by Dawn, M. K.
Susan dropped her head and nodded. Teardrops splattered on the ground at her feet as they led her away.
***
“Good mornin’.” Britney peeked her head inside her great-grandparents' old house. Even though they had tied Susan’s hands and feet to the bed, she always checked first. “How are you feelin’?”
Sweat beaded across Susan’s graying skin. “I can’t do this anymore. I tried to bite Angie yesterday and don’t even remember doing it. Whatever this is inside of me, it's trying to take over.”
“You think somethin’ is inside of you?” Britney took a seat in the chair next to the bed. Two days had passed since Susan had been bitten, and she was fading fast. “Like you can feel the virus?”
“Virus? Do you still think that’s what this is?” Susan’s eyes fell on the bowl in Britney’s hand. “Is that for me?”
“Yes. Sorry.” She’d forgotten about the food. “I hope you like oatmeal.”
“Not particularly.” Susan opened her mouth for a bite. Britney stuck the spoon in Susan’s mouth, careful to keep her fingers as far away as possible.
Susan gagged and spit the oatmeal out. “I can’t. It’s awful.”
“I can make you somethin’ else. Eggs, maybe?” Britney may have spent the last twentysomething years at war with the woman, but she didn’t hate her. Not really.
“You’re not listening.” Susan wiggled her fingers.
Britney took her hand and squeezed tight. “I’m listenin’.”
“I’m ready to die. This, being tied to the bed, is not how I want to spend the little time I have left. And I sure as hell don’t want to turn into one of those monsters. Please, Brit, let me go.”
Tears clogged Britney’s throat. The thought of someone killing Susan or her taking her own life made her sick. “I understand and will help in any way I can.”
Susan let out a weighted breath. “Thank you.”
“Do you know how you want to go?” Britney couldn’t believe she was asking such a question.
“How do you kill those things, the infected?”
Britney pressed her lips together, trying not to think about John. “Through the chest.”
Susan closed her eyes. “Will you do it? Shoot me in the chest, I mean.”
“You want me to do it?” Britney dropped Susan’s hand. “I don’t know if I can.”
A hacking laugh slash cough escaped Susan’s lips. “You always said I didn’t have a heart. Guess now I get to prove you wrong.”
“I shouldn’t have broken your nose in elementary school.” Britney hung her head and let the tears fall.
“I did kiss your boyfriend on the playground.” Susan’s voice cracked, making the whole situation even harder.
Britney forced a smile. “What ever happened to Billy Horner? I lost track of him after high school.”
“You don’t know?” Susan’s eyes brightened. “After college he moved to California and got married. To a man.”
“Oh my God. You’re kidding!” Britney’s hand flew to her mouth. “That explains so much.”
“Right?” Susan giggled. “He’s actually the one who helped pick out my senior prom dress.”
Britney gasped. “No? The red one with the open back?”
“Yep.”
“Damn, he has good taste. That dress was gorgeous.” Britney leaned back in her chair. “Did you know he was gay in high school? You two were good friends, weren’t you?”
“I had my suspicions, but he hadn’t come out yet.”
“That’s crazy.” Britney hadn’t thought about Billy in years. “Though I can see it. He always had the best taste in clothes of any of the other boys in our school. I just can’t believe I never noticed it sooner.”
“It’s not like you didn’t have more important things to deal with.” A pained expression washed over Susan’s face. “I never told you how sorry I was to hear about your mother passing. And your father.”
Britney didn’t know what to say. “You sent flowers with a lovely card.”
“I was a bitch.” Susan focused on the ceiling. “I’m ready to go now. My jaw is killing me, and my entire body aches. I don’t want to hurt anyone. And if we wait too much longer, I will.”
“Um.” Susan might have been ready, but Britney sure wasn’t. Not now. Not yet.
“I’ve changed my mind,” Susan said without looking at Britney. “I don’t want you to kill me. Get someone else. Maybe that biker who wanted to leave me for dead. He’ll probably jump at the chance.”
Shifter had been against keeping Susan alive for this long, so she was probably right. “If you’re sure you’re ready.”
Susan’s eyes watered, but she smiled through the pain etched in the lines of her face. “Yes. The sooner the better.”
Britney forced herself to stand. “Okay. I’ll go get someone.”
“Thank you.”
Britney reached for the door handle.
“Do you think…?” Susan's voice was barely audible. “My son, even though he’s been turned, do you think his soul is in heaven and he’s waiting for me? I would hate to think he’s stuck in some sort of limbo.”
Turning around, Britney held back her tears and smiled. “There’s no doubt in my mind that he’s waitin’ for you with open arms.”
“Thank you.” Susan bit down on her bottom lip. “Now hurry. I have somewhere to be.”
Britney closed the door and hurried off to find Axel. Tears blurred her vision, but she forced herself not to succumb to the sorrow or guilt or whatever it was that ate away at her conscience.
All these years she’d talked shit about Susan behind her back. Even said some not-nice things about her son, Colten. She’d never believed much in karma, but it sure seemed like it had come back to bite her in the ass.
“Britney.” Axel rose to his feet. He and the other bikers had set up the tents they’d brought back under the big tree in her front yard. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s Susan,” she addressed the group, who sat around a small campfire, a cold front having blown in the night before. “She’s ready to die.”
“What do you mean, ready?” Angie asked. “Like about to kick the bucket or pull the trigger?”
Gus turned to her and frowned. “Let’s try to be more tactful. Susan is, after all, Britney’s friend. This can’t be easy on either of them.”
“She wants to die before she hurts anyone. And she’s goin’ to need some help.” Britney tried to keep her voice steady, but it came out uneven and whiny.
“Not you.” Axel reached for his gun. “I can… help.”
He sounded just as unsure as she did. “What about you, Shifter? You haven’t shut up about endin’ her life since she arrived.”
“You think I want to kill her?” Shifter stood and moved toward Britney. “She’s a threat. To me. To my friends. To your kids. And you’re keeping her locked up like some kind of sick puppy. There’s not a damn thing we can do for her now but put her out of her misery.”
Britney shoved her pistol into his chest. “You’re right. Let’s get it over with.”
Shifter took the gun slower than Britney expected. “Fine.”
He headed toward the old shack with Britney and Axel trailing behind.
“Are you sure about this?” Axel asked.
“No.” Britney pushed back the voice in her head that screamed to put an end to this craziness. “But Susan wants to die. She doesn’t want to turn into one of the infected. I can’t say I blame her for that.”
“That I understand. But you really want Shifter to be the one to pull the trigger?”
Britney watched the determined biker slow his steps as he approached the small house. “How well do you know him?”
Axel shrugged. “He was a good friend of my dad’s. A nice guy who would do anything for the ones he cares about.”
Britney stopped. “Do you think we can trust him?”
“Yes.” Axel glanced at Shifter and then back to Britney. “I know righ
t now he seems a bit unruly, but he only wants to protect us. All of us.”
“Are you coming in?” Shifter called out. “You want to say goodbye?”
“No.” She couldn’t go back inside or she’d never let him pull the trigger. “Tell her….”
“It’s better this way, you know,” Shifter said as Britney and Axel approached the house. “She’ll die in peace knowing she won’t become one of those things. Won’t hurt the people she cares about.”
Axel placed a hand on the small of Britney’s back. “It’s what I would want, if I were in Susan’s position.”
Shifter smiled at her in a way that made her feel slightly better. “You ready?”
Tears fell from her eyes, but she nodded anyway.
“Okay.” Shifter entered the house and closed the door.
“How long do you think it—”
The gunshot reverberated in her ears, and her legs buckled. Axel caught her before she crumbled to the ground.
“It’s okay,” he whispered. “It’s over. She’s at peace.”
The hinges of the door whined. Britney jumped to her feet and glared at Shifter. “You couldn’t even give her a second before you pulled the trigger? What kind of heartless bastard are you?”
Shifter staggered toward them, the gun hanging at his side. “She was unconscious. Wore a smile as she slept. Probably dreaming about her boy. It was better that way. She didn’t see it coming. There was no fear or second-guessing. She’s free.”
Britney watched as Shifter walked back to their makeshift camp, dumbfounded by his compassion.
“Are you okay?” Axel asked.
“I will be.” She turned for the barn. “But first I need your help with somethin’.”
***
“Why do we have to wear this?” Carson tugged at the jacket of his suit. “It’s not Christmas. Or Easter.”
Britney spun him around and crouched in front of him. “Because today we’re layin’ your daddy to rest. And Miss Susan.”
She’d never taken the kids to a funeral before and wasn’t sure how they would react, but it was important for them to say goodbye and hopefully find closure. If such a thing existed.
“But why do we have to wear this?” Carson made a big show out of his uncomfortableness. “It’s so annoying. And it’s not like Dad can see us.”
Britney held her tongue as a multitude of emotions overwhelmed her. The last thing she wanted to do was say something out of anger and make Carson even more upset. “Because it’s respectful. And we’re all dressin’ up.”
“Even the bikers?” Carson cocked an eyebrow.
“Um, well….” Britney didn’t know how to answer. She hadn’t spoken to any of the bikers besides Axel since Shifter helped with Susan.
“They are coming, aren’t they?”
Britney stood and straightened his jacket. “Probably not. They didn’t know your dad or Susan.”
“But they’re our friends.”
That surprised Britney. “Friends?”
“Yes.” Carson plopped on the bed. “That’s what Rainey said.”
“I need to go get dressed.” She gave him a quick kiss on the head and headed for her bedroom.
Over the past few days, the former teacher had spent a lot of time with the kids while Britney took care of Susan and the farm. Axel had volunteered to plan the funeral, including prepping the bodies. At first, she tried to argue, not wanting to put him in such a terrible position, but he had insisted. And after considering what prepping the bodies would entail, she accepted his offer. After everything, she didn’t think she could handle seeing John as the monster he became.
In the master bathroom, she splashed cold water on her face and shivered. God, how she missed hot water already. Thankfully, the well ran on a windmill, so they didn’t have to worry about getting water, but no electricity sucked. The house had a backup generator, but she hadn’t turned it on yet. Probably wouldn’t until necessary. They would need the house’s heater in the winter. Nights could be brutal.
“Britney?” The sound of Axel’s voice coming from such a close distance made her jump.
Her hand flew to her chest as she spun around to find him standing at the door of her bathroom. “What the hell are you doin’?”
Axel crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe. “The kids let me in. You didn’t hear me calling your name? Or the kids screaming at you that I was here?”
“Obviously not.” Her heart thrashed in her chest. “What are you doin’ in here anyway?”
“You said to meet you on the front porch at ten.” He made a show of looking down at his watch. “It’s ten thirty now. I wanted to make sure you and the kids were okay.”
Britney propped herself up against the counter. “We’re fine.”
“Are you sure?” Axel asked. “Because you didn’t even hear me come in, and I caught you staring at your bathtub.”
Had she been staring at the tub that intently? “I was just thinkin’.”
“About hygiene?”
Britney chuckled. “That and how much I miss soakin’ in the bathtub. It’s always been my way of unwindin’ after a stressful day or week. Near-scaldin’ water, candles, bubbles and a big glass of wine. John would keep the kids occupied, and I would just close my eyes and relax.”
“I’m sorry.”
Britney blinked away the unexpected tears. “For what?”
“For all you and your kids are going through.”
“It’s not like it’s just us.” Britney rotated around and scrunched her nose at her now-blotchy face. “We’re all goin’ through this shit.”
“It’s different. We only have ourselves to look after. You have three small kids.” Axel handed her a tissue from the counter. “I think I can speak for everyone when I say we’ll do everything we can to keep your children safe.”
Britney’s chin trembled, but she didn’t dare look up for fear of breaking down completely. “Thank you.”
“Take your time. I’ll meet you on the porch when you’re ready.”
“You’re welcome to wait in the house,” Britney said without a second thought. “If you want.”
“Thanks. Do you mind if I hang with the kids? They had a pretty serious game of Go Fish going on down there.”
Britney’s eyes darted to him and then back to the mirror. She couldn’t believe this burly, tattooed man wanted to spend time with her kids. “Sure. But I feel it’s only fair to warn you, they’ll kick your ass and laugh in your face while doin’ it.”
Axel snorted. “My kind of people. See you in a few.”
After he left, Britney rummaged through her closet and settled for a knee-length black dress and matching cowboy boots. High heels weren’t going to cut it today.
In the kitchen, she found Axel and the kids sitting around the breakfast table, each with a set of cards in their hands.
“Molly.” Axel peeked over his cards and grinned. “Do you have any fours?”
“Go fish,” she giggled.
“Son of a bi—” Axel paused and cleared his throat. “Sorry.”
Blake snickered. “It’s okay. Mommy says bad words all the time.”
“Hey!” Britney playfully smacked him on the back of the head. “Stop tellin’ people that.”
“Mom.” Carson drew out the word for emphasis. “You always tell us not to lie.”
“And I also tell you not to be goin’ around makin’ me look bad.” She kissed the top of his head. “Are we ready?”
Molly popped up from her chair. “Is Axel coming too?”
“Um….” She didn’t know how to answer that. He’d planned the damn thing, but they never discussed if he wanted to attend.
“Of course I’m going,” Axel said, grabbing his leather jacket. “We all are.”
Britney’s eyes met his. “Everyone?”
Axel cocked an eyebrow. “Why do you look so surprised?”
“It’s just that, well,” Britney started as she corralled the kids to
ward the door, “you guys didn’t know John or Susan. And funerals are not exactly pleasant.”
Axel held open the front door and gestured them to the porch where the rest of the bikers waited. “We take care of our own.”
Tears clogged Britney’s throat, but she forced them back. If she cried this early, she’d never stop. “Thank you all for comin’.”
“Sorry we didn’t dress up.” Gus walked beside her as they headed for her family’s cemetery past the main homestead.
Britney smiled but didn’t reply. She had no words. Their kindness had pushed her to the edge of an emotional breakdown; she was afraid if she opened her mouth, she wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears.
They walked in silence the rest of the way—an amazing feat for her children, since it took a good thirty minutes. She rarely visited the small cemetery where both her parents were buried, along with her dad’s parents and grandparents. The place had always given her the creeps as a child. And after her mother died, it served as a constant reminder of the life she would never have.
“Britney?”
She glanced up at Axel, who had come up beside her. “Yes?”
“I hope you don’t mind.” His gaze shifted toward the cemetery. “I wrapped the bodies in sheets. I didn’t think you wanted the kids seeing their father that way.”
Britney’s eyes fell on the two wrapped bodies lying beside two already dug graves. A wooden cross marked each one.
“I hope I didn’t overstep,” he continued.
“No.” Britney blinked away the tears. “Thank you.”
“Mommy!” Molly called from the rusty wrought iron gate. “Can we go in?”
“Sure, honey.” Britney had only taken the kids up here a couple of times. A few months back, the twins had been obsessed with learning more about Britney’s parents. Death was not a concept kids grasped easily.
Pausing at the gate, Britney scanned their surroundings, suddenly all too aware of how exposed they were out there in the open.
“I don’t like this,” she whispered under her breath.
Axel held open the gate. “Several of us brought guns. We’ll keep an eye out for any sort of movement.”
“We should make it quick,” Britney said as she entered.
