by Rachel Kane
But he had come to suck this cock, and that’s exactly what he planned to do. Judah gasped when Alex’s lips touched him. He started to say something, but Alex looked up at him and shook his head. In fact, he kept looking up at him, eyes locked, as he worked his way down Judah’s thick shaft.
How were you hiding this thing from me all this time? All those conversations at the store, hanging out, talking about books, and you had this monster lurking in your pants?
Judah’s cock thrust all words from Alex’s mind, though. His hips moved seemingly of their own volition, pushing himself forward, forcing more of him into Alex’s mouth, a welcome sensation, filling him up so there was no room for any thought, any self-recrimination. It was freedom, pure freedom.
“I can’t— I can’t—” Judah’s words came out in shallow breaths, and Alex knew he was close, desperately close. His hands reached around to clutch Judah’s ass, to feel those muscular globes as they tensed beneath his fingers, pressing forward, Judah’s body eager to deliver its load right into Alex’s mouth.
And when it happened, it was like the entire world was blotted out. He could hear Judah, could feel and taste him, and nothing else in the entire universe made its way in. His friend filled his mouth so full and so fast that in surprise, he came up off Judah’s cock, only to find it was still fully loaded, still pouring out cum, splashing it onto Alex’s face and shirt, and the minute he swallowed, as fast as he could, he got his mouth back on Judah, eager not to waste a single drop.
When Judah’s breath finally eased and quieted, his cock slipped out of Alex’s mouth, and he collapsed next to Alex on the bed.
“I think…” started Judah.
Alex kissed him to shut him up, but even as his cum-stained lips touched Judah’s, he could hear and taste the words of his friend as he said:
“I think we need to talk.”
14
Judah
“I don’t think we do,” said Alex, pulling Judah atop him. “Why should we talk? I know what you want.”
“Do you? Because I sure as hell don’t.”
“Are you kidding? I can feel you, Judah. Right there, between my legs. You’re getting hard all over again.”
It was true; his body was going a lot faster than his mind. Judah’s mind was still saying Whoa, this is very abrupt and sudden and much too quick and shouldn’t we plan this out and—
There were few moments in Judah’s life when he could remember being this bewildered. One minute he was going to apologize to Alex for not listening, for being a fixer rather than a listener…and the next, he was receiving his first blowjob?
As firsts go, this one had been amazing. His whole body thrummed. He wanted more. Infinitely more. It was like the first bite of an ice cream sandwich, the first potato chip out of the bag; he had to have a second, a third.
The fact that it was Alex of all people just made it that much more amazing. Startling, yes. Unexpected, definitely. Not that Judah had anything to compare it to, but Alex’s tongue had been expert, seeming to already know every inch of Judah, every millimeter, every nerve ending, until he’d been helpless in Alex’s hands and mouth.
And yet.
But.
Still.
“Shouldn’t we… I mean, don’t we have to…”
“Listen,” said Alex. “I don’t want to get into any details here, but I’m going through something, all right? And I think the best thing for it, is…well, this. Just this.”
“But what is this?”
“It’s sex. Do I need to pull out a dictionary?”
“I just mean… We’re friends.”
“I know. That’s what makes it work. I’m not sure I could do this with a stranger.”
Alex was pulling off his shirt. Judah was embarrassed to see the front of it, soaking wet from his orgasm. Except, why was he embarrassed? None of this was shameful. Something was happening, something he didn’t understand, but did he have to understand it? Why couldn’t he just go with it?
Because that phone conversation sounded like a problem, and I feel like I have to solve it.
Which was exactly the opposite of what he was supposed to be doing. He was supposed to listen.
But that required talking. Not scrambling out of clothes. Yet scrambling was exactly what was happening. He found himself standing, kicking his jeans down off his ankles, and then helping Alex, who was trying to get his pants over his cast, but he was going to hurt himself if he rushed like that, even with the pants leg split up the side.
“Here, let me,” he said. “Unless you’re going to get mad that I’m helping you undress.”
“Do you ever stop talking?” Alex lay back on the bed. All he had left was his boxers, and they were tented up.
I know what’s under there. I’ve seen it.
What a strange feeling, to know something about someone’s cock.
The problem with being a virgin is that when everything is a first, you want to stop and think about it all. First kiss? Think. First blow? Think. But Alex was driving all the thoughts right out of his head, tugging at Judah to come back, to lie next to him.
“Now listen,” Alex said. “I hate to be this obvious and straightforward, but I need you to fuck me. Will you do that for me?”
“Oh my god,” said Judah. “You can’t just…ask me that!”
“Please don’t turn this into a thing,” Alex said. “Just put that inside me. That’s all you have to do. I’ll do the rest. You want to lie on your back, I’ll be on top, that’s fine, as long as you come in me. That’s what I need right now.”
“But shouldn’t we—”
“I promise you that we can talk about this later. We’ll talk for as long as you want. Hours, if you want to. But right now… Come on. I can see you want this. It’s as plain as the cock you’re waving at me.”
The thing was, it was absolutely true. Judah wanted Alex right now, more than anything. He was feasting his eyes on the sight of him, lean and beautiful, Alex stroking his own cock through his boxers, reaching inside to squeeze himself, looking up at Judah with a mix of anticipation and hunger that would not be denied.
He knew the right thing to do was pause.
He knew that.
He also knew he couldn’t bear to wait.
This was so unexpected, so new, that he felt like he might come again just standing here staring down at him.
“Yeah, okay,” he said, his voice dissolving into a laugh, “you’re right.”
“I’m pretty sure I saw rubbers in the bathroom,” Alex said.
“We are a full-service resort,” said Judah, rushing into the bathroom, cock swaying painfully. He had stocked many of these shelves himself, knew exactly which basket (marked Hygiene) to look in.
What kind? They had latex and silicone…was Alex allergic to latex? Should he poke his head back through the door and ask? No, no. How many did he need? How many did normal people use? He had no idea. So he brought the whole basket in and dumped it onto the bed.
Alex laughed. “You’ve got big plans, I see.” But before Judah could answer—especially before he could protest—Alex had grabbed his shaft again, pulling Judah forward. He ripped open one of the condom packets and drew out the translucent latex. Not allergic, then, thought Judah.
Then slowly—agonizingly—Alex began to roll it down Judah’s shaft. Judah was so sensitive, the thing was almost wasted, filled with cum before he could even get inside Alex. But he managed to restrain himself.
For now.
“I’ve never…”
“I know,” said Alex. “I’ll show you how. It’s easier than you think.”
Truth was, Judah was practically petrified.
He’d watched videos, of course. He knew how porn stars did it, at least. How they pushed and thrusted.
But just because you watch people ballroom dance in a movie, doesn’t mean you can suddenly waltz. What you see, and what your body is able to do, are two different things, and he found himself consumed wit
h worry. What if he came too soon, before Alex was ready? What if he didn’t move the right way? What if—
Without warning, Alex shoved him down onto the bed. “Stop worrying,” he said.
“I’m not—”
“Yes, you are. And it’s charming, in a way. But just lie there. I can do the work.”
Alex climbed over Judah, his cast carefully placed beside Judah’s thigh. He watched Alex think for a moment, adjusting his weight so he would not hurt his leg. Satisfied, he let himself down on his arms, until he and Judah were face-to-face.
“Are you ready?”
In one sense, Judah wasn’t ready at all. There were whole volumes of conversations and clarifications and disputations he wanted to make, to contextualize this confusing and amazing thing that was happening to him right now.
On the other hand, he’d never been more ready for anything in his life. Things had moved so quickly from unattainable fantasy to absolutely real that his head was spinning, but oh yes, he was ready for it.
When Alex lowered himself, Judah gritted his teeth at the delicious agony of it. Alex’s hand guided his cock, although the way Judah felt, he didn’t need a guide, a map, anything. All roads led to that ass. The ass he had sneaked glances at back at the bookstore. The ass he had held onto when saving Alex from the tub.
There was a moment when he felt like his cock was hitting a wall. In that split-second he was worried he did need a map, that maybe he was in the wrong spot—but then Alex grinned, and flexed, and before he knew it, he was inside.
A tighter grip than he had ever felt in his life.
More than his own feelings, what struck him was Alex’s reaction, the shuddering breath, the rapture in his eyes. Alex might have been self-reliant in a million different ways, but his fiery gaze said that for this one thing, he needed Judah, and only Judah would do. Alex’s fingertips trailed down his cheek, down his jaw, an unexpected tenderness given the raw lust being expressed right now. Equally unexpected was the kiss, at first light, the kiss of a feather, but then growing in warmth and passion until Alex seemed to be stealing Judah’s very life and breath from his lips.
It was nothing like Judah had expected. Nothing could have prepared him for this. A lifetime of frustrated fantasy, pleasuring himself with his hand, had taught him only a localized joy, everything focused on just one body part. But what Alex was doing to him seemed to inflame his entire body. It wasn’t just where cock met ass, where squeezing muscle met hard shaft. It wasn’t just fucking. He could feel this everywhere. In the way Alex’s knees pressed against his flanks, holding him in place. In the way their chests touched, a thin layer of sweat slicking them. The way their lips connected them.
There were so many objections, so many reasons this couldn’t happen between them, couldn’t happen now, but his brain struggled to grasp onto any one of them, when the slow rhythms of Alex’s hips set up a steady drum-beat that cast out all rationality, all argument.
This was good.
This was right.
This is all he had ever wanted to do.
Yet because they were friends, because he cared, he worried about Alex. How would Alex get off? Should he— Couldn’t he— But he needn’t have worried. Alex’s cock was rock-hard between them, pressed between their flat bellies, dripping with anticipatory pleasure, his precum mixing with their mutual sweat. Alex wasn’t missing a thing with this. And his long groan as his hips began a cyclical dance proved it.
The speed of these thrusts increased, and Judah lifted his hips to join them, out of control of his own body, caught up in the music of their movement. It was a dance, and Alex was setting the rhythm, now with his eyes closed, his lower lip clasped between his teeth, a look of the most urgent need gripping his features, and Judah wanted to fulfill that need, to give him something he would remember, something he would treasure, a moment they could share together, and without thinking about it, without consciously going through all the steps first as he might’ve done with literally anything else in his life, his hands found Alex’s hips and began guiding them to his own internal rhythm, his own need, understanding now that whatever he took from Alex, he was giving back as well, so when he shoved himself upward to feel his entire length gripped in Alex’s ass, he was also driving Alex closer to the point of no return.
And once that line was crossed, the outcome was as certain and inevitable as it was anxiously desired, a moment of almost-fear, of not quite knowing what was beyond the line, and suddenly the point rushed in on him and he cried out, except he could not tell if it was his voice or Alex’s, because Alex’s mouth was open in a long moan, and his eyes stared right down into Judah’s, and the moment they shared was a mutual explosion, a devastating eruption that ripped the very fabric of reality until there was nothing left but Alex, Alex, Alex, and a wave of absolute joy.
Time, science taught, was relative, and was intimately tied to the speed of one’s travel. Judah couldn’t tell if he had lain in Alex’s arms for an hour or a century, his face buried in his friend’s sweaty throat, soft kisses tasting the salt of his skin.
Eventually thought began to intrude. Thought, then words, then entire questions.
“Alex…”
“I know. Trust me, I know.”
“We’re going to have to talk about this.”
“Nah, we’re good,” Alex said.
Judah laughed. “We’re good? We? We’re a we?”
Alex pushed himself up onto one elbow. “Don’t overthink things, Judah.”
“I mean, when one of my best friends practically throws me onto the bed and makes love to me—”
“Oh god, makes love? What is this, 1983?”
“Fine, we made the beast with two backs.”
Alex blinked. “I wouldn’t have figured you for a Shakespeare reference kind of guy.”
“Is that Shakespeare?”
“It’s from Othello.”
“The game with the little black and white pieces?”
Alex gave a dramatically exasperated sigh and fell back. “What have I done? I’ve corrupted an illiterate. Look, Judah, can’t we just have this moment without thinking about it too much?”
“I mean, I can’t even drink a glass of milk without overthinking it.”
But it wasn’t only Judah who was getting tangled up in his thoughts. It was clear something was bothering Alex, too. Judah tried to run down the possibilities: That he’d left Alex unsatisfied somehow (well, Judah had come twice compared to Alex’s once, but that once had been a doozy). That Alex had thought this would be a good idea but was now having second thoughts (Judah found himself gripped with guilt over that one). That this was just something Alex did, casual sex with friends, just sleeping around with the various guys he knew (and for some reason that was like an ogre’s broadsword straight into Judah’s heart, and he had to pray that it wasn’t true).
He had promised himself he would listen instead of trying to butt in and help, but how do you listen, if someone won’t explain what’s going on inside their heads?
“Maybe I should go?” he said, not intending it as a question, yet it hung there between them.
Alex reached down between Judah’s legs and caressed him. “If you want to. Go get some rest. I know you’re a busy guy these days. But Judah…seriously. Quit worrying. This was good. This was really, really good.”
“Is it…” He hated the hesitation in his voice, the uncertainty. Worse, the need. “Is it going to happen again?”
Alex laughed. “Do you want it to happen again?”
“Hell yes I do! But I don’t know if you do. And I don’t know what it means. Are we like…together now?”
“Come on, don’t complicate things,” Alex said. “We’re just two single guys, two good friends. We both needed something. We might need it again tomorrow. We might not. Who can say?”
That wasn’t at all the kind of answer Judah needed, but he sensed it was the only kind Alex was going to give him.
15
; Alex
If the plan had been to clear his mind, then it had failed miserably. If anything, his mind was more cluttered than ever.
He could’ve used a busy morning at the shop. Customers streaming in with tons of complaints and questions. He would’ve even taken Mrs. Fortune, hemming and hawing over the next book she’d read, over the silence in the store, a silence which left no obstacles to his rambling thoughts.
A book was open in front of him. The Bostonians. Henry James again. But instead of sinking into the text, his mind seemed to glance off it, skating over the surface. He could barely get past the first lines:
"Olive will come down in about ten minutes; she told me to tell you that. About ten; that is exactly like Olive. Neither five nor fifteen, and yet not ten exactly, but either nine or eleven. She didn't tell me to say she was glad to see you, because she doesn't know whether she is or not, and she wouldn't for the world expose herself to telling a fib. She is very honest, is Olive Chancellor; she is full of rectitude. Nobody tells fibs in Boston; I don't know what to make of them all. Well, I am very glad to see you, at any rate."
That was the way his brain was working this morning. Neither nine or eleven, five or fifteen. A mad scramble of ideas, none of which his attention could grab onto for any length of time.
Last night was supposed to be, above all else, simple.
He had been angry at Ian. An anger fueled by embarrassment, at being seen yet again as someone who needed help. So he would use his body to work out the anger. Use Judah’s body as well.
