by Lily Light
Before I could walk away in a huff, Noah grabbed my arm. Just his touch made me remember the dirty night we had in Vegas. My cock definitely jolted awake.
“I want to. Let’s go to that sandwich place you like,” he said. “Give me five minutes, I’ll put on some pants.”
Minutes later, we left my apartment. We started for the sandwich place. I lifted my hand to the afternoon light, looking at my wedding band.
I didn’t know why I kept doing this all the time. The ring was a prop, that was all. Sometimes, when I was alone in my room, I’d become aware that only a wall divided me from Noah.
Would it be that bad if I slipped out of my bed and into his?I lowered my hand, silently shaking my head. That was definitely a bad idea. Sex between us had been explosive.
I couldn’t remember all of what happened that night but I did remember how he was able to make my entire body sing in pleasure.
“There you go again, thinking deep thoughts. Care to share?”
I shook my head and lied. “Just thinking about work stuff.”
We finally entered Skinny Sliders. At this time of the day, the sandwich place swarming with the lunch crowd. We managed to find an unoccupied table.
“Tell me what you want, I’ll order for us,” he said.
I told him exactly what I wanted and about fifteen minutes later, he returned with our orders. We chowed down. Noah was clearly hungry as I was because we spent the next few minutes scarfing down our sandwiches.
“Tell me about your job,” he said, sipping his soda.
“What?” I asked, puzzled. “You’re interested in knowing about what I do?”
Parker had always appeared bored whenever I mentioned my job. Then again, Parker was a tool who liked to hear himself talk. I loved that man once, I thought to myself. Where were these feelings of animosity coming from?
Oh. I knew exactly where. During the last seven days, Noah and I had been living together he’d been nothing but thoughtful, respectful of my privacy.
It wasn’t like we were walking on broken glass or anything like that. We simply found a kind of rhythm which surprisingly worked for both of us.
“Of course I am, I want to know everything about you.”
“Well,” I started, scratching the back of my head. “I usually design ads, banners whatever my clients need for their businesses. They’re usually small start-ups, although I do some work for two big companies.”
“That’s amazing, Ryan.”
“There’s nothing special about what I do. Plenty of people work as freelancers in this day and age.” I paused. I avoided asking Noah about how his job search was going because I wanted to give him space. I remembered he seemed bitter about losing his job from our conversation in Vegas. “What about you?”
“Me?”
“Have you always wanted to be an accountant? Because you don’t look like a typical accountant.”
I eyed his muscles bunching under his shirt appreciatively, letting the heat show in my eyes. What in God’s name was I doing? I was openly flirting with Noah and he seemed to like it.
“Why? Do you know many accountants?” He asked.
I shook my head. “I just have this stereotypical impression accountants aren’t as physically built like you and they certainly don’t have a ton of tattoos.”
That comment made him chuckle. “You know I was wild in my youth.”
Yeah, I did know. That was the reason I had a mega crush on him when I was a teenager. Then again, there was a reason for Noah going off the rails back then. His dad had passed away, killed by a drunk driver. If I were in his shoes, I would’ve rebelled, too.
It made me remember that despite my initial and truthfully ill-founded animosity towards Noah, we’ve known each other for a long time. I’d known him through my brother, who always told me about his and Noah’s exploits over the years.
“But yeah, I do like my job. I’m pretty good with numbers,” he told me.
“How’s the search coming along?” I asked. Screw it. I really wanted to know how he was doing.
“I’ve got a call back earlier to come in for an interview,” he said.
I remembered he did step inside his bedroom for a few moments to answer a call.
“Noah, that’s great news.” I gushed.
He shrugged. “It doesn’t mean I got the job right away. There’s plenty of young new grads looking to join an accounting firm.”
“Don’t make yourself sound old.” I didn’t realize losing his job had put Noah’s confidence at an all-time low. “You have experience under your belt.”
“You’re right,” he finally said. “Thanks, Ryan. Talking to you cheered me up. I’ve been in this funk for what felt like forever. I’ve been with my last company for five years. When they let me go, it was a shock.”
“They just didn’t know how to appreciate you. You’re better off somewhere else, a firm that recognizes your talent.”
He grinned. “Numbers aren’t the only things I’m good at, you know.”
Then he winked at me and this time, I nearly gave into that magnetic smile. Butterflies lingered in my belly. God, I hated using that term but it was true. Every single time Noah flashed me that megawatt grin, I practically melted like butter.
Hell, I wanted to lean in close and steal a kiss from him at that moment. Payback for the kiss he stole from me in the kitchen. Except I wouldn’t just plant it on his cheek.
Get yourself together, I reminded myself. I was on a rebound. My heart was still too raw, too scarred from Parker’s betrayal. Starting anything with Noah wasn’t the best idea in the world, given our already complicated situation.
“No sex, remember?” I said in a firm voice.
There. I placed my foot firmly down.
“Aw. Oh well, mark my words. Sooner or later, you’ll cave.” He wagged a finger at me.
We left the sandwich place and took the subway. We had our park walk, not speaking much. The quiet between us wasn’t awkward.
We simply walked in companionable silence for a little while. This was nice. The sun felt warm on my face. Being outside and around nature, cleared my mind.
Noah’s broad shoulders occasionally brushed against mine. I was tempted to run my fingers down his arm and found I did exactly that.
Noah didn’t bring up my silly rules. He looked thoughtful, handsome under the afternoon light. It made me wonder, not for the first time, how it was like if we were married.
I found myself imagining us sleeping in the same bed. His face was the first thing I’d see in the morning and his big body, wrapped around mine.
I pushed away that painful image from my head because I remembered Noah was a player. Once this fake marriage was over, we’d go back to where we both started.
Single and unhappy, or at least I’d be unhappy. Noah would probably have a new boy toy in his arm in no time at all.
Except I wasn’t imagining Noah telling me he remembered everything about me. He genuinely cared about me, or at the very least I’d like to believe that.
“What’s wrong?” He asked as if he could sense the change in my mood.
“Nothing.”
I wanted to tell him everything, to find out if he felt anything real for me. I decided to keep my mouth shut because I didn’t want to get hurt again.
“Liar,” he said softly but he didn’t push.
I stopped touching him. Our walk back was a little awkward, a little tense and it was all my fault.
6
Noah
Ten Years Ago
“Hey, man where are you going?” Jordan asked, putting a hand on my chest.
I was making way towards the stairs that would lead to second floor of the Hall’s family home in the Hamptons. It was off-limits to the rest of the party-goers but not to me.
Bile rose in my throat. I nearly hurled over my best friend's favorite AC/DC shirt but I managed to hold myself back this time.
“Bathroom,” I managed to whisper.
The noise coming from downstairs made my ears hurt. Three days ago, I thought holding a party at Jordan’s house was a brilliant idea.
Now? Not so much. One of our friends bought the keg. I couldn’t remember who. My memories were fuzzy at this point. All I wanted to do was throw up, then lie down somewhere quiet. Someplace far away from the rest of the party.
“You know where it is.” Jordan threw me a look of sympathy. “I better head back downstairs.”
We both cringed when we heard something breaking in the living room.
“Go.” I waved him off. “I’ll be fine on my own.”
I wasn’t worried about Jordan. Once the party-goers had left it’d be up to us to clean up—and Ryan, if he was in the mood to help.
That reminded me, I hadn’t seen Ryan all night. Was he avoiding me on purpose? After Jordan left me to my devices, I stumbled towards the bathroom. At least that was where I thought I was going.
“Hey, Noah. Fancy seeing you here. You need to use the bathroom, too?” Purred a familiar voice.
I winced, seeing Brad. He and I fooled around a few months ago. I’ve been avoiding him ever since I found out he’d been seeing two other guys without telling me.
I mean, I’m not a relationship material either, but I couldn’t believe I nearly asked this guy to be my boyfriend. God. Something was definitely wrong with me. It was hard to picture myself being with Brad.
On the outside, he was perfect. Blond. Straight white teeth. Trust fund kid. He also knew how to give amazing head, but he was self-absorbed as they came.
“Let me pass or I’ll hurl all over you.” I wasn’t lying.
My threat didn’t seem to sink in because he sauntered towards me. Brad placed a hand on my chest. He was about to kiss me I think, but he must’ve smelled the alcohol on my breath.
“You’ve been drinking,” he said. I thought that would finally make him back off but he only smirked at me. “Good.”
Why was that good? Brad had that look in his eyes that told me he wouldn’t mind taking advantage of me in my inebriated state.
“Uh, no Brad. That’s definitely not a good thing.” I tried to worm my way out of this situation but he blocked my way. “Excuse me, I need to go to the bathroom.”
Brad pushed me towards the closest door. “What about I suck your dick instead?”
“What? No.”
He gave me another shove. That was how I ended up sprawled and groaning inside Ryan’s bathroom. Ryan looked at me wide-eyed. Brad and I had interrupted him while he was studying.
Unlike Jordan and me, Ryan didn’t possess a single wicked bone in his body. He was really a good guy and damn, he was hot.
I knew it was wrong to think of Ryan that way. He was Jordan’s kid brother after all. The three of us practically grew up together.
He used to follow us all the time back when we were kids. Back then, I just saw him as Jordan’s annoying kid brother. But Ryan was now eighteen. I shouldn’t want, much less look at him the way I’ve been doing now.
“Hey there, sexy,” I slurred and winced.
“Are you drunk?” He demanded.
I didn’t miss the way he looked me up and down. Ryan definitely liked what he saw. It didn’t matter I was drunk.
“Hey, don’t forget about me.” Brad whined, pawing at my shirt. I tried batting him away but he started kissing my neck.
“I’m studying. Why don’t you and your boyfriend take this somewhere else?” Ryan demanded.
“He’s not my anything,” I blurted. “Brad, shoo. I need a word with Jordan.”
“But I want your dick in me.” Brad insisted.
Damn it. I was making a bad impression on Ryan.
“Uh. Why don’t you wait downstairs? Get us both a beer. I’ll be right behind you,” I told Brad.
Brad pouted. “Promise?”
“Yup.” I lied.
With that, I managed to usher him out of Ryan’s room, leaving me alone with Jordan’s seething younger brother.
“What are you still doing here?” He demanded.
“Well, I figured,” I began, then halted, unsure what to say.
Three years had passed since he confessed he had a crush on me. Back then, he’d been 15, too young and too pure for the likes of me.
Now, I was starting to see a different side of Ryan. Him, I could definitely picture being with. Last I heard from Jordan, Ryan had recently broken up with his boyfriend Todd.
“What did you figure out?” He asked, nearing me.
“I want to kiss you,” I told him bluntly.
He widened his eyes. “What? You must be joking. Aren’t you with that guy?”
“No, we’re not even a thing. Just fooled around a little while but he can’t seem to understand I’ve moved on.”
Explaining matters only made the situation worse. Ryan crossed his arms.
“Fooling around. That’s what you're good at, right?”
“Ouch, man. That hurts. Come on. Surely you’ve wondered what it would feel like kissing me. Am I wrong?”
I cupped his cheek at this point and he swallowed, staring at me intently.
“One kiss wouldn’t hurt,” he whispered.
That was right. I was going to make Ryan mine, I decided. I’ve regretted turning him down all those years ago. It was a good thing we were both adults now.
“I’ve been thinking about doing this forever,” I told him.
“Me too. Noah, I love you. I loved you for the longest time,” He said.
In the back of my mind, it occured to me Ryan was baring his heart to me again. This time, I was going to treasure the gift he gave me. The gift of trust.
Ryan closed his eyes. I leaned in close. My stomach protested. I bent over, intending to run out of his room. Too late.
I gagged, then threw up all over his dirty white sneakers. Ryan stared at me, shock reflected in his eyes. Then it quickly turned to horror, then loathing.
“Get out,” he said with a snarl.
Well shit. I just blew my one chance. I didn’t know how the hell was I going to salvage this.
Present
By the time we returned to Ryan’s place, it was two in the afternoon. During the walk back, my mind kept returning to that awful night ten years ago. Ryan hadn’t forgiven me for humiliating him all those years ago.
Despite how many times I told him it was never intentional, he never believed me. Ryan put up a wall of ice between us. Today, I almost put a dent in that wall of his. Almost.
“I’ve got more work to do,” he grumbled.
Ryan returned to the kitchen counter.
“I’ll leave you to it,” I said.
Since I didn’t want to disturb him, I headed back to my room. I took off my shirt and jeans and lay down in bed just wearing my boxers. I placed a hand over my forehead and closed my eyes.
I’ve sent out my share of resumes today. Jordan was still at work but maybe we could meet up tonight. It felt like ages since we hung out. Then I remembered Jordan and I were still on the outs.
“This sucks,” I murmured to the empty room.
I was making zero progress with Ryan. I had only one job interview lined up and oh. My best friend hated me. What ill luck. I thought back to our lunch date. No matter what Ryan said, I still considered our little outing our first date.
I’d been amazed by how easy and comfortable it felt being around Ryan. I wanted to get to know him a little better. To dig deep but would Ryan let me?
My track record when it came to dating was horrible, I had to admit. If Ryan gave me, us a chance, then I was going to make sure I wouldn’t screw things up.
I remembered our night in Vegas, how he rode my dick like a bucking cowboy. Now that image was hot. I slid my hand down my body. I drew my boxers down and closed my fingers over my dick.
I stroked myself to the erotic fantasy of Ryan a
bove me, riding me like some kind of bull rider. Drunk Ryan said plenty of hot and filthy things as well.
“God, I love your dick,” he told me that night. “Next, I want you to fuck me into the mattress. Please?”
The ‘please’ had undone me. Ryan was demanding in the bedroom but I didn’t mind giving him whatever he wanted.
I worked my prick faster, imagining Ryan on his knees, ready to receive my cock down his throat. Ryan on all fours, wagging his sexy ass at me. An open invitation.
My balls tightened against my body. I was close to bursting. I remembered how he screamed out my name afterward. His voice sounded like music to my ears. That did the trick. I groaned, spilling my load into my waiting fingers.
“Um, Noah?” Ryan asked.
That sounded like the real him, and not the Ryan in my daydreams.
I froze, my hand still wrapped around my dick. Ryan stood by the doorway, his entire face red. He was holding his laptop. Ryan’s gaze dipped towards my dick, then he moved it back up to my face.
“How long have you been standing there? I didn’t hear the door open,” I said.
I didn’t get embarrassed easily. I wondered if I should tell Ryan that I climaxed to the memory of our night in Vegas. On second thought, that might only make things between us even more awkward.
“I didn’t realize you were busy. I wanted to ask if you’re able to get any wifi signal. I think the router’s acting up again,” he said.
“Right. Let me wash up. I can help you with that.” I offered. “We probably just need to reset the router, like last time.”
“No, it’s cool. I think it’s alright now. Um bye and again, I’m sorry,” he blurted.
Ryan then ran out of my room like it was on fire. Huh, I thought. I almost asked him if he wanted to join me. I hadn’t imagined the erection he sported for me.
I wondered how long had he been watching me. The last few minutes? The entire time maybe? Either way, I could use his embarrassment to my advantage.
Maybe I could get him to agree to go out with me. I was confident that one night with me and we’d end up in bed again.
