Burlock rose from his seat. “Just in case you’ve forgotten, you are no longer the captain. You no longer have a say in command decisions. In fact, why are you still here?” He looked at the others. “Someone remove this rodent from my bridge.”
Kellybean crossed her arms. “Look, Burlock, I can see you’re enjoying your exciting new power trip, but Leo is right. We need to get the passengers to safety!”
“Apparently what we need is a refresher on job descriptions.” Burlock pointed to himself. “Captain. In charge of command decisions.” To Kellybean. “Hospitality Chief. In charge of shuffleboard tournaments.” To Leo. “Nobody. In charge of nothing.” He turned his empty gaze to the rest of the bridge crew. “Anyone else need clarification on their duties?”
“No, sir!” Comfit, Quartermaster, and Dilly said as one.
“Doodies,” Swooch giggled.
“Damn it, Burlock!” Leo shouted. “The engines are out! We’re headed for a gravity well! Every living thing on the Americano Grande is going to die horribly if we don’t evacuate right now!”
Burlock sighed. “Are you quite finished?”
“Depends. Are you gonna pull your horn crown out of your hind end?”
“All right, now you’re finished.” Burlock waved a hand at Dilly. “Take this noisy ape to the brig.”
“Aye, Captain.” Dilly flicked a wrist, firing a stream of web at Leo’s chest. He gagged as the wind was knocked from his lungs. The Dreda reeled him in and scuttled for the door, but Kellybean jumped in its way, arms spread.
“Whoa, whoa! Stop!” She turned to Burlock. “What are you doing? You can’t just lock him up for disagreeing with you!”
“I’m the captain. I can do whatever I want,” Burlock said. “Do you have a problem with that, Lieutenant Commander?”
“I do, actually,” Kellybean said. “You’re the captain, not the king of the universe! I think you need to come off your little power trip and listen to reason.”
“And I think you need to join the former captain.” Burlock snapped his fingers at Dilly. “Take her into custody. For gross insubordination.”
“As you wish, Captain.”
Kellybean hissed as Dilly scooped her up in its forelimbs. Burlock waved it toward the door.
“Lock ’em up and keep ’em quiet. I’ve got a ship to save.”
Chapter Fifteen
Leo and Kellybean grunted and struggled to free themselves from the chitinous vice-grip of Dilly’s arms as the security chief scuttled down the corridors toward the brig.
“Dilly, stop! Please!” Leo pleaded. “We have to evacuate the ship, before it’s too late!”
“You are not captain,” Dilly’s collar intoned. “It no longer takes orders from you.”
Kellybean wriggled her feline body and scratched her claws on Dilly’s exoskeleton. “This isn’t about orders! It’s about the lives of everyone on board!”
“Captain Burlock will fix problems.”
“How can you be so sure?” Leo gazed into two of Dilly’s eight horrible eyes. “Dilly, you said your primary duty is to protect the passengers and crew.”
“Is true,” Dilly said.
“Then why are you arresting us when all we want to do is keep everyone from being crushed into a singularity? Because that’s what’s gonna happen when we go into that gravity well!”
“Captain will save ship.”
“But what if he can’t? What if nobody can?” Kellybean asked. “You heard Quartermaster. Catastrophic failures across multiple systems! Are you willing to gamble the lives of everyone on board on Praz Kerplunkt’s engineering prowess?”
Dilly’s steps slowed. “It agrees the passengers are in danger. But what can it do?”
“You can let us go,” Kellybean said. “So we can start the evacuation.”
The security chief shook its head. “It must bring you to brig. It cannot defy orders.”
“Okay, you’re a good soldier. I get that,” Leo said. “But what if we just happened to escape?”
“Escape?” Dilly asked.
“Sure! You could tell Burlock we overpowered you and got away in the scuffle.” The Dreda’s insectile face made the closest thing physiologically possible to an incredulous smirk. Leo frowned. “Fine. Maybe not that.”
Dilly’s determined stride came to a full stop. It let out a resigned sigh that whistled across its misshapen jaw, then lifted Kellybean toward its face. “The Gellicle must claw its eyes out.”
Kellybean’s whiskers twitched. “I’m sorry, what?”
“Its eyes are most vulnerable area. If you claw its eyes, escape story is plausible.”
“But won’t you, you know, go blind?”
“Is small price to pay for the lives of thousands.”
“Or, alternately,” Leo said, raising a finger. “We could all work together on this, save everyone, and keep all of our eyes intact.” He shrugged. “Just spitballin’ here.”
The spider’s mandibles clicked in torment. “It cannot disobey an order from a superior.”
“Dilly, the order is wrong and you know it,” Leo said, not unkindly. “If you don’t know it in your head, you know it right here, in your heart.”
He rapped a knuckle on Dilly’s breastplate. It shook its head. “You are incorrect.”
Leo slumped in defeat. “So that’s it then? You’re locking us up? You’re choosing orders over conscience?”
“No. You are incorrect,” Dilly said, tapping a claw on its chest. “Heart is not right here.” It tapped its behind. “Heart is in dorsal abdomen.”
“Oh. Okay.” Leo frowned. “I think maybe you missed the point I was making.”
“It did not.” Dilly’s arms unfolded, gently setting Leo and Kellybean on the carpet. “Lives of passengers and crew are most important thing.” It nodded at an emergency panel in the wall behind a protective pane of smoked glass. “You will begin evacuation. It will accept consequences.”
“Wow, really?” Leo said. “I mean, awesome! Thank you, Dilly!”
Kellybean rested a paw on one of Dilly’s enormous legs and smiled. “You’ve done the right thing.” She turned and raised her arm to the lockpad on the secured panel. Nothing happened. She gasped and clutched her bare wrist. “My tabloyd is gone!”
Leo spun and looked at the floor. “Did it fall off?”
“Probably? I don’t know.” She rubbed her temples and groaned. “It’s been a rough day.”
“Let me try.”
Leo tapped his band and a puffy heart popped out.
“Call Mommy!”
He pulled his sleeve over the holo. “I got nothin’.”
They both turned to Dilly. The Dreda’s head fell back on its shoulders with a screeched groan.
“Expletive deleted,” its collar said without emotion. It raised its own tabloyd to the panel. The lockpad flashed green and the glass slid away. Dilly unfolded a hand and gave a sarcastic flourish at the evacuation controls. “Can you issue announcement, or must it do that too?”
Leo snorted. “No, I’ve got it from here. Thanks, Chief.”
The panel was littered with switches and dials, but one stood out from the rest. A big red button surrounded by yellow and black warning stripes labeled, “Initiate Evacuation.” Leo steeled himself and pushed it. Immediately, rows of bright lights blazed to life along the floors and ceilings, blinking in sequence toward the muster stations. The evacuation alarm echoed through the decks as Leo lifted the microphone to his mouth and squeezed the button.
“Hello, everybody. This is your… well, I guess I’m not the captain anymore, so…” He cringed at the sound of his own voice booming through the ship. “Look, I’m really sorry to ruin your evening and all, but we’re having a little problem with the engines. Actually, it’s kind of a big problem, so…”
“Give me that,” Kellybean snapped, grabbing the mic. “Attention all passengers and crew. This is not a drill. Proceed to your emergency muster stati
ons immediately to abandon ship. I repeat, proceed to your emergency muster stations. This is not a drill.”
She clapped the microphone back into the panel. Leo nodded. “Right. Well done.”
“Come on, let’s get those boats filled and launched while we still can.” Kellybean pulled a drawer from the emergency panel and yanked out three retinal scanners and three bright yellow vests labeled “CREW.” She handed a big one to Dilly and a smaller one to Leo. He looked at the label and frowned.
“Technically, I’m not crew anymore.”
“You’re officially deputized.” Kellybean slipped into her vest. “Welcome back to the crew of the Americano Grande.”
Leo smiled weakly. “I hope it works out better this time.”
“I wouldn’t consider it a long-term position.” Kellybean turned on her scanner. “To the muster stations, people. Let’s get to work!”
***
Kellybean stood at the round door of an emergency lifeboat, ushering panicked passengers inside. As each one passed she scanned their visual organs to confirm and log their evacuation status. The device registered each evacuee with a green light and bright ping.
“That’s right, move all the way to the end of the row,” she said. “Don’t worry, there’s a seat for everyone.”
She turned to scan the next passenger—a Ba’lux with a puffy ski jacket and a scarf wrapped around his face. He tried to hustle past Kellybean, but she stepped in his way.
“Whoa, there. I need to scan you to make sure everybody is accounted for.” She lifted her scanner to his eye and it lit red with a rude buzz. “Sir, are you sure this is your assigned muster station?”
“Yes! I don’t know! Let me on!”
He tried to shove past, but Kellybean caught him by the arm. “Sir! I’m sorry, but you need to report to the lifeboat that—” The scarf fell away from the man’s face. Kellybean’s eyes narrowed. “Praz Kerplunkt, what do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m trying to evacuate! Get out of my way!” Praz struggled, but Kellybean held him, now with claws out. “Ow! Quit it!”
“Gahdamn it, Praz! Get your scrawny orange arze back down to engineering!” She gave him a violent shake. “You’re supposed to be fixing the engines! Or the dynamo! Or anything!”
“What’s the point?” Praz squealed. “This ship is totally hucked! We need to get out of here! Come on!”
He tried to wrestle Kellybean onto the lifeboat, but she hissed and shoved him away. “Get back to engineering! Fix something! Now!”
Praz stumbled and took off down the corridor. Kellybean turned to her next passenger. The moment they locked eyes, her muscles reflexively tightened.
“This is the worst cruise we’ve ever been on,” Clermytha Gwapwaffle whined. “And you’re the worst hospitality chief!”
“And we know what we’re talking about!” Horman said. “We’re Platinum Elite Class!”
Kellybean forced a smile and took the Geiko’s withered blue hand, helping him limp through the door on his injured leg. “I do apologize for this unexpected turn of events, sir. As always, your safety is my primary concern.”
As soon as Horman was settled in his seat he slapped Kellybean away. “Look at my leg!” he snarled, pointing to the bandages. “It looks like I just got back from the war! Except in the war, I didn’t get hurt so bad!”
“And you people ruined my dress!” Clermytha tugged at the spider silk still clinging to the fabric from when Dilly had saved her life. Her lip quivered. “And I never did get my box lunch!”
“And we paid extra for that!” Horman added.
Kellybean harnessed them into the last two seats and ducked through the low doorway back out into the concourse.
“Again, I do apologize,” she said, peering in through the door. “Your feedback is important to WTF cruises, so please put all of your complaints in writing, stick them inside a pair of cactuses, and stuff them up your withered blue buttholes!”
Clermytha squealed. Horman gasped. “You furry savage! I’m reporting you to—”
“Bon voyage, bishes.” Kellybean yanked the launch lever and the doors slammed shut. With a dull thump against the hull, the Gwapwaffles were fired into deep space at twice the speed of sound. A shudder ran through her body. “Wow, that felt good.”
***
Leo looked through a porthole window at the glowing back end of a lifeboat he had just launched. It was his third so far. Sixty guests he’d personally rescued. If he couldn’t save Eaglehaven, he could at least save some lives here.
He rushed along the concourse to the next muster station. A group of passengers were ready to be loaded into the lifeboat, but the Krubb crew member had yet to open its door.
“What’s the hold up?” Leo asked, thumping a palm on the hatch. “Let’s get these people on that boat.”
“I can’t get the door open!” the Krubb squeaked. She yanked the release lever up and down but nothing happened. Leo put his face to the tiny window, mounted too high for the Krubb to see out of. Outside was nothing but the spiraling storm cloud of the Blue Hole.
“It’s gone,” Leo said. “You already launched it.”
“I did not!” the Krubb said indignantly.
“Are you sure?”
“What do you mean ‘am I sure’?” She jabbed a long arm at the guests. “Do you think it slipped my mind to put the passengers on it first?”
A panicked rumble ran through the gathered crowd.
“Wait, hold on,” a Ba’lux woman gasped. “Our lifeboat is gone?”
“Oh shix, we’re all dead!” a Screetoro screamed from his trumpet-bell mouths. “Deeeeaaaaad!”
The alien’s wailing voice sent a shock of panic through the already terrified passengers. A Simishi woman sobbed into her helmet and a Verdaphyte man dropped leaves from his scalp like autumn came early. Leo raised his hands.
“It’s okay! We can squeeze you all into other boats!” He waved a hand toward the next station. “Come with me!”
He dashed down the concourse to another group of guests in front of another closed door. A Lethargot girl in a housekeeping uniform and a yellow vest stooped to peer out its window.
“Why aren’t you loading your boat?” Leo barked.
The housekeeper snail lazily raised a hand to point out the porthole. “Boat’s gone.”
A Gellicle man mewled in fear. “What do you mean gone?”
The Lethargot shrugged. “Like, I dunno. Not there.”
A voice cut through the gathering chaos, screaming like wind over bamboo. “Captain! Captain, over here!” Leo looked up to see a uniformed Verdaphyte darting toward him with an unfolded tabloyd. The crewman caught his breath and stammered. “Something’s gone wrong, Captain.”
“Technically I’m not the captain anymo—”
“The lifeboats, sir!” the plant shrieked. “Some are missing!”
“So I’ve heard,” Leo grumbled. “Don’t panic. We’ll figure something—”
“Actually, a lot are missing,” the Verdaphyte interrupted. He swiped his leafy fingers at the screen. “There was corrupt code in the internal sensors. The evacuation system has been misreporting false nominal status since we left Jaynkee!”
“Say it in normal words!” Leo barked. “Where did the lifeboats go?”
“They didn’t go anywhere, sir. They were never loaded onto the ship to begin with.”
Leo’s hands went clammy and his throat went dry. His voice came out in a hoarse rattle. “Do we have enough lifeboats to evacuate everyone on board?”
The Verdaphyte shook his head. “Not even close, sir.”
A wave of hysteria crashed through the passengers. Leo raised his hands. “No no! It’s okay! I’m sure this a mistake!”
“It’s not, sir. You can check for yourself.”
The plant man tapped his tabloyd to the one on Leo’s wrist and they both lit blue with a syncing chime. Leo blinked in confusion. “
Wait, did that actually work?”
He yanked his band off his arm and unfolded it. For the whole voyage it had only showed two apps—“Call Mommy” and “Cruise Itinerary.” Now there was a third icon. A folder next to a green message.
New data received. Documents folder unlocked.
He tapped the icon and the screen filled with information. At the top was the Verdaphyte’s report. Below it were dozens of other files.
“What the… Where did all this come from?”
The crewman peered at the screen and raised a puzzled brow. “Sir, did you have your documents folder hidden behind a child lock?”
Leo didn’t answer. He barely even acknowledged he had asked the question out loud. He just stared. These weren’t his files. But whose were they?
His fingers trembled as he flicked through them. Staffing requests and entertainment contracts. Reports on Ba’lux digestive toxins. Operational specs for a certain cylinder-shaped mystery device.
“Oh shix,” he whispered.
“Sir?” the Verdaphyte asked.
“Shix!” Leo shouted. “It wasn’t an accident!”
“What wasn’t an accident?”
“Any of it!” He turned and bolted down the concourse. “I’ve gotta tell Burlock!”
***
Jassi felt the roll of ocean waves heaving against her gut in the darkness. A siren worked its way into her ears—bold and authoritative but stopping just short of being panic-inducing. Her eyes cracked open and she found herself floating backwards down a corridor. Not floating. Being carried.
She snorted and shook her head as reality rushed in. Her body was thrown over Stobber’s massive, bramble-scratched shoulder and he was plodding down a concourse of panicked tourists. She tried to twist out of his grip, but her vines felt slack on her twigs.
“What the huck?” she croaked. “Put me down, shixhead.”
“There she is. Finally,” Stobber chuckled. “Gahdamn, Jass. How much did you have to drink?”
Jassi planted her palms on her eyes. “I don’t remember.”
Stobber whistled. “That much, huh? Yer lucky I found your dumb arze.”
Something tickled under Jassi’s chin. She rubbed it away. Her hand came back sticky with drool and covered in white fur. A memory sparked. Then another. Flashes. Passion. Then darkness.
Galaxy Cruise: The Maiden Voyage Page 18
