inside. Every step is forced. My body wants to retreat back to the safety outside. There’s no chance of heartbreak or distraction if I walk through the rain.
Plus, we lost our game on Saturday. It wasn’t my fault. My receivers weren’t catching passes and our running game was off. I have to work out today and then I have practice tonight. Coach isn’t happy that we lost our third game of the season. Our next couple games are away, and we’d better hope we win. I don’t think I can handle all the extra practices if we don’t. It’s starting to affect my schoolwork.
I guess Coach had a good point when he assigned us to tutoring.
As I approach the tutoring center another fear enters my mind. Did Trina tell Ben about the kiss?
I know she likes Ben. Beyond her feelings for him, they seem to be close friends. It’s possible Trina told him all about her drunken night and how she accidentally kissed me.
If she did, will he assign me to a different tutor? I’m afraid that the only chance I’ll have to talk to Trina will be if we have today’s tutoring session. Without it, she’ll avoid me. I know she will.
I remember Ben saying Trina is the only person who can tutor me. None of the other math tutors have made it to this level of math yet. Without her, I have no one to work with.
Coach would find out and he’d bench me. After Saturday’s loss, we can’t afford that. I’m the starting quarterback. Our backup is good, but he’s not me. I’m not even just saying that because I’m conceited or whatever. I was the backup until the start of last season when our starter graduated. Our backup is only a freshman. He’s not ready to take over.
Coach should have started training two of us so we wouldn’t have such a young backup, but he didn’t. If I got injured last season, we would’ve been screwed. A couple guys could be QB if necessary, but I was the only one who’d been practicing with the starter the year before.
I love Coach, but sometimes he makes bad decisions. Now, there are a couple backups. It’ll prevent the same issue from happening again.
That doesn’t mean any of them are prepared to take over if I get benched.
If Trina did request a different tutor, I’ll find a way to convince her not to give up on me. It’s the only option. My professor is shit, so going to office hours won’t work. Trina is my only hope.
Even so, I’m determined now. I want to give dating Trina a try. It’s a risk with everything going on, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take. Maybe we can figure out how to keep up tutoring and date at the same time. Or I can put a call out to some grad students who might be willing to make some extra cash. I’ll pay for tutoring out of my pocket.
If other players on the team can handle dating, playing football, and school, why can’t I? It’ll be hard, but I think it’ll be worth it with Trina.
I walk into the tutoring center with as much confidence as I can muster.
“Hi, Ben.”
He grins. “Hey, Carter. Sorry about the loss on Saturday. It was still a great game.”
“Thanks, man. I hope we can pull off a couple wins these next few weeks.”
“Me, too. Shame the next few games are away. I’ll miss being in the stands.”
“You’ll be there in spirit.”
“Absolutely. Did you do anything else this weekend?” Ben asks. My heart sinks. Is he fishing for information about the kiss?
“Not much. Went to a football party, but I didn’t stay long.”
“Oh, yeah, Trina mentioned she went, too. I was surprised. She’s not usually one for parties.”
“I’m not either, honestly.”
Ben furrows his brow. “Really?”
“Yeah, don’t tell anyone. It could ruin my street cred.”
He laughs. “Your secret is safe with me. Listen, Trina just went for a coffee run, but she’ll be back in a little bit. If you want, you can wait in her office until she gets here. I’ll let her know you’re there.”
“Okay, sure.”
I’d almost prefer to have Ben as a buffer when Trina first sees me. I don’t know what her reaction will be. Considering I left, she can’t be angry with me. Unless she’s angry I left. I don’t think she would be. I didn’t take advantage of her. That’s a good thing, even if it killed me. Her little pout was almost too much. I still think leaving was the right decision, though.
Focusing on my work isn’t possible right now, so I fiddle around with my phone until Trina gets back from her coffee run. I glance at the clock. Our appointment is at one, and it’s five ‘til. That seems a bit late for a coffee break to me. If I drank that much caffeine right now, I’d be bouncing off the walls for the rest of the day.
That’s why I don’t really drink caffeine. It doesn’t react well with my system. I’m already too hyperactive as it is.
My mom sends me a text telling me her and Dad are coming to the away game on Saturday. It’s only in Pennsylvania, so it’s not that far of a drive. I love when my parents come to games, especially the away ones. It can be kind of lonely looking up in the stands and only seeing home team gear. I get it, but it’s still nice to have a couple fans on our side. I think my teammates appreciate it, too.
I let her know I’m glad she’ll be there and that I should be able to get dinner with them after the game. Coach always has a lecture for us, win or lose, but it’s an early enough game on Saturday that it should work out. I won’t have a ton of time since we’re driving back that night, but I try to have dinner with my parents when they travel to see our games. Coach is usually fine with it, since he also likes having fans in the stands. He thinks it improves morale.
“Sorry I’m late,” Trina sa
ys, barging into her office.
“It’s okay. It’s only a minute.”
“We don’t want to waste any time. Let’s get started.”
Trina reaches for my textbook, but I stop her.
“Wait, Trina, we should talk.”
She sighs. “I was hoping we could just get to work.”
“I want to talk about what happened on Friday.”
“Listen, Carter. Just forget it, okay? I was drunk. It was a mistake. It never should have happened. I really appreciate you getting me home safely and that you left even when I asked you to come upstairs. You’re a great guy.”
“Then go on a date with me.”
“Carter.”
“Come on, Trina. You have to admit there’s a connection here. We have something special. Why not explore it?”
Trina points to the textbook. “I’m your tutor. It’s against the rules.”
“Then I’ll find another tutor.”
“I’m the only one! We’ve been over this.”
“What about…”
“No, Carter. You’re my responsibility. I promised to tutor you, and I’m going to do it. I’m sorry.”
I put my hand over hers on the desk. To my surprise, Trina doesn’t pull away.
“I’m scared too. I don’t want a relationship getting in the way of football or school. That’s why I’ve avoided them the last few years. But with you, I know I can handle it. We’ll find a way to make it work. Take a chance with me.”
Trina does pull her hand away now. She opens up my textbook to this week’s chapter and points to the homework assignment.
“This is what we’re here for, Carter. If you can’t focus on your work, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
“Why won’t you entertain…”
“Because I don’t want to! That’s the only answer you need.”
I know better than to push any further right now. Instead, I lean forward and start asking questions about the homework. Trina is in her element when she’s teaching me about differential equations.
“I’m sorry we couldn’t go on a field trip today,” Trina says when we’re about halfway through. “We were just going to look at a few of the buildings around campus and do some measurements. It wouldn’t be smart in the rain, though.”
“It’s okay. Maybe next week.”
“Yeah, I think the next chapter would lend well to a field trip. I’ll try to plan something.”
I love how she calls them field trips even though we’re just going out on campus. It’s kind of adorable. Everything Trina does is adorable. I’m trying hard to focus on the work, but Trina is sitting so close to me.
I don’t want to push Trina too far so she totally shuts down, but I’m not giving up just yet. I think Trina wants to go out with me. It seems like her biggest hesitation has to do with being my tutor.
I need to break down her walls and prove it’ll be worth the risk.
I’m just not sure how.
Chapter 13
Trina
Carter is paying attention to me as I try to help him with his work, but he’s also more honed in than I’ve ever seen him. Why is he so hell bent on getting me to go out with him?
I shouldn’t have kissed him after the party. I got caught up in the moment, the alcohol, and how damn attractive Carter is. We’d never work as anything more than friends. I gave Carter the wrong idea, and I regret that.
Except, what about all the times I’ve envisioned Carter and I together as more than enemies or friends? He keeps popping into my mind at the most inopportune times. I wish I could forget about him, but that seems impossible. My heart wants to give it a try even though my head knows it’s a terrible idea.
“You’re really cute when you’re focused.”
“Carter,” I sigh.
“What? I’m just saying. You do this thing where you scrunch up your face. It’s adorable.”
The funny thing is, Ben told me the same thing, except he didn’t call it adorable. He called it weird. At the time, it felt endearing. Now that Carter is complimenting my focused face, it feels like maybe Ben was insulting me.
I shake the thought away. Ben is the guy for me, not Carter. Why won’t my heart and my brain agree on that? They used to. He’s been on my radar since the beginning of summer. Nothing should have been able to change that. Especially not the entrance of some random guy I barely know.
“Well, thank you, but you need to pay attention. Your midterm is in two weeks.”
“And thanks to you, I’ll be getting the A I wanted. You’ve seriously helped me so much. I’m glad Coach made me come to tutoring. Not just because I get to spend time with you.”
I blush. How is Carter able to turn everything into a compliment? It’s hard to ignore my feelings when he talks like that.
I force myself to think about freshman year. He wasn’t complimenting me then. This is all an act to get me to like him.
“I bet if I agreed to go out with you, you’d immediately get bored and throw me away.”
Carter gapes at me. “Is that really what you think?”
“Yes. This is all about the chase for you. I don’t like you, and that makes you mad. You’re trying to get me to like you, and once I do, you’ll move on.”
“Wow. I knew you hated me, but I didn’t think you hated me that much.”
The look on Carter’s face sinks my heart. My words have truly hurt him. I didn’t think it was possible.
“I’m just saying, it feels like you’re determined because it’s a challenge. I don’t want to be a challenge or something you feel like you have to win.”
“Trina, I genuinely like you. I want to get to know you better. I’m sorry if I’ve made you think otherwise.”
“Carter, I…”
“Let me take you to lunch. We can hang out and talk outside of this office and not in a party setting. If, after like a half an hour together, you still want nothing to do with me, I’ll stop pushing. I’ll come and listen to your tutoring and be a great student. I promise.”
I think I should say no. My heart wants me to say yes.
“I usually have lunch with Ben,” I say. It’s our tradition. We both have an hour break at the same time, so we go to the cafeteria and order terrible food. We usually eat at Ben’s desk.
Carter deflated. “Oh. Right.”
“But, he’s not around today. He has some meeting or something.”
“I don’t want to be your second choice, Trina.”
“Come on, Carter. I’ll go to lunch with you.”
Carter chews on the cap of his pen. He uses pen to take notes and pencil to do his homework problems. This keeps the notes from getting all smudged. Pencil really isn’t the best writing utensil, but it’s erasable, which is good when you’re working through math problems.
“Okay. We’ll go to lunch. But not until after we finish this. You’re free after me, right?”
“I am today. Normally I have another block, but my student canceled.”
“Perfect.”
We finish going through Carter’s homework assignment. Next week, he’ll have one more lesson and then the following Friday is his midterm exam. I do plan on taking him on a little field trip next week. The week after we’ll be in my office going over the midterm practice packet. I also talked to Carter’s professor and the midterm is different questions than when I took it, though the same format. I’m going to have Carter take my midterm from my class so he gets extra practice. I’d do the same with any student coming to see me for tutoring.
“Okay, that’s enough for today,” I say when Carter finishes the last problem on his homework assignment.
“Great! Lunch time.”
I laugh. “Yeah, yeah. You can leave your stuff here if you want.”
“Perfect.”
Carter jumps up but waits for me to leave the office to follow me. Eliza is sitting at Ben’s desk. She has become a bit of an administrative assistant lately. Whenever Ben can’t be around, E
liza takes over.
“Hey, I’m taking my lunch break a little early today. Can you block me off for this hour? You can schedule people for my usual lunch hour if anyone comes in or calls.”
“Sure thing, Trina. Have fun!”
I’m not sure I will, but I’m going to try. There are butterflies in my stomach as Carter and I walk towards our school’s student union. I start towards the food court, but Carter stops me.
“Let’s get food at August and Nine.”
“Carter.”
“Come on. It’ll be quieter than the food court.”
I roll my eyes. August and Nine is our school-run restaurant on campus. The food isn’t any better than the food court or dining halls, but it’s more private. This lunch is turning into a date. The problem is, I’m okay with it.
“Fine.”
“Great.”
We get seated immediately and order a couple of sodas and our food. We’ve both been here before and know what we want.
“So, Trina, why do you hate me so much?”
I gape at Carter. I wasn’t expecting this question from him.
“I don’t.”
Carter laughs. “Please. Everyone knows you do. Even Ben noticed. He told me you don’t like football players, but it feels like more than that.”
“He told you that?”
“Yeah, and so did a few other people.”
“I guess it’s a well-known secret.”
“Come on. Come clean. Why do you hate me in particular?”
I take a sip of my soda. I’ve kept this stupid incident inside for years. No one knows about what Carter said that upset me so much.
“Do you remember freshman year? We had a class together.”
Carter’s eyes widen. “I don’t remember that. I’m sorry.”
“We sat next to each other the first day. You made this stupid comment and then kept following it up with even worse things. I guess I’ve held a grudge ever since.”
“What was the comment?”
“You said girls who wear tank tops and shorts are doing it for the attention. Like a girl could only possibly choose clothes based on the reaction she’ll get.”
Jock Blocked: An Enemies to Lovers Sports Romance Page 8
