by Jamie Hawke
“Genre shit,” she replied. “Not real fucking life. Don’t try to label my lovers ever again. You, you’re not invited. No bear invite for you.”
Chris opened his mouth as if about to reply, but a glance from Mirna got him to shut up.
Without another look our way, Goldi turned back to Red and said, “I’m doing this for me, to be clear, but when this is over, we’re square. Good?”
“Agreed,” Red said, ignoring the curious glances her way. She turned to Hekate and nodded. “Make it happen.”
“Oh, well…” Hekate frowned. “You do realize I can’t open a portal to the pyramids?”
“What?”
“Up there—I can’t. It’s impossible.”
“So how do we do it?” Elisa asked.
Hekate and Mirna shared a look. “Those of us who can fly…. Fly.”
We all looked around, realizing this wasn’t going to let all of us go.
“Good fucking plan,” Goldi said.
“That mean… who, exactly?” Sharon asked, eyes roaming over all of us.
“I’m good at falling,” Red said.
“She’s real good at going down,” Pucky added. “Sorry, couldn’t help it. I’m—me too, I’m also good at that. Does saying so make my joke go away, or make it worse?”
“Worse,” Elisa said, shaking her head. “Honestly, I think I can get up there with the help of my brother’s power, but barely. Hekate?”
“I can fly, but just me,” Hekate replied.
Goldi had her arms folded, shaking her head, clearly about to lose confidence in the plan. With that in mind, I had an idea.
“Roar.”
Everyone turned back at me. One of the bears arched an eyebrow, then smiled and said, “Roar back, big guy.”
“Sorry, I mean—my lion. I call him Roar.”
“Lions don’t fly,” Goldi countered.
I chuckled. “Mine does.”
“And might be able to carry one more,” Elisa said. “We’ll need what we can get—so looks like it’ll be you and Goldi on the lion, Hekate to keep the tracking spell going, and me… to kick ass when necessary.”
“That’ll have to do,” Goldi said, eyes roaming over me.
“Keep your hands off of him, or when you get back you’ll answer to me,” Pucky said, glaring at Goldi.
“I wouldn’t let her,” I said.
“It’s not you I’m worried about.”
Goldi frowned, then sighed. “I promise not to try and sneak any fondling sessions with your boy while we’re up there saving the world.”
I coughed, trying to get that image out of my head real fast. We all turned, moving outside and preparing to make for the pyramid that the golden light was pointing to—one out of our current line of sight.
“Wait here, or meet back at the mansion?” Red asked.
“My mansion,” Elisa replied. “Mirna can get you there, and we’ll go with Hekate.”
Chris grinned wide. “I miss that place.”
“Oh, no.” Elisa cocked her head, then added, “Red, Pucky, show them the guest room and burn the sheets when they’re done.”
Mirna laughed, and shrugged. “Yeah, if we have down time, we’re probably going to get nasty. It’s just a fact of life.”
At least it was good to know we weren’t the only ones like that.
Without further ado, Hekate held out her hand and made a broom appear from the thin air while Elisa braced herself, about to call on her brothers’s power to propel her.
“On you,” Elisa said to me.
I put my hand on my chest, nodding for Goldi to join me, then called on my lion. He burst out, wings spread wide and nearly knocking over one of Goldi’s bears. He roared, looked around, and then settled his gaze on me. As if knowing my thoughts, he lowered himself so that I could climb on and pull Goldi up behind me.
“Watch those hands,” Pucky growled.
Goldi was behind me, but I imagine she made some sort of lewd gesture because a moment later Pucky was charging for her and Red had to step in to break it up.
“Pucky, dear,” I said, hand caressing the lion’s neck to show him we were ready. “If I feel her hands anywhere they don’t belong, I promise to chop them off myself. We’ll send them down in a nice little package, bow tie and all.”
“Aw, that’s so sweet,” Pucky said, blowing me a kiss.
“I don’t think it’s sweet at all,” Goldi hissed, and then we were in the air with a mighty leap from Roar, Elisa bursting up in an explosion of white light a moment later, and then Hekate appeared on her broom.
Next stop: crazy pyramid home of some god or whatever the hell it was.
64
I had to imagine it was a spell from Hekate or one of the others that allowed us to reach the pyramid without being attacked. Whatever the reason, I was relieved to find that we were flying up and into an opening, none of the gods there noticing.
“Don’t move, and they won’t,” a voice said, and I glanced around to see that Goldi was looking pointedly at each of us in turn. So it had actually been her, and even now we were cloaked. There was more to her than simply picking locks.
We were passing all manner of so-called gods, some with their togas and animal forms from Greek mythology, others with colorful African clothes, one even holding an actual lightning bolt that sizzled in his hand.
One of the gods started to turn our way, but Goldi motioned back and we floated off from the main area and into a passage. From there we were able to see that god step forward, look around, and then turn away again.
“Figures Loki would be the one to almost see us,” Goldi said with a grin.
“She’s always had a crush on him,” Elisa whispered my way. “But won’t ever admit it.”
“Still won’t,” Goldi whispered back, then turned to Hekate. “You’re up.”
Hekate nodded, taking the golden feather and waving a hand over it. Her eyes turned to gold, and she pointed. “This way.”
As we kept going, we passed rooms full of shifting darkness, and on the third one I realized they were rooms full of Shades. At least once I saw some taller than should’ve been possible, and recognized one of the tall, colossus looking mother fuckers I had thought I’d seen back in the mists of the Fae world.
“They’re collecting them,” I said, turning to see that Goldi only gave me a ‘who cares’ look. It was easy to forget she wasn’t exactly on our side.
“What you should care about,” she hissed as we moved on, “is that you’re on what’s basically a ship of gods, or at least very powerful fairy tales who will gladly tear you to shreds if they find us.”
“Tear us to shreds,” I corrected her.
She winked. “We’ll see.”
I didn’t want to know what she meant by that, and turned back to Elisa, wishing more of my immediate team had been able to join us. At least I had Roar, if needed.
“Don’t worry, it won’t come to that,” Elisa said, stepping up to walk at my side, so that Goldi led the way with Hekate checking our rear.
“You’d save me?” I asked with a chuckle.
She stared, deadpan. “Yes. Know this, you’re our Protector, and more and more you’ve grown into that role—and done your job well. But I’d die before seeing any harm come to you.”
“Doesn’t that defeat the purpose?” Goldi said, voice low like ours to avoid detection. “I mean, you have a Protector, he’s supposed to do the protecting.”
“Actually, his job is to protect on a larger scale. So you could say that if he allowed me to sacrifice myself so that he could live, he’d be making the right move.”
“And I’ll say right now, if that ever happens you can count on me walking,” I protested.
“Don’t say that,” Elisa put a hand on my arm. “You mustn’t.”
“Just—don’t let it come to that.”
She nodded, looking troubled, but then shook her head. “Listen, we don’t have to worry about it, as long as we win. So let’s win
.”
“You all always talk like this?” Hekate asked, glaring and looking like she was going to be sick. “Fuck.”
“What, you and Chris haven’t moved on to holding hands yet?” I asked with a grin, mostly trying to forget the situation we were in. Moving up a set of stairs, eerie gold lines along the walls glowed, at times pulsating in a way that made me feel even more uncomfortable.
Hekate hadn’t stopped glaring, but there was a hint of a smile at the corner of her mouth.
“Ah, she’s got it bad,” Elisa said with a chuckle.
“Got what?” Hekate asked.
“You’re in love.”
Hekate actually stopped at that. “Don’t be stupid.”
“Can we apply that to all of you?” Goldi said, motioning to a passage to her right. “We have me here for a reason, but that won’t mean shit if we don’t find out where they’re keeping it. So, tracker?”
“We’re on the right path,” Hekate said, indicating the way we were going. “But there at the next landing up, it looks like we turn right,.”
“And you all were so certain you’d need my skills, why?”
“You ever met a god who didn’t keep the goods locked away?” Elisa asked.
Goldi frowned, then shrugged and kept going.
Sure enough, we turned right when directed, and then came to an intricate system of light we had seen before. The blocks shimmered with a faint light. Goldi glanced at Hekate, who nodded and pointed ahead.
“It’s a pattern,” Goldi said, analyzing it all with a finger at the side of her chin. “And if the spell is saying this is the way, then this is our path.”
Staring at the lights, trying to find any rhyme or reason to them, I frowned. “How is this a pattern?”
Goldi put a finger to the side of her head, turned it, and said, “You need to have a screw or two loose to be on my level, Mr.”
I chuckled. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Maybe I screw you a bit and help speed along the process? Or… would that be unscrewing?”
“How about you keep your vagina in your pants and focus on the task at hand?”
“This is starting to get fun,” Hekate said, grinning wide.
“She’ll come for your Chris next,” Elisa countered.
Hekate frowned at that, then pointed a finger in Goldilocks’ chest. “Focus on the puzzle.”
Goldi chuckled, gave me a flirtatious glance, and returned to the wall. “No worries, I’m just teasing you all. The bears are more than I can handle anyway. One’s too big, one too small, the other just right. But together? Woo-eee, they make the perfect trio.”
“Way too much info,” I said.
“It helps me figure out puzzles,” she insisted. “Talking about dick and whatnot. Really, I don’t know, gets the mind focused.”
I glanced around, expecting the other two to be as confused by this lady as I was, but Hekate looked very interested, Elisa nodding along.
“What?” Elisa said at my look. “It’s true. Sometimes when I’m trying to focus on a spell, I just imagine you—well, not you, exactly, but a painting of you. For some reason that works on a level that lets me separate it on a sexual level, but… seeing you there, nude, in the paint? It gives me this warm feeling right here,” she put a hand over her heart, “and, of course, a bit downstairs.”
Hekate chuckled. “I don’t know what you two are talking about, but I’m going to try it next time. So what, you just talk about a good fuck and, boom, mind focus?”
Goldi nodded, moving along the wall. “Yeah, that’s right.” She knelt, watching the light form a bit of an “L” shape. “For example, just yesterday I had Papa Bear so deep in me I thought I’d break in half, while stroking—”
“Fuck this,” I said, turning and walking away, covering my ears. The last thing I wanted to hear about was her getting fingercuffed or whatever she was about to say. Then a thought hit me and I turned around.
“…his nutsack stretched so far—”
“Hold on,” I interrupted, glad she stopped at that point. “What about Mama Bear?”
“That’s just what we call Gregor,” Goldi said, glaring at me in annoyance for interrupting her flow. “He’s kind of a fruit, so… yeah. But he likes the term. Know what else he likes?”
“I’ll just… be over here.” I turned, trying to ignore the way she started describing how she’d go down on him, and luckily, I didn’t hear the following details. Instead, I walked back to the entryway, where I could pull up my screen and check out my stats and leveling, to try and figure out what would be a good goal for the next build, as it were.
It seemed my best use of prana if I got more would be in speed and upgrading my shield and other skills, as having over three-hundred percent strength seemed pretty damn good for the moment. As for skills, there were two that looked especially intriguing which I set my sights on. One would allow me to cancel out others powers nearby, which I could certainly see the value of. The other only worked with situations where water was involved—related to me being a Tempest, and allowed me to create simple illusions of myself to confuse the enemy. A definite plus there that could figure into my grand strategy.
When the time came, I’d focus on getting those two.
Laughter sounded from behind and I strained my ears for signs that the gods had heard, but we seemed to be in luck. I turned back anyway, and returned just as the wall was starting to fold out for us.
“Piece of cake,” Goldi said at my look of astonishment. “All about finding the connecting patterns and leading them to the entry point.”
I followed her through, slightly more impressed with her ability to use sexual stories to solve puzzles and even wondering if I should try that sometime. The question that bugged me, was whether it actually helped, or whether she had really been messing with us.
It didn’t matter though, because we were through, and into a chamber that led to the left, turning twice as it wound around a section of the pyramid. We eventually found ourselves in a room with a central passage, but it led straight up and had no access points before that.
“Of course,” she said, eyeing it. “Most of the gods can fly, I imagine.”
We were at another stage of the safety check, then, in that only certain types of beings could progress. It just so happened that we could mostly fly—only, I couldn’t make it up a narrow passage like that with Roar out.
“Another sex story to figure it out?” I asked.
Goldi chuckled. “This one’s probably a lot simpler. Just need these two to get us up there.”
Hekate leaned over, assessing the way. “I could get a spell going to throw you each up there. Who’s going first?”
All eyes on me.
“Fuck it.” I stepped forward, sliding down the edge and making my way to the center of the room. The others came behind.
“If you don’t make it…” Goldi shrugged. “At least I’ll know to turn around and get out of here ASAP.”
“Funny.” I looked up the dark passage above, not liking the look of this one bit. “How do we know there’s not a wall waiting to slam into my head?”
“Well,” Hekate threw her hand up so a fire ball flew up, disappearing above. “There you go.”
“Great.” Turning back to Goldi, I frowned. “Don’t leave me.”
She chuckled. “I’ve come too far.”
I nodded, then realized something. “I still don’t know why you’re really here?”
“The challenge of it all isn’t answer enough for you?”
I shook my head.
“Let’s just say… for a bit there, we had a fourth bear on its way. One of these fuckers made it not so. I’ve heard the Golden Goose’s eggs can help in situations like mine.”
That hit me, and I nodded in silence. My assumption from what she’d said was that she’d been pregnant, but not only had she lost the child, but was now barren. If the eggs could help, then I’d make sure she got one to the best of my ability.<
br />
“Here goes,” Hekate said, then thrust her hands up. It was like a gust of wind had taken me and launched me into the air, up and through that opening. My arms held close, I thought at any moment I’d slam into the wall and go falling back.
I’m glad to say, that didn’t happen. Instead I came out the other side to land in a room full of sticky weed that tried to eat me… Nah, just joking. That’s Harry Potter stuff—all that was in the room I landed in was a hard-as-fuck floor that hurt like hell when I slammed into it on my side. I was still groaning as Goldi followed, landing on me with a leg between mine—dangerously close to ending my ability to have babies.
She smiled, moved her leg against my crotch, and then caught a fist upside the head.
“What’d I say about backing off?” Elisa said, standing there and massaging the fist she’d just hit Goldi with.
“Mother fucker!” Goldi grumbled, recovering but taking a step back, hands up. “A girl can’t flirt a bit without getting punched around here?”
“Consider that punch a mercy. Your last warning.”
The way Elisa was glaring, her nostrils flaring… I have to admit, it was damn hot. I’d never expected her to be the over-protective or jealous type, but she was proving me wrong and I loved it.
“You’ve got nothing to worry about from me,” I told her, pushing myself up with another groan.
Elisa helped me, and muttered something about knowing that, but still not liking Goldi’s attitude. She was interrupted though by Hekate joining us, and laughing at the sight of the bruise forming on Goldi’s forehead.
“I always miss the fun.” Hekate leaned back against the opening we’d come through. An action that resulted in a shrill sound that seemed to echo throughout the pyramid.
“Shit,” Goldi said, turning to Hekate and frowning. “What’d you do?”
Hekate turned, took a step forward and cursed. The entrance was now flashing red. Checking her magic, her eyebrows raised, she said, “But I think we’re almost there, it’s extremely bright now, so…”
She indicated the far wall, where a series of rotating devices gave the impression of a room that could operate as she started spinning them, checking for patterns again and looking at what I now saw to be old runes or some sort of hieroglyphs along the metal lines between bricks.
