by Erin Trejo
“It’s not that easy. You can’t just choose to be in love with someone one minute and not the next. That baby, if it’s even mine, which is very fuckin’ doubtful at this point, can’t be the reason we stay together. I don’t know. I don’t know that I’ve ever really been in love with her.” His eyes stay on the water but it makes perfect sense. You can love someone and not be in love with them.
“What about you and your man? You love him?” I shake my head when he looks over.
“I think I loved the idea of having him. Having someone with me. Does that even make sense?” I giggle a little when he nods. He reaches for me, cupping my cheek in his hand.
“Makes perfect sense but you don’t need a man who’s gonna hurt you. You need a man who’s gonna stand up for you. Laugh with you, hurt with you. You get what I’m sayin’?” My mouth is dry. No words will form so I do the only thing I can do and nod my head. Shaft leans forward, resting his head against mine.
“What are we doing?” I ask softly, feeling it - that tug between us.
“I don’t know, Temple. I don’t fuckin’ know.”
“I told her I’d stay away from you.” He pulls back quickly looking me in the eye.
“You did what? Why the hell would you do that?” he asks in disbelief but his hand never leaves my face.
“She’s pregnant. She said she only wants what’s best for the baby and I agree. She needs you, Shaft.”
His hand falls from my face before he shoves himself up. He paces around for a second as I watch him before I stand too. I need to go home. I need to figure out my life and standing in the middle of his isn’t going to do that. I wipe the ass of my jeans before I move to walk away. I don’t make it far before Shaft grabs my wrist, pulling me back in front of him.
“Tell me you don’t feel some kind of connection between us,” he says softly, his thumb rubbing circles on my flesh. I open my mouth but what do I say? “Don’t lie to me, Temple.” God, why does he have to say my name that way? Why does he, of all people, have to be the one I feel this with? I can’t do this. I swallow hard and shake my head slowly. His eyes burn with intensity and I nearly buckle under his gaze.
“I don’t.”
“You’re lyin’.”
“I’m…I’m not.”
He steps closer, closing what little space was between us. His hard body presses into mine, his hand comes up to lift my chin. “I just told you things I’d never tell anyone else and the best you can do is lie to me?”
There’s hurt in his voice and I know I’m putting it there. I don’t want to but I am. I swallow hard, holding my head high. I can do this.
“Marc…I.”
“Right there, Temple! Goddamn it! You say my name and it’s like it was meant to fall from your lips and your lips only. Do you think God would put you in my path without a reason?”
“I was a distraction. One you don’t need might I add. You have a girl who’s pregnant with your child, Shaft! Why can’t you see that?”
“Marc! You fuckin’ call me Marc! I’m not Shaft to you, Temple. I’m Marc!”
I shake my head, feeling his fury, but I can’t stop myself. I don’t want to be the cause of a family not being together. If they have even the slightest chance of working this out, I can’t stand in the way of that. I reach up and grabs his hands in mine, slowly lowering them away from my face.
“Don’t you do this shit to me.”
“I’m sorry. We fucked a few times. I like hanging out with you but that’s all it will ever amount to, Shaft.”
“Marc,” he growls and I almost lose it.
“I just need to go. I’m sorry. I’ll find a way back.” I release his hands and turn, slowly climbing down the rocks. I don’t hear him behind me, but as I’m walking past his bike, his yells reach me.
“I’ll take you.”
I look over my shoulder and see him standing there. A mask of emotions cloud his eyes and I hate that I’m part of the reason it’s there. I nod once knowing I won’t have any service out here anyway as he walks toward me. We stand here staring at each other for a long second before he moves in quickly. His lips caress mine, slowly sweeping over them as I moan into his touch. I let him kiss me, knowing it will be the last time and hating myself every second of it. When he pulls back breathless, he looks at me.
“Tell me you can’t feel that,” he says softly.
“It doesn’t matter what I feel.” Pulling away from him, I grab the helmet and slide it on while I wait for him to do the same.
Ten
Shaft
“You okay?” Sly asks as I toss the shell of the peanut I’m eating into the pile on the table in front of me.
“I’m fuckin’ great.” He huffs out a laugh before motioning for the bitch at the bar to bring us some drinks. She walks over, shaking her ass as she goes before setting the beers on the table in front of us. I grab one washing down the peanuts before looking back up at Sly. “What?”
“It’s been a month, brother. You gonna tell her to take a fuckin’ walk?” he asks.
I know he’s talking about Riley. It’s been a month since she told me she was pregnant. I’ve avoided her as much as possible, but she just shows up whenever she wants to. I’ve thought about putting a ban on that shit, too.
“I’ve told her to take a walk. She does too, right back in the front fuckin’ door.”
Sly laughs.
“You know all you gotta do is say the words and she ain’t allowed back here.”
I know that too but what will happen to my kid if I do that?
“I know that. Just don’t wanna lose my kid over it,” I tell him when the doors open. I blow out a breath hoping it’s not her and Sly laughs. When I hear laughing though, I turn and look over my shoulder as Dez and Temple carry bags in.
“What the hell are those two doin’?” I ask.
“Temple’s stayin’ here for a while. That asshole of hers has been harassin’ her,” he says as if that means nothing.
“What do you mean?” That irritates the fuck out of me that no one said anything. I would have helped her if she would have just asked, but she’s been avoiding me since that night up at the rocks.
“Been comin’ by their old place tryin’ to start trouble. Even sent his side bitch over there a couple times,” he tells me grabbing his beer and taking a long pull.
“What the fuck? Didn’t nobody say shit!”
“It’s not a club issue. She ain’t one of us.” That reminder pisses me off a little more than it should. It wasn’t for my lack of trying to talk to her either. I called, texted, hell even I showed up over there on more than one occasion. I watch as her and Dez carry things in and down the hall. I don’t know if that pisses me off or not. She’s going to be around here just as much as anyone else. The thought alone sends a thrill through me but a dread at the same time.
“You got a thing for that girl?” Looking back over at Sly, I shrug.
“Don’t know. She don’t want shit to do with me anyway.”
“Since when has that stopped you?” He chuckles.
“True but Temple ain’t like Riley.”
“That’s the truth.”
I close my eyes and blow out a breath before turning toward the source of those words. Dez stands there with her arms crossed over her chest glaring at me like I’m about to break her favorite toy.
“What did I do?” I ask her watching as her eyes narrow.
“You… Oh you have fucked up big time, Shaft! You know what, I should kick your ass!” She looks pissed and that’s not usually something that’s directed at me. Dez and I have always gotten along but not today.
“What did I do to you?”
“You didn’t do anything to me but her?” She stops herself from saying anything more as I glance at Sly. He just shrugs not sure what the fuck is going on either.
“It’s your kid,” I tell him. He laughs.
“Yeah and she’s an adult too. If she wants to kick your ass who am I stand
in her way?”
“That is a fact,” Old Barnie adds when he walks up next to her, tossing an arm over her shoulder.
“You gonna tell me what I did?” She shakes her head when OB laughs.
“I already know what you did. You fucked up. Big time.” He walks away chuckling, leaving me with the anger that radiates off Dez. I raise an eyebrow but that must be the end of what she can handle. She huffs and spins on her heel and walks away. I watch her go until the front door slams shut.
“What the fuck is happenin’ around here?” I mumble to myself.
“Might wanna ask that one,” Sly says nodding behind me.
I turn to see Temple eyeing me, wringing her hands in front of her. She looks nervous. I shove out of my chair and walk toward her, noting the look in her eyes. She is nervous. Whatever this is about, she can’t seem to stand still.
“You okay?” I ask when I’m close enough. Temple keeps wringing her hands together in front of her like she can’t keep them still. She bites her lips, her eyes moving anywhere but on me. I reach up and grab her face in my hands, stopping any other movement. “What’s wrong?”
“We need to talk. This is bad, Shaft. Really bad.”
“Okay. Calm down. Whatever it is we got you. You wanna go in the room?” She looks up at me now and I can see the worry in her big brown eyes. She nods slowly and I release her face, opting to grab her hand instead. Leading her down the hall and straight to my room, I close the door behind us. Temple paces the floor as I drop onto the bed and lay back, lighting up a cigarette.
“I found out something that you need to know. I didn’t want to tell you but Dez said I needed to. I don’t know what you’re going to think and I’m sorry. Let me just say that I’m sorry first, okay? I didn’t mean for this to happen. I didn’t plan it. It’s actually all my fault.” The more she rambles the cuter she gets. It’s almost funny but I don’t laugh because whatever this is is important to her. I blow out a ring of smoke and watch as she paces a little more.
“Come here, Temple,” I tell her. She looks over and shakes her head no. I raise an eyebrow daring her to say no again. “Now.” She slowly moves toward the bed, sitting awkwardly on the edge. She blows out a breath and lowers her head before I hear her say it.
“I’m pregnant.”
“You’re what?”
“Damn it. I’m sorry! I know it was stupid! I can’t even think. I’m not ready for a kid. I’m not. I’m not that put together right now. I can barely keep myself above water but to have a kid? I can’t do this,” she rambles before standing from the bed and moving around the room. She tugs at her hair, paces the floor and I’m stunned. I shove myself up so that I’m sitting on the edge of the bed, running my hand through my hair.
“Does he know?” I ask taking another drag off my cigarette.
“I just told him.”
I choke on the smoke in my lungs. I cough and try to catch my breath. Reaching over I snuff out the cigarette in the ashtray before sitting back up and looking at her. She won’t make eye contact with me.
“Temple.” She still doesn’t look up and I know this isn’t going to end well. She didn’t want this. She didn’t want me and now I have two women who are pregnant with my kids. What kind of sick fucking world do I live in?
Eleven
Temple
This was stupid. I’m going to throw up. I should have never told him. I feel like an idiot. He has Riley and her baby. Oh, God. I told her I’d stay away from him, and now look what I’ve done! I knew better than to have sex while I was on the antibiotics. I knew it but I did it anyway. Why didn’t we use a condom? Why? I know better!
“Temple, come here,” Shaft says once more. I can’t do this. I can’t sit here and tell him that he’s going to be a dad to a second baby. I should have kept my mouth shut. I shouldn’t have told him. I should have lied and said it wasn’t his.
“I’m going to be sick,” I say as I rush into his bathroom. I grab the sides of the toilet and throw up everything I ate this morning.
“Are you sure?” His voice is soft as places a wet rag on the back of my neck.
“Yeah. I just took the test. I’m sorry,” I say before throwing up more. Shaft leaves the room and I hear the door close. I’m sure he’s pissed off that now he has this to deal with on top of Riley. I grab the rag off the back of my neck and wipe my mouth on it when the door clicks shut again. When I look up, Shaft is standing there with a bottle of water. He holds his hand out to me and I take it, letting him help me stand. He uncaps the water and passes it to me. I gladly take it, swallowing a little before he grabs my hand once more. He leads me out of the bathroom and back into his room. Leading me to the bed, he motions for me to sit.
“Lie down,” he says. I start to shake my head but he just gives me that look and I do it. As I lie down on his pillow, he moves to grab the bottle from me, setting it on the table next to the bed before climbing on behind me. Shaft wraps his arm around me, pulling me close to him. This is wrong. It’s all wrong. I shouldn’t be here doing this with him. I shouldn’t be letting him touch me.
“Are you sad about it?” he asks, his breath fanning my hair.
“I don’t know what I feel. I didn’t plan on having kids for a long time. I’m not sure I’m ready,” I admit as tears burn the back of my eyes.
“Not much we can do about that now. We kinda have to be ready,” he says softly.
“I didn’t mean for this to happen. I’m sorry,” I say as the tears begin to fall.
“Stop, Temple. We fucked without a condom. I kinda knew this could happen. I just didn’t think about it.”
“I was on the pill but I had an ear infection and I was on antibiotics and I should have fucking known, Shaft. Damn it, I’m a nurse for fuck’s sake!” More tears continue to fall when he moves. He rolls me onto my back, climbing over me, straddling my legs.
“Look at me,” he growls. I slowly pull my eyes to meet his. “Things happen for a reason, Temple. God didn’t put that baby in you for us to fear it. I know I’m not the best person in the world, but I love my family. This,” his hand moves to my stomach, slowly stroking it, “is a part of my family now. Just like you are. Trust me when I say that I’m gonna take care of you and this baby.”
“No.”
“What?” he asks, cocking his head to the side.
“I said no! Move!” Pushing at his chest, he moves off me and I climb off the bed quickly. “This isn’t happening. We aren’t doing this.”
“What the hell does that mean?” he asks standing to move toward me once more.
“It means no, Shaft! It means I am not doing this with you. I can’t do this with you. You have Riley and your baby with her. I am not going to get in the way of that.”
“Are you tellin’ me that you don’t want me around my kid? Is that what you’re sayin’? Because if it is, you got me fucked up, Temple! That baby is mine, you said it yourself!” His anger is warranted. I know I’m being an ass, but I have to think about myself. And Riley too, as much as I hate to think about that situation. It isn’t her fault this happened and it surely isn’t her baby’s.
“I’m telling you that you can see this baby, Shaft. I’m telling you that you can be a dad if that’s what you want, but there is no us. There is no taking care of me. You have Riley and her baby to think about too. Don’t you dare blow that off,” I scream at him. I know what he’s told me. Shaft has made it clear that he wants to be with me but I can’t do that. Not with Riley and her child in the middle. It wouldn’t be fair to any of us, and luckily I’m the sound thinking one of the bunch. Would I love for my child to have its father? Of course. Every child deserves that but there are too many unresolved issues hanging around. Riley was here long before me. Both of these kids deserve their father in their lives but that doesn’t mean I have to be with him.
“You don’t get to decide that,” he hisses as he moves closer to me.
My heart leaps in my chest, his lips parting slowly. I uninte
ntionally lick mine and his eyes fall to my mouth. I have to stop this. I can’t do this, but before I can think anymore, his lips are on mine. His tongue forces its way into my mouth and I moan. Whimpers fall from my lips as he kisses me with such passion that I can barely stand it. My knees want to buckle, the feeling of him overwhelming me. When he pulls back, we’re both panting and unsure of what to do next.
“I…we…”
“Stop, Temple. This baby is mine. Why can’t you be mine?”
“We don’t know each other. We’ve fucked, Shaft. We don’t really know about each other.”
“Stop tryin’ to change the subject. We have all the time in the world,” he whispers.
“It doesn’t change anything. I can’t be the reason you walk away from Riley. I can’t stand in the middle of you and your other child.”
“What is it with you? Huh? Why do you want to push me away?”
I shove out of his arms not able to handle anymore. Storming out of his room, I rush down the hallway.
“Stop walkin’ away from me!”
“Fuck off!” I scream back at him. One of us has to be the adult around here; it might as well be me.
“Get your ass back here, Temple! Don’t make me spank your ass!” I huff out a laugh before I turn and see him. His eyes are blazing and that’s when I know he isn’t playing. He’s pissed.
“Are you laughin’?” he asks narrowing his eyes. I cross my arms over my chest and raise an eyebrow daring him to say more.
“This is stupid!” I say loudly.
“What the hell is goin’ on around here?” Wolf asks as he comes to stand next to us. He looks between us but neither of us break our stare down to acknowledge him.
“He’s an asshole!”
“She’s stubborn as fuck!”
“He thinks he can tell me what to do,” I snap.
“She doesn’t listen!”
“Fuck off, Marc!” He smirks when I use his name. Bastard.
