by Shay Savage
He faltered, and I reached for him. He stepped back again, denying himself my touch.
“A wife who endures everything I throw at her, believing me to be worth it in the end, no matter what the cost.”
He turned away from me, and it tore at my heart to have him refuse my touch completely.
“You should not have agreed,” he said. “You should have told me to choose another. Even as a servant, your life would have been better without me.”
“Branford! Do not say such things!”
“Why not if it is the truth?” he yelled as he spun around to look at me. “There is nothing I have to offer you except grief!”
“That is not the truth!” I yelled back at him, and the shock in his face registered. I had never before raised my voice to him for any reason. In fact, anyone within Silverhelm’s control who would have spoken to him with such venom would likely not have lived to see another day, save the king and queen. But I simply could not abide any more of this. “As my prince, future king, and husband, you get to dictate much, but you do not get to decide how I feel! You do not get to determine what I feel is right or best for me! What I feel is for me to decide, and me alone, and I love you!”
He stood with his hands at his sides, his mouth open, and his eyes wide with astonishment. My heart pounded in my chest, and my hands shook as my blood boiled under my skin. My breath left my nose in forceful huffs as I stared into my husband’s vivid green eyes for a long, long time.
Slowly, my ire receded as Branford continued to stare at me, dumbfounded. For a moment, I was frightened at what I had just done, and what his reaction may be. However, I knew my husband’s heart even if he did not always know it himself. I closed my eyes, took a final deep breath, and stepped toward him with my hands reaching outward.
“You are worth it,” I whispered. “You gave me something I never thought I would have. You gave me your love and showed me how to love you. How could that not be worth whatever Edgar can throw at us?”
“I am not worth it,” he said again. “I have only given you pain.”
“When you touch me, I only feel the pleasure your hands can bring to me.”
His eyes flickered to mine, wide and questioning. I watched his tongue dart out and moisten his lips as his eyes quickly took in my body.
He did still want me.
“Branford, I love you,” I said as I reached up and put my hands around his neck. I felt him tense under my touch.
“How can you?” he asked, and his eyes beseeched me for an answer. “After…after what I have done? When I told you I would keep to you…you are all I ever wanted.”
“I know, my Branford,” I told him. “All of this has been…terrifying. I never know where you have gone afterwards…and it is sometimes days before you return to me. You will not let me…be with you. You will not let me care for you, which is what I am supposed to do.”
Blinking rapidly, I tried to hold back my tears.
“On the night we were married, you told me what you expected of me as your wife,” I reminded him. “Do you remember?”
Branford nodded.
“You said I was to respect you and learn to conduct myself as your wife so as not to embarrass you,” I said. “You said I was to care for you as a wife should, to keep our rooms in order, and to…to someday…”
I dropped my eyes and swallowed past the lump in my throat.
“I have already failed to provide you with a child,” I blurted out, “but now you will not allow me to do the other things that are supposed to be my duties as your wife! I fear I am completely useless to you now…”
“God, oh God, no,” Branford murmured, and his arms came around me as he swept me up into his embrace for the first time in months. “Alexandra…no.”
He sat down in our chair and held me to him, rocking me as I tucked my face against his neck and shoulder. Branford rocked slowly back and forth as he had done so many times in the now distant past. I held him tightly as I reacquainted myself with his scent and his touch. I felt the strong, powerful grip of his arms around me, and once again I felt the security of his embrace.
He held me, and he rocked me like the child, like the child we could not produce together.
“Edgar wants to destroy me from the inside out,” Branford said after some time. “He wants to be sure by the time I take the throne, I will be nothing but a shell for him to control.”
“Edgar cannot win, Branford,” I told him. “As long as we do not let him come between us, he cannot truly win.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I know the one thing he cannot take from me.”
“What is that?”
I gripped his face, and I turned him to look at me.
“My love for you, my Branford,” I said with conviction. “There is nothing that can take that from me and no one who can force me to feel any other way. No matter what you have to do, my love for you remains. You are everything to me, my husband. I only wish to be with you…to care for you as I am supposed to do.”
He brushed his fingers over my cheek, and his chest rose with his breath. I could feel his heart pounding close to mine and felt its tempo increase as he continued to look into my eyes. We stayed that way for some time, just looking at each other as we had so many times in the past. Finally, he slipped his fingers behind my head and entwined them with the hair at the back of my neck. He pulled me to him.
“Nothing would ever change how much I love you,” he whispered against my mouth though he did not quite kiss me. “I do not believe I am worth what you have endured, but I will endeavor to better myself for you.”
“You may start by letting me do my duties,” I told him. My fingers scratched at his bearded face. “Starting with this?”
Branford gave me the half smile I loved so much and nodded his head.
“I have neglected you,” he said.
“And you will make up for it now.” Before he could react, I kissed him quickly to avoid the return of his sadness.
We did not leave our room that night and even set a guard at the door to make sure we were not disturbed. Branford bathed me and brushed my hair dry in front of the fire as he spoke to me of the litter of pups Amarra had in the kennel and how many of the young men in his new army were learning their skills. I bathed and shaved him, taking extra care to wash and cut his hair before I made his tea.
As he carried me, naked, to our bed, I felt as though maybe everything would be all right again.
*****
It was still very early in the morning when I opened my eyes, surprised not to find my husband lying next to me. Since the day Ida and Parnell had brought their daughter to visit us, he had been at my side almost constantly, and I had quickly grown accustomed to it again. It was strange not to have his warmth wrapped around me when I woke.
I rose and dressed without looking for Janet’s assistance. The sun was glimmering through the morning room window, but its light was still dim. I moved into the hallway and checked Camden and Sunniva’s rooms, but the guard told me Branford had already left there. I decided to head down the back hallway to see if he had gone to the great hall since the court would be assembled there later today.
As I made my way down the steep staircase that led to the door hidden behind the thrones, I heard my husband’s muffled voice. I smiled to myself, glad I would not have to seek him further, but my smile disappeared when another voice reached my ears.
“Is the old man even still alive?” Edgar asked, making no attempt to disguise the scorn in his voice.
“He is quite alive, yes,” Branford replied. I could hear the strain in his voice as he fought to keep control. I stopped at the bottom stair and opened the door a crack. I could not see them, but I could hear them better.
“Are you waiting for his flesh to rot before you take your place on the throne,” Edgar asked, “or are you simply too unprepared and frightened to take the place that is only barely your birthright?”
; Even though I could not see him, I knew my Branford well enough to know his fists were clenched and his jaw tight.
“When King Camden feels the time is right, I will take his place on the throne,” Branford said. “The exact time of that occurrence is not your concern.”
“Not my concern?” Edgar said with a short laugh. “All of Silverhelm is my concern, Branford. Surely you see that now.”
“You hold a place on the court here,” Branford replied. “Silverhelm is a sovereign nation, and the only ones involved in the succession of the throne are my family.”
I could hear movement and the shuffling of feet, and I strained to hear better.
“Silverhelm will be mine, you know,” King Edgar said in a low voice. “It is only a matter of time.”
“I am tiring of your threats,” Branford responded. He had managed to regain some of the control in his voice again. “We have done everything you have asked to maintain peace between our kingdoms. There is only so much one can give.”
“But there is always more I can take!” Edgar announced. His voice turned low. “And take I shall. You go ahead and hold out as long as you can, but when I am through with you, your pathetic kingdom will be under my control.”
I felt a shiver run through me, and I pushed my back up tighter against the inside wall of the stairs.
“If Silverhelm is so insignificant, why do you continue to demand more of me?”
Edgar cackled, and the high pitched sound made yet another shudder run up my spine. His voice deepened as he snarled out his words.
“Because there was once a man who thought he could live in my shadow and continue to look down upon me. He ignored his duty and refused to unite our lands for the greater good. Now his son tries to do the same? No. Not again.”
“What is this?” Branford’s voice rose slightly. “My father?”
Edgar’s bitter laugh filled the hall again.
“If you had spent more time studying in your youth than you did lying with your whores…but it does not matter now, does it? You have demonstrated quite affectively that common women cannot bear kings. You have two at your beck and call, but there is no decent place for your seed to find purchase, is there?”
“Hold your tongue.” Branford’s voice went soft and cold. “I will tolerate your threats and your insults only so far. Do not speak ill of my wife.”
“I am only stating fact, Sir Branford,” Edgar said. “Has she become with child since I was last here?”
There was a moment of silence between them.
“I did not think so.” Another cold snicker. “And your commoner concubine is also unable to carry your child, correct? It is obvious, and it is time you admitted it. These women cannot carry your child. You need a royal woman for your seed.”
“We have been over this time and time again—”
“Whitney is your rightful wife!” Edgar shouted suddenly. “She should be at your side in the eyes of the public, and she has the fortitude to both stand as queen and bear your heirs. Look at Margaret, who has borne me four children. Whitney is of the same stock, and marrying her will secure the independence of Silverhelm in the future.”
It was Branford’s turn to laugh.
“Independence? With your daughter on the throne beside me? Perhaps I didn’t study enough, but I am not a fool, Edgar.”
Edgar chuckled low.
“We shall see who is the most foolish in time, shall we not?”
“More threats?” I heard Branford sigh. “I grow tired of these meetings.”
“There is a sure way to end them.”
“No. There has not been enough time. Either my wife or my concubine may be with child as we speak, and this topic will be moot. I have not reached my deadline.”
“You have exactly one more month,” Edgar said with deadly calm. “If you have not both taken the throne and secured an heir at that time, you will denounce your marriage to the handmaid and marry Whitney.”
“And if I do not?”
“Then my soldiers will be at your gates the next day,” Edgar said with certainty. “And once they have secured this place for Hadebrand, I will personally make sure any woman not of true noble blood be placed upon her back for my army’s pleasure.”
There was silence for a moment, and I felt my own blood chill within my veins as Edgar sneered his final words before leaving.
“I will be sure to take a few turns at her myself.”
A moment later, I heard the door to the hall slam shut. I was not sure if I should reveal myself and let Branford know what I had overheard or not. He could very well be angry with me, for he did not care much for my habit of eavesdropping on conversations. I would usually confess to him eventually, but I had also learned from Sunniva of the many places one could learn valuable information if one were just to stay there without being noticed.
Yes, Branford would be angry, but I also knew Edgar’s words would have upset him, and he needed me. I moved from my place near the end of the stairway and went to his side.
“You heard,” Branford stated simply.
“Yes.”
“I will not let that happen.” Branford’s voice was calm and sure. For the first time in many, many seasons, I could see the fire of determination in his eyes. “I will not let him harm you, no matter what. If I have to give up everything, I will make sure you are protected.”
And that was when I knew Branford’s love for me was not lost.
Chapter 28—Humbly Rectify
Though he had been gone several minutes, the echo of King Edgar’s threats hovered throughout the chamber. I knew Branford was completely serious when he said he would protect me at all costs. I also knew that sometimes the desire to protect was not enough, and the thought made my blood run cold. King Edgar was an evil, obsessed man, and he would not stop until Silverhelm was completely under his control. If he could not rule by subterfuge, he would overtake by force. If that happened, God help anyone who supported our kingdom.
With his eyes still full of fire, Branford turned to gaze down upon me as his hand reached out to take mine. He pulled me closer to him and simply stared at me for some time. We may have stood there until nightfall if a messenger had not appeared in the doorway.
“Sir Branford, the queen requests your presence in the king’s chambers,” the messenger said.
Branford looked at me, and I reached for his arm with my free hand. We walked together in apprehension up the narrow staircase to the royal chambers. When we entered, I saw Sunniva at her place next to the king’s bed, her hand placed lightly on his arm. Though she had spent most of her time in this room since Camden had been bedridden, she had barely moved from that specific spot in days.
“Mother?” Branford said softly as we approached.
Sunniva’s gaze turned to look upon us, and there was no question as to why we were summoned. King Camden slowly rolled his head to one side, and his ancient-looking eyes fell to his adopted son. Branford released my hand and went quickly to the side of the bed as Sunniva stood on shaky legs and walked slowly to me.
I reached out and touched the queen’s shoulder. She looked at me, her eyes red and swollen though her expression still was stoic. She tried to give me a small smile, but it faltered immediately.
“I knew this day was coming soon,” she finally whispered. “We have known for months, have we not? But to know it is here…that his time has gone from weeks to days to hours…I am not sure I can do anything to prepare myself.”
Her voice broke on her last word, and I dropped my hand to take hers. She gripped me and ran her fingers over the back of my hand for a moment.
“At least I know I was loved,” Sunniva said softly. “How many queens can say that?”
Her smile broadened though her eyes brimmed over with tears. I reached for her and took her in my embrace. Over her shoulder I could see Branford with the king, their hands gripping each other’s forearms as Branford leaned close to listen to Camden words.
Sun
niva slowly released me, and I stayed close to her with my hands holding on to hers. She gestured with her head, and we stepped to the far side of the room to sit on the couch there, still hand in hand. The queen took a long, slow breath and attempted to gather herself. She looked to the men at the other side of the room.
“We are lucky, Alexandra,” she told me, “to have such men to love us.”
I dropped my gaze to my lap, wondering if there was still truth in her words. My expression must have given away my thoughts.
“What is it?” she asked.
I shook my head, and her grip on my hand tightened.
“What is it, Alexandra?” she repeated. “You are troubled.”
I looked over to the other side of the room where Branford sat with his adoptive father and felt my own tears trying to make their presence known. I blinked them away.
“Sometimes I wonder,” I said softly.
“Nonsense!” Sunniva scoffed and tilted her head to one side. “Branford adores you. Whatever would make you say such a thing?”
“He has been…distant,” I told her.
Sunniva’s eyes widened with understanding. For a moment she said nothing as she processed my words.
“Because of Hadley?” she finally asked.
I could only tilt my head in a noncommittal response, for I did not truly know. Despite his pledge of protection, I did not understand what was happening inside my husband’s clouded and overburdened mind.
“That is when it began,” I said.
“What has he done?” the queen demanded.
I looked to my husband, then back to my queen. The look in her eye told me there would be no refusing to answer her inquiry, so I told her. I dropped my eyes to my lap as I told her of Branford’s distance and his avoidance of me. I told her how he had barely been in my presence these months and had only in the past few days allowed me close enough to him to take care of his needs. I even told her that though we had been in the same bed again, he had still not touched me in the way I so deeply missed. Not since…not since he first went to Hadley’s room. Even though he had bathed me, and we had lain in our bed with our bodies close together, he had not taken me in the way a husband takes his wife.
