The arrival of a car out the front jerked her head up. She knew the sound of that engine, so she turned and walked, with the occasional slip in the gravel in her haste, back to the house. Slow down, goose, she admonished herself but couldn’t help the sigh of relief and anticipation that he’d come.
‘How did you do that?’ she said as she made it to the driveway and marched across to meet him.
Lorenzo climbed gracefully from his seat, smiled at her and stepped close. ‘Do what, bella?’
She gestured a little wildly with her hand in a half-circle. ‘Arrive when I’d just admitted to myself that I wished you were here.’
He steepled his hands in a very Italian gesture. ‘It is our connection, cara. We transcend mere telephones.’
She snorted. ‘I don’t believe you.’
He slid his arm around her and drew her close. ‘I missed you. It is good you missed me.’ Then he shrugged. ‘Also, your mother rang. She believed you could benefit from my company this afternoon. She is an excellent woman.’
Stella couldn’t believe her mother had done that. Her cheeks heated in dismay. ‘I’ll kill her.’
‘And I will kiss her.’ He bent his head. ‘And you.’ Which he did with a quirk of his brows and with masculine thoroughness. By the time he had finished, she wanted to kiss her mother too.
He let her go but held onto her hand. ‘Is it so bad that I am here?’
‘No,’ she mumbled into his solid chest. Had she said that grudgingly? Her mouth felt soft and swollen and her head half dazed. She needed to be careful of that – the man could sweep her away with his kisses.
It was only the second time he’d kissed her and it was even better than the first. He was moving the pace along. She wasn’t sure she was ready, but it felt so damn good to be held again.
His voice vibrated in his chest under her cheek. ‘You could say “grazie for coming, Lorenzo”.’
She made an exasperated noise in her throat. ‘Don’t push your luck.’
He laughed, stepped back and let her go. ‘Come, cara. Let us walk along this dusty Australian track. Share your thoughts from the last few days while you show me these little houses your mother has so cleverly designed.’
She glanced once back at the homestead, considered taking the sat phone, and decided against it. If anyone was worried, they could ask her mother. As for herself, she was already feeling better. She took his strong hand in hers and it felt so good, she didn’t give a damn if anyone saw them. Everyone else seemed to think her attraction to Lorenzo was a great idea, so why was she fighting it? And how could she not be attracted to him when he made her feel like the desirable woman she’d thought she’d lost?
Chapter Thirty-eight
Ava
By the end of the fifth day, Ava’s strain of having Zac here, but not here, felt like the weight of a big Brahman bull tied across her shoulders.
Zac was still polite, unintentionally endearing, and interested in all the things he’d been interested in when they’d first begun to discuss each other’s lives in Alice. But the loss of her lover had broken Ava’s heart, and sitting next to him on the verandah now, watching the lowering sun cast shadows along the ridge, made her eyes sting.
‘So, Dreamtime stories tonight over at the community?’ Zac asked into the silence between them.
She couldn’t do it. Couldn’t sit in the dark with Zac and imagine what it should have been like if he had remembered what lay between them. Her reserve of strength for today was gone. ‘Poddy’s offered to take you. Something’s cropped up that I need to do tonight.’ I need to get rid of this depressing headache, she thought.
Zac had turned to cast a searching look in her direction and she was relieved to see Hana’s brother walking towards them. ‘Here he comes now.’
They both turned towards the approaching stockman. Poddy epitomised the glory of the Maori with his big, dark eyes in his big-boned face and swirling tattooed sleeves on his muscular arms and legs. Like a haka-roaring footballer, Poddy seemed larger than life, but his soul was gentle, and after the death of their parents, his protective love for his sister had carried him across the Tasman Sea to share her life in Australia, where he’d slipped with remarkable ease into the role of foreman for Jock.
Poddy had taken Ava aside today and shared his concern about Jock. They’d agreed he’d take Zac to the stories tonight and discuss Hana’s worries. Ava would ask Zac if he thought they should speed up the referral for help.
‘Hey, bro.’ Poddy slapped Zac on the shoulder and Ava winced at the solid blow. Lucky it was his good side, though the idea of knocking some memory into Zac was beginning to appeal. She sighed inwardly – she really did need a timeout.
‘We gonna tie a bit on and sink a few beers?’ Poddy’s jovial greeting made Ava smile and almost wish she was going with them now. She probably needed that sort of recreation more than Zac.
‘Sounds good.’ Zac stood. ‘I’ll keep in mind the recent head injury.’ He said this with a smile at Ava and one last glance towards her. ‘Sure you don’t want to come?’
‘Can’t.’ She kept it short.
Poddy cast her a searching look. Ava knew Hana had told him her problem with Zac. ‘I’ll teach him what I’ve learned with the didgeridoo. Should be a laugh.’ Poddy was notoriously bad at the didgeridoo.
‘Sorry I’ll miss it.’ Ava could smile at that.
‘Liar.’ Poddy grinned at her and she thought again how lucky they all were to have him in their lives. ‘Come on then, Doc.’
When she’d waved them off, she went back inside where her mother and Lorenzo stood quite close to each other as they looked out the window towards the river. Cups and saucers were set out on the low table. Formal supper in the sitting room?
Stella directed Lorenzo to the large chair, and she sat and patted the couch beside her for Ava.
‘You look less pale but more worn out,’ her mother said with a hint of worry in her voice, and Ava straightened her shoulders. She was fine. Her mother looked so much better now than she had when Ava had first come home. At least someone’s love life was being sorted out.
There was no doubt Lorenzo appeared happy too. He said, ‘I am sorry your Zac still has no memory.’
And now everyone was feeling sorry for her. Better and better. Not. ‘Thank you.’
When his gaze moved to her mother, Lorenzo’s admiration for Stella shone for a moment and then was hidden. Ava wondered when he’d first realised her mum was for him. She couldn’t help a trickle of self-pity when she thought of what it would mean to have Zac look at her in such a way again.
Granny Mim returned with a pot of tea and Lorenzo jumped up to take it and set it down for her. Mim took a seat and Stella leaned forward to pour the tea when the four of them were settled. Small sections of a slice were arranged on a plate, so ordinary and pleasant, yet her world had been shaken and stirred like a bloody mary cocktail.
To add to the surreal environment of normality, her mother said, ‘Lorenzo and I went for a walk. He’s very impressed with your cottages, Mother.’
‘Jock and Poddy built them.’ Mim still seemed out of sorts, though she smiled. ‘But thank you. I must show you my workshop one day.’
‘I would like that.’ Lorenzo’s sincerity was obvious.
Mim nodded and smiled for a brief moment before the smile fell from her face. Her eyes were full of worry when they landed on Ava. ‘How are you, sweetie? No breakthroughs today?’
Ava truly didn’t intend to say anything in front of their guest, but you know what? It was okay that Lorenzo was there, especially if the vibes she was getting meant what she thought they did. And she needed to unload. ‘I think the hardest thing is we’d only just found each other and now he’s forgotten.’ Ava leaned into her mother and rested her head and closed her eyes against the sting. Her mother’s hand stroked her hair.
‘I know. It’s so hard being strong.’
Her mother would know. She studied her concerned face.
They did need to share more. She said softly, ‘I never believed in love at first sight, Mum. I do now.’ She qualified the statement. ‘It grew from the first moment we saw each other. He said that too, and now his memory of it all is lost.’
‘Love is the hardest thing to trust and you’ve had your challenges. But it will come back to him. I’m sure of it.’
Ava gave a bitter little laugh. ‘That’s what I thought. Five days he’s been here and now I’m not so sure. I thought coming here would help. It’s tough with him treating me like a stranger.’
‘I have a prescription for you,’ her mum said, patting Ava’s hand. ‘You need a timeout for Ava and her worries. Less than a week ago you were in an accident too. You were shocked, and you saved a life. Probably at the end of a very torrid time at work before your holidays?’
The question hung in the air and Ava closed her eyes. Yes, the past week and all its dramas were all there behind her eyelids. ‘Hmm,’ she agreed.
‘It’s surprising, really, that you’re still standing after the week you’ve had. I prescribe a virtual holiday. Just for twelve hours. You shelve everything for tonight. Take time out. I’ll hold all of your problems here.’ She tapped her chest. ‘Safe. You’ll go to bed early, sleep and rest for twelve hours. Then we’ll see what happens when you have your reserves back.’
It was a nice fantasy. ‘How can I do that?’ Ava sat up and squared her shoulders as if to take up her burdens again, and Stella stroked her hair.
‘Try.’ Stella tilted her chin and looked into her daughter’s eyes. ‘I’ll relieve you. Pretend I’m your midwife. You know you do the same for those mums who have problems with their babies and they’ve tried everything. The ones who struggle into the maternity ward totally exhausted, not knowing which way to turn, totally bushed.’ She lifted her hands. ‘I’m your midwife. It’s your turn. Forget your troubles briefly.’
Ava rolled her eyes. ‘I don’t have breastfeeding problems, Mum!’
‘You’re sleep-deprived and stressed, with a recent head injury.’ Stella hugged her. ‘Is it surprising then that the most resilient girl in the world thinks everything is too much?’ She patted her hand. ‘Your problems will all still be there when you get back from your timeout. We’ll all be here for you. But your head will be clearer.’
Ava sagged into the lounge. Could she just pass it all over for the night? Pretend her mother held it all between her capable hands in a fanciful ball, like one of Mim’s skeins of wool for her beanies? Ava met her mother’s gaze with her own and admitted the idea held sense. ‘It does sound wonderful.’
‘It’s done. I have all your troubles here.’ She patted her chest. ‘Now, I’ll make you a special pot of chamomile-and-vanilla tea and tell Zac when he comes back that you’ve gone to bed. Tomorrow is a new day and will come soon enough.’
When Ava woke the next morning, she did feel surprisingly more in control. Mim arrived with the first cup of tea for her and then perched on the side of the bed.
‘How do you feel, Ava?’
She couldn’t believe it. ‘Better. I don’t know how Mum did it, but I did seem to be able to turn off my whirling brain for the night. Maybe the tea helped.’ She sat up straighter and took the cup and saucer. ‘Thank you, Mim.’ She could breathe without a heavy weight on her chest, which was a good thing. ‘If his memory doesn’t return and we don’t end up together, then perhaps the magic I thought we had was grounded in an illusion.’
‘Oh, darling.’ Mim struggled with not offering advice and lost. ‘Are you sure you shouldn’t just tell him he proposed?’
‘Positive.’ She kept her voice level. ‘I refuse to make him feel trapped.’
With a supreme effort of will, Mim said, ‘You know what’s best for you.’ She squeezed Ava’s hand. ‘Be yourself. He has to fall in love with you. I have no idea how he’s held out for so long. How could he not?’
Ava thought about the last night before they’d left for their ill-fated proposal. Zac staring down at her as he bared his soul. Why hadn’t she said yes then and there, and gone to Uluru the next day? No, she told herself. She would not languish in the what-ifs and maybes. That way lay the tension she’d vowed this morning she’d release. Instead, she would be grateful that they were alive and still had the chance to rediscover each other.
She would hold on to hope until the very last moment before he left Setabilly. She just prayed he’d give them time.
The new beginning started at breakfast.
‘Hello, Zac,’ she said brightly. He looked up and she smiled because he was alive. He could have been brain-damaged. Maimed. Dead. She was thankful!
In truth, the man seemed determined to scare the dickens out of her. Yes. It was wonderful to see him whole. He appeared a little startled by the warmth of her greeting, and the last thing she wanted to do was scare him away, so she explained.
‘I’ve been thinking about the accident, so it’s good to see you looking so well.’ She shook her head and sat down, trying not to stare. He was so broad and sexy, and she just wanted to feel him wrap her in his arms and tell her it had all been a bad dream, but for him there were no ‘magic times’ between them, no memories, certainly no proposal. She drew a breath. Things can turn out well if you allow yourself to trust, she told herself. Trust.
He put his spoon down in the middle of eating to look at her and she gestured to the teapot. ‘Would you like a refill?’
He nodded and she filled his cup so carefully it could have been liquid gold. She needed something normal to say. ‘Did you enjoy your evening with Poddy?’
His face lit up. ‘The stories! And the didgeridoo. Did you know didgeridoos are made from logs hollowed out by white ants?’
He was so animated. A lovely man eager for new experiences. Just not her lovely man. ‘Yes,’ she said, shutting down that line of thought. ‘There’s a gorgeous Dreamtime story of the first didgeridoo. Denise’s husband, Ernie, tells it really well. If you see him when you’re here we’ll ask him.’
Then she did something she’d avoided the whole time he’d been here. ‘I know we decided to let things work themselves out, but does it upset you to talk about your memory loss?’
Zac shook his head and his shoulders lowered a fraction with an obvious release of tension. He sat back in his chair. ‘It’s not interesting for anybody but me.’ He shrugged. ‘And thankfully, you. But I haven’t wanted to upset you by asking about the accident.’
There was a new eagerness to him, as if he had a million questions, and he sat forward a little. ‘You sure?’
She nodded.
‘The feeling of doom worries me most, though I get that both you and George say no one died. George said I could be subconsciously repressing memories because I fear them. Maybe something to do with when I lost my wife.’ He glanced at her from under his brows, as if he was worried he would offend her. ‘Do you know of anything that I could be trying to forget?’
Ava didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t think of an instance that would be so horrific to Zac that he would fear its memory. Then a horrible thought occurred. What if his subconscious had rebelled at the fact that he’d betrothed himself so soon after his wife had died and the guilt had caught up with him?
Her stomach sank and she tried to keep her voice level. ‘Not that I can think of, but then I can’t compare this experience to the one where Roslyn was injured. In our accident, I woke up and you were unconscious.’
He shook his head with frustration and looked around the room awkwardly. ‘If I remembered my time with you this would all be different. As it is, I feel like I shouldn’t be here.’
This is exactly where you should be, she wanted to shout. Instead, she stared into her teacup as if the future were there. She drank the bitterness of lost hope, put her cup down and said brightly, ‘Then we need to beef up the hospitality aspect if we can’t keep guests feeling welcome.’
He threw out a hand. ‘Oh, I feel welcome, just a fraud. And I think I’m hurting
you by being here.’ He reached across and took her hand for the first time in days and her breath caught. ‘If I am, I’m sorry. In that case, I shouldn’t have come.’
He squeezed her palm, wrapping his strong, warm fingers around hers. She didn’t think he realised he was doing it, but she reeled as the memories rushed in of other times he’d held her hand, times she’d taken strength from the feeling of his hand on hers. The tears welled up and she closed her eyes tightly to hold them back. She would not beg him to remember that he’d said he loved her. But, oh, how she wanted to.
Ava pulled her hand free and stood up. She walked a few steps to face out the window overlooking the river, surreptitiously wiping her eyes. ‘Do you think you’ll ever get your memory back?’
The creak of the kitchen chair told her he’d followed and then his hand was warm on her shoulder, pressing softly, and he turned her to face him.
‘Apparently,’ his voice was low, gentle, sharing the bad news, ‘the longer it takes, the less likely it is that it will return.’ His voice dropped lower still, as if he was afraid of the answer. ‘Is there anything else I should know?’
She lifted her head. This was all a big, painful waste of time and emotion. ‘Nothing important.’ Maybe you should just … leave, she told him silently.
She felt like a bird that had just hit a window, drawn to the reflection but smacked off a hard surface. Hiding her pain, she forced a smile and stepped back from him. ‘Okay. You stay here, finish your tea, and I’ll talk to Mum and Mim about an expedition. Find you another fantastic experience of the outback before you go back to Alice.’
She pushed open the screen door and went down the steps to Granny Mim’s work shed. She’d glimpsed her mother through the window and she needed some comfort away from Zac.
The Desert Midwife Page 22
