Accidentally Yours: A Friends-to-Lovers Gay Romance (Superbia Springs Book 3)

by Rachel Kane

  “I can see you’re up to date on your pain medication, judging from your spaced-out look.”

  “Sorry,” said Alex. “I got lost in thought for a second there.”

  “Clearly. See what I mean? You’ve got to get your head together.”

  “I don’t see what you mean. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Therapy? Are you saying I should go into therapy?”

  Toby laughed. “God no. It’s not that drastic. You just need to get out of your own head.”

  “Get my head together…to get out of it? You’re mixing metaphors.”

  “How can a man who spends his entire day around books be so dense? I’m saying you’ve got to get out there, play the field!”

  In a flat voice: “Oh. You mean dating.”

  “Ah, a little light dawns behind those eyes. Yes, Alexander, I mean dating. You can’t just sit at my bar forever, looking gloomily over the men. It’s bad for you. You’re sitting there thinking of all the reasons you deserve to be alone—reasons, it has to be said, that Ian inserted into your brain.”

  Alex pictured Ian as one of those parasitic wasps you see sometimes on nature shows, one which picks the most disturbing places to lay its eggs. Yes. That made sense. The eggs he laid had hatched into babies named Uncertainty, Fear, Self-Doubt.

  None of that was really fair. Ian really wasn’t a psychopath, he wasn’t a monster at all. The opposite. He’d always been too good for Alex, better than Alex deserved. When he left Alex for a model, it wasn’t surprising. Still hurt like hell, but it wasn’t a surprise.

  “Where does one even find a guy?” Alex asked. “I don’t mean that hypothetically. Thanks to the foot, I’ll be sitting at this counter all day, immobile. The only people I’ll see will be the ones who come in to buy books, and I have to tell you, Old Toads, there’s nobody in town who might go out with me. Everyone’s either too straight or too taken. And I’m not planning on switching sides, so Mrs. Fortune is not an option.”

  Having finished with the light dusting, Toby folded his cloth and put it on the counter near the cash register. He went to the closet to pull out the old vacuum, the heavy steel monstrosity that would make conversation impossible. But before he plugged it in he said, “There are single men in town.”

  “Gay men.”

  “Sure.”

  “Who are single.”

  “Of course.”

  “Who would be compatible with me, as in, they have actually owned, read, or at least perused a book in their lifetimes?”

  Toby rubbed his chin. “That does narrow things down a bit.”

  “See?”

  “Only one comes to mind, really. Fortunately it’s someone you’re close to, extremely close.”

  “Toads, if you say the words Judah Cooper to me—”

  “Cooper, comma, Judah.”

  The exasperated sigh was only slightly exaggerated, a tiny storm that hoped to blow all the nonsense away.

  “That’s not happening.”

  “I’m not saying it has to happen. I’m just saying I’m surprised that it hasn’t. I’ve seen you two talk. It’s all, books, books, books. And now you’re staying at his place? That doesn’t suggest anything to you?”

  “Sure, it suggests he feels guilty and that he thinks I’m helpless. I know you’re a bartender, and you’re used to giving people relationship advice, but seriously. Not gonna happen. It’s just not.”

  “Who said anything about a relationship? The point is, while you’re in his plush, luxurious clutches, maybe find a way to take your mind off things.”

  “This is the most uncomfortable conversation I’ve ever had with you.”

  Toby rapped his knuckles against the counter. “Good! Discomfort is good.”

  “Says the guy who doesn’t have a fractured ankle.”

  But he couldn’t stop thinking of that conversation, even after the vacuuming was done and Toby left to go get things ready for the bar to open.

  Sleeping with Judah was…well, it wasn’t a realistic idea at all. For one thing, Alex wasn’t the type who just dove in to random hookups. He always wanted to be that kind of guy, because there was a certain appeal in just getting what you needed without all the extra stuff a relationship brought on…but then, he really craved the extra stuff too. The way someone might run their fingers through your hair, while your head was in their lap, the two of you watching a movie. The feel of someone curved into you in bed, their hand on your hip.

  Connection. That’s what he was looking for, more than anything. Someone to connect with. And you couldn’t get that with some kind of friends-with-benefits situation. No, that seemed like a recipe to complicate everything.

  It was all beside the point anyway, because Judah didn’t see him like that.

  Right?

  This morning had shown that. It had been the perfect setup. Oh no, I’ve walked in on you bathing…oh no, my pants fell off and now I’ve slipped onto you in the tub…oh no, now I’m accidentally ramming myself inside you, whatever shall I do?

  Ridiculous, sure. But if Judah had had any thoughts in that direction, they sure as hell hadn’t been evident. He’d helped Alex out of the tub, and then scurried off.

  Even though, for one brief second, when their faces had been close, Alex had almost thought—

  No. C’mon, no. He had to stop complicating things with these kinds of thoughts. Toby was saying he had to get his head together—so why had he brought up Judah, which only made his thoughts tangle?

  “What did you actually want to happen there?” he asked himself. Fortunately the store was empty, with no one around to hear him. He got up on his crutches, and with the step-click step-click gait he was getting used to, moved to the front of the store to look outside. “What did you think would happen, when he walked in on you? Anyway, you told him to get out after he helped you, and he did! What was he supposed to do, stand there for an hour staring at you?”

  Would it have been the worst thing in the world if he had stood there staring?

  Maybe?

  He jumped when his phone pinged, back there on the counter.

  Oh god, Judah somehow knew I was thinking about him.

  Then again:

  Oh god, is it Ian again?

  That would be worse. Far worse. He knew he had to put a stop to Ian’s messages. It’d be simple to block him…but knowing Ian, he’d take that as a challenge, and find other ways to communicate. No, he was actually going to have to talk to him, eventually. Not right this second. Eventually. Tell him to go away. Remind him of why they’d broken up.

  The thought was appalling. He’d already said everything he had to say.

  Step-click, step-click, slowly getting closer to the phone. Couldn’t he just ignore it? Close the store, lock up, go down to the Red Cat Diner for lunch, never return, just leave the phone here, unanswered for the rest of his life?

  Every step brought him closer. It had to be Ian. He knew it deep in his soul. You couldn’t get rid of a man like that.

  Half-tempted to close his eyes so he couldn’t see the screen, he lifted the phone.

  Hey, what time should we pick you up from work? Remember not to fill up on lunch, we’ve got all the chef’s leftovers for dinner tonight.

  Judah.

  The laugh burst out of him, a laugh of relief. Something normal. Amazing. A simple question with a simple answer, no thought necessary at all. He texted back that he’d close at five, just like usual, so anytime after that. Thanks again, he texted, although he wasn’t sure which part he was thanking Judah for, saving him this morning, or sending him this safe, easy message.

  His finger hovered over Judah’s name on the phone.

  To prevent future suspense, he clicked Judah, brought up his ringtones, gave him a special chime, a nice, distorted buzz that sounded like a spaceship communicator. That seemed appropriate.

  No more worrying over whether it was Judah or Ian messaging.

  He flicked back to Ian’s message.

 
Block him?

  It’d only make him worry, and once Ian got worried, he got pushy.

  But Alex didn’t want to hear any more from him.

  He hit the block button.

  Problem solved.

  12

  Judah

  “That’s the problem with you literary types!” Judah said, laughing, aiming his fork in Alex’s direction. “Admit it, you think you’re better than everybody who reads genre books. Mysteries, romances, fantasy novels. They’re just not good enough for you.”

  How had they even gotten on the topic? He couldn’t remember. The conversation tonight had simply flowed, as they ate everything they didn’t have room for last night, a sort of pleasant exhaustion providing the buzz. The whole day had been packed with last-minute preparations—they were so close now to opening, mere days away—and it felt like they had been busier this afternoon than the past few months combined.

  Liam and Mason were at the head and foot of the table respectively, like the lords of the manor looking over their great repast, leftovers packaged in foil. Alex was across from Judah, next to Noah, who was rolling his eyes.

  “You boys and your books,” Noah sighed. “Why even bother reading, if all it’s going to do is cause arguments?”

  “No, no,” laughed Liam, “let’s have a big literary argument, it makes the resort much more high-toned. Alex, defend yourself!”

  Alex had been perfectly normal. When Judah had first picked him up after work, there had been a certain tension, but it didn’t seem to be about Judah himself, judging from his body language. The awkwardness he’d feared never did materialize.

  Before Alex could answer the charge against him, Roo had other plans. She had toddled over to his chair, holding The Goose And The Goslings, one of her favorite stories. She tapped Alex with it and said, “Book?”

  He lifted her into his lap. “Book indeed. Do you like this one?”

  She touched the soft gray fuzz on the cover, meant to represent goosedown, and laughed. “Goose!”

  “Is it a good story?” Alex asked her. “How does it go?”

  At once, as a chorus, all of them—Liam, Mason, Noah and of course Judah—began reciting: “Once there was a mama goose who had sat and sat and sat on her egg day after day after day…”

  Roo clapped in delight. “Goose!”

  Alex laughed. “I see you guys have this thing memorized.”

  “We’ve read it enough,” said Judah. “Two times a night, three times a night…”

  One thing about Alex, he was good with kids. His weekly story times brought together all the babies and toddlers from town, and his voice, swooping and dramatic, made even The Goose and the Goslings sound interesting and new.

  “Honk-honk said the mother!” Alex said.

  “Honk-honk!” said Roo in response.

  When the book was over, Liam took Roo back to her booster seat. “You’re a natural at this,” he said. “Ever think of having kids of your own?”

  Alex blanched. “Me? Children? Have you seen how clumsy I am lately? I’d be lucky not to drop them all.”

  Judah was careful not to laugh. He didn’t want to remind Alex what that clumsiness had brought about this morning.

  And he didn’t want to think about this morning, while sitting at the table.

  He hoped to god he wasn’t blushing. Please, come on, don’t think about it.

  “Okay, but you never gave us your opinion on Great Literature,” he said by way of distraction, to get his thoughts away from the naked Alex looming in his mind.

  “Oh god, you’re really going to try to pin me down, aren’t you? After filling me full of rich food.”

  It felt…normal. It felt like their friendship had felt a week ago, before the accident. The weird tension had fled. Judah was so relieved.

  “Well, what is a book for?” asked Alex. “Is it for pleasure? Is it for education—or edification? Do they exist to broaden the mind, or expand the soul, or titillate the senses?”

  “When I read a book, it’s to escape,” said Judah. “I want to be somewhere else for a while. Somewhere exciting.”

  “Life isn’t exciting enough here?” asked Liam.

  “No!” answered Judah and Alex, saying the same word at the same time. Judah looked over at him, catching a quizzical look from Alex right before the expression was replaced with a smile.

  “I think escape is perfectly valid,” Alex said. “God knows, I think Mrs. Fortune is seeking an escape when she reads her mysteries. If you’ve met Mr. Fortune, you’d understand why. But it’s not the only reason people read.”

  “Right, okay,” said Judah, “but let’s be clear: You think there’s a class of books that is superior to the stuff I read, or that Mrs. Fortune reads.”

  “He’s saying you’re a snob!” Noah whispered dramatically at Alex, loud enough that everyone could hear.

  “Hell, I could’ve told you that,” said Mason. “I’ve known him since we were little. He’s always been too big for his britches.”

  Interesting phrase, thought Judah, who then had to fight to get the image of Alex’s particular bigness out of his head.

  “Sure, sure, pick on the guy with the cast,” said Alex. “But seriously, I’ve got a theory. I think genre—and I’m including literature in this—is all about what a reader wants out of a book. Mrs. Fortune wants a bit of excitement, not too much, and then a return to safety at the end, when the detective has solved the crime, the murderer gets arrested, and the world gets back to normal. You, Judah, I think you want to plunge into another world, something that really works your brain, and that has an end that you find exciting and unexpected. You want a sense of surprise.”

  Judah shrugged. “Yeah, that’s fair.”

  “And what I want… Maybe it’s a little harder to describe, which is why there’s not quite such a clear market for it. I want a voice. I want an author whose words I’ll recognize from a mile away. Someone whose style is so distinct that it’s not like reading anyone else on earth. And that’s not easy! God knows I’ve put down plenty of books that tried. Maybe the writer was thinking all he had to do was be extra-weird in his descriptions, or layer on the poetic language, something like that. But you know literature when you see it. Or, rather, when you hear it. All about the voice. That encounter with a mind that is so keen, so individual—”

  The pinging interrupted him, and his eyes widened.

  Judah, leaning over the table getting ready to argue further with him over books, felt a sudden concern. Alex looked…worried. He brought his phone out and looked at it.

  His face paled.

  “I… I need a minute, please.”

  “Everything okay?” asked Judah.

  Alex started to shake his head, then nodded instead. He reached for his crutches. “Just a few minutes. I’ll be back.”

  But he didn’t come back. The family shared concerned glances over the table, and finally Mason rose. “Maybe I should check on him.”

  “No!” said Judah, louder than he meant to. “I mean…I can check.”

  “Why can’t Mason?” asked Liam.

  He realized everyone was looking at him.

  He also recognized the dawning realization in their eyes.

  The little smiles that flickered on their faces made him want to crawl under the table and die.

  “Anything you want to tell us?” asked Liam.

  “What? No, of course not, why would there be?”

  But then his brother turned to Mason and Noah. “He came running out of Alex’s bathroom this morning, blushing like a ripe tomato.”

  Mason clicked his tongue. “Ah.”

  “What?” said Judah. “No ah, there’s no ah involved, nobody just discovered anything—”

  “I’ve said for a long time that Judah and Alex should get together,” said Noah.

  “You’ve never said that in your life!”

  “In my heart I’ve said it, then.”

  “Oh my god!” said Judah, sinking back
into his chair.

  “It’s perfect, if you think about it,” said Noah. “Two nerds bound by their love of reading and…um…corduroy.”

  “Kill me now,” groaned Judah.

  “Wait, didn’t you say you had a crush on Alex?” said Liam.

  “First off, that was weeks ago. Second, it was a platonic friend-crush. Third, oh my god, Liam, why would you bring that up in front of people?”

  Noah blinked in recognition. “No, he’s right, you told me the same thing.”

  Mason nodded. “That explains all the skittishness. So does that mean you and him—”

  “It doesn’t mean anything,” Judah said. “And even if it did, Mason, you were the one telling me to be careful around him.”

  Noah sang out, “Judah’s got a boyyyy-friend, Judah’s got a boyyyyyy-friend,” at least until Judah threw a dinner roll at him.

  “Shh! He’ll hear you!” He picked up the sugar bowl, hefting it in his hand.

  “We haven’t had a food fight in fifteen years,” said Liam, taking the bowl from Judah. “Surely we can get through this conversation without devolving into one.”

  “What’s the point of having best friends if you can’t gossip about their love lives?” asked Noah innocently.

  Defeated, Judah slumped further down. “I saw him. In the bath. Naked.”

  “Ooh la la!” cried Noah, but lowered his voice to a whisper at the sharp looks from the other three men.

  “Guys, I don’t know what to do. I know he doesn’t like me like that. I get it. But I don’t… I don’t know how to talk to him. I don’t even know how to look at him. I feel like I just need to lie in a tub of ice for the next week or two, to calm myself down and act normal again.”

  “You never acted normal in the first place,” said Noah helpfully.

  Judah ignored this. “Every time I see him, he needs something, and I feel more like a nurse than a friend. And he doesn’t like that. I know he doesn’t. He’s so self-reliant. He wants to do everything himself. If I could figure out how to stop trying to help…”