by E. M. Moore
My heart squeezes. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over thinking of Clark as my father and hating that I do at the same time.
“Sorry.” Stone reaches out to trace patterns on my thigh, flirting with the hem of my dress. “Can I ask you a question?”
I push my tongue against my teeth. I have a feeling this is about my dad which is a little too close to home right now. I want to dance in the knowledge that we bested Lance today, not dwell on what Cole told me yesterday. But, I wouldn’t have any of this if it wasn’t for Stone, so I can’t refuse him. “Anything.”
He presses his lips together, peeking at me from the corner of his eye before moving his stare back to the road. He shifts in his seat, and I start to squirm. Nerves on Stone bother me. It’s like an electric voltage sign near water. “Why didn’t you want Cole to tell you what your real name is?”
I flinch. Truth be told, my initial reaction spurred right from my gut. When Cole asked, I all but yelled no at him. I couldn’t get the word out fast enough. I kick my flats off and flex my toes on the rubber floor mats.
“Aren’t you curious?” he continues.
“Yeah,” I admit, hating the clashing, swirling thoughts inside me. “I am, but….” I breathe out. “I already feel like I’m slowly being unraveled, and I have to grasp onto something. If he told me my birth name, it would be like seeing the truth in black and white. It would mean a total upheaval.
“I know you’re going to tell me that it doesn’t matter what my name is, I’m still me, and I agree with you,” I murmur, hating the taste of the lie on my tongue. I understand the logic, but that doesn’t mean my mind is on board with that feeling. “All my life, I’ve been told I’m special because of my last name, that my whole entire family legacy hinges on the fact that my last name is Wilder. I really can’t fucking deal with the fact that it’s not—that I’m a lie.”
My eyes burn like tiny matchsticks are being lit behind them. I hate that I can’t keep my emotions under control. This part kills me the most. Not that Cole killed the man I believed was my father. Not that my father was actually not my father. It’s that I have no reference for who I am. Hell, I hated a boy for most of my life that I now love because I was a Wilder and I had to hate the Jacobs’. They were our arch enemies. Finding out that was a farce makes me feel as if I don’t know what, or who, I am at my core.
Stone nods, wiping his palm down his cleanly shaved jaw. “Right now, I think I’d give anything not to be a Jacobs.”
His words punch a hole in my gut. He’s been betrayed, too, but his was hidden in shrouds, lurking in the evil shadows of his father’s business dealings. “You think I should know who I am, don’t you?”
Stone turns toward me, eyes flaring. “No. Not if you don’t want to. None of us are in your shoes, and I’m not going to tell you what to do with that dumpster fire that was forced on you. No one should.” He shifts in the seat again. “If you ever change your mind, I’ll be there for you. And Lucas and Wyatt will be there for you, too, at the drop of a hat.”
“A cowboy hat?”
Stone rolls his eyes. “If Wyatt has his way.” He drums his fingers over the leather-bound steering wheel, a frown tugging at his lips. His whole body sighs as if he’s just decided to let go of the last remnants of rope he’d been holding and fall into what lies beneath. “I’m devastated I did so much for my father… things that I knew were wrong, but I wanted to please him. Now, I want as far away from him as possible.” He stares at me, knuckles turning white on the wheel. “I’ll never be able to apologize enough. I hate myself for what I did to you. I can’t help but think that some of this uncertainty in who you are is because I stood up on that altar with Marissa when the only person I’ve ever dreamed about marrying is you.”
Fuuuuck. There it is again. I press my knees together. The marriage talk gets me every damn time. Maybe there’s something hardwired in my brain that makes me turn to goo at those words. From someone who thought she’d never be able to escape her family’s isolation, I grasp onto Stone’s every promise of something more. He saw me when no one else did. When I was invisible to my own father, he was there. He watched. He dreamed.
I want to straddle him and fuck his brains out. I want to erase the memory of his almost wedding because even though it was a huge farce, it chipped a piece of my heart. I don’t care who you are, if you see the man you love standing before an officiant with another woman, you’re going to change. No matter how much I want to give in to him—how much my body wants it, too—we need to be on stable ground before we can move past it.
This isn’t me making Stone pay in some fucked up withholding sex game to make sure he truly feels bad about what he’s done. In fact, it’s not about sex at all. It’s about having more dignity for myself. It’s about making sure I’m ready to move forward without the chains of what I saw holding me back. It’s about being able to give my all to him when I’m absolutely sure it won’t break me.
But also, I’m horny as fuck, so…it’s complicated. I guess it’s a good thing I have two other dicks at home.
Without a word, I grab Stone’s hand, teasing his fingers with my own and drawing out the connection between us both. He captures mine in a firm grip and holds me the rest of the way home.
Home. I’ve never felt the significance of the word until I shared one with Wyatt, Lucas, and Stone. Inside the Spanish-style house sit two more pieces of my heart. Whatever brought us together, it’s our strengthening ties that will keep us a unit.
Stone walks me to the door, opening it for me like the gentleman he is. I press up to my tiptoes to brush a kiss across his cheek before turning toward my room. Words fail me, otherwise I might explain everything that’s going on in my head, but I think he gets it.
“I love you, Dakota,” he calls out after me.
I turn, walking backward with my flats in my hands, my bare feet against the cold tile. “You know how I feel, Stone Jacobs.”
Tension releases from his shoulders, and he watches me disappear down the hallway. I retreat inside my room, shutting the door and letting the cool glass against my forehead relieve some of the heat from me, but it doesn’t work. I crawl up the bed, lie on my back, and hike my dress up. I find my pussy with my hands, using the fabric of my panties as friction to work myself up. My mind wanders to my guys, picturing them fucking me with their hard cocks, and even though I can get myself off, I want more, and I want to keep Stone’s face as far away from me as possible so I don’t break down. I reach inside my clutch and FaceTime Lucas. He picks it up on the second ring, and it takes him no time at all to figure out what I’m doing. “Wild Girl…” he breathes. “I didn’t know you got home.”
I bite my lip, my curly hair swirling around my pillow in the screen. “I need you.” A breathy cry escapes. “Lucas….”
He growls as he gets to his feet. “You’re not supposed to want to touch yourself.”
“Come fuck me then.”
The next thing I hear are footsteps outside my room. He opens the door, slipping inside and closing it behind him. Having discarded his shirt somewhere between my room and his, I watch his bare, muscular chest rise and fall as he studies me. After a moment, he works on his zipper, yanking his pants and boxers down to his ass before reaching inside and stroking his cock. “Damn that dress.”
I desperately want him, clinging to the idea that I may have lost him in a single moment. I dig my heels into the bed, furiously playing with my clit while I wait for him to make his move.
“Pull your panties down.”
I stop what I’m doing to hook my thumbs around my panties and slip them past my knees, spreading my legs wide to give him a view. He hurries to undress the rest of the way, and I refrain from moving my hand back to where it was, hoping he’ll relieve me soon enough.
He walks toward the bed in sure strides, making the mattress dip with his weight as he moves over me. He pauses over my clit, flicking his tongue out to tease me. The noise I make is one of relief an
d ecstasy rolled into one. “Did Stone do this to you?” He flutters kisses over the top of my thighs. “Did he turn you on?”
I force my pussy higher, hoping he’ll give me that sweet, sweet touch. Instead, he forces me back down to the bed. “Did he?”
“Mmm-hmm,” I acknowledge, relegated to watching his slow, meticulous movements as he refrains from touching me right where I want him.
“You love him, Wild Girl?”
My fingers twist in the covers. “Yes. So much.”
Lucas turns his head and nibbles the inside of my thigh. “He deserves your love. But I’m a selfish bastard, so I’m going to take it right now.” He moves up, and in one thrust, enters me with a groan.
I wrap my legs around him. “You’re not taking anything I’m not giving,” I tell him, loving the relief of his sharp thrusts.
He stutters, dropping down to stare into my eyes, and slowing his movements. He pales, eyes lighting over my face as if trying to memorize me in this moment. “I didn’t say this before because I was scared I’d screw it up, but I fucking love you, Dakota.” He punctuates his words with a hard thrust, but he’s not going to distract me.
I reach up to touch his cheek, making him look me in the eyes. “I fucking love you, too, Lucas. Now, fuck me until I’m coming around your dick.” I trace his lips with my thumb, and he bites down hard enough to leave a mark. He captures my hands, leading them over my head where he does exactly as I asked. His thrusts turn me inside out. I’m just one nerve ending firing until the lava-like heat spreads when he finally brings me to the edge. I dive headfirst over the cliff, delighting in the waves that crash over me as Lucas follows quickly after, pumping his seed into me with a determination that fissures my heart.
We’re well past the initial, burning embers stage of our relationship. I’ve delved deep into love and obsession to the point where I would do anything for all of them. None of us have had the family we deserve, but we’re finding it in one another—sometimes slowly, sometimes with the speed of a comet hurtling toward Earth. But timing doesn’t matter. It’s this, this right here. It’s the look in Lucas’ eyes that tells me even though he’s scared shitless to put his love and trust into another human being, he’s done it for me, and he’ll continue to do it for me.
I just need to be a gentle caretaker of his heart—of all of theirs. I can do it, I know I can. And I trust them to do the same.
8
Raised voices wake me. I sit up in bed, heart beating fast as if my subconscious is already aware of what’s going on and I’m only now getting yanked into it. I recognize Wyatt practically growling, and I wonder what the hell happened that they’re yelling at each other again?
I untangle myself from the sheets and find my dress on the floor, hurriedly pulling it on, then march toward the voices as they reverberate around the living area.
“I’m refraining for her. Remember that. I’d just as soon kill your ass.”
I gasp. That wasn’t one of my guys. That was Cole.
I pick up the pace, running now.
“Bring it on, thug,” Wyatt spits.
I speed around the corner, jogging toward them. They’re all crowding Cole, but Wyatt is the only one in his face.
Stone glances my way, eyes widening when he sees me. He sidesteps the altercation and moves in my direction, gaze dropping to the hem of my dress that’s ridden up from running. “Dakota, put some clothes on.”
I stop in my tracks, turning a hard glare on Stone. “The fuck did you just say?”
He holds his hands up, lips pulling into a frown. “I’m sorry, okay. It’s just—”
“Your alphas think I want to fuck you,” Cole growls, peering down his nose at Wyatt. Each of them vibrating in anger, fists clenched, muscles taut. Cole shifts his stare to me and immediately relaxes. The veins poking out of his fire tattoo retreat, and he steps back from Wyatt and makes a move toward me.
Lucas shoots out his hand, banding around Cole’s midsection. Cole lets out a growl that hardens my spine to cement. “Tell him to fuck off before I make him,” the gangster warns.
The tension in the air cracks and sizzles. Over half of it is coming from me; that they would even think I’d do that to them. Bringing Cole in would throw off the balance of their friendship—of ours.
“Let him go.”
The muscles in Lucas’ back ripple. He’s only wearing the joggers he wore into my room last night. His neck injury is pinched and red. Yesterday, I tried to soothe his wounds. Right now, I kind of want to give him one of my own.
“That’s not all we were trying to talk to him about,” Stone clarifies.
Cole shakes his head. “That was the most important part.”
“Lucas....” I seethe.
He hesitates before dropping his hand. Cole strides forward, wrapping his arms around me when we meet. I do the same, tucking my chin in the crook of his shoulder. We owe Cole so much. Just yesterday, he saved Stone and me. Ninja, who’s probably still sitting outside since I’ve never seen him get a break, is only hanging around because of this man right here.
“I was worried about you,” Cole whispers, sinking his fingers into my back. It’s a desperate hug, a reassuring one that speaks volumes. I don’t want to drag him into my room and fuck him the way I do Stone, Wyatt, and Lucas. This is something different. “I showed up last night, but they wouldn’t let me see you.”
“Yeah, because I was in bed with her,” Lucas gloats with a scowl.
Cole stiffens in my arms. He turns, but before he does, I witness the murder in his eyes. “Talk about her like that again.” He marches angrily toward my lost, disheveled guy, pointing a finger at his chest. “I’ve held back when it comes to you three because you make her happy. Talk about her like she’s a possession again, and I’ll rip your fucking throat out and introduce her to some men who’ll treat her with fucking respect.”
Lucas’ brown eyes alight like boiling pits of tar. The threats spewing from Cole’s mouth are reflected there, teetering on the edge of spilling out.
I intervene. I have to. I step between them before Cole can make it all the way to Lucas and make good on his promise.
Cole skids to a halt before slamming into my back. He takes several deep breaths, the anger seeping from him like a tornado swirling around me.
I don’t like them fighting. I love the three in front of me, and Cole is nothing short of the only family tie I have. Like a brother, he’s comforting and protective. It’s a different kind of love.
“I thought I made it clear,” Cole grunts. “Dakota’s like my sister. I don’t want to fuck her because that’s disgusting. Not that you’re not beautiful, baby girl,” he comments, his voice softening as he all but whispers in my ear. When Stone, Wyatt, or Lucas do that, I have a visceral reaction but there’s nothing when it comes to Cole. He continues, and I can tell he’s making a real effort to wrangle himself under control. “I would never do that to Charlie. Where I’m from, you don’t fuck with someone’s sibling. That’s grounds for murder.”
“Not to mention,” I start. “That I—”
“That’s right. You give it to them,” Cole snarks.
I turn my head slowly to glare at him, but all he does is smile. It’s endearing up close like this. A flame wraps up his jaw, the tip landing on the defined line of his chin, but the smile soothes the rough edges away. Honestly, I’m thankful I have someone like Cole in my corner. I turn toward Wyatt, Lucas, and Stone. “We can discuss this another time.”
Cole practically pouts. “What she means is that she’s going to kick your ass later for assuming that even if I wanted her that she’d drop her pants for me. Isn’t that right, Dakota?”
“Actually, yes.” I cross my arms. “That’s exactly what I was going to say.”
Each of them study me, and though they’re still hyped from arguing, their eyes soften—hopefully with contriteness.
“Now,” Cole says, drifting backward to the sofa, “we can talk about your other conc
erns like civilized men.”
Cole pats the couch next to him, and I sit there. I’m not done with the other three yet, and yes, they are going to get a piece of my mind. I just don’t need to do it in front of Cole to embarrass them further. Fucking possessive assholes.
Not that I don’t love it a little, but damn.
Wyatt, Stone, and Lucas squish together on the opposite couch. Cole waves at them dismissively to continue, and Wyatt doesn’t lose his chance. “You told us part of the story, but you didn’t tell us everything. You didn’t explain why you partnered up with Lance. You didn’t tell us how you killed Clark or where he is.”
I bristle, and Cole growls. Wyatt gives me a pained frown. It’ll suck to hear it, but maybe that’s something I should know. That part of my life still feels incomplete. Maybe I can bury the secrets along with Clark if I can get his body back?
“I figured Dakota would ask me when she was ready, just like when she wants to know her given name. I’ll tell her anything at any time.”
“I don’t ever want to know that,” I state definitively. The talk I had with Stone only reinforced my decision, making me put to words what I was feeling inside. I’m Dakota. That’s all I need to know. I may not be a Wilder on paper, but I’m still Dakota. If I go down the rabbit hole of my past, it will infiltrate my cellular makeup, and I’ll end up living as a hermit like my father.
“And that’s your decision. I don’t care.” Cole turns to me, the diamond stud in his ear sparkling in the morning sun. After a moment, he says, “And it’s up to you if you want to know what dipshit over here wants to. I’ll tell you everything I did and why.” He glues his eyes to me, and I see the sincerity for myself—not that I doubted him. I was scared shitless of him, but I never really doubted he’d tell me the truth.
I take a deep breath because I have a feeling I’m going to need it. “Start from the beginning.”
He leans back on the couch, hanging his arm over the back. “I told you I used the Dragons’ resources to find you. If it was the last thing I did, I wanted to do it for Charlie. So, I hired a lot of people to find you. They produced a file I pieced together which led me to the Jacobs’, and call me crazy, but I didn’t think showing up to your dorm room as the leader of the Dragons would’ve endeared you to me.”
