“Not my problem. Talk to the chief hospitality officer.”
“Great! I will. Just one question.”
“Yes?”
“Who’s the chief hospitality officer?”
Burlock glowered. “Lieutenant Commander Kellybean.”
“Right. Okay, cool cool. Thanks. I’ll go see her.” Leo looked around the empty lobby. “So, uh… one more thing, actually. Where can I find Lieutenant Commander Kellyb—”
Leo squeaked as Burlock thumped a metal hand on his chest and clamped down on his shirt. He shuffled his feet and tried to stay upright as the Ba’lux ogre dragged him across the room and tossed him through an open door. Leo staggered into a cluttered office and crashed into a stack of boxes.
“Ah! You must be Captain Leo,” a bright voice purred.
Leo whipped around to see a petite young woman standing at a large holoscreen interface, gazing at him with reflective yellow eyes. She was a felinoid from the cat planet Gellico, dressed in a pale blue uniform blouse and a crisp khaki skirt. Her fur was silky and white, streaked with light gray stripes that raked back from her face through the shoulder-length bob of her hair.
Burlock nodded. “Lieutenant Commander Kellybean.”
“Thanks for the introduction,” Leo grumbled.
The cat woman approached and extended a balled paw. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir. I’ve been expecting you.”
Leo bumped her fist with his own. “You have?”
She nodded enthusiastically. “Of course! Before we depart I need to brief you on the status of the hospitality department. We’ll have to go over the hotel operations and casino audit, and review the final embarkation plans and customs clearances.”
“Dang,” Leo said. “You do all of that?”
Kellybean smiled and shrugged. “If you’re keeping score, I also have a level-one engineering certification. You know what they say about my people.” She flicked her tail proudly. “Gellicles can and Gellicles do.”
Burlock glowered. “You ladies have fun. I gotta get to the bridge and prepare the crew for launch.”
“Wait, shouldn’t I be there for that?” Leo asked.
“You can be there when you can open the damn door.”
The first officer marched away without a backwards glance. Leo frowned and slumped against the stack of boxes. “I don’t think he likes me.”
Kellybean giggled. “Don’t take it personally. He doesn’t like anybody.”
Her smile eased Leo’s jitters. “Hey, before we get to all the other stuff you just said… it looks like my tabloyd wasn’t set up right.” He pulled the band off his wrist. “Burlock said you could fix it.”
“Hmm. Let me take a look.” Kellybean took the device from Leo and stuck it into a slot in the top of her desk. The tabloyd appeared in the interface of her holoscreen and she nodded. “Oh wow, yeah. There’s nothing on there. But I can take care of that.” She cracked her furry knuckles. “This is perfect. I need to go over the final cruise itinerary with you anyway. Have you had a chance to review it?”
“I have not, actually.” Leo squirmed. “I’m kinda coming into this at the last minute.”
Kellybean nodded at the stack of unpacked boxes. “Same. To be honest, I was surprised to get the call.” Her expression sobered. “I didn’t expect to ever work for WTF again after what happened on the Opulera.”
Leo blinked. “What happened on the Opulera?”
Kellybean’s whiskers twitched. “You don’t know?”
“I don’t.”
“Ah. Well. It’s not important. It won’t happen again. I promise.” She forced a smile and turned back to her screen, pulling up a seven-day grid. “Let’s get you up to speed on the itinerary, shall we?”
“Seriously though, what happened—”
“Day one. AKA, today,” Kellybean interrupted. “After we finish loading in the passengers, we’ll do the Bon Voyage Show and then let everyone settle in before your Captain’s Welcome Dinner in the formal dining room.”
“Okay, but…” Leo’s heart clenched. “Wait, ‘Captain’s Welcome Dinner’? I’m the captain. Do I have to organize that?”
Kellybean waved a paw. “Don’t worry. It’s all taken care of. I planned the whole menu myself, from appetizer to dessert. All you need to do is show up and look pretty.”
Leo rubbed his stubbly chin. “I can manage that. I think.”
The hospitality chief swiped the day-one itinerary onto Leo’s tabloyd and moved on to the next block. “Day two. Tomorrow we’ll be making our first stop for a beach excursion on Halii Bai, then we’ll loop out into deep space to see the Blue Hole. I set up an evening concert on the deck as we cruise by the gravity well. Should be a lot of fun.” She transferred it to Leo’s device. “Any questions so far?”
“Just one.”
“Shoot,” Kellybean said with a smile.
“What happened on the Opulera?”
The Gellicle frowned. “Let’s just say I left my previous position for personal reasons.”
“Is that true?” Leo asked.
“It’s not not true,” Kellybean said. “But there’s no sense in dwelling on the past, right? We have a super fun cruise ahead of us. Check out day three!” She smiled and turned back to her screen. “We’ll be stopping on Nyja for a hiking excursion to the ancient ruins and a wildlife safari. It’s the perfect time of year for it. The gazellephants should be in full plumage.”
Kellybean enthusiastically chattered through pages of tour guide profiles and trail-use waivers and images of weird, feathered pachyderms, clearly trying to put as much distance between herself and Leo’s questions as possible. Leo’s eyes fell to the box on the top of the stack next to him. It was full of awards—trophies and medals and plaques, all awarded by WTF to Kellybean. Under it all, something was moving.
“Then on day four I’ve got us set up for a skiing trip on the ice giant Osisi,” Kellybean said. “This one is always a challenge to negotiate, but totally worth it.”
She droned on as she focused on her screen, swiping through tables of resort fees and liability policies. Leo kept an eye on her as he carefully reached into the box and pushed aside an MVP award to get a better look at the thing at the bottom. It was a fotoclip in a WTF Opulera souvenir frame, its recorded image still looping, despite the glass being shattered. His eyes shifted from it to Kellybean’s back.
“And on day five we’ll take a shopping trip to the Sarpong street markets. We’ll also be doing a bunch of activities on board for folks who can’t breathe a sulfur atmosphere.”
She ticked down a list of scheduled trivia contests and guest speakers, but Leo was paying zero attention. He carefully pulled the frame from the box. The moving image showed Kellybean and a stout Ba’lux girl, both in WTF uniforms. They held each other close—heads tipped, foreheads touching—as they gently swayed in a slow dance. Their expressions were pure, amorous bliss. The inscription said “Kellybean & Pyrrah 4-eva.” The radial crack in the glass was centered on the Ba’lux girl’s face.
“Day six is a travel day where we’ll do a zero-G shuffleboard tournament, then on day seven we arrive at the pleasure paradise of Ensenada Vega. Boom! Best cruise ever. What do you think, sir?”
Kellybean turned to Leo with a proud smile. He squeaked and dropped the frame into the box, then jerked out an elbow and casually leaned on the wall in a manner that was not in any way casual. “Well done! Nice work!” he blurted. “I love it.”
“Thanks! I’ll make the final arrangements and get it all locked in. Here you go, Captain.”
She snatched Leo’s tabloyd from the port in her desk and handed it over. Leo clapped it back on his wrist. “Great! So my credentials are all fixed now?”
Kellybean’s brow quirked. “What? No. All I did was upload the cruise itinerary.” She blinked and waved at the holoscreen. “What did you think all this was about?”
Leo had no idea what it was all about. He
had no idea what anything was about anymore.
“Uh, sorry. I guess I wasn’t clear.” He scratched the back of his neck. “My tabloyd can’t open doors and Burlock thought you could help with that.”
The Gellicle rolled her eyes. “Ugh. Burlock knows hospitality can’t upgrade crew credentials. If anybody on board can it’ll be Praz.”
Leo blew out a long breath. “I’m sorry, who is Praz?”
“The chief engineer.”
Leo nodded. “Got it. So where can I find him?”
Kellybean cocked her head. “In engineering?”
“Right. Obviously. So… I’ll just go ahead and…”
He took a hesitant step toward the door. Kellybean’s lips twisted in a half smile. “You don’t know where engineering is.”
“I do not,” Leo admitted.
“Sucks to be the new guy, huh?” She giggled and waved a paw. “Come with me.”
***
Kellybean led Leo down the elevator and through a labyrinth of plush hallways, then swiped her tabloyd at a secured door to a crew-only area. As soon as they crossed its threshold, the polished veneers of the guest areas gave way to gunmetal gray passageways filled with stout, color-coded pipes and bundles of cable running along the walls and ceiling.
Leo studied the corridors, trying to pick out any landmarks. He had been taking mental notes on their path from the bridge, but his brain had started sloshing over like an overfilled bucket about thirty turns ago. Yet the Gellicle continued to lead him confidently into the bowels of the vessel, the toe claws of her bare feet clicking on the metal grating of the floor.
“And here we are,” she said, indicating a massive black-and-yellow door. “The primary machine room. This area is restricted to engineering crew, but senior staff can unlock everything on the ship.” She smiled. “Rank has its privileges.”
Kellybean swiped her tabloyd. With a deck-shaking rumble the interlocking door unbolted and slid open, revealing a large, dimly lit control room. A bunch of unattended stations were arranged in a semicircle, quietly humming and blinking. A Ba’lux in a yellow engineering coverall stood over an open console, prodding its circuits with a flathead screwdriver. But Leo barely registered the man as he stared slack-jawed through a huge arc of windows behind him.
The area beyond was a yawning cavern at least fifteen decks high and too deep to see the back of. In its center was a ball of iron a quarter-mile in diameter, suspended in midair by six beams of throbbing blue light as big around as sequoias—three above and three below. The sphere rotated in a breathtaking blur of speed, ripping sparks and streaks of furious white lightning off the ends of the support beams at each point of contact. A million gallons of superheated, hyperconductive plasma clung to the orb in a translucent red shell, slowly rotating in the opposite direction.
Leo gaped in awe. He had never seen anything like it, but he instinctively knew what it was. The magnetosphere dynamo. The prototype Varlowe had bought from the Geiko Techlabs, understood only by the top engineering brains in the galaxy. The heart of the Americano Grande, no doubt tended by a corps of genius engineers and expert technicians with unrivaled—
The Ba’lux screamed as a bolt of electricity arced through his screwdriver, blasting him to the ground. Leo snapped out of his reverent trance and crouched next to the smoldering body. “Dude! Are you all right?”
The engineer spasmed and flailed his arms. “Aagh! I’m fine! Don’t touch me!” He grabbed his charred screwdriver and scrambled into a corner, eyes wide and shimmering. “Who let you in here? You can’t be in here!”
Leo raised a calming hand. “It’s fine. I’m the—”
He flinched at the sound of a loud metallic clang. Across the room, he spotted a maintenance bot near an armored door. Like most maintenance bots, it was a squat stack of yellow cylinders mounted on six knobby rollers. Unlike most maintenance bots, its front side was smashed completely flat. It backed up ten feet and accelerated full-speed into a bot-shaped dent in the door with a ringing clang. It bleeped, reversed, then did it again.
Leo looked at the Ba’lux. “What’s wrong with that bot?”
“Nothing!” the man said indignantly. “That bot is fully functional!”
“Then why does it keep running into the door?”
“The door is broken.”
Leo regarded the smoke still wafting off the electrocuted technician and frowned. “Not to be rude, but I don’t think you should be messing around in here.”
He reached out a hand to help him up. The man screeched and swatted him away. “Don’t touch me! I’ve got this under control!”
Leo backed away, palms up. “Okay! Okay. I was just thinking maybe your supervisor should—”
“Supervisor?” the Ba’lux howled. “I don’t have a supervisor! I’m in charge here! Me!”
A pained look pinched Kellybean’s face. “Leo, I’d like to introduce you to Lieutenant Commander Praz Kerplunkt, our chief engineer.”
Leo blinked. “Are you serious?”
“Yes, she’s serious!” Praz leapt to his feet and thumped a fist on his badge, showing three yellow chevrons. “I’ll have you know I went to a very fancy school for this stuff! Electronicals and whatnot! I know what I’m doing!” He waved his hand at the open console he had been working on. With a spark and a dull foomph, the entire thing burst into flames. “Gah! Not again!”
Red lights blinked on as an earsplitting klaxon pierced the air. Praz grabbed a firefoam pod out of his toolbox and doused the inside of the panel until it settled into a sizzling, smoking mess. The alarms crackled to silence. The maintenance bot zoomed across the deck and clanged into the door again.
Leo scratched the back of his neck. “Um, does anyone else work here?” He glanced around. “I hope?”
Praz looked Leo up and down with a scowl. “Who are you? Did the captain send you to check up on me?”
Leo smiled awkwardly. “Actually, I’m the—”
“I knew it! We haven’t even left port and he’s already spying on me!” Praz pulled out his tabloyd and swiped at the screen. “Look at the lockpad logs!” He thrust a finger at lines of text. “Captain! Captain! Captain! He’s been in here more times than I have!”
Kellybean shook her head dismissively. “That’s impossible. In fact, that’s why we’re here.” She nodded at Leo’s arm. “This tabloyd isn’t registering proper credentials. Can you take a look at it?”
Praz rolled his head on his neck and groaned petulantly. “Ugh. I have to do everything around here.” He sighed and held out his hand. “Let me see it.”
Leo took the band off his wrist and handed it over. Praz unfolded it and swiped at the screen. “Yeah, this is totally screwed up. He’s got way more access than he should.”
“Wait, more access?” Kellybean said.
“Yeah. He’s got the credentials of an unaccompanied minor when he should be registered as your pet.”
Praz thrust the tabloyd back at Leo. Leo took it with a smirk. “Okay, I’m actually not her pet.” He considered it. “Though it would be kind of funny if I was.”
Kellybean raised a brow. “How so?”
Leo shrugged. “You know, because you’re a cat and I’m a person.”
Praz sucked a breath through his teeth as Kellybean’s pupils narrowed to slits. “Are you suggesting I’m not a person?”
A knot formed in Leo’s stomach. “What? No! I just meant you’re a cat person and I’m like a, you know… person person.”
“Dang!” Praz gasped. “Your pet is a raging speciest!”
“Me?” Leo squeaked. “You’re the one who keeps calling me a pet!”
The warmth left Kellybean’s voice. “It would be in your best interest to treat me with a little more respect, sir.”
“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it how it sounded. I just—”
“Bad American!” Praz shouted. He rolled up his tabloyd and whacked Leo on the nose with it.
&n
bsp; “Ow!” Leo squeaked.
Praz grabbed his canister of firefoam and spritzed Leo in the face. “Bad, bad American! Get out of my machine room!”
“Ack! Quit it!”
Leo stumbled back through the open door into the hallway, choking and swatting at the blasts of puffy gray foam.
“And stay out!” Praz shouted.
The doors slid shut and banged together with a resonating echo, followed by the clank of its bolts firing into place. Leo spluttered and wiped the dissolving spray off his face.
“Aagh. Damn it.” He shouted into the seam of the door. “Hey! Kellybean? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply…” He knocked impotently on the thick armor plating. “Hello?”
The door did not open. After a long moment, it became apparent it wasn’t going to. Leo licked his lips, trying to get the taste of his own foot out of his mouth. This ship tour had not gone as well as Varlowe had expected. He sighed and decided to head back to Mount Rushmore to wait for her. She’d be able to straighten all this out. She actually knew what she was doing.
He tried to backtrack down the endless gray corridors, but instead of finding his way out, he only seemed to get more lost. He passed into a six-sided junction and slowly turned, trying to figure out which path to take.
“Mmm. This doesn’t seem familiar.” He turned to go back the way he came, and realized he had no idea which of the identical hallways he had just come from. He clapped a palm over his face. “Damn it, Leo.”
He trusted his gut and chose a path. After two more turns, he no longer trusted his gut.
A minute later he emerged in an unattended cargo area, filled with barrels and auto-crates. The dim standby lighting refused to acknowledge him, leaving the room swaddled in creepy shadows. He turned to retreat the way he had come in. The wall behind him had three identical exits.
He had definitely come from the middle one.
Probably.
“Damn it, Leo!”
A flood of helpless anger raged through him. He was lost. On so many levels. What was he doing here? Not just here in this room, but here on this ship? Here in outer space. All he wanted to do was go home. But if he did, seven days from now there would be no home.
Galaxy Cruise: The Maiden Voyage Page 5
