by Dean, Ali
I was on my knees, not hiding where my hand was or that I was stroking myself. I didn’t stop though. She seemed to be concentrating just fine.
She smiled wider and then she sat up a little to take her own shirt off. My boxers were halfway down her legs already but she wiggled them all the way off and flicked them away.
“It’s only ever been you, Cruz. You know it. I love you hard enough that I can forgive you just about anything. Even breaking my heart. But if you don’t slide on one of the extra-large condoms in the next ten seconds, I’m giving you the silent treatment for at least a week.”
I did it in four seconds. And when I pushed inside her, I had to pause immediately. “It’s a good thing you love me so hard because this first time? It’s going to be over fast.”
I wasn’t lying. There was no way in hell this woman could expect me to last when she’d been torturing me with her body for years without even knowing it. I’d been dreaming about this moment, picturing her even when I shouldn’t, at the most inappropriate times.
Fortunately, we had an entire box of condoms. I did explode within seconds of being inside her that first time, but I was ready again just as quickly, the second round able to slow things down and find out more about what exactly my girl liked.
By the time we got out of bed, I’d nearly forgotten what was going down today. My mind was lost in the feel of Hazel’s skin, the way she’d owned me with her body just as I had hers with mine. This connection between us, it had always been undeniable. Now? Now it was locked tight. There was nothing between us anymore and I couldn’t take my hands off her. Not while I popped some frozen Eggos in the toaster, or started the coffee machine. Not while we ate breakfast, or as I explained the plan for the day with her.
I knew Hazel was nervous about her dad. “You want to go by your place and see him? There’s an hour before the meeting.”
Hazel’s eyebrows furrowed as she shook her head.
“No. Dad’s got to stay focused. I’m sure he went home yesterday and crashed. Now he’s probably getting his head ready. He needs to be in the game. I don’t want to pull him away from that.”
“You know your dad can handle himself, right? Yeah his jobs for the Malones are behind computer screens, but a lot of times, he’s been on the ground too.”
Hazel’s eyes flashed. “On the ground?”
“Yeah. Some of the work he did was on site. Like for Braven, they brought him in undercover as a maintenance guy in order to set up whatever he needed on our systems to direct it to his office at home. That’s how they first started siphoning shipments.”
She pressed her lips together.
“I’m sure not all the businesses they infiltrate go quite so smoothly,” she said.
“No. Like I said, pretty sure your dad knows how to handle himself.” I’d seen it first-hand, more than once. The first time was years ago when he’d done the reverse -- broken into the Malones’ drug warehouse to get evidence for our side. Now wasn’t the time to explain it to Hazel. She was already on information overload as it was.
“Right.” She sat up straighter. “Time for me to learn how to use a gun then.”
This was my girl. She was all business now. After a night of fun with the guys and one hell of a morning, Hazel was getting shit done. She might have needed a hug from her dad, sure, but she also understood the man like no one else. He needed to focus, and he struggled big time with multi-tasking, especially when it came to looking out for his daughter. She was his reason for getting into this mess, his weakness, but also his purpose, his reason for risking it all to get out. Hazel knew that, and she knew what she had to do. She had to be strong and get on board. And she had to do it fast.
I saw all this going on inside of her, and I was so damn grateful she’d chosen me. Chosen us.
“Cruz?”
“Huh?”
“You’re kind of out of it, in your own head. That’s not like you. Everything okay?”
I felt the side of my mouth lifting and I went with honesty. “I’m just so damn in love with you, Hazel. You blow my mind.” As soon as the words came out I knew how dumb they sounded, but Hazel just laughed.
“Yeah, I know exactly how you feel. Let’s get out of here before we get naked again. We got shit to do.”
We were on my motorcycle on the way to the firing range a few minutes later. Having her at my back on my bike, knowing how deep her trust ran, it was one of the best feelings in the world. I was powerful, invincible, untouchable. I could believe it all with the wind on our faces, the roar of the engine vibrating between our legs.
My phone went off as we parked at the range. When I checked the message, all the superpower sensations I’d had flowing through me a moment earlier flew away, and it wasn’t because we were getting off the bike. Dad had two full-time caregivers. One of them was running late for his shift, and the other asked if I could come home to fill in.
There wasn’t much that could take me away from Hazel, especially not today. I could call Gramps, but I knew he was on standby for Jeremy. That was his role.
“Haze, I’m going to have the guys meet you here to train you, okay? I need to head home for my dad.”
“I’ll come.” She didn’t hesitate, didn’t ask questions. A little gust of that superpower vibe came back with her devotion to me.
I shook my head. “No. You’ll see him. But this is more important.”
It wasn’t negotiable and Hazel didn’t argue. I felt her studying me as I texted the guys. When her arms wrapped around me from behind, a lump formed in my throat. I could handle punches. I could deal with strategy. I could even walk away from her if it meant keeping her safe. I could do all that without breaking down. But her compassion? The sound of her heart beating because she hurt for me? That would be the thing that made me bawl. Right here in the firing range parking lot.
Emmett texted back first, said they’d just wrapped up a run and lifting session and would be there in ten minutes.
I swallowed down the emotions before they could overwhelm me. My eyes burned but I got it together. Not here. Not now. There wasn’t time for this shit.
I couldn’t leave Hazel alone, but I also couldn’t talk about Dad. I turned around in her arms and glanced around. I’d parked under a tree and we stood by it now, away from prying eyes.
“Wanna make out till the guys get here?” I asked, trying for playful.
She didn’t buy it and her smile was sad.
“Sure. Whatever you want, Cruz.”
I knew I couldn’t have everything I wanted. That wasn’t life, and it wasn’t the life I’d been dealt, that was damn certain. But if I could have this, this woman’s compassion, her kisses, her loyalty, it would be enough. Hell, it was more than enough.
Chapter Fourteen
Hazel
There was no goofing around with the guys today like there was last night, and it wasn’t only because we were handling guns. Dad was currently meeting with Seamus Malone, on Malone turf, with no real backup. There wasn’t much we could do if things went south.
All I could do was have faith Dad had it handled. Dad would make the threat clear up front that if something happened to him, the Malones were screwed. That should protect him long enough to get through the conversation.
It didn’t help that I’d never held a gun before in my life and now I was surrounded by them, shooting one. The sounds made me think about how Moody’s house had gotten shot at as a warning of sorts. It made me think about how quickly and how easily Dad’s life could end. But I refused to succumb to fear.
As the minutes turned into hours and the guys insisted we wrap it up and get some food, I struggled to be brave. No one had put a time expectation on the meeting but it seemed like we should have had word by now.
I was not all there when we got in Spike’s Hummer and drove to Shaw’s Shack. I loved this place. We used to go here all the time for fried shrimp or lobster rolls after soccer practice. In the past few years, I hadn’t been back
, and it was unsettling to face the reason why. As we slid into a booth, it was clear the guys had been here plenty over the years. I could tell by the way the owner greeted them on the way in, the way our waiter seemed familiar. As I rubbed my chest, Emmett threw an arm around me.
“He’s good, cuz. Uncle Jeremy is a real badass. He’s got this.”
“Seamus is still reeling from losing his dad,” Spike added. “He’s still feeling out his role as boss man. He’ll want to take this back to everyone for a vote.”
Bodhi was sitting across from me and he tapped my foot. “It’s not a one-man show. He can’t just decide to off Uncle Jeremy because he turned on them. He knows what’s at stake.”
I rolled my eyes. “Off my dad? What, you talk like mafia now, too?”
Mounting panic about Dad chilled with this information. It made sense. This was a one-on-one meeting about one of the largest criminal enterprises in the world. Seamus wouldn’t do anything drastic that could bring it all crumbling down. Not without consulting others, contemplating everything.
I was still sore from the nostalgia of this place. The lost years. Especially now with how easily it all came back. It made it that much more poignant, what I’d missed out on. They’d been moving forward, making more memories, while I’d been holding on tight to the ones I had left. I let myself indulge in bitterness for a beat, but I knew I had to let it go. If I dwelled on it, I’d never get that chance to move forward and make new memories. Besides, it hadn’t been all fun and games for the guys these past three years either.
But then a new sensation settled in the pit of my stomach. And this was much, much worse. I wasn’t prepared for it. The truth was, I’d pushed it aside as soon as Cruz was arrested. It had been easy to do, with everything else coming at me. But now Branden and Sean Malone were walking through the parking lot, headed our way.
It was weird, how I could feel the color draining from my face at their cocky swaggers. We were a ways from the main strip downtown. This shack was a few minutes from the range on the road headed to the shore.
I heard someone curse. Then Moody asked, “Did they follow us?”
I couldn’t take my eyes off them, not until Emmett’s stern voice snapped my attention to him. “Keep it cool, guys. We don’t want to blow this all up. No one is starting shit. Not while Uncle Jeremy’s in there with Seamus. Got it?”
He’d barely gotten the words out when the bell on the door jingled as it swung open behind me.
The owner started to greet them from behind the main counter, but her voice died down. I clenched my teeth. Was she scared of them? Did they have weapons? Or was everyone around here afraid of the Malones and I’d just been too oblivious to notice before?
I realized then what I was experiencing. This was fear. It didn’t make sense. They were outnumbered, and my eyes took in the steely gazes of the three guys on the other side of the booth from me. They were armed. I knew this now. But I was shaking. What was I afraid of?
I didn’t turn, not until I heard Bodhi ask, “What do you want?”
They stood over our booth, looking taller than I remembered from three days ago.
“We came to apologize.”
“Apologize?” Bodhi nearly hissed the word.
I didn’t like them standing over us and I was relieved when our waiter pulled over two short stools that they actually used.
“To Hazel. For Thursday.”
My relief was gone as quickly as it came. Why were they sitting? Were they planning to stay to tell the guys exactly what they’d done? My skin was suddenly itchy and hot and I wanted to crawl under our booth and disappear.
I stared at my hands on the table. Go away, I silently chanted in my head. Just go. Leave. Go. Go. Go!
Emmett must have read my mind because he said, “Got it. You can go now.”
“No, we want to make it right,” Sean insisted.
“We need to make it right,” Branden added.
“You can start by leaving,” Spike said.
I fought squeezing my eyes shut. I wanted to do something to block this out. All of it.
“Look,” Sean said, “Hazel’s gonna be around. Probably at Harvard with us next year. We don’t want her scared of us.”
My eyes finally shot back to them. Were they being serious? But then I realized. They didn’t know. I hadn’t known a thing about my dad’s involvement that night. They didn’t know that now I knew everything. They didn’t know that their suspicions about the guys at this table and Cruz were actually spot on.
No, the two guys sitting there were not the same guys from Thursday, on a mission to prove themselves in the Malone family, certain they were about to make a big discovery. These two had been taken down a few pegs, and I knew it wasn’t from my side. My side had been itching to do that, but had held back. My eyes widened. They had new bruises too. So Seamus must have thought the boys had jeopardized the arrangement with my dad. Seamus came to the meeting with my dad to beg for him to come back and make things right. He sent his son and nephew to do the same with me.
Oh, hell.
We had to play along. Dad wasn’t going to let on that the five of us were involved to Seamus. Not unless it became necessary. We had to pretend to hold back because we were simply afraid of the Malone name, just like the Shack owner was. Which was hard to pull off for these guys. Partly because everyone knew the guys would throw down if they really wanted to. They’d done it just the other night at Patriot Taphouse.
And then Emmett provided the reason, the fake reason, for holding back fists. I was by the window, he was beside me, on the outside of our booth. Emmett leaned forward so he was right in their faces. “The only reason you don’t each have broken legs, arms, and ribs right now, is because Uncle Jeremy told us to hold off. For now. You came. You apologized. We’re done here. Nothing else is going to happen today.”
“Get out before we change our minds,” Bodhi added for good measure.
The Malones sneered as they pushed back from their stools, but they didn’t shoot it my way. No, they’d had their own orders to lay off me. I wasn’t about to accept any apology and they knew it, but they didn’t know what was going on right now, what kind of agreement was at stake. We had more power than them because we knew everything, and no one expected it.
When the door slammed shut behind them, the guys all turned to me. “I’m fine and no I don’t want to talk about it. Ever.”
The food came a few minutes later. I couldn’t eat, and no one pushed it. We had family dinner at Pops and Mimi’s in a couple hours anyway. I wasn’t even sure why we were eating, but it was two PM, so I guess we’d missed lunch. I was all messed up. I’d slept late, had breakfast late. Skipped a workout so I could learn to shoot a gun. Everything was off. This morning, with Cruz, everything felt just right. Was it that simple? Did I just need him in order to get through this? It should have made me feel weak, that idea. But it didn’t. It gave me comfort to know there was something, or someone, that could help me handle this. Because as I watched the Malones leave and felt their presence still lingering in the Shack, another realization hit me. I wasn’t a pawn anymore. The Malones might think I was, but I was a player now. We all were. It was the Malones we were manipulating. The board had shifted and we had the power. It helped me shake whatever ugliness had crept in with the Malones. Enough to get through our late lunch.
There was still no word from Dad by three PM. It had been four hours since he’d started his meeting with Seamus.
When I told the guys to take me to Cruz, they didn’t argue. We were a team, all of us, but Cruz and I were a pair, and I needed him.
When we got to his house, I discovered that Cruz needed me more.
Chapter Fifteen
Cruz
This was why I avoided Dad. Once I was with him, I couldn’t leave. He still knew who I was, remembered everything about me. I was his favorite person to reminisce about. He hardly talked about Mom anymore. It was me. But it also paralyzed me to be here
in this house, the house we’d moved into when Mom died. It froze me, made it impossible to move forward.
When Hazel stepped into the living room, I vaguely registered the guys behind her. Seeing her in this space, it snapped the trance. The caretaker had come for his shift hours ago, but I hadn’t been able to leave. Dad was having a good day and he’d been talking nonstop.
I could hear the excitement in his voice when he recognized Hazel. “Hazel Ross! You get more beautiful every day. Come sit down.”
Hazel hesitated a beat before walking toward him. He stood and opened his arms for a hug. The guys followed behind her, and I could tell they were uncertain what to expect. The last time they’d seen Dad had been one of his worst days. It was the day before my eighteenth birthday and we’d been grilling with the guys. Dad had asked when Mom would be home from the office.
He’d been having trouble with the guys’ names this past summer too. But today he greeted each of them. We sat around our living room, and Dad continued with what he’d been doing the past couple of hours. Reminiscing. Older memories were easier for him, and now he went back to five years ago, when I’d joined New England Elite, switching over from another club team. I’d joined because these four guys were the best in the area, and I wanted to play with them.
“Cruz had always had friends, see. But then he met you four boys, and I knew it was different.” I let Dad embarrass me. He was enjoying himself, and I didn’t mind giving him this. Then he went on about Hazel.
“Cruz had this crush on you, Hazel, for years, did you know that?”
She glanced at me and fought a smile. “For years, huh?”
Dad nodded and leaned back in his armchair, pleased to have so much attention. “Oh yes. When he was still on Premier FC he used to talk about this girl who could play on the boys’ teams. That she was the best player he’d ever seen. Then when he got to know you, oh boy. It was Hazel Ross this, Hazel Ross that, every day.”
“Really?” Hazel sat forward in her seat, enjoying this.
