by Dawn, M. K.
Molly jumped up and down, clapping. “That’s your favorite!”
“Open this one.” Blake shoved another present in her lap.
“Ooh,” Molly cooed. “Lots of books.”
Tears stung Britney’s eyes.
Carson handed her the last bag. “One more.”
“Bath salts?” Britney cocked her head.
“Santa must know you’ll need them again one day.”
Britney’s entire body shook. Tears ran down her cheeks, and she felt light-headed. “There are no words.”
“It’s a Christmas miracle.” Axel smiled and shot her a wink.
She stared at Axel, her stomach fluttering and heart breaking all at the same time. It was almost as if these feelings that had blossomed for Axel undermined what she’d had with John.
She placed her presents on the floor at her feet and opened her mouth to call Axel over when the door swung open.
“Merry Christmas!” Mac called out. “Ho, ho, ho. Can we join your celebration?”
“Come in! Come in!” Molly shouted.
Mac, Angie, Gus, Gunner, Rainey and Shifter filed in.
Britney had expected the others to come in from the front, but not Rainey since she lived in the basement. But then she saw Gunner’s hand brush against Rainey’s and understood. Seemed like people were hooking up left and right around here.
“I see Santa came after all?” Angie took a seat next to Britney. “Were you surprised?”
“You aren’t?” Britney asked, still unable to take her eyes off Axel.
Angie patted Britney’s thigh. “Not in the slightest. He’s a good man, you know.”
“I know.”
“You should have seen him with Sabrina. The love he had for that child. Broke all our hearts when she got sick.”
Britney forced herself to look at Angie. “Why didn’t he tell me earlier?”
“I don’t know. He doesn’t like to talk about it with people he doesn’t know. You tell people your kid died of some rare disease and they get that look in their eyes. You know the one.”
“He was afraid I would feel sorry for him?” Britney rolled her eyes. “Of course I feel sorry for him. He lost a child.”
“I’m not going to pretend I know what’s going on in that pretty little head of his. But what I know is he cares for you and your babies a whole lot. And after all the shit you four went through, he probably wanted to show you how strong he can be. For you.”
“That’s crazy.” Britney turned her attention back to her kids.
“Like I said”—Angie stood—“that’s just my opinion. Now, I think it’s about time we work on that Christmas dinner.”
“Who wants to help me make the pies?” Rainey asked.
Molly’s hand shot up. “Me! I want to help. I can make pies.”
“Boys?” Rainey addressed them. “What about you?”
Carson looked to Axel. “Can I help you cook the turkey?”
“Yes, sir.”
“I want to build the fire!” Blake, her little firebug, announced. “Let's make a big one, all the way to the sky.”
Gunner laughed. “Sure, kid. But first you need to get dressed.”
“That’s a good idea,” Britney said. “All three of you, head upstairs and put on some warm clothes. Don’t want to get your pajamas dirty.”
Carson jumped to his feet. “Don’t start the turkey without me.”
“Or the pies!” Molly added.
“You can get the firewood,” Blake said as he passed Gunner. “I want to light the matches.”
Gunner barked a laugh. “We need to keep a close eye on that kid.”
***
“Did you have a good Christmas?” Britney asked as she tucked the kids into bed.
“The best!” Carson could hardly contain his excitement. “Did you see how Mac fell down when I hit him with that snowball?”
Blake laughed. “That was so funny.”
“Not as funny as Axel hitting Mommy with the snowball.” Molly giggled.
“And Mommy getting him back,” Carson snickered.
Britney gave each of them a kiss. “That was funny. Now get some sleep. I love you.”
“Love you,” they each called out as she left the room.
She headed downstairs to finish cleaning up the new toys the kids had left scattered around the living room. They were so excited, her included, that Santa had come, and she didn’t feel like ruining their excitement by having them clean up.
She tiptoed around the Legos on the floor, careful not to break anything Carson and Axel had already built or step on the others with her bare feet. Those things hurt like a mother.
She picked up the presents she’d never expected to get and took them to the kitchen table to get a better look at the books. And open the wine.
She poured herself a glass and spread the ten books on the table, trying to decide which one she wanted to dive into first. It was a hard decision. All were under the fantasy genre, her favorite. She couldn’t believe Axel remembered.
Or that he thought to bring back toys for her kids. That he played Santa and surprised them all.
She sucked down her glass of wine and poured another, her head spinning. Deep in her heart, she knew there was something between them. Feelings for each other that went beyond friendship. If she were being honest with herself, she’d felt a spark between them when they first met. Not that she’d thought much of it at the time; he was an attractive man, and every woman in town swooned when he came around.
The second glass of wine went down easier than the first. Sitting in the kitchen alone, surrounded by her gifts, she had a sudden urge to find Axel and thank him.
They’d been so busy today that she wasn’t even sure if they’d spoken two words to each other. Which was strange because they were always talking.
Another sip of liquid courage and she jumped to her feet. She had to make sure Axel knew how much she appreciated all he’d done for her and her kids today.
Before leaving, she knocked on the basement door to let Gunner and Rainey know she’d be back. She’d made it a point earlier to let them know she didn’t have a problem with Gunner staying in the house with Rainey.
Britney slipped on her snow boots and jacket, not bothering to change out of her fleece pajamas, and headed out the door.
“Britney?”
She startled, surprised to find Axel sitting in the swing on her porch. “What are you doin’ out here? It’s freezin’.”
“Trying to get up the nerve to knock.”
“What?” His bluntness took her by surprise. “Why? Normally you just knock and barge in without waiting for a reply.”
“Barge in?” He grimaced. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude.”
He got up to leave, but Britney stepped in front of him. “That’s not what I meant. Please don’t go. I wanted to talk to you.”
“About?” Axel’s eyes bored into hers.
“Today. What you did for the kids.” Butterflies filled her stomach. “And for me.”
He took a step closer and her breath hitched. He smelled so good, so manly, it made her insides quiver.
“How do you know it was me?” A hint of mischievousness danced in his eyes.
Britney bit down on her bottom lip. “It was, wasn’t it? No one else knew about my love of books and bath stuff.”
“Hopefully we can figure out a way for you to use the bath stuff.”
Her eyelids fluttered as he leaned closer. Their lips were so close to touching. All she had to do was push up on her tiptoes.
“Thank you,” she whispered, unable to break eye contact.
He ran his thumb along her cheekbone and she shuddered. She wanted nothing more in that moment than for him to kiss her.
But he didn’t. And she didn’t understand why. Couldn’t he see the want in her eyes? Was she not giving off the right signals? Maybe he was waiting for her to make the first move?
“Britney,” he breathed, “is it
okay—”
She was done waiting. Throwing her arms around his neck, she pressed her lips to his.
Axel scooped her up in his arms. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he brought them down on the bench.
Fireworks exploded within her. She felt faint and exhilarated at the same time. Every cliché she’d ever read about in her mother’s sappy romance novels became a reality. She’d never experienced anything quite like it. Even with John.
John.
Tears burst from her eyes as she pulled out of Axel’s embrace.
He reached out for her. “Brit, what’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry.” She tried to force the tears away, rubbing her palms across her face. “I had a couple of glasses of wine and got caught up in the moment.”
“Oh.” Axel stood up, his shoulders drooping. “I didn’t mean… I thought… you kissed me.”
“I know.” Britney couldn’t bear to face him. “And I wanted to. So much. But… it’s just… I’m not ready.”
Axel ran his hand along her arm. “Britney, look at me. Please.”
Her body trembled as she rotated around slowly, not wanting to see the anger in his eyes. But there was none. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.” Using his index finger, he lifted her chin. “I understand. It hasn’t been that long since John died. You’re not ready, and that’s okay.”
“But everything you’ve done for us,” she sobbed.
“I would have done it anyway, whether you batted your pretty green eyes at me or not.”
Her chest ached. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“Come here.” He pulled her into a tight hug and kissed the top of her head. “I’m not going anywhere.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
“Time to add more wood to the fire.” Gus wrapped his blanket around himself as he slipped on his shoes. “I’ll go get it.”
Axel rose from the couch. “I’ll go with you.”
By the middle of January, it had gotten too cold to stay in the barn. The house didn’t have enough rooms for everyone to have their own, but they made do.
Mac and Angie took Molly’s room. Gus stayed in Blake’s. Gunner and Rainey had the basement. That left Axel and Shifter with the living room, which was proving to be a mistake. The lack of privacy and overall close quarters of the group had taken its toll.
“Maybe we should check the generator while we’re at it,” Shifter added. “We’re going to die from hypothermia if the damn thing keeps freezing up on us.”
“What?” Molly gasped. “I don’t want to die.”
Britney pulled Molly into her arms and glowered at Shifter. “No one is goin’ to die. Even if the generator isn’t workin’, we still have the fireplace. That gives off more than enough heat.”
“If we all slept in the living room,” Shifter mumbled.
“We’ll make sure the generator is up and runnin’ before we go to bed,” Britney reassured him. “But for now, we have the fireplace goin’. And we’re all downstairs. There’s no point in wasting gas.”
Axel bumped into Shifter as he headed for the door. “Watch what you’re saying in front of the kids, won’t you?”
“Better watch where you’re walking, kid.” Shifter got into Axel’s face. “I have just as much right as you to say what’s on my mind.”
“Say what you want,” Axel growled, “just not in front of the kids.”
Molly snuggled closer into Britney’s side. “Don’t fight.”
Axel and Shifter snapped their heads in her direction. Both men’s faces softened at the sight of the scared little girl.
“Sorry.” Shifter patted Axel on the back. “No one’s fighting. Everyone’s just a little grumpy.”
Britney could imagine these men had gotten little sleep. “You know what, kids? Why don’t we have a slumber party downstairs. That way Shifter can take Carson’s room, and Axel can have my room.”
“I’m not going to kick you out of your room,” Axel said. “I can stay down here with the kids.”
“I insist.” Britney felt bad that Axel gave up his chance for a real bed. “Please. You shouldn’t have to sleep on the couch.”
“I’m good. The pullout isn’t bad.” Axel ran a hand through his hair. “I’ve slept on worse.”
“Then the kids can sleep in my room. That way you’ll at least have the livin’ room to yourself.”
“All four of you will fit on your bed?” Axel asked.
“We’ll make do. They can have the bed, and I can sleep on the mat the kids use in our bedroom if they have a nightmare or aren’t feelin’ well.” She had forgotten about that until now. “Which I should have thought about sooner so one of you could have used it.”
Shifter waved a dismissive hand. “I doubt it would have done either of us any good.”
“Kids, why don’t you go upstairs, gather your stuff for bedtime and put it in my room.”
“Can’t we sleep downstairs?” Carson asked. “Like a real slumber party?”
“No. Axel needs his privacy.”
Molly scrunched her little nose. “Why?”
“Because grown-ups like their peace and quiet.” Like everyone else, Britney was tired of being cooped up in the house, and it was starting to show.
“That’s boring,” Blake groaned.
“Just go upstairs,” she snapped, then added, “please.”
The front door swung open and a blast of cold air swept through the house, chilling Britney to her bone. Gus stumbled in, a stack of firewood in hand. “I have some bad news. We’re out of gas.”
“What?” Britney jumped to her feet. “That can’t be right.”
“Must have been the storm last night. All the high winds.” Gus dropped the wood next to the fire. “A couple of large limbs broke off the tree. They punctured a hole in the tank and knocked it over. We didn’t notice it this morning because of all the snow.”
Britney heard the kids' footsteps above them as they dragged their pillows and blankets toward her room. “Change of plan,” she yelled up the stairs. “We’re all sleepin’ down here for a while.”
“All of us?” Rainey asked as she snuggled closer to Gunner.
“It’ll get cold in this house without central heat.” Britney looked to the others. “Freezin’. I hate to say it, but having your own rooms upstairs probably won’t happen. I mean you can try, but there’s not much insulation left in this old house.”
“So we all sleep down here.” Axel took a seat in the recliner. “Keep the fire going. That combined with our body heat, we’ll be fine. How long does winter typically last here?”
Britney didn’t want to say, didn’t want to worry anyone. “It should warm up by March. Until then, durin’ the days, if we dress warm enough, we can go outside and get some fresh air. We don’t have much of a choice anyway. We have to check on the animals and keep them fed.”
“Guess we have to suck it up and make it through the winter without killing each other,” Mac said. “It’s better than the alternative.”
***
The days ticked by slower than Britney could ever imagine. By February, the living room looked like a campground. To give everyone their own space, they resorted to pushing her furniture into the dining room to make room for five tents. Axel had brought back four from their first supply run, and Rainey and Gunner took one while Mac and Angie coupled up in another. Gus and Shifter split the other two. Britney dug out a fifth one from a barn for her, the kids and Axel to share.
Axel had refused at first, trying to put everyone else’s needs above his own. Again. It was becoming a habit. One she wished he would break. But she wore him down with the kids’ help—they gave him their best puppy dog eyes and pleaded until he agreed.
It worked out well. With all of them hidden behind their nylon walls, it gave everyone the illusion of being alone, which kept them all from killing each other, but not from going stir-crazy.
They spent most of their time indoors. This winter had been
exceptionally brutal so far, more so than she remembered the past few years. The below-freezing temperatures had always made farm life in the winter difficult, but there was normally a way to warm up after being outside. A heated house and a hot shower did the job nicely.
“Are we sure there’s no way to get the generator back up and running?” Angie huddled closer to the fireplace. “This cold is kicking my ass.”
“No gas, no generator.” Gus threw another log on the fire. “We can light more candles, see if that helps.”
Angie rolled her eyes. “Sure, why not? It hasn’t helped yet, but maybe it will this time.”
“Hey.” Mac took a seat beside her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “No need for sarcasm. Gus is just trying to help.”
“I know.” Tears welled in Angie’s eyes. “I’m just so cold.”
“We all are,” Rainey stated. “But the nights aren’t too bad. It gets pretty warm in the tent.”
The other good thing about setting up the tents was with all the windows and doors zipped tight, they held in heat pretty well.
“We can’t just stay in our tents all day.” Angie blew out a heavy breath. “It’s hard enough not losing my mind being stuck in this house.”
“You know what we need?” Axel said. “We need something to take our minds off the cold. You don’t see the kids complaining, do you? That’s because they stay busy.”
Axel was right, the kids hadn’t really complained too much about the cold. They kept themselves busy playing with toys or games. Sometimes together, sometimes apart. The times they got bored, one of the adults got them past it. Rainey was the best. She could create a make-believe scenario in a matter of seconds.
“What do you suggest?” Shifter grumbled.
“How about cards?” Axel dug them out of the stack of games Britney kept in the hall closet. “Poker, rummy, blackjack. Something.”
Britney couldn’t remember the last time she’d played card games with adults. “I have the rules for ten-step rummy, and I’m sure we have poker chips around here somewhere.”
Gunner rubbed his hands together. “Sounds like a good way to pass the time. Can’t believe we didn’t think of it before. Let's play on the floor next to the fire.”
