The Secret Girl

by Stunich, C. M.

  I look away and close my eyes for a moment to gather myself. I knew he'd be the hardest one to tell. I knew it.

  When I glance back, Spencer's still staring at me like he can't or won't figure it out on his own. I'm going to have to spell it out.

  “Spencer, I'm … I'm a girl.”

  His nostrils flare, and we just stand there staring at each other.

  “No,” he says, but I'm nodding my head.

  “Yes. I'm … on my period.” My cheeks flush, and he takes a step back from me like he's horrified. Hopefully not of my cycle. I mean, it isn't pretty but it's natural and normal. “That's the bleeding. I'm okay. I just … could you escort me back to the dorm?”

  “You're not a girl; I saw your dick.” Spencer's adamant about it. My cheeks flush even brighter red, and I feel this strange urge to just curl up in his arms. Never going to happen. Sexual chemistry does not a relationship make. We are nothing to one another, virtual strangers.

  “That was a fake packer penis,” I whisper, and his eyes get even wider. Slowly, I reach up and unbutton the top buttons on my shirt, so he can see the white tape of the bindings. “I've been using these to hide my breasts.”

  “Holy shit,” Spencer breathes, turning away and putting his hand on the wall. “Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.” A bead of sweat drips from his forehead to the floor as he leans over and takes several deep breaths. “I'm not gay, am I?”

  “I mean, not for being attracted to me,” I start, unsure where to go from here. “I think we just have, maybe, like physical chemistry or something?” Spencer looks back at me with this fresh expression on his face, one I've never seen before. It's almost … tender.

  “You're a girl,” he repeats, and I nod, swallowing hard.

  “My name is Charlotte,” I tell him, “but you can still call me Chuck if you want. The twins do.”

  Spencer's eyes widen, and that tender expression snaps in half, like a lightning bolt shattering the expression on his face. He rakes his fingers through his silver hair.

  “The twins know?” he says, voice ice-cold.

  “They figured it out on their own; I didn't tell them. Not Ranger or Church either. It all just sort of … happened.”

  “Ranger and Church know?” he repeats, his turquoise eyes darkening as he looks at me like I've just kicked him in the nuts.

  “They do … and so does Ross,” I whisper, because if I'm being honest, then I might as well go all the way with it.

  “Ross knows?!” Spencer roars, and then he punches the locker so hard that it dents. His knuckles are bleeding, but when I try to grab his hand, he jerks away from me, this look of hurt and betrayal on his face. “You lied to me,” he spits out, clearly disgusted. “I mean, how could you let me sit there and act like an idiot in front of everyone else? How could you?”

  My jaw tightens.

  “This isn't all about you. Jenica was the only other girl to ever attend this school, and now she's dead. I didn't want to end up that way, too.”

  “You could've told me,” he says, pointing at himself. “I … I …” Some of his anger fades away and this sick expression of guilt settles over his features. “I threw you against a tree; I hurt you. Fuck, I tried to beat you up and all along, you were …”

  “Maybe this is a lesson that violence isn't acceptable against anyone, regardless of gender?” I whisper, but Spencer's not listening to me. He's got so much anger and guilt swirling together into the perfect storm.

  “We could've been something, Charlotte,” he says, looking up at me with so much hurt that my eyes water. “But I hate being lied to. I hate it. Ask anyone. And the boys … how could they?”

  Tobias and Micah appear from around the corner, both of them panting as they jog up to us in their gym clothes. They're both wearing shorts that show off their muscular legs. It's hard not to stare, but then, I'm so shook up about this issue with Spencer that the excitement quickly fades.

  “What's going on?” they ask together, and Spencer sneers at them.

  “You fucking assholes,” he says, circling them like a shark. The twins watch him carefully, green eyes reserved. “How long have you known?”

  Micah and Tobias exchange a look, and then turn to me. I nod, just barely, but they see it.

  “A while,” Tobias says carefully, “but I figured it out myself on Halloween. Then I told Micah, and we followed Charlotte into town to see for ourselves. She didn't tell us personally. You're the only one she wanted to have a special conversation with.”

  Whoa.

  Whoa, whoa, whoa.

  Is Tobias … jealous?

  I'm so confused right now.

  “Right,” Spencer growls, turning as Ranger and Church both start down the hall toward us. “No, don't even. I'm not going to sit here and listen to apologies. You all lied to me when you knew I hate being lied to more than anything. More than fucking anything.” He shakes his head and puts his hands up as Ranger tries to take a step toward him.

  “Spencer, this wasn't about lying to you. I told Charlotte she had to tell you, but it had to be on her own terms. Someone tried to kill her, man. Not everything is about you.”

  Spencer scoffs and shakes his head, putting his hands on his hips and closing his eyes as he looks down at the floor.

  “Right,” he whispers with a low, dark chuckle. “Because you guys don't trust me enough to think I'd be there to help, that I'd try to keep her safe.” The tone in his voice, it's killing me. How do I tell him he was the hardest to speak the truth to because there's so much between us, so much chemistry and want.

  But I can't say that aloud. I'm just … my throat feels tight, like I can't breathe.

  “You know that's not the case,” Church says, holding a water bottle with … is that iced coffee in there?! He tries to move toward Spencer, too, but he's having none of it.

  “Yeah, sure. You know what? I just …” He glances over at me again, sighing heavily. “I need space. Serious space right now. I'm gonna make myself disappear for a day or two; don't come looking for me. You won't find me even if you try.”

  He takes off down the hall, and I move to follow, but then, there's so much blood.

  “Could someone please escort me back to the dorms?” I whisper. I feel like crying, even though it was my own hesitation that caused this situation in the first place. My year at Adamson hasn't been anything like I thought it would. It's been both better and worse than I expected, and we're just barely about to start spring break.

  Jesus.

  “We'll take you back,” the twins says as Ranger stares after Spencer like he's considering going after him. Church, too. But then they both turn to me instead.

  “What an unfortunate series of events,” Church says, unscrewing the top of his bottle and taking a sip of what I'm now sure is iced coffee. “Well, it had to happen eventually.” He looks down at me with his amber eyes. “He's not angry about your identity. I'm sure he's more pissed at us. I wouldn't worry about it.

  “Will he be okay?” I ask, and Church nods.

  “He knows this campus better than the watchman or the janitor. You two are done with your physical?” The twins give Church a pair of very lackluster thumbs-ups. “Take Charlotte back to the dorm, and we'll see you there later. There's no point in trying to find Spencer; he'll come back when he's ready.”

  I nod reluctantly, but what can I do? I don't know the campus layout for shit. In fact, on a good day I can barely find my way out of a paper bag. Besides, um, I am bleeding quite profusely.

  “Can you walk?” Micah asks, and I give him the darkest expression known to womanhood. My eyes are narrowed to slits, and storm clouds are probably raging above my head.

  “I'm on my period; I don't have a shattered pelvis. Such a man thing to say.” I scoff and head off down the hallway as fast as I can, the twins trailing behind me.

  But I can't stop thinking about Spencer, especially when, right after we get inside, it starts to pour rain.

  Poor fucki
ng Spencer.

  Church comes up to my room later with a hot water bottle, some pain pills, and a bar of chocolate. I kid you not.

  “Clichéd much?” I whisper, but I'm actually blushing and beyond grateful. My cramps are killing me, and who doesn't like to be taken care of once in a while?

  I just didn't think it would be Church Montague, President of the Adamson All-Boys Academy Student Council, doing it.

  “I read an article that says chocolate helps cure cramps,” he tells me, moving into my room and frowning at the open window. It's pouring rain outside, but I need the air. I'm just so stressed about Spencer, and the way everything went down. That's not what I wanted. Shit, it was the last thing I wanted. “You know what else cures cramps?” he asks, totally icy and deadpan.

  I sigh.

  “I'll bite: what is it?”

  Church smiles so cheerfully, it lights up the entire room with sunbeams.

  “Sex.” He pats me on the head as I groan, and then glances toward the window with a long sigh. “Don't worry about that idiot. He's not out in the rain and cold if that's what you're thinking. He likes to retreat to cabin ten when he needs space. He truly believes we don't know that's his spot, but we all do.”

  “Cabin ten? Like one of the staff cabins?” Church nods and then turns back to me, his lips curving to the side in a sensual little smirk.

  “I wasn't joking about the sex part. Hit me up if you change your mind.”

  “Get out.” I push him from my room, and then lock the door with all of Spencer's amazing additions.

  Eventually, I fall asleep, but when I wake up a few hours later, it's because of intense cramping.

  “Stupid freaking period,” I groan, getting up and rushing to the bathroom to take out my tampon. How fun is that, having to deal with period stuff in an all-boys' bathroom at an all boys' school? I'll tell you how fun it is: it sucks.

  I climb in the shower next, switching to the bath once I'm clean.

  It's so peaceful in there, with the classical music playing, and the pretty marble walls and floor. It smells like me and Church, like the lilac-rosemary shampoo we both like.

  My lips curve into a smile as my eyes close, and my head falls back against the cushy bath pillow that's suctioned to the rear of the tub. It's brand new, too. They keep a fresh stock of them in the cabinet for students.

  My mind drifts off, imagining a hundred different scenarios between me and Spencer. Could we possibly date? What would that be like, with all the other Student Council boys around?

  Then again, I'd be lying if I said Spencer was my only crush at Adamson Academy.

  The sound of the bathroom door gives me pause, and I realize that maybe I should've called one of the boys up here to stay with me while I bathed. But … I was bleeding through, and I didn't really want them around …

  Now I'm regretting that.

  “Guys?” I call out, but there's no response.

  That's when I start to get freaked out, climbing from the bath in a tumble of bubbles, and not even bothering to towel off. I just pull on my fresh pajamas as fast as I can, and then grab my phone.

  In the bathroom, help.

  I send a quick group text, and then pick up my pepper spray. I've been keeping it in this little decorative fairy bag, along with the hammer, crowbar, knife and Taser.

  Just in case.

  “I'm warning you: I've got weapons. If you step through that door, I will use them with all due force.” The doorknob stops jiggling, and I pause, the only sound that of my breathing and the drip-drip-drip of the faucet. “You better get the hell out of here before my friends show up!” I yell, voice echoing off the marble walls.

  My only warning is a slight shuffling sound from behind me.

  I spin as fast as I can and press the top down on the pepper spray, nailing the hoodie-wearing douche right in the face. He—this one is definitely a he—roars in pain, and I swear … I almost recognize the voice.

  I don't bother to stick around, heading for the door and unlocking it, just in time to run into Church. He grabs me and pushes me aside as a second attacker appears and slams into him, knocking them both to the floor.

  As they struggle, the other man comes out of the stall, rubbing at his eyes. I still can't make out who it is, but I don't care. I pull the crowbar from my bag, and then hit the piece of shit that’s on top of Church as hard as I can in the face.

  There's a masculine grunt, and then the jerk's up and stumbling, snatching his companion by the sleeve and yanking him back toward us. They leap right over Church, and then they're just … gone.

  The other boys come up the stairs as I help Church to his feet, grabbing some paper towels to clean the blood off.

  “Where did they go?” Ranger asks, panting, but I shake my head.

  “I have no idea.” But then we all see it, just the tiniest droplets of red. And this time they're not coming from me. “I must've hurt that guy when I hit him with this,” I say, holding up the weapon.

  “Here,” Tobias says, pointing up at the attic door above his head. He reaches up and pulls on the rope, opening it and dropping the ladder. “Micah, let's check it out.”

  The twins climb up as I scramble into the bathroom because, you know, period problems. When I come out and wash my hands, Church is all cleaned up and waiting for me.

  “They definitely came in this way,” Tobias calls down as we form a small semi-circle around the ladder. “There's a hole that leads into one of the bedrooms, I kid you not.”

  Ranger and Church exchange a look.

  “Can we get dressed and follow it?” I ask, a little too excited at the prospect of tracking these pieces of shit down. “I mean, after I change out of these.” I pinch the pajamas between two fingers and sigh. Ranger looks back at me, face tightening up. Sometimes when he looks at me, I feel like maybe he sees his sister in my place. I wish he didn’t. Not because I don’t like the feeling of being protected, but …

  “It seems like it’s you in particular that they’re after,” he says, his voice a low, deep growl. “Stay here with Church, and we’ll go after them. You guys can call Nathan the creeper, and the headmaster.”

  “So I can get sent away, and these idiots walk? Not happening. I’m getting dressed.” Ranger opens his mouth to protest, but I’m already slipping into my room and slamming the door. I get dressed in my uniform, taking the bag with the weapons and my phone along with me. When I come back out, Church is looking over the banister to the floor below as the twins come jogging back up it.

  “Well?” he asks, as they exchange a look before turning back to him.

  “The hole goes into Mark Grandam’s room. He’s not there, obviously, and none of his friends are answering. Then again, it’s technically the start of spring break today. They might all have left after the physical.” Tobias tousles his red-orange hair and closes his eyes for a moment before he reopens them. “Spencer’s still not back either, or I’d ask him about this, but … the hole in Mark’s ceiling looks pretty fresh. I don’t think it’s been there long. It may just be coincidence.”

  “Was there anymore blood outside his bedroom door?” Church asks as I dial up my dad’s number and wait. All I get is his voicemail, but I guess that’s not surprising considering the hour. The next person I call is Nathan, the watchman, but even he’s not answering. Hmm. Church glances back at me, but he doesn’t bother to ask. I think he can tell by the look on my face that I couldn’t get ahold of anyone.

  “Just a little,” Micah says, shrugging. “It seems to head for the stairs, but that’s where we lost them.”

  “Fuck.” Ranger starts down the steps, and we all follow, all the way to the bottom floor. Outside, it’s still pouring rain, and the storm doesn’t look like it’s getting any better. We all sort of mill around for a moment before Ranger spots a bloodied handprint on the wall. “What in the hell …” He glances back at us, and I shrug.

  “Maybe the guy I hurt touched his face and then touched the wall �
��?” I trail off because that’s just a random guess of mine. Ranger turns back to look at the print and then follows it around the corner and down the hall, the rest of us trailing behind him. There’s a door at the end that leads into an administrative office. Papers are flung all over the floor, and a giant safe’s been pushed aside to reveal yet another door.

  Ranger tries the handle, finds it locked, and then pauses, like something’s just occurred to him. Pulling the gold key from his pocket, he tries the door … and we all hear the distinct sound of tumblers clicking. The heavy wood creaks open ominously.

  “Jenica, what the hell?” Ranger murmurs, heading inside and down a set of stone stairs carved out of the bedrock. He takes out his cell phone to use as a flashlight.

  “I don’t know that this is such a good idea,” Tobias starts, but Ranger’s too interested in finding out what might’ve happened to his sister to listen or care to anyone else right now.

  “Old abbey steps,” Church says under his breath, exchanging a look with the twins. They both shrug and head down after their friend, Church and me trailing along behind them. I guess we’re all assuming that since there are only two, maybe three, attackers at most, that we’ll find safety in numbers.

  “Guys, there are freaking tunnels down here,” Ranger calls back as we hit the bottom of the steps and move through another open door. The floor’s damp, and it smells like mold and mildew down here, but it’s pretty cool if you think about it, about monks traversing the city way back when. I shiver at the thought. You usually only see stuff this old and cool in other countries, but Adamson happens to be one of the oldest buildings in America. It’s pretty unique.

  “We should probably leave and call the authorities,” Church muses, but Ranger’s on an obsessive quest to learn more about his sister. He’s barely listening as he starts off down the tunnel with the twins trailing behind him. To be fair, the ‘tunnel’ is huge, tall enough to fit a house inside of. “Do you want me to take you back upstairs?” he asks me, but I shake my head.