Then I get out, quickly towel off, and slip on my clothes.
I put my necklace in the pocket of my jeans, unsure if I should be wearing it right now, unsure what’s going to happen with us next. He’ll probably never let me feed from him again, and if that’s the case, then who do I go to? What do I do? Do I have to start killing people?
It’s all too much for me to even think about.
I leave the bathroom, slip through his bedroom, and then go out into the hall.
Quick as a wink and I’m back in my room, closing the door.
I sit on the edge of the bed and try to think about what to do next. Do I go back to the hotel? That seems like the best course of action. I need to get away from here. It felt safe earlier, but now I’ve ruined it.
I get up and I’m about open the door when suddenly there’s a knock at it.
My heart jumps around, thinking it might be Solon, even if it doesn’t feel like it is. I sniff, catching a whiff of ginger, and when I open the door I see Amethyst on the other side.
“I have your purse,” she says brightly, lifting it up. “Mind if I come in?”
“Uh, sure,” I say, opening the door wider.
She walks in, her hair leaving a scent trail of vanilla and coconut.
She places it on the dresser, then turns around to face me.
“Were you going somewhere?”
I close the door. “I was going back to my hotel.”
“Oh,” she says, looking around the room.
“Aren’t you afraid to be with me?” I ask her bluntly. I must look a fright too, with my hair all messy and wet, my makeup smudged, and there’s probably some blood on me somewhere.
She gives me a small smile and sits on the edge of the bed. “No. I know you just fed.”
I swallow uneasily, hating how that word sounds now. Especially when a normal human says it.
“You must think I’m such a monster,” I tell her, suddenly hit with shame. I feel my knees buckle and then I’m sinking to the floor.
She’s at my side in a second, crouching beside me.
“Hey, you’re okay,” she says. “It’s Solon’s blood. I’ve seen this happen before.”
She pushes my hair off my forehead, forcing me to look at her. “And you’re not a monster. You’re just a vampire. For you it must be even tougher, you have to balance the witch in you too.”
She pulls me up to my feet and then leads me over to the armchair in the corner. “Here, sit,” she says. “Want me to get you some tea?”
“I don’t want to be a bother,” I tell her, attempting to get back up.
She pushes me back down. “It’s not a bother. Lemon balm okay? It calms the nerves.” I nod and she takes out her phone and sends a text, probably to her mother. “It will be right up.”
“What do you mean you’ve seen this before with Solon’s blood?” I ask her.
“Oh. Well not with his blood specifically, just vampires in general. We’ve had a lot of them in this house, and I’ve had to walk into the Dark Room plenty of times. It’s ugly stuff but…” she thinks it over, her pretty lavender eyes looking at the ceiling. She shrugs. “It is what it is.”
I have to say, I feel a bit of relief to know that it wasn’t Solon’s blood. He had said earlier that it’s something he doesn’t let happen by accident. Made me feel special in a stupid way, like I was worthy of him.
“What’s the Dark Room?” I ask.
“It’s the, uh, private events room in the lounge. You can’t miss it.”
“The one with the metal floors and the chains?”
“That’s the one.”
“And what’s that for?”
“Sometimes it’s for vampires that turn. Families will bring them here, knowing they’re safe and taken care of. You went through it, you know you have to be restrained. You also have to feed.”
I shake my head, wondering how she can deal with all of this.
“You said sometimes,” I comment. “What else is it used for?”
“The volunteers,” she says, frowning. “They didn’t tell you about them?”
“No,” I say, wondering what else there is I don’t know. A ton, probably.
“The volunteers are humans,” she says. “It’s how I started. Well, I brought a friend here about six years ago. She was obsessed with vampires, she heard stories about this place. Rumors. She made friends with Ezra, and the next thing I knew I was accompanying her to the house.” She pauses. “I had to wait outside. But my friend went in.”
A chill runs through me. Other humans know about this place and willingly come here? Then again, given the history of this place, I shouldn’t be surprised. I’m certain now that’s what Anton LeVey and Manson were probably doing here too.
“What do they do in there?”
“They give their blood. The vampires are the ones that go in the chains, though. It gives the humans control, keeps the vamps from going mental with bloodlust. A lot of people have fetishes when it comes to blood play or getting bitten. They get to indulge those fetishes and the vampires get to feed.” She tilts her head as she looks at me. “If you didn’t have Solon, that’s where you’d go. Better than killing people on the street, am I right?”
I nod, and then sigh loudly. “Well, I’m sure I’ll be down there soon.” Even though the idea of feeding off a stranger, a human no less, gives me the creeps.
There’s a knock at the door and Amethyst answers it, smiling at her mom as she takes a tray of tea.
The door closes and she brings the tray over to me, putting it on the coffee table. It smells heavenly, in a porcelain pot, with shortbread cookies beside it. I didn’t think I’d ever be hungry for food again, but my stomach growls. It also reminds me of drinking tea and eating cookies in my parent’s kitchen, and my heart pangs for the innocence of the years past, innocence I’ll never get back.
Amethyst pulls up a velvet ottoman and sits across from me. “My mom made the cookies herself. You better eat them since the vampires don’t eat as much food as they should, and I eat too many sweets as it is.”
I reach for a cookie and nibble on the end of it, unsure how my stomach will react after all that blood. Like I’ve discovered with all the food I’ve had lately, I can pick up on every single ingredient, down to the specific type. It’s pretty amazing, though it can make food overwhelming. Thankfully, these cookies are simple and delicious.
“I’m sure with you being half witch, you won’t have to drink blood that often anyway,” Amethyst says. “And that’s what Solon’s there for. You won’t be in the Dark Room.”
“I don’t think so,” I say, trying to catch the crumbs from my mouth. “We had a fight.”
She raises a perfectly groomed brow. “A fight? With Solon?”
I frown. “That doesn’t happen?”
Her lips curl with amusement. “No. I mean, it happens. But everyone basically does what he tells them to do.”
“Alpha of the house, huh.”
“Yeah. And they’re all alphas, so it’s a handful. But he rules the roost. He rules most of the city, to be honest.”
“I got that impression earlier,” I say, thinking of the waiter at the restaurant.
“So why do you think you’re fighting with him?”
I look down at the tea, avoiding her eyes. “Oh. Uh. I got…carried away.”
“With feeding?”
“Yeah…”
“That’s what he wants from you. He’s fine.”
“Well, that, and uh…he was naked and I was naked and…”
She stares at me, waiting for me to spell it out.
I exhale. “This has never happened to me before, but I guess I was a little handsy and out-of-control and he told me to stop and when I didn’t…”
I close my eyes, feeling gross and ashamed and I probably shouldn’t be telling Amethyst, a girl I don’t even know, the intimate, personal details of what happened.
“He got mad,” she fills in.
�
��Yeah,” I say, looking at her. “I’ve never seen him mad before. It scared the shit out of me. But at least I stopped.”
She nods, rubbing her pink lipstick together. “Hmmm. It is rare that Solon gets mad. I’ve seen it, and you’re right, it’s, uh, intense. Especially when he’s always keeping his emotions so perfectly in-check. But he won’t stay mad. He understands more than anyone else what it’s like to lose control…”
The way she trails off there sounds like she just said something she shouldn’t have.
“What is it?” I ask.
She shakes her head. “Nothing. I think your tea is ready.” She leans over and pours my tea for me, the fragrance of the lemon balm filling the room. Not the best smell, but right now I find it comforting.
She gives me another quick smile. “Solon has a complicated past and I don’t know the half of it,” she explains. “All I got from him are the things he sometimes tells me when he’s drunk.”
“He gets drunk?” I ask, eager to see him lose his decorum.
“Rarely. It takes a lot for a vampire to get super drunk, but I have seen it. The perks of running a bar for them.”
“So, what did he tell you?”
I half expect her to tell me what Wolf told me, that his past is his to share or some bro-code excuse like that.
“I just know he has issues with getting close to women,” she says carefully.
“Surely a man like that has every woman in the city throwing themselves at him,” I say.
“Oh, he does. He attracts them like crazy. It’s not just him compelling them either, it’s just the way he is. Normal humans, they know something is amiss with him, something beautiful and dark and dangerous. They want to be a part of it. Equally scared and fascinated. That’s what compels them.”
“So, he doesn’t bring any of them home?”
“No,” she says. “I mean, he sleeps with them, but usually at a hotel or their place.”
And at that, I’m suddenly hit with a wave of nausea, feeling physically ill, my heart seeming to collapse on itself.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she says emphatically. “I didn’t…I didn’t realize you were in love with him.”
Now I’m nearly choking on part of the cookie I thought I’d swallowed. “What? I’m not in love with him!”
“Well, you looked like you were just kicked in the stomach,” she points out, eying me. I look down. I am in fact holding onto my stomach in pain.
“I’m not in love with him,” I say, trying to straighten up. “I don’t even like him. This is just a territorial thing. A possessive thing. I’m a vampire, remember?”
“Right,” she says slowly, her brow flicking up. “Anyway, regardless of what brought that reaction on, I shouldn’t have been so callous.”
Despite what I just told her, I still can’t shake the sinking feeling. “I don’t understand though. He acted earlier like he couldn’t have sex with me. I thought he maybe meant in general, like he took some celibate vampire oath or something.”
Amethyst snorts at that.
I give her a dirty look, to which she recoils slightly. “But,” I continue, “if he’s sleeping with a ton of other women, then why didn’t he…”
I don’t finish my sentence. It’s because he simply doesn’t want to. Each time he’s been hard as cement and aroused around me, I’ve been naked and pressed against him. Most men would react that way, and I’m sure vampires too.
“I didn’t say he’s sleeping with a ton of women,” she says, composing herself. “I don’t ask questions, but he’s almost always here and I’ve never met any of them. He’s a secretive guy by nature, not just his vampire nature, so I don’t think he shares too much of himself with others, even if it is just physical.” She pauses, weighing something in her head. “I only know he was in love once.”
“Once?” My heart pangs again. So he can love.
“A very, very long time ago,” she says gravely, and from the tone of her voice, I know this isn’t going to have a very happy ending. “She died.”
Oh, no.
I don’t want to ask the question.
But I do. “How did she die?”
She swallows. “He killed her.”
My eyes go round, mouth drops. “Accidently?” I whisper.
“He says no. It wasn’t an accident. They weren’t married, she had a little boy with someone else. He died too.”
“Oh my god,” I breathe, my chest feeling heavy. I can’t tell if I need to be sorry for Solon, or if I need to be scared of him. He loved her and he killed her? And her child?
I need to be scared of him.
“As a result,” she goes on, “I don’t think he lets himself get too close to women. Whether that’s on a physical or emotional level, I don’t know, maybe it’s all the same to him. So please, don’t take it personally. It’s just the way he is, and the sooner you accept it, the better. For everyone.”
I nod, taking a long sip of my tea, trying to soothe my feelings with the hot liquid. It’s not really working.
“You’ll patch things up though,” she adds. “He’s really fond of you.”
“Fond of me?” I repeat dryly. “Like some kind of pet.”
“Hey, I’ll take being his pet over being the woman who runs his nightclub,” she says with a sad smile. Something tells me those googly-eyes I saw her making at him are tied to her having been in love with him at some point.
Sucks to be her.
I feel the change in energy in the air and finish the rest of my tea, getting to my feet. “I should get going,” I tell her. “Thank you for the tea.”
I go over to the dresser and get my purse, relishing the weight of the chains as I put it crossbody. It anchors me to my past life somehow, my normal life.
“You’re welcome. Are you coming back?” she asks as she gets to her feet.
I shrug, heading to the door. “I don’t know. I’m sure there’s no escaping this place when you’re a vampire.”
“There really isn’t,” she says. “But if you ever want to get coffee or a drink, you know, out of this place, let me know. I already programmed my number into your phone. And if you ever need anything at all, and you don’t feel comfortable talking to Solon, you can always ask me.”
“Okay,” I tell her, feeling grateful. “Thank you.” I frown. “How did you get into my phone without the Face ID?”
She grins. “Magic tricks. Don’t worry, I’m still human. Someone has to keep all you vamps in line.”
“You have quite the job,” I tell her, opening the door. “And I thought my gig at Hot Topic when I was sixteen was hard.”
Amethyst laughs, a musical sound, and she walks me down to the front door, saying our goodbyes.
Once I’m outside the house, stepping into the foggy night, I feel eyes on top of my head.
I crane my neck back to look up at the house.
Of course, I see no one there.
Chapter Sixteen
A few days pass and I’m not sleeping again.
My mind won’t shut off, my eyes just won’t close, and I can hear every single noise in this goddamn hotel, no matter how many earplugs I shove in my ears.
I can’t stop thinking about Solon.
The feeling of my teeth sinking into his neck, how completely wrong it felt to pierce his skin, to hurt him. I know he feels pain just as I do, just as we both feel pleasure.
But as wrong as it felt to do that to him, the taste of his blood, the way it filled me with vitality, is something I can never ignore. Problem is, I don’t know how it really works. Do vampires have preferred others to drink from? It seems vampires usually feed from humans, not other vampires, so why does Solon insist I drink from him?
And what happens next?
Amethyst had said that Solon will get over it, but I saw that rage in his eyes. I’m not sure he will. I don’t think he’ll want anything to do with me anymore.
The thought of never seeing him again hurts.
I know what I
told Amethyst, that I wasn’t in love with him, and that still stands. But when I told her I didn’t even like him, well, that was a bit of a lie. I do like him, a lot, despite the fact that I shouldn’t. He doesn’t really have many good attributes, he’s a liar and a killer. He’s duplicitous, and disloyal to his own species. He’s a wicked beast with wicked ways, and I don’t know that I can trust him.
But despite all that, I’m drawn to him in ways I can’t explain. Oh, I’m sure if I really wanted to, I could blame it on the blood, that I’m literally addicted to him now. I could blame it on the fact that he’s more vampire than I am and extremely adept at compelling others, and as much as he says I’m immune to it, perhaps he’s wrong.
The truth is, I need and crave him on some deep, molecular level. Like the levels in the Veils, this comes from the very bottom, near a hellish dark place inside me made of flames and blood. It’s deeper than the moonlit well that’s always guided me. It’s in the very core of who I am.
Whoever that may be.
And if lose Solon, I don’t know what I’ll do with myself, how I’ll navigate this new world. Like my purse is the anchor to my old life, he’s the anchor to my new one. He’s the one guiding me through it, he said so himself, and sometimes, only sometimes, I catch him looking at me in a way that seems more than just teacher and protégé. Beloved isn’t the right word, despite what Ezra said, but it’s something raw and tender and I’m sure he’d hate it if I ever attributed such soft words to such a hard man.
But you just fucked it all up, I tell myself. Wouldn’t be the first time.
I sigh and finish putting on the rest of my makeup. I’m meeting Elle at my apartment in an hour, and I need to hurry. She doesn’t know I’ve been living in a hotel, so I can’t invite her here, and when I suggested we go somewhere like a bar or café, she was adamant about my place. I think she’s afraid that Solon will show up again if we are elsewhere.
My parents are at work, but even so, I’m not telling them I’m going over. I know they’d have problems with it. But it is the middle of the day, the sun is shining, and they said was that my apartment was lined with protective ruins. It didn’t keep out Solon, of course, but today I wouldn’t mind if he actually showed himself.
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