by Erin Trejo
“Now, he must see something special in you if you let you wear this. No one, not even me, got to touch this.”
“Where did it come from?”
“It was his father’s. He passed long ago before Marc ever knew him, but this, this was something special to him. He never let this out of his sight so the fact that he let you wear it means something.”
“He didn’t…it was actually…”
“You done talkin’ shit about me yet?”
Speak of the devil. I look up and wipe my eyes as Wanda leans in and presses a kiss to my cheek. Marc watches us when his eyes fall to the pendant. He swallows hard but doesn’t say anything until his mom stands and walks away.
“Watch your mouth, Marc!” she calls over her shoulder. I giggle a little. Marc walks over and sits next to me as I reach up and unhook the necklace. Holding it out to him, I slowly lower it into his palm.
“It was mixed in with my things when I left.”
“And you kept it.”
“I just…”
“Just what? Tell me. Say it, Temple,” he begs but never looks at me. His eyes stay on the necklace in his hand.
“It made me feel closer to you,” I whisper softly. Marc turns to face me, his face a mask of emotions. He reaches up and slips the necklace back around my neck and hooks it.
“Marc, I shouldn’t wear this.”
“Yes, you should. I want you to feel that closeness to me, Temple. I’m fucked in the head sometimes but I want this. I mean it. It’s not like with Riley. It all feels different. Tell me you can’t feel that spark, that connection,” he asks looking into my eyes.
I’d be lying if I said no.
“I do.”
“I’ve messed up a lot in my life. I looked for something that I never really found. I don’t know what I’m doin’ most days but I want this, Temple. I don’t care if you want me to beg, I will.”
“Don’t beg. Your mom didn’t raise you to beg,” I tease him. His lips curl into a smile that melts my heart.
“Mom is makin’ us go out to dinner. I told her no but she wants to. You can’t tell her shit,” he adds grabbing my hands in his. He squeezes them and that’s all I need. What is wrong with me? I shouldn’t want him. He has two women pregnant and yet every time I see him, I feel like I’m on fire and when he isn’t around I feel like I’m drowning. That can’t be normal, can it?
“We shouldn’t make her wait,” I say softly.
“She don’t mind.” He leans in and brushes his lips over mine.
The air around us feels lighter, like things have lifted. Maybe this was all in my head. Maybe it was all in my mind. I’ve had the worst feeling about things since the day I saw Riley in that doctor’s office, but now that she’s gone, I can breathe. When Marc pulls back, his eyes sparkle in the light.
“We should go,” I whisper. He reluctantly nods his head before standing and pulling me with him.
“Did you really kill her flowers?” I ask as we walk back toward the front of the house.
“You’re datin’ a rebel, darlin’. Of course I killed her flowers.”
Eighteen
Shaft
Her belly gets bigger, her smile brighter. My heart feels fuller. Everything just seems right. Which in my world means something is going to go wrong. It never fails. When things are good they can’t possibly stay that way, at least not for someone like me.
“You feelin’ okay? You look like shit,” Wolf asks pulling up the stool next to me and taking a seat.
“You ever feel like there is too much good in your life? Like somethin’ is bound to fuck up?” I ask looking over at him. He shakes his head, running his hand through his hair.
“This about Riley?”
“Maybe. I don’t really know. She ain’t been around but I feel like somethin’ bad is gonna happen.”
“Heard that. You can’t think that way though. You gotta keep your head straight. You got Temple and that baby to think about. Look at her,” he says nodding toward the other side of the room. Temple stands with Dez and Angel, a huge smile lighting up her face. She’s glowing. I can’t help but smile at her.
“She’s a good one.”
“Damn right she is. Saved my old ass,” Barnie adds as he slaps a hand on my shoulder.
“Sometimes I wonder why she did that,” Sly chimes in with a chuckle. We all laugh.
“You girls would miss me.”
“Not in the slightest,” Sly teases.
“Things never stay good, Shaft. There has to be some bad to balance it all out, yeah?”
“Oh my God!” Angel screams pulling all of our attention to them. I’m off the stool and rushing through the room, grabbing Temple before I even know what’s going on.
“What’s wrong?” Panic sets in, taking my chest and holding it in a vice like grip. My eyes dance over her face but she just looks confused.
“What are you doing?” she asks.
“What’s wrong? She screamed,” I tell her looking at Angel and then back to her.
“I’d never felt the baby move before,” Angel says softly. I take a deep breath and step back, almost like I need the space to suck in as much air as I can.
“That’s fucked up. You scared the shit outta me,” I say pointing at Angel. The girls giggle but I don’t. Shit, that really did scare the hell out of me. This parenthood shit is awful and the baby isn’t even born yet.
“Everything’s okay,” Temple assures me, moving closer. Her hands wrap around my waist and her head rests on my chest. I close my eyes wondering when the bad shit is going to sneak up on me. I just pray that it doesn’t have anything to do with Temple or the baby. I wrap my arms around her and hold her closer.
“Way to be a spaz, Shaft!” Dez giggles before slapping me on the back and walking away. I lean down and nuzzle my face into Temple’s hair.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Sorry,” I tell her.
“Your heart is racing,” she whispers.
“Just freaked out a little.” She nods her head but doesn’t say anything else. We stand like this for a long time, me just holding her. Family has always meant something to me. Something more than it did to others. I can’t explain it and I don’t know that I’d want to. I just have a connection to my family that is hard to explain. I feel it - the love, the togetherness - on a deeper level than most. Or so I’m told. If you mess with my family, that’s when I lose myself. I can’t lose them and I won’t. I refuse.
When I feel her hands move under my shirt, I know what she wants. Her nails drag over my skin, down my back. I close my eyes and let her touch me however she wants before she pulls her head back and looks up at me.
“I need you,” she whispers, causing me to smirk.
“You’ve had me.” She smiles and pulls her hands from under my shirt, grabbing my hand and dragging me toward the room. I let her have this moment. I let her have me. Following her into the room, she closes the door and pulls her shirt over her head tossing it to the side. I smile as I watch her. She’s relaxed a little more around me now. She was always tense and unsure before, but now she just does what she feels and I love that about her. My eyes roam her body but when they land on her belly, they stop.
“What’s wrong?” she asks.
“We made that.”
She walks toward me, reaching for my hand. Slowly she brings it to her stomach and rests it there. The mood has shifted. It’s no longer sexual. This is more. It’s intimate.
“Do you think it’s a boy or a girl?” she asks softly. I pull my eyes away from her stomach and meet her gaze.
“Does it matter?” She shakes her head slowly, tears building in her eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“My parents… I haven’t talked to them in so long. I always thought that when I had a baby that my mom would be there. She would help me, guide me. I feel like I’m missing that piece.”
“Why don’t you talk to them? We can talk to them together,” I tell her.
“I don’t know if I can. My dad, he was a very hard man to live with. He was in the army and he ran our house much the same. It was too much for me. When I left, I didn’t look back.”
“How long ago was that?”
“Seven years.” The tears in her eyes tell me she misses them. I can’t let her feel like this. I don’t want her to.
“So, we talk to them together.”
“You would go with me?” she asks looking confused.
“You’re mine, Temple. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you. You have to know that by now.” I lean down to kiss her when Gauge yells through the door.
“We got an issue, brother!”
Nineteen
Temple
The tone of Gauge’s voice told me there was something going on that we weren’t going to like. I could feel it. Shaft pulls back and grabs my hand in his.
“You comin’?”
I nod and grab my shirt watching the smile as it pulls across his face. Slipping back into my clothes, we walk out of the room and back into the main room. That’s when I spot her. Our eyes lock before hers slowly move to my stomach then her own.
“Son of a bitch,” Shaft grumbles under his breath.
“Did you miss me?” Riley asks plastering a fake smile on her face. I knew she’d come back. It was just a matter of time. I’ve sort built myself up for this moment. I’ve kept telling myself that she can’t get in between us even if she is pregnant. According to her, she is a month and half ahead of me. She starts toward us and Shaft tenses.
“Be nice. That’s your baby,” I tell him. He looks down at me, his eyebrows drawn together. I know what he’s thinking. Why am I being so calm about this? That’s easy. That could be his child she’s carrying and there is no way that I would come between him and his child.
“I love you, Temple.”
Of all the times to tell me that he says it now? I open my mouth but I don’t know what to say. Doesn’t matter anyway. Riley stalks toward him, grabbing his hand and pressing it to her stomach.
“Do you feel that? It’s your baby. I know it’s going to be a boy,” she goes on and on. Shaft just stands there, still as stone. His mind must be running a million miles a minute right now. His eyes are darting all over my face but I just smile and walk away. He needs to deal with this sooner or later, and since she’s already here, he might as well talk to her.
“Are you okay?” Dez asks wrapping her arm around my waist.
“I’m fine. This needs to be done. That could be his child, right?” She nods her head slowly and we both stand back watching as they talk. He keeps his hand on her stomach long after she let’s go but it’s the look in his eyes that bothers me. He looks so unsure of what to do. I hate that he’s stuck in this situation but at the same time I didn’t put him there.
“This shit’s not gonna end well,” Wolf says as he walks over and stands next to us.
“Why not?” I ask looking up at him.
“New girl and ex-girl? That shit never ends well. Especially when ex-girl is fuckin’ pyscho.” I choke on a laugh and slap him across the chest. Shaft turns to look at me over his shoulder and I just give him a little nod.
“Not afraid of a little competition?” Sly asks as he walks over.
“Is it really a competition?” I giggle.
“True but I know girls like Riley. They don’t give up. You’re gonna be in for one hell of a fight if you wanna stay with him,” he says nodding toward Shaft.
My eyes follow his. Is he right? Will she really fight me for him? Watching the way she looks at him, the way she keeps trying to touch him in some sort of way, I can see it. She would. She would fight me for him. The reality slams into me. Blinking rapidly, I will the tears not to fall. I can feel them burning the back of my eyes.
“Don’t let her win,” Dez whispers.
I nod my head and shake the thoughts away. I won’t fight to be with anyone. That isn’t me. If Shaft wants to be with me then he will be. If he doesn’t, that’s a fact I have to accept.
“Can you go look at that apartment with me?” I turn to Dez. She smiles and nods her head.
“Of course. I think you’ll like it,” she says grabbing my hand in hers. I take one last look at Shaft and Riley before following Dez out the side door. This was always the plan. I wasn’t going to stay here at the clubhouse forever.
“She’s a bitch,” Dez mumbles as she climbs in the driver’s side of her car.
“She was here first. I get it. She wants him around for their child. I can’t fault her for that, Dez.” I buckle my seat belt as Dez starts to pull out of the parking lot.
“I asked Gauge about her. He said she’s just using him. He said if she didn’t have the stomach to prove it, he would think she was lying about the whole thing.” I snort a laugh.
“He’s imaginative.”
“No, he just doesn’t like her. He thinks she’s just trying to pin the baby on him so she can keep him around. He doesn’t want her.”
“We won’t know if that’s the case until the baby is born.”
“She looks a little small doesn’t she?” Now that I think about it, she did but that means nothing. I’ve worked in the OBGYN office long enough to know that.
“Some people don’t show much. We had a girl that was almost nine months along and I’m bigger than she was. Could just be a small baby,” I tell her. She huffs which makes me laugh.
“I still don’t like her,” she adds.
“I don’t either but I signed up for this, right?”
“So the two of you are together now? Like no more fighting it out. Just together?”
“I think so. After I met his mom, he seemed different. He was more open and caring. He said he loves me, Dezzy.”
“No shit? Shaft said those words?” She laughs.
“I was a little shocked but yeah.”
“He’s a good guy. He helped me through a lot of shit, you know? I’m glad that he’s finally happy.” We drive in silence the rest of the way to the apartment. When we pull up, I immediately smile.
“Second floor which sucks but it has an elevator,” Dez tells me as we climb out of the car. She’s on her phone, no doubt texting Gauge to let him know where we are. Once she’s finished we walk toward the front doors and head inside. It’s nicer than some I’ve looked at. Dez talks to the man at the desk, getting the key so we can look at the apartment before ushering me to the elevator.
“A doorman. You could have a doorman, Temple,” she laughs.
“I’m not sure how I feel about a doorman. That’s kind of weird,” I laugh as we ride to the second floor. Stepping off, Dez leads me to the apartment. We don’t even get inside when I hear his voice.
“You gonna be my new neighbor?” I turn to look over my shoulder seeing the guy from awhile back. March, I think his name was.
“Don’t know. Just looking,” I tell him as I roll my eyes and turn back toward the door. Dez shoves it open and we both walk in but the door never clicks shut behind us.
“Pregnant, huh?”
“Do you mind? Don’t you have pedestrians to torment?” Dez snaps when she turns to see him behind us.
“Wasn’t talkin’ to you.”
“Yes, I’m pregnant as you can very well see. Now if you don’t mind, we are looking,” I snap at him. He starts toward me as fear claws its way into my throat. The door that’s still open suddenly slams shut, scaring me and Dez. We both jump and scream a little when I see Shaft. He has a knife in his hand, twirling it, the tip pressed into his finger.
“What are we doin’ here?” he asks casually. March turns around to face him and the dark look in Shaft’s eyes unnerves me.
“Saw the ladies checkin’ out the apartment. I was welcomin’ them to the buildin’.”
“I bet you were. They ain’t movin’ in though. Guess your hospitality was for nothin’.” His eyes never move from March. It’s almost eerie to watch him like this.
“They wouldn’t be lookin’ if th
ey didn’t need a place,” March says pushing his buttons. I watch Shaft, the way his eyes flicker back and forth between March’s. He’s on edge but I can’t say that I mind him being here.
“Wanna make a bet? She didn’t realize I already set up a place for her.” Shaft nods at me.
“So it’s your kid, huh? Didn’t peg you as the daddy type.”
“Didn’t peg you as the type to get off on pregnant women either but surprise, surprise. Here we are. Why don’t you take a fuckin’ walk, March.”
Twenty
Shaft
Irritation slithers down my spine. The thought of gutting him in the middle of this apartment is almost too much for me to take. I’ve seen it play out over and over in my head. My knife piercing his heart. The blood seeping from every part of his body.
“Keep your girls close,” March says as he walks past me and out the door. I close my eyes willing myself to not kick his ass and kill him today.
“What the fuck are you two doin’ here?” I hiss the words and open my eyes looking at Dez and Temple.
“I’m looking at apartments,” Temple says crossing her arms over her chest.
“Not here, Temple. You ain’t stayin’ here.”
“You can’t tell me where I can live.”
“Yeah, I can! You’re mine, Temple! I thought we went over this,” I roar. She raises her eyebrow, challenging me. I like that she does that but not right now and not here.
“We didn’t go over this. I need a place. I can’t stay at the clubhouse after I have the baby. I need a place.” Look at her arguing with me. She thinks she’s going to win this argument but she isn’t.
“You have a place,” I snap pulling my hand through my hair.
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes you do! You have a goddamn place with me!” I don’t mean to yell at her. I don’t know why I am but she does this to me. She makes me insane. She screws my head up and I can’t think straight.
