by Lily Hayden
Her racing heart started to slow at the earnest expression on his face.
“It’s ok.” She found herself saying, even though it most definitely was not.
“I just love you so much.” He said, stepping forward and closing the space between them, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her to his chest.
She tried to relax into his embrace, but her body remained rigid. Even without his outburst, she had known in her heart that she had to end this. She should never have let it get this far in the first place.
She pulled back, gently peeling his arms from her and looked up at his chiselled, handsome face.
“Caleb, listen,” She started. “I really care about you, but I’m not ready to start thinking about living with someone or getting engaged or anything like that. If anything, I think I need to take some time to be alone.”
“That’s exactly what Ashley said.” His eyes hardened, glaring at her.
Maybe Ashley had a fucking point. Ella thought, annoyance starting to replace her guilt.
“I think, maybe you should go.” She said instead.
His nostrils flared, and his eyes flashed menacingly. Ella stepped back, her heart jumping, terrified that he was going to hit her. In the enclosed space of her motel room, there was nowhere to run, and her eyes were already scanning the room, looking for a makeshift weapon. His hand made a grab for her and she flinched as he took a fistful of blonde hair at the back of her head. His dark eyes burned with a violence that transformed him from the loveable Christian guy she’d been dating to a complete stranger. Fear tightened a knot around her chest and, unable to move, she squeezed her eyes shut, simultaneously hoping he didn’t hit her and, at the same time, wanting him to hurry up so it would be over. She lost her footing as he pulled her forward roughly and she stumbled against his solid chest. Eyes still tightly shut, she felt her head jerk upwards and her eyelids flickered open in surprise as she felt his rough mouth against hers.
She pulled backwards, but his grip was vice-like on the back of her head, and she couldn’t move her head neither left nor right. His tongue snaked into her mouth and she wriggled desperately, trying to move out of his grip. His other hand loosened its grip on her hip and she felt his hand twist its way under the waistband of her tiny shorts. She saw her opportunity and she pushed hard against his chest, forcing his mouth away from hers.
His eyes were glazed, and he was breathing heavily, but he looked down at Ella and she saw the moment his trance lifted, and regret engulfed him.
“Oh, God, Ella!” He slowly released the handful of her hair, smoothing it back into place, before he dropped his hands guiltily to his sides. “I am so sorry.”
He turned away from her, but he wasn’t quick enough, and she saw his eyes glistening with tears. Now that the moment was over, there was no danger and he was Caleb again, her heart lurched with sympathy for him.
“What is this really about?” She asked forcing her voice to sound calm.
She sat on the edge of the bed, watching as the strong, handsome man, who she had thought had everything, trembled with distress next to her.
“I’m so sorry, Ella,” He sniffed, furiously wiping away the tears that spilled over his dark lower lashes. “I am so sorry that I put my hands on you.”
Ella swallowed, unsure how to answer. He had scared her, but she could see he was sorry, and he hadn’t actually hurt her.
“Just tell me what’s going on.” She sighed, patting the bed next to her.
He hesitated, before obeying her, purposefully avoiding meeting her eyes.
“Is it Ashley?” She asked, suddenly feeling an intuitive pang that it was.
He covered his face with his hands and sniffed.
Ella gently removed one hand and held it in hers. He ran this thumb idly back and forth across the top of her hand for a few moments before he spoke.
“She cheated on me.” He said glumly. “We had been together for three years. I stayed faithful to her all through college. Even when girls like you flirted with me. Do you have any idea how hard that is?”
Ella gave him a wry smile. “So, you noticed my flirting?”
Caleb managed a grin in response. “I’m a Christian, Ella, not a Saint.”
She felt herself smiling back at him. He inched closer to her and cradled her hand with both of his. She looked down at his large fingers covering her slender ones and felt a pang of sadness at what could have been.
“We were talking about getting engaged after graduation. Not having sex is pretty difficult.”
Ella gave a short laugh. “Agreed.”
He pulled her hands up to his mouth and kissed them gently.
“I don’t think I’ve told you how much I appreciate you doing this for me.”
“It’s fine.” She lied quickly. “It’s just sex. There’s a lot of things more important than that.”
“I’m glad you agree.” He nodded. “But turns out Ashley didn’t want to wait until our wedding night. She had been seeing some guy. She didn’t tell me that. She just did the whole ‘my career’ thing that you did. I told her I’d wait for her, but she was adamant she wanted us to break up. I found out, not long ago, that she’d got herself knocked up and has moved in with some deadbeat.”
“Oh God.” Ella didn’t know what to say.
As much as Caleb had been out of order with his reaction, she was beginning to understand how hurt he must have been.
“Maybe,” She said diplomatically. “We shouldn’t have jumped straight into something. I mean, you’re still healing from your relationship with Ashley…”
“No.” He squeezed her hand emphatically. “This feels right, Ella.”
He turned to her, releasing her hands and sliding his arms around her. He lowered his mouth to hers, kissing her softly this time and, despite her reservations, it felt gentle and loving and she found herself responding. His tongue probed deeper as her lips parted and his fingers traced the curve of her bare thighs, bringing goose-bumps with his feather-light touch. She hadn’t properly kissed Caleb since he’d been back, shying away from their over-the-clothes petting, partly out of guilt for her fling with Jason and partly because she just didn’t feel the same way about him anymore, but this felt nice.
Ella knew she had been suppressing the hurt she’d felt at Jason being with other women, and even though it would have been easy to find solace in Caleb’s arms, she felt too guilty to use him. He was a good guy and she felt like the worst person in the world for jumping so easily into Jason’s bed. Sure, he had his faults, but who didn’t? He deserved someone who kept their promises.
These thoughts ran through her head as she kissed Caleb back, half-wanting to stop but enjoying the sensation of being held by strong, familiar arms.
The kiss was growing in intensity with every passing minute, his hands sliding all over her body. She grazed her teeth over his lip, a little shiver of excitement rippling through her body as he groaned against her mouth. Abandoning herself to the moment, she shifted her body, so she was almost in his lap and, to her surprise, instead of pulling away reluctantly, he dragged her on top of him, falling backwards onto the bed so she was pressed up against his chest. She pressed herself against him and he responded by gripping her harder, grinding her against the erection that was straining beneath his pants. Desire sparked between her legs and she wriggled against his hardness, feeling her shorts slipping down with her vigorous movements. Her vest top had ridden up and his fingers were sliding over her bare skin, moving deliciously closer to the sensitive parts of her that he had managed to resist in all their previous petting sessions. Some starved part of her kicked in and she raised her body, arching her back and moving up his torso, placing her barely-covered breasts temptingly close to his mouth. She watched as his pupils dilated and his low groan triggered the complex system between her legs to moisten with anticipation. She pushed her chest forward brazenly, dying to feel his mouth on her sensitive nipples, expecting him to pull away, but he caught
the fabric of her pyjama top between his teeth and pulled it to the side roughly, plunging his mouth around one dark-pink nipple. She pushed her breast against his mouth, loving the roughness of his tongue against her sensitive skin and as she did, she felt him plunge his hand roughly between her legs. The unexpected move to the third base surprised her, but not as much as the forcefulness of his touch. She pushed herself against his hand and his finger entered her easily. She wriggled against it, desperately full of excitement and desire now.
“Mmmmm.” He groaned in her ear. “You like that, huh?”
His words sent her need for him crashing over the edge and she wriggled frantically against his fingers, feeling him insert another, filling her up. She found his mouth again and kissed him hungrily. Her body, under-used and frustrated, could sense the gratification close by and her nerves tingled with anticipation of what was to come. Part of her was sure that he would pull away and when he pushed her from his chest roughly, panting heavily, she lay dazed staring up at him, waiting for him to chastise her for pushing him too far, but instead, he rolled on top of her, yanking his own pants down, taking his swollen erection in one hand and, with the other, pulled her shorts to one side, penetrating her in one forceful thrust. She gasped at the sensation, but her body parted for him easily and she wrapped her legs around his hips. He slammed into her with a ferocity that she had not expected, and she felt his skin, beneath her smooth limbs, slicken with sweat at his exertion. He drove into her again and again, and she sensed his impending orgasm. To counter his quickness, she slipped a hand deftly between their bodies, finding the hot point between her legs and rubbing herself frantically in a race to climax before he finished. An expert at pleasuring herself, his fast, hard strokes were animalistic enough to keep her hanging on the edge of excitement, but with a grunt, she felt him spurt inside her and she rubbed herself harder, ignoring the uncomfortable weight as she tried to finish before he withdrew his rapidly-softening member from her.
He pulled back, just as she hit the trigger and she felt her eyes flicker under the heady pleasure of waves coursing through her, her hand still pressed firmly against her wetness.
Finally, she opened her eyes, exhausted and sated, looking up at him through heavy-lidded eyes. She could feel his seed trickling from her, coating her thighs with a sticky thickness.
“You’ve done that before.” He said.
She frowned, struggling to sit up.
“Huh?”
“I said,” His voice was heavy with disgust. “You’ve done that before a few times haven’t you?”
“What?” She pulled her shorts and her top back into place, confused by his accusatory tone. “You know I have, Caleb.”
He tugged at his pants and her eyes moved, of their own accord, to the now-flaccid member between his legs. He stood up, adjusting his clothes. His face like thunder.
“I thought you were better than that.” He sneered down at her.
She got to her feet, ignoring the wobbly post-orgasmic feeling in her legs.
“Better than what, Caleb?” She spat back, feeling fury start to rise in the pit of her stomach. “You think you’re better than me because you refrain from having sex? That was not your first time.”
She could tell from the way he’d entered her easily that he had done that before, and more than once, but she had no problem with that. It was his accusatory tone that was enraging her. How fucking dare he?
“I never claimed to be a virgin.” He scoffed back. “I’ve fucked plenty of hoes, but I thought you were a classy girl. Fucking wife material. What a mistake.”
“Are you fucking serious?” She yelled back. “You think it’s fine to fuck women, as long as you’ve got no intention of marrying them? Don’t want them ‘marked’ or ‘sullied’ do you? How about you take your outdated views and fuck off back to the fucking cave you came from?”
She didn’t wait for his answer. Her heart was pounding, and she had an overwhelming urge to punch him in the face, and so she grabbed an armful of clothes from the side and marched into the bathroom. She locked the door and got into the shower, scrubbing her body as if it could remove the sour taste he had left in her mouth. She dried and threw her clothes on quickly, straining an ear to check he had left before going back into the bedroom.
The door was wide open, and he had swept an arm across her dresser, knocking the contents to the floor. She felt angry tears spring to the back of her eyes and she slammed the door, sank to the floor before letting the hurt and disappointment burst its banks.
In Too Deep
Taylor pulled down the sleeves on her hooded jacket against the cool, dark morning. It was ridiculously early, and she stifled a yawn as she peered into the distance, hoping to catch a glimpse of Noah’s headlights dancing in the distance. She had barely slept last night: she’d forced herself to have “the” conversation with Deon. He had done all that he could to talk her around and she had a feeling that she hadn’t heard the last of it, but she had stuck to her guns. Her career was everything to her. If he couldn’t respect that, she had no space in her life for him.
The sun had soon risen ready for Noah to work his magic and retrieve yet another neighbourhood pest. She watched as the impressive creature surveyed her with wary eyes and she slid closer to Noah, very aware of the damage it was capable of.
“He’s not gonna hurt you.” Noah laughed, picking up on her subtle movement.
“Well, you can never be too careful.” She smiled good-naturedly. “We haven’t all been brought up wrestling man-eating beasts.”
“We’ve still got plenty of time.” He told her as he pulled up at the conservation centre. “You want to come out in the boat? It’s beautiful this time of day.”
He held her gaze as he said the last few words and she felt herself blushing.
“No phones allowed.” He joked as they clambered aboard, settling onto the bench beside the boat’s motor.
She nudged him playfully in response, his thick thigh bumping against hers with the movement. She waited for him to move, but he stayed put, his physical presence both exciting and comforting at the same time. They had chatted as easily and as naturally as if they had been friends for life on the journey down, but the roar of the boat’s motor rendered conversation impossible and they sank into a companionable silence as they moved across the dark water. They went out further than Taylor had been on previous outings before Noah brought the boat to a stop in a gathering of mangroves. The hardy little trees had rallied together, forming a little island and Taylor watched, transfixed, as tiny birds flittered between the branches, singing their morning song to one another.
Wordlessly, Noah extended his arm and Taylor felt her breath catch in her chest, thinking he was reaching for her. She looked up at him, but his eyes were fixed on the water. She followed his gaze and her embarrassment was forgotten as she watched the huge beast beneath the surface slip from the cage of roots. It moved with a grace belying its colossal size. In the murky water, Taylor could see that its tail was thicker than her own body.
“Wow.” She breathed, stunned by the awesomeness of nature.
“He’s a beast.” Noah nodded. “Easily twelve foot.”
They watched as the creature swam out of sight, not saying a word. The sky was tinged a warm pink by the low morning sun and a gentle breeze stirred through the long grass at the edge of the swamp. Taylor could almost feel the peace of the morning washing away all the stress of the last few weeks. She tilted her head up to the sky, allowing her eyes to close and savoured the blissful moment. She could feel Noah’s presence next to her, but she felt no obligation to force conversation. Even after their make-out session, she had none of the usual angst, the should-I-shouldn’t-I. She felt under no pressure to play the role of the seductress, like she had with Connor, Sam, Dr Elliman and countless others. It was a stark contrast to how she felt when she was with Deon. He was never silent, was never still. He filled every moment of his life with noise and people and a constant
whir of activity. Taylor realised, with startling clarity, that she had acted out a role with Deon, just as she had acted out a role with her numerous conquests. None of them knew the real Taylor. The woman who just wanted to lie in a boat, in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by nature. She opened her eyes and turned towards Noah.
She was pleased to see that he was gazing into the distance, not ogling her as she often caught men doing whenever they thought she wasn’t looking. He sensed her movement and he turned to her.
“Peaceful, huh?”
“I needed this.” She smiled gratefully, intuitively knowing that he understood how nature made her feel whole.
“I’ll miss this place.” He smiled, a wistful look in his eyes.
He turned reluctantly, one hand on the motor, ready to kickstart the boat to carry them back to the conservation centre.
“Are you going?” She asked, struggling to keep the surprise from her tone.
From what she knew about Noah, he was born and raised out here. She could picture him in forty years, denim-clad and weathered, still catching gators. Climate change allowing, she added to herself gravely.
“I am.” He nodded.
Taylor tilted her head questioningly waiting for him to elaborate.
“I’m off to Costa Rica.” He gave her a shy smile that was nothing like his usual cocky grin.
“For work?”
He nodded. “It’s similar to the placement you guys are on. I’ll be working at a Conservation Centre.”
“Oh, wow.” She felt herself leaning forward. “That would be my dream!”
“You’ve been to some pretty cool places.” He shrugged modestly.
Taylor had been conscious not to talk about the various projects she’d worked on during her studies, not wanting to sound like a total brat who’d had the money and the education to afford those kind of opportunities.
“Have I?”
“It’s on your Instagram.” He grinned sheepishly.
His smile was infectious, and she felt foolishly flattered by his interest.
