by K L Hughes
“I’m so proud of you, Leigh,” J said as he hugged his best friend, squeezing her tightly to make sure she knew how much he meant it. He knew she needed it, needed to hear someone tell her how incredible she was. She’d spent a lifetime trying to make people proud, trying to be happy, and had never been given the love and respect she deserved. She’d spent twenty years of her life trying to please a father who, in turn, only ever berated and emotionally abused her. She’d loved a woman who’d abandoned her after flipping her life on its head. She’d been disowned by several members of her own family when she’d finally come out of the closet at nineteen, and she’d lost more loved ones to tragic accidents and health problems than J could bear to even think about. Leigh Hale had the biggest heart that Jared Patel had ever encountered, and it absolutely broke his own heart to know that no one had ever appreciated her the way she deserved to be appreciated. He cherished having her in his life, and he hoped she always knew that.
“I couldn’t have done it without you, baby,” Leigh whispered back to him. They’d always been incredibly affectionate with each other. Pet names, cuddling, sleeping together, holding hands—short of the sex, they were practically married. She loved it that way. He was the greatest comfort she’d ever known. He was the first person to ever make her feel truly seen, truly beautiful, truly talented, truly…worthy of someone’s love. And that was a feeling that nothing could have ever prepared her for and to which nothing could ever compare.
Chapter 6
Filming was awkward. It was a dream come true, yes, but it was also incredibly, intensely awkward. They’d begun filming the part of the book where the main character, Ana (Leigh), fantasizes about having sex with the object of her infatuation, which they were going to actually film, which meant Leigh would have to film a lesbian sex scene with her co-star in the film. Her co-star was incredibly beautiful and they’d quickly become friends, so that wasn’t an issue. What freaked Leigh out was the idea of being stark naked but for these tiny barely existent pasties covering her nipples and some weird flesh-colored thong thing covering her lady business, in front of at least sixty people. She had always been extremely comfortable in her nudity, which had, of course, shocked J the first time she’d sauntered through her studio naked while he was sitting on her bed. She smiled at the memory. After that, J had become completely accustomed to seeing her in her birthday suit, but this wasn’t just J anymore. This was an entire crew and cast, which was beyond intimidating.
“Ready to do this?” the director asked, as Leigh padded into the room in her robe, entirely exposed underneath but for the scraps of discretion. She’d spent close to an hour in makeup getting her tattoos covered for the nude, sex scene. Afterwards, she’d stood in front of the mirror in total shock. They’d managed to realistically wipe the slate clean, and Leigh stared at her bare palette, remembering what her body had been long before she’d decided to dust it with her art. After nearly ten minutes of staring at the masterful work of her makeup artists, she’d finally taken a deep breath and headed to the set.
“I suppose so, though I’m thinking it’s not going to be easy to go into sexy-mode with all of you pervs breathing down my neck,” she joked with him as he patted her on the shoulder, laughing heartily.
“Just let your imagination take over. You’ll be great. You have been great, and you will be with this, too. Trust me.”
“Yeah, yeah, let’s just do this.”
The lights were bright, intensely bright, as she and her co-star collided, tangling lips and tongues and teeth, the awkwardness slipping away as Leigh forced herself to allow her imagination to wash over her and take over. It had been a long time since she’d let anyone touch her, since she’d touched anyone. She’d been so busy with the tour and with the movie and with life in general, that she’d given up on dating, though she’d never been big on it to begin with. She’d had plenty of extremely selective one-night-stands with beautiful women, but she’d even given that up for the last year to focus on her career. So, it felt good to have this woman’s hands on her and to have her own hands on this woman, even if it was pretend, even if they were being watched by a trillion people, even if the director was yelling at her from the sidelines to “grab her boobs!” It felt good. Nice. Comforting. She forced herself not to let a tear fall as the realization washed over her, wishing that she had someone to love, someone to love her, and then she wouldn’t need this comfort. This pretend comfort. This pretend affection. This pretend love.
“Cut!”
Leigh and her co-star pulled apart from one another at the director’s call, both of them a little out of breath from the heated action of the scene. The director motioned Leigh over to him, and she went, taking her robe from one of the assistants and slipping it on as she walked over to him.
“That was beautiful, Leigh,” he said, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “I loved it; at first, I wanted it to be more about hot release, you know, her first lesbian experience and one of her first experiences with sex in general, but the emotions that rolled over you and your facial expressions—they changed my mind. I don’t know where you went inside that brilliant mind of yours, but I loved it! It should be about raw emotion—the realization that Ana is a lesbian, and that she’s in love with a woman that part of her knows she can never have—the fear, the love, the joy, the sadness. It’s everything. That’s what the scene should be.”
“I agree,” Leigh told him. “When I wrote the book, I wanted the character to be mutually conflicted and elated, so I think that that plays best to the nature and the honesty of Ana’s emotions.”
“Alright, then let’s take it from the top, and this time, let yourself go even deeper,” he said, excitement clearly evident in his voice. Leigh arched a playful brow at him teasingly.
“Go deeper, huh?” she asked, joking. They laughed together at the double entendre before she headed back over to her mark to begin the scene again. It was going to be a long, exhausting, emotional, and very naked day; of that much, Leigh was sure.
****
“Hey baby, how’d it go today?” J yawned into the phone.
“Well, I had fake fantasy sex with a woman pretending to be my first lesbian love. Interpret that however you like—but mostly, it was awkward.”
“How do you even fake lesbian sex? I mean, wouldn’t you basically have to touch each other inappropriately?” he laughed softly as he asked the question, which made Leigh smile.
“Oh sweetie, let’s not pretend like you know anything about lesbian sex, or sex with any woman for that matter.”
“Bitch.” They both burst into laughter at that, Leigh wishing her best friend could be laughing with her in person. She missed him terribly, and it had been just over a month since she’d been home. She was having serious J withdrawals, despite the fact that they talked on the phone every night.
“Are you okay?” Leigh had to strain to hear the question as J’s voice dropped to a quiet whisper. She knew why he was asking. This book…it had taken Leigh years to write it, to finish it, and then, she was finally able to let the story collect dust on the shelf, leeched from her soul, allowing her some emotional freedom from the teenage hardship it entailed. However, having it published had brought the story to life once more, pushing all those cobwebbed memories to the forefront of Leigh’s mind.
“Better than I thought I’d be,” she answered him honestly. “The sex scene was a little more than I could handle, but I managed to hold it together. It’s just…you know. Memories. Everything just comes rushing to the surface sometimes when we’re filming, just seeing it all brought to life again, hearing the words given voice again. It’s overwhelming, yeah, but I also think it’s good that I face it, you know? Like maybe the entire process—the writing, the publishing, the book tour, the film—maybe it’s exactly what I’ve needed, a cathartic release so that I can put it all away once and for all.” J listened intently, never interrupting his best friend as she bared her heart and soul to him. He could hear t
he pain in her voice, but he also knew she was right. This was a good thing. She needed a way to experience it over again as an adult, so that she could understand it better, and maybe, hopefully, finally let it go.
“Yes I do, and I think you’re right. I think it’s exactly what you needed, and I really think it’s going to help, that you’ll feel so much better once you’ve completed the film and then see it. I think, then, you might finally be able to put this all to rest,” J told her, wishing he could hug her to ease her discomfort, squeeze the ache from her voice.
There was a long silence between them, the both of them just listening to each other’s breathing and being comforted by it, neither of them wanting to be alone. After a while, though, J felt himself start to drift off. He ran a smooth hand down his face, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he finally broke their comfortable silence.
“Ugh, when are you coming home? I hate this whole you-being-on-the-other-side-of-the-country crap,” J sighed into the phone, knowing his best friend was still awake. She rarely fell asleep before 3 AM.
“I know, me too, and I’m not sure when I’m coming home, though I know the movie is almost wrapped, so it shouldn’t be too long. Then I’ll get a nice long break before you and I have to come back for the premiere.”
“Good, because I need my lesbian fix, and no one fills it like you do.”
“I was just thinking the same thing about you, though I use myself when I need a lesbian fix.” They both laughed sleepily at the joke. “You’re my everything-else fix. Anyway…oh yeah! How’d your date go? Was he hot?” She asked, suddenly remembering the blind date her best friend had told her about the week before.
“He was. Nice ass and he wasn’t especially groomed. You know how I like them shaggy. He did show up wearing a Louis Vuitton suit, though, so I was thoroughly impressed with his fashion sense…”
“But…?” Leigh prompted knowingly.
“But he chewed with his mouth open.”
“Ew, that’s disgusting!”
“Right? Girl, I don’t even think he realized he was doing it, so I’m just sitting there watching his filet mignon get slaughtered all over again while he blabbed about his latest stock trade. It was all I could do to manage a kiss before telling him that I had an early meeting and had to go, though I quickly brushed my teeth once I got back to the loft.”
Leigh snorted as she laughed into the phone. She and J were both sticklers for manners, and people chewing with their mouths open or smacking on their food was one of their shared pet-peeves. Not to mention the fact that it was almost always, for them, a deal breaker. No smacker or open-mouthed eater ever got invited out for a second date, and they definitely never got invited for sex.
“Good call,” she told him, agreeing with his decision not to go home with the guy.
“Alright, I have to get some sleep, because I actually do have an early meeting. Sweet dreams, Leigh. Love you,” J said as he yawned into the phone once more.
“G’night sweetie. Love you.” Leigh hung up the phone before letting her head fall back on her pillow. She was ready to be back in her own bed, in her own studio, in her own city. As much as she loved being in L.A., watching her work come to life and getting to be a part of it all, she ached for the familiarity of home and the comforting presence of her best friend. The single month that had passed since they’d last seen each other felt more like a year, and Leigh was feeling lonely, and when that feeling took over, the night never ended well. Loneliness opened the doors in Leigh’s mind to too much darkness, the darkness she kept chained and bound in the back of her brain—memories that haunted her of the loss of her loved ones, of the isolation she’d felt both before and after coming out, of her father’s rejection and abuse, of everything. When the loneliness crept in, so did everything else, and Leigh hated it.
Until she’d met J, she’d spent too many nights with loneliness and with all the memories and emotions that accompanied it. More than once while she was in high school, and again while she was in college, she’d contemplated suicide, believing that she, her very existence, had been some horrible cosmic mistake, that there was no place in this world for her. She just wanted the pain to stop, even if it meant ending her own life. The last attempt she’d made, though, while in college, had landed her in the hospital and after that, she’d gotten into counseling, which helped things tremendously.
Her therapist had actually been the one to suggest that Leigh move out of the state, get as far away as possible and pursue her passions, not to run from her past, but to pull herself out from under it. She’d confronted all the tragedies and trials of her childhood and young adulthood with the help of her therapist, but the overly oppressive nature of her hometown, her home state really, paired with the negative emotions she associated with it, did nothing but prevent her from fully recovering, from pushing herself out from under her depression and into actually living. So, she did. She moved. As soon as she’d graduated college, Leigh had packed her bags and took off, landing halfway across the country with hardly any money in her pockets, but she didn’t care. She felt free, facing a new life with endless possibilities, and though she struggled for a while at first, she eventually landed her job at CPC, and her life changed drastically in the best way possible. Getting as far away from that horrible, tiny town as possible was the best decision she’d ever made.
Chapter 7
“Get over here, you!” Leigh shouted as she practically ran across the airport terminal to throw herself into her best friend’s arms. She was finally home. It seemed like it had been years, so she couldn’t help the tears that dropped down her cheeks as J pulled her up in a tight, twirling embrace, the familiar scent of his cologne flooding her senses with the feeling of home.
“I missed you,” J said into her neck as they squeezed each other tightly.
“I missed you,” she whispered back, her tears still tumbling down her cheeks.
As they pulled apart from one another, they laughed as they simultaneously each reached out a hand to wipe the tears from the other one’s cheek, before leaning in for a light kiss on the lips and another quick embrace. J took one of Leigh’s bags and linked his arm with hers as they headed out to his and Leigh’s waiting silver Lexus SUV. They’d bought the car together a few years back. They hardly ever needed a vehicle in the city, so they decided to jointly buy one for any occasion in which one of them or both of them might need it, such as business trips, or the few, occasional vacation road trips they’d take on short-term holiday breaks. It had turned out to be a good investment, and they’d put it to decent use, both of them loving the car more than they’d anticipated they would, but most of the time, it sat in the parking garage of Leigh’s building, unused. They tried to take it out as often as possible, though.
“I bet you’d love nothing more than to crawl into your own bed and nap for the next ten days,” J said laughing as he drove them out of the airport parking lot, his hand resting softly on Leigh’s thigh as she rolled the windows down to smell the city, her city. God, I love this place, she thought to herself as she closed her eyes and let the joyful feeling wash over her body and welcome her home.
“That sounds fantastic, yes, but you know what I’d actually love even more than that?” Leigh asked, perking up an eyebrow and smirking at her best friend.
“A vanilla mocha latte with a shot of caramel?” he asked, knowing that he was right, and smiling as he patted his best friend’s leg. He knew her so well, and she him. It was the best relationship he’d ever had, and too many times, he’d wished he were straight, because God, it was easy with Leigh. Unfortunately, though, they’d been made for each other in every way but that one.
“Hell yes,” she nearly shouted, knowing J would want one, too, “and an ice cream sundae.”
“Sounds perfect,” he said, and with that, he took the next right and headed toward their favorite coffee shop on 16.
****
“Two grande vanilla mocha lattes with a shot of caramel
and one large ice cream sundae, please,” J ordered as Leigh stood at his side, ogling the pastries in the glass display case to their right. She loved this coffee shop. They’d been coming here together for years, sometimes nearly every day. There was something about it that was so calming. The environment was laid back, the lighting dim, the rich scent of coffee filtering the air with an easy sense of comfort and luxury. They often came here just to sit with their laptops, working together in silence, drinking their coffee, and enjoying some time away from their offices.
“Uh oh, what have we got here?” J asked teasingly as he picked up a magazine from the rack near the counter. Front and center on the cover was his best friend, looking drop-dead gorgeous, her hair thick and wavy and falling around her face, framing her flawless ivory skin and making her brilliantly blue eyes pop. She was dressed in a cream-colored mostly see-through poncho over solid white hipster panties with a matching bra. Her many script tattoos were visible through the material, but only slightly. Her mile-long legs were slim and toned, ending in bare feet. He whistled through his teeth. She was stunning, and he was so proud of her that it hurt. He held up the magazine as Leigh’s blush flashed across her cheeks, pinking her throat, face, and ears.
“Honey, you are working it hard,” he said, stressing every syllable and making his best friend blush even harder. He liked to tease her any time they came across one of the many magazines featuring Leigh. She’d done several photo shoots since filming the movie, most of them with her hot female co-star, but some were solo, like this one. J wasn’t the least bit surprised that Leigh made for a brilliant cover. She was incredibly beautiful, more-so than she’d ever realized or ever would, but everyone else noticed. In fact, no one ever managed to miss it.
“Shh, put it down,” Leigh whispered, snatching the magazine from her friend as her blush deepened further. She shoved it back on the rack before punching J’s arm and turning back to the counter. He wrapped his arm around her, laughing. It was so like this woman to be so successful, to be wealthy, to have become a celebrity, and to still blush about seeing her own picture on a magazine. She was the most humble person he’d ever known.
